Learning to Fly (11 page)

Chapter Eleven

Saturday morning I see that I have two missed calls from Heidi and a text that she has an envelope from Brown. 

S:  Awesome news!

H: What about you?

S:  Nothing, I’m actually thinking about going with Alex to FSU, did you open it up?

H: No, waiting for you.  Get on Skype

S:  Ok, see you in 10 min?

I move to my desk, turn my laptop on, and sign into my account.  I run and grab a glass of juice and a bagel from the kitchen before my Skype chat with Heidi.

I am so excited when I see her face appear on the screen.

“Hey there stranger!” she laughs.

“Well, let’s do this.”  I watch as she tears the envelope open, pulling out the letter.  She does a quick mumble as she scans for the words she’s hoping to see.

“I got in!  I got in!”  She screams, jumps out of her chair, and dances around the room.  She comes back into view and takes a seat in front of the camera again.

“Don’t lose hope Sophie, maybe mine just came early. When did you send in your application?”  I don’t answer and just look at her.

“Come on Sophie, numbers girl that you are; you can’t tell me that you aren’t doing one of your countdowns since the day you submitted it.

“I didn’t, because I didn’t send it in until last week, I’ve been thinking about applying to Penn instead.”

"Wait! As BFF, how do I not know this?"  Heidi is clearly hurt that I haven’t shared this with her.

I shrug, “it’s just something I've been thinking about.”

"Don’t give me that. Why, Sophie?

"Heidi, how can you ask me that? Isn’t it obvious?"

"No. How can this be something you are even considering?" I can see the tension on her face. She’s is fuming. Of all the people in my life, how can she not understand my thoughts? 

"Ok, you and Matt have been together forever, you mean to tell me that you're looking forward to leaving him behind?" I look at the screen and Heidi covers her face with her hands.  Her shoulders shake and I see she is crying. She looks up; her cheeks are wet from tears. 

"Matt is the love of my life," she says in an unsteady voice. “But I know that if we are meant to be together, it will work out."  She pauses and wipes her face.

"This is going to be the second time I have to say goodbye to someone that I love." I feel like a complete ass, I made my best friend cry.

"I'm so sorry Heidi." However, I know the words ‘I’m sorry’ don’t adequately cover the hurt I caused.

"You know, Sophie, you don't have the monopoly on hurt and disappointment. You're not the only one who’s been scared to goodbye to someone. “She takes a steadying breath and continues. “ I thought I was going to fall apart when you left. We are best friends, didn't you think of how hard it was going to be for me when you left? Yes, I have Matt but it's not the same.  When you left you took a piece of my heart with you."

Now I'm crying. "I didn't mean to not care about your feelings.  I was so busy dealing with what was changing for me."

"If you really love someone, distance doesn't matter.  Look at us, you find a way to make it work." She gives me a smile.  “You’ve waited too long to control your future, Sophie, to just hand it over to someone else. Hey I have to go, but we will talk soon!”

I slump back into the chair at my desk.  I know she is right, but all of this is new for me.  No one understands how I feel.  Every future I see has Alex in it and that’s what I want.

~~*~~*~~

Monday morning I get a note in homeroom telling me to report to the guidance office.

“Good morning, Sophie, have a seat.” I walk into the office and sit in the chair across from the blonde haired woman across from me.  I look at the nameplate on her desk.  Mrs. Chris Capwill.I wonder if I’m in trouble for something. 

“Sophie, I called you here today because I received some disturbing news.”

“What’s that?” I‘m instantly sick with worry and knots form in my stomach.

“Oh, nothing bad,” she motions for me to calm down with her hands.

“It seems that you aren’t working to your full potential.  You still have a good 3.95 GPA, but it seems you have gone from high A’s to lower end A’s.  Your teachers’ are concerned because it doesn’t appear to be from not understanding the materials. It appears to be a matter of motivation.  Is there anything going on that I could help you with?”

“No, I’ll do better.  I promise.”

