Lauren's Dilemma (23 page)

“You'll
have to start calling her Laurie, Dad.” Dick dismounted and lifted Laurie down.
“We're getting married as soon as I see the parson.”

“You're
both too young.”

“We're
getting married.”

“You're
underage, Dick. Neither your mother or I will give our consent.”

Mrs.
McKinlay's arrival on the scene interrupted the discussion. “My dear Miss
Cunningham, whatever happened?”

“We nearly
drowned, mother, both of us.”

Laurie
swayed with fatigue, her head throbbed, and she wanted to be violently ill.

“I don't
feel very well.”

“You look
awful.” Dick’s tactless remark made her feel even worse. “A hot bath and you'll
soon feel better.”

She allowed
Mrs. McKinlay to lead her away to a guest bedroom. Before there was a chance to
do more than remove her coat, a maid came bustling in. Within minutes Laurie
lay soaking in a tub of warm, scented water, while the girl, whose name was
Hettie, washed her hair.

“There's a
nightdress and dressing gown here. They belong to Mrs. McKinlay. They'll be a
bit big, but Master Dick said Coolibah would be sending your things over later.”

“Thank
you.”

The bath
had taken the cold ache from her limbs; nothing, save surgery, would remove the
heavy dread filling her heart.

Later,
rugged up in the thick, woolly garments, Laurie toasted her feet by the fire,
while Dick hovered nearby, pathetic in his eagerness to see to her comfort.
When his parents joined them, without warning he re-introduced the topic of
their marriage.

“It's out
of the question, you're underage.” Mr. McKinlay's tones were implacable.

“I'm old
enough to have fought for my country.”

“Only
because you ran off and lied about your age,” his father retorted.

Dick ran
his fingers through his hair and started scrubbing at his cheek, his sudden fit
of bravado ebbing away. “You'll have to give your consent,” he said sulkily.
“Laurie and I are going to have a baby.”

“Dick!”
Mrs. McKinlay’s hands flew to her heart, while George's face turned an ugly
puce color.

“It's true.
Tell them, Laurie.”

Shame made
her feel hot all over as she lowered her eyes. “I…I am going to have a baby,”
she whispered, and once the words were out she felt as cold as death.

“It's my
baby. Laurie, tell them.
 
That's why we
have to get married in a hurry.”

“Is this
true?” Dick's mother looked on the verge of collapse.

“Yes, I'm
sorry.” Laurie hung her head still further. She felt so full of guilt and shame
she couldn’t look them in the eye.

“Sorry?
 
My boy's nineteen years old. You've trapped
him into marriage, and you have the gall to say you're sorry?”

“There,
there, dear.” George put his arm about his wife's trembling shoulders.

“It's only
right our boy does the decent thing. He's young, but I'm glad he's man enough
to face up to his responsibilities. You'll get our consent. What about you,
Laurie?”

“I'll write
to my father. I'm sure he'll agree, under the circumstances.”

* * *

Five weeks
after spending the night in the outrider’s hut, Mr McKinlay drove them to the
Presbyterian manse to be married.

Laurie's
father did not attend. He had sent the required consent forms duly signed, and
a brief note wishing her happiness. He was deeply hurt by it all she knew, and
who could blame him? Would he ever be able to forgive her? What would he make
of Dick, if they ever met?

Laurie
played with the buttons on her green velvet jacket. Dick stuffed his hands into
the pocket of his dark suit.

The
minister performed the ceremony. In a few words spoken in front of the
McKinlays she became Dick’s wife. As Dick slid the wedding band onto her finger
his hand shook as much as hers. What the minister must have thought of such a
somber group was impossible to say, but quite likely he would have come to the
correct conclusion for the hasty nuptials.

They
returned to the McKinlay's cattle station straight after the ceremony. Laurie
forced herself to eat the beautifully served meal Cook had prepared by way of
celebration. She somehow forced the food down her throat, even though every
mouthful almost choked her.

Hettie had
decorated the table with white lace rosettes, and looking at the heart-shaped
wedding cake brought tears to Laurie’s eyes. This wasn’t how she had envisaged
her wedding day.

“Here we
are.” George popped the cork on a bottle of vintage champagne. He cleared his
throat a couple of times. “To a long and happy marriage.”

The liquid,
trickling down her throat, tasted as bitter as gall. Dick, who ate heartily,
now seemed to have recovered from his nerves and was the only one enjoying the
meal.

She was
becoming used to his mercurial mood fluctuations now. One minute he was
laughing, then for no apparent reason he would lapse into a silent, brooding
world no one else could enter. Often he wandered off on his own. After a few
attempts at following him earned her an obvious snub, she gave up.

That he was
still deeply disturbed was obvious to all of them. He had the strangest habit
of scrubbing at his face all the time, as if trying to remove a dirty mark.

The
insistent movement of his foot against hers brought her gaze upwards. The
strangest expression crossed his face. “If you've finished, Laurie, let's go to
our room.”

Her eyes
flew open in shocked surprise, but she could do nothing else but excuse herself
and leave the table. He clasped her hand, his fingers moving warmly against
hers. “We'll see you in the morning, Mother, Dad.”

Normally
she would have laughed at the shocked expression on Mrs. McKinlay's face, but
dared not, in case she became hysterical.

“Yes,
goodnight,” she mumbled, feeling acutely embarrassed as they left the room.

“Dick,
you're terrible. What must your parents think?”

He grinned.
“I'm an impatient bridegroom?”

“I suppose
they would. Your father choked on his drink.”

“I know.
Did you see my mother? She looked ready to faint completely away.” He engulfed
her in a bear hug. “It's going to be all right. I know it is.”