“While I have you here, I see you haven’t applied for any scholarships.  There are several that you would qualify for; you can’t receive them if you don’t apply.”

“I haven’t even sent all of my college applications in yet.”  As soon as the words leave my mouth I want to reel them back in, and erase them from her memory.

“Well, it’s a good thing we’re meeting today.”  She reaches in her drawer and pulls out a heavy packet of papers. She then gathers several brochures for colleges that I may be interested in. She puts a large band around them and hands them over to me.

“These should get you started; first thing you want to do is get those college applications in. If you need help filing in any of the information just let me know. I’m here to help.  ”

“Thanks Mrs. Capwill.”

“You are very welcome, dear.”She waves her hand dismissing me, I waste no time getting out of the office. I head to the library for study hall period.

I look at the packet of papers from my visit to the guidance counselor; she has spoken to me about selecting a school for the future and applications for scholarships.  I just sit there staring at them; I open my notebook, turning to a clean sheet of paper. At the top, I write Brown on one side and Penn on the other. I compile a list of pros and cons, the first pro listed for each college is science. I have loved science and numbers as long as I can remember.  Next are the two people that matter most to me. Heidi and Alex.I then list the location of each school and the distance from my current home, I consider the academic programs and the costs of tuition. 

I look back at the list and all I can see is being forced to choose between Heidi and Alex. This list hasn’t helped to sway me one way or the other. I rip the sheet of paper out of the spiral notebook and immediately crumple it in my hands.  I look at the big round clock on the wall behind the circulation desk. 

The clock taunts my indecisiveness. I count the moves of the second hand hoping that the decision will just miraculously come to me. I probably should discuss my feelings with Alex, but I know he will want me to be with him, end of story. On the way back from the office, my phone buzzes again, but this time it’s not Heidi and I see Alex’s name on the screen.

A:  Babe. I forgot my mouth guard. Can you go to my car for me?

I head past the office again, out the lot to his car door. I see it immediately when I open it.  I grab a tissue out of my bag and pick it up with that.

I head back into the school to look for Alex.

“Hey, stranger.”  It’s MJ. 

“You’re so funny, you see me every day at study hall.” I hardly consider myself a stranger.  We discovered her family lived on the same block as us.

“I haven’t seen you at the library much, are you still planning on taking the CLEPT tests this Saturday?” 

How could I have forgotten?  I remember us talking about the test the first month of school.  Alex comes down the hall and joins the two of us. “That’s this Saturday?” There is no way I can take the tests in two days.

“Well, there is still time to register.” I see her eyes watch Alex move to my side.

“It wouldn’t be of any use, I haven’t had time to study. The Jaguars are 1 and 3 this season,” I explain. “Alex needs his good luck charm at the away games just as much as the home ones.” 

“I’ve got to get to practice.” Alex interrupts. 

“I was thinking we could hang out later if you weren’t busy.” MJ says with a smile. 

“Uh, I’m not sure.”  I look at Alex to see what he thinks about that.

  “I have a late practice today so you hang out and I’ll call you later.”  I get a quick peck on the cheek. 

“Sweet, I’ll see you later, babe”
MJ and I wave as he heads to the field. “Alright, then just come over to my house later.”  She says before waving goodbye to me. I take off and forget that I still have his mouthpiece.  Yuck.  I figure it will be quicker to cut thru the gym. I see Alex and a buddy talking, and stop when I hear their voices. 

“I don’t know how you do it, dude.” the guy say. ”How long have you been dating the nun

“I don’t know, since the start of school.” Alex says. 

Four months, Alex, it’s been four months. How can he not know that?

“Why do you call her a nun?” Alex asks; I’d like to know that answer myself.

“Well, you aren’t getting any, you know; none of this and none of that.” I hear him start to belly laugh.  “Dude at the rate you’re going you may never get any, again.

“Very funny.  Why don’t you grow up? She makes me happy.” I’m glad to hear him confess his feelings for me. 

“Well, if you can’t get her to say yes, I know a certain girl who would be glad to help you out,” the guy says. “You’re starting to sound girly.  You better get you some before you grow tits and a vagina.”
I wait until I know they are gone before I leave the gym.

Chapter Twelve

I wake up on the wrong side of the bed the next morning.  I drive to school instead of getting a ride with Alex, and when I get there, I don’t seek him out.  I don’t see him until we get to our AP Chem class. 

“Alex, can we have a serious discussion?”  The words just fall out of my mouth before I even say hello. 

“Don’t start a conversation that way.” Alex says and snorts.

“What is so funny?” I snap at him.

“Well, when you tell me to be serious, the first thing that goes through my mind is be mature and don’t laugh.  The harder I make myself not laugh makes me want to laugh.” He says with a smile.  He places his hands on mine.  “Talk to me, Sophie; what’s on your mind?” I can tell from his voice that he is sincere. 

“Are we alright?” I say pensively. 

“Sophie.” Alex pulls his hand off mine and reaches for my chin. “I love you.  Yes, we’re good.  I’m sorry I get so crazy during football season. Once the season is over, things will go back to normal.”  I listen to what he says, put all negative thoughts out of my mind, and believe that, after football, everything will be normal.

I am feeling better and back to my normal self when class is over.  I am looking forward to seeing Alex again at lunch and having time to sneak a few kisses at my locker. 

The lunch bell rings and I don’t see Alex when I enter the doorway of the cafeteria.  I look to see if he is at any of the tables and see that Stacey has him cornered across the room. 

“Stacey, I told you I’m not interested.”  Alex says plainly. 

“Well, I know how much stress you’re under this season and wanted to let you know that if you need stress relief, just let me know. It can be our secret.” She stretches out a manicured finger and runs it down Alex’s arm and I see red.

That’s all it takes for the fight to break out. “You get your claws off my boyfriend.” I grab Stacey by the arm, pulling her away from Alex. 

“Don’t touch me,” she shrieks, pulling away from me.  By the time Stacey tries to get away, I already have her shirt in my grasp.  “Let go of me!” She shrieks again and I tighten my grip and yank her hair so hard that I pull some out by the roots.

She tries to hit me with one of her flailing arms.  I grab the back of her shirt, pull it up over her head exposing her bare stomach, and begin pounding her with my fists. 

“Stop it, Sophie, let her go,” Alex says and tries to separate the two of us.  The shouts and chanting of our classmates gets the attention of one of the monitors, because the fight ends as quickly as it starts.

“Alright there, Rocky, we’re taking a trip to see the principal.”  The monitor escorts me to the principal’s office where I sit in a chair among other offenders, awaiting punishment.

“Sophia Pennington,” she calls, I walk into the office, and close the door.

“Sophia, do you understand the rules on bullying and fighting?”  She takes her glasses off and lays them on her desk. 

“Yes, I do.”  My anger turns to fear since I know the punishment is suspension. 

“In looking through your records, I see where you have never been prone to violence.  Why were you and Stacey fighting?”  I know she wants an answer, but I can’t tell her why.

“Sophia, if I have to write a report and you are suspended, this will become part of your permanent record.  We send these records to the colleges where you apply. Is that what you want to have happen—especially over a boy?”  I look up, shocked that she knows the source of the fight.  “I will have no choice but to suspend you if you don’t talk to me, Sophia”

Before I can say a word, tears I didn’t know were there race their way down my cheeks.  “I’m scared.”

“Who are you scared of Sophia?”

“Not of someone, something.  I’m scared that Stacey is going to take Alex away from me. I won’t let it happen again.” 

“What won’t you let happen again?” She looks perplexed. 

“For the first time, I have a boyfriend; someone who loves me, I’m not willing to just stand by and watch some blonde Barbie take him away.”