“I hope so.
I want everything to work out for us.” She wondered whether it was possible
under the circumstances.

The wing
they had been given in which to start their married life was separate from the
rest of the house. George McKinlay had hired a carpenter from town to do some
renovations, and Dick had not allowed her to see it, as he wanted it for a
surprise. The rest of the house was solidly built. All the rooms were pine
lined. Like the McKinlays everything appeared of sound, enduring quality.

Dick swept
the door open with a flourish, and they entered a small sitting room. She
gasped in surprise. The walls were painted in the palest shade of green, with
deeper green drapes covering the windows. A colorful carpet covered the floor,
a couch and two matching chairs were of green brocade.

“It's
beautiful.”

“I thought
you’d like it. Come and see our bedroom.”

“Our
bedroom? But, Dick...” He had promised theirs would be a marriage in name only.
Had he lied?
 

He waved
aside her protest.

They
entered a large airy room. The duck-egg blue walls and royal blue velvet drapes
scarcely registered with her. The large double bed, with its pale blue quilt
and matching bolsters did, though. “A double bed?” The taste of betrayal soured
her mouth.

“We're
married, aren't we?
 
The servants will
gossip if we don't sleep together.” His smile was replaced by a truculent droop
of his lips. “There's a dressing room, too, see?” He yanked open another door.
“You can change in private. Everyone has to think this is a proper marriage. I
thought you'd like my surprise. It was my wedding present.” He looked like a
little boy who had recently been chastised.

“I'm sorry
for being such an ungrateful pig. It's beautiful. I just got a shock.”

She slipped
her jacket off. Dick, when he had removed his collar and coat, lay back on the
bed with his hands crossed under his head, leaving her to wander around
touching the delicately worked furniture.

“I knew you
didn't like mother’s heavy stuff. Soft pretty things for you, Laurie.”

“Thank
you.” She sat on the bed beside him, twisting her handkerchief into knots.

“There's
another room next door that we can use for a nursery. Mother kept all mine and
Jim's things. I mean baby furniture and stuff, or I could get you new things if
you want.” He sounded so eager to please, she felt mean and petty for her earlier
suspicions.

She pushed
back the swathe of fair hair flopping across his forehead. “Thank you.
Everything is lovely. You've been very thoughtful. Tell me about your
brother.
 
No one has spoken about him
before.”

“Oh, he's
all right, I suppose.
 
The complete
opposite to me, strong and fearless, everything I'm not. I wouldn't have joined
up except he did. I went to the infantry, Jim to some officer training school
in England.
He's in France
now. Even at school Jim was always better at everything than me. He's five
years older. I hated him sometimes, because he acted so patronizing. I was
always the little brother trailing along in his wake, and he never let me
forget it, either.”

“Perhaps he
didn't mean it. It might just have been his way.”

He sat up,
suddenly yawning. “We might as well go to bed. We've had a big day.”

Exhaustion
sapped her strength. Her pregnancy, even at such an early stage, exacted a
heavy toll, but the thought of sharing a bed with Dick horrified her.

“Don't be
shy. Use the dressing room, Laurie, and I'll get changed here.”

What could
she do?
 
Feeling as if lead weights had
been attached to her feet, she, gathered up her nightwear and stumbled into the
adjoining room. A ewer jug with matching basin stood on a marble-topped
dresser, next to neatly folded towels. All too soon she had to return, even
though she had dawdled through her ablutions.

Dick was
already in bed, with the covers pulled up to his chin. A bedside lamp still
burned, throwing out enough light for her to see that his eyes were closed. His
thick, fair lashes resting on his cheeks gave him the look of an angel in a
religious painting. All this flashed through her mind, in the split second
before his eyes opened.

Her white
nightgown was long and trimmed with blue ribbon. Her hair cascaded in a riot of
red-gold curls as she stood there hesitantly. He did not speak, just held the
blankets back so she could slide in beside him.

Immediately
his arms came out to pull her close. His mouth covered hers, in an awkward
kiss. She went rigid against him as his hands fumbled clumsily with the buttons
of her nightgown. “Please, Laurie. Please let me.”

She wanted
to lash out at him, but didn’t. They were man and wife now, and he only wanted
his conjugal rights, even though he had vowed not to claim them. Suddenly he
let her go. He rolled away and turned his back to her, but it could not
disguise the fact that his shoulders shook. He was crying.

Her heart
went out to him. She reached over and ran her fingers through his hair. “It's
all right.” He gave a convulsive shudder and rolled back against her.

“I wanted
to, Laurie, but I couldn't.”

“It's all
right.” She soothed him as if he were a child. “It doesn't matter. Go to sleep,
you'll feel better in the morning.” Her words must have been comforting, as
within a short time his gentle breathing told her that he slept.

Tears
pricked her eyes. Poor Dick. Poor me. What kind of life would they have
together? It was up to her to be the strong one, otherwise they would not
survive. Why, God? Why have these terrible things happened to me?

She felt
pity for Dick, even a little fondness. But to be tied to someone like him for
life, when she did not love him, was frightening. How could she stand being a
neighbor of Blair’s? Seeing him married to Helen? Watching their children grow
up? I'm having his baby, too, she thought fiercely, patting her stomach.

Dick's wild
thrashing and moaning woke her from a troubled sleep. “I don't want to do
it.
 
You can't make me.” He muttered and
raved until in desperation she shook him awake.

* * *

The weeks
passed. Dick's fits of depression became more frequent, his nightmares
disturbing her most nights. He would cry out so piteously for someone to help
him, to not leave him out there to die, she would have to shake him awake. His
pajamas were often so drenched with perspiration that he had to change them
before falling again into fitful sleep for the rest of the night.