“Hmm, I see.” She takes her glasses off and sets them down on her desk.  She pushes back from behind the table and comes around to lean her hip on the front of it.  “Sophia, first of all let me say that I understand how young love can be. I get that you’ve never been the popular girl who got the boy.  Well, let me give you your wake-up call, Sophia.  This is high school.  Between now and the time you are twenty five you will change your mind so many times about things that you like, even the boys you think you love. You are a very smart girl; with your grades you could get into any school, it would be a disappointment to see you throw away a dream because you’re busy chasing a boy.  Come on, Sophie, I know you’re smarter than that.”

It’s not like that.  He’s not just some boy. We’re going to be together, he wants me to go to FSU with him. I say to myself.

“I know you’re new here so I will let this go with an in-school suspension and a warning.  Would you like to talk?  I do remember what it was like to be a teenage girl.”  I look up at her, remaining silent.  “You may go now, and report to Mrs. Williams on Monday for the start of your suspension.  I don’t want to see you back here, Ms. Pennington, understood?”

“Yes, Principal Adams, I understand.” I start to get up from my seat and she stops me. 

“One last bit of advice, a woman shouldn’t give up her dreams to follow a guy who isn't willing to alter his dreams for her.” I nod my head in acknowledgement and she dismisses me.

Why doesn’t anyone understand this isn’t just any high school romance?We’re going to be together forever….right?

I can’t wait to get home.  Alex and I ride all the way to my house in silence.

I think about the fight with Stacey and the words the Principal said. My life flashes before me and I think of all the times we have moved.  I think about the many times I had to comfort Angie after another relationship ended badly.  What if I’m destined to end up just like her?  What if all my plans don’t work out?

He pulls up to the door, turns off the car, and removes the key.  “Can I still come in for a bit?” 

“Sure.” We get inside the door and Duke immediately meets us. “Hey there, big boy, did you miss me?”  I reach down and pat him on the head.  I can’t get over how fast he is growing. 

We head down the hall to my room with Duke following, waging his tail behind him.  As soon as the door closes, Alex gets to the point.

“What is going on in that head of yours, Sophie?  You’re being really quiet.” I can see the concern in Alex’s eyes.  “I know you had a rough day.”

“Today surely wasn’t one of my best.”

“Talk to me about it.  I’m not just here as your total hottie boyfriend.  I’m your friend, too. Tell me what’s going on.” Alex reaches out and puts his arm around me.  I don’t curl in towards him and I just keep very still. 

“What is it about Stacey? I mean if we weren’t together would you be back with her?”

“No.”

“Why not? Stacey is so beautiful and she’s right when she says that I’m plain.  I will never be a beauty pageant winner like her.  I’ll never be that kind of girl.

Alex holds onto my face with his palms and rubs my lips and checks with his thumbs and gazes into my eyes, and in that moment I feel like the prettiest girl in the world.

“You only see the reasons why I SHOULDN’T like you. I can tell you how I feel about you and tell you that you ARE beautiful inside and out, but I can’t change the way you see yourself.I hope someday, Sophie that you grow to love yourself as much as I do.”

Alex really is in love with me.

~~*~~*~~

Today is Valentine’s Day and for the first time I actually have someone to enjoy it with.  I’m so upset that I will be spending it alone.

I pull the covers back up to neck trying to get warm.  I can feel cold air, why is there cold air coming out of my vent?

“How are you feeling, Sophie?”  Larry is standing at the door with gloves and a white mask on his face. 

“I just feel really tired and still not very hungry.”  He walks over, puts his hand on my forehead, and nods his.

“Well, it seems that your fever has broken.  That’s a good sign you are on the mend.” 

“How’s Mom feeling?”  Both my mother and I have been in bed sick for the last three days with similar symptoms.

“She still has her fever so I told her to stay in bed for another day.”  He’s smiling at me and I wonder what is going on.

“Why don’t you hop into the shower, and I will strip your bed and get these bed sheets cleaned.  Then why don’t you head to the couch for a bit.”

“Alright.” 

I stand up and stretch my back.  I feel so sore from sleeping so much.
I turn on the warm shower and it soothes me.  I wash and rinse my hair twice, feeling human again.  I wrap myself up in a towel and turn on the water to brush my teeth.  I smile at myself in the mirror happy, once again, to have a clean mouth.

I open up the door and see that my bare mattress holds a pink bag with stripes. There are hot pink pieces of tissue paper sticking out of it from all ends.  I hold it up, see that it’s from Victoria’s Secret, and feel slightly embarrassed.  There is a card on top.  It’s a handmade Valentine’s Day card: a white card with a red doily heart glued to the front.  On the inside, it says

You hold my heart in your hands.

Alex

I set the card down and wonder what’s inside the bag.  I nervously reach in, hoping not to pull out anything lacey or frilly.  I am pleasantly surprised when I pull out a pair of soft red pajamas with a pink heart on the top.  There is a sticky note attached that says put me on. I do as instructed and put the soft pajamas on.  I look and see there is also a pair of funky multicolored heart socks. 

I dial Alex’s number to thank him for the gifts.

“So, you got the bag?”

“Yes, I did. It’s so nice of you.  I’m sorry I didn’t get to buy your gift yet.”

“Sophie, you’re the only gift I need. Are you dressed?”

“Yes, the pajamas are so cozy, thank you.”

“Why don’t you open your door?” I run and open the door.  Alex is standing there and walks ahead of me to the living room.  I see two more bags sitting on the coffee table. 

“Now, as long as you obey a few simple rules, I can stay for a bit.”  He looks serious. 

“Get on the couch and relax.”

He reaches in the bag and hands the items to me.

“First, I want to give you kisses.” It’s a clear filled bag filled with chocolate kisses.

“Everything looks up when you’re with me.” He says before handing me a bottle of 7-UP.

“You make my days brighter just being with me.”  He pulls out a string of white Christmas lights and hands them to me.  The lights are clustered into groups held by frayed pieces of ribbon.  There are red ribbons with white hearts, pink and white striped ribbon, and white ribbon with the words I love you. 

“I need that back.” I hand it over and he plugs it in and sets the lights on the mantle, below the flat screen TV. 

“Watch this.” I watch as the lights flicker on and off.  “You make my heart skip a beat,” he says and smiles, returning to sit beside me on the couch.

“Okay, final two cheesy Valentine’s Day gifts, are you ready?” 

“Yes.” I’m so overwhelmed, happy, and excited that I can’t take it.  He pulls out The Notebook and I gasp. 

“That’s my favorite movie,” I say, teary eyed.

“I know; I asked Heidi for help.” I am so shocked that he would think enough of this day, and me, to enlist the help of my bestie.

“I hope you’re a little hungry.”  He pulls out a round container and removes the lid.  What’s inside makes me speechless.

“My mom helped me make it.”  It’s homemade chicken noodle soup.  The noodles are the shapes of hearts and the carrots have been cut into small heart shapes too.

“Oh Alex,” I reach for him to kiss him but he backs away.  So I reach into the plastic bag, pull out two chocolate kisses, and hand them to him.

“I’m glad you like everything, and when you’re feeling better, we will go out and pretend it’s Valentine’s Day.” 

“How did I get so lucky?”  I say aloud and stare at that sexy grin and dimple that makes me weak.

“I’d say both of us got lucky.”  He gets up and loads the movie into the DVD player.  When I finish eating, I curl up on the couch with my feet propped up on his lap.  I feel so cozy like this. All I want to do is sleep. 

“Hey, I’m going to head out.” Alex says, slides my feet off his lap and I scowl.

“I don’t want you to go. I’ve missed you.”

“I know, but you need to get better and you need to rest to do that.  If you’re feeling up to it, I’ll be back tomorrow.” 

~~*~~*~~

I spend the rest of the winter at Alex’s side, serving as his personal cheerleader both on and off the field.

It is a brisk early spring day when I get the letter from Brown.  The first thing I notice is that it doesn’t even have my name on it; it’s a form letter.