Learning to Forgive (4 page)

The
fire was out. It was summer, and there was no need for a fire. He turned the
heat on, and the flames came up. After grabbing some logs and the tub of
lighter fuel, he made a quick fire in the hearth.

Opening
the box, he saw all of her crap. Isabella was dead. She wasn’t coming back, and
he never wanted her back for the rest of his life. The first item he came to
was her photographs. He stared down at her beauty, and all he saw was the anger
on her face at being pregnant again. She hadn’t loved him at all. Isabella had
used him for his money.

“Fucking
bitch,” he said, throwing her pictures onto the fire. All this time he’d spent
thinking she’d been his first love. The one he was supposed to love for the
rest of his life. Molly was the woman he loved. He’d loved her from the first
moment she walked through that door for the position as his nanny. At the time
he hadn’t wanted it to be a live-in arrangement. The moment he saw her and the
way she was with all three kids, he’d known she was the woman for him. The
live-in arrangement had been a last minute decision on his part.

He
would burn every last memory of his first wife from his mind. No more would she
plague him. Molly deserved so much more from him. Twenty-five years he had to
make up for. Twenty-five years of living with a man who thought he was still in
love with his first wife but was in denial.

Every
photograph he found at the top of the storage box was thrown onto the fire.
Most of them weren't even with the boys. She hadn’t loved them.

“I’m
such an idiot,” he said to himself.

The
pain inside his chest began to build.

Chapter Three

Molly
took a deep breath as she stared at the home she’d been living in for most of
her adult life. They rarely went anywhere. Most of their holidays had been
spent at the beach, or they’d never even gone. Actually, David had never been
on holiday with her. She couldn’t recall ever being away with him on occasions
that felt like holidays. During all of their times at the beach house, he’d
still been working. If work was still involved, surely that wasn’t any kind of
vacation?

She
shook the memory off and opened the door to the house. From the silence, it
sounded like the house was deserted. Trent had stayed out after breakfast, and
she’d taken a long walk on the beach to help clear her head. David always made
her feel so sad when he yelled at her like he had that morning. For most of
their married life she’d spent a great deal of time trying to make him happy.
What a waste that had turned out to be. The only woman who could make him happy
was a woman who was six feet under. Molly hated a woman she’d never met.
Isabella Sinclair was the reason for her unhappiness. Molly was in love with a
man who would always be in love with another woman. She chuckled at the
ridiculousness of her situation.

She
put her bag away in the dresser next to the door. Luke and John had left a note
saying they’d be out. She left it on top of the dresser in case someone wanted
to read it. Next, she walked into the kitchen. The mess she’d seen that morning
was cleaned away. Every surface was scrubbed clean. She checked the fridge and
saw replacements had been made.

Confused,
she went looking ‘round the house. The door to David’s office was ajar, and she
moved in. He was standing by the fire place with a small fire built inside the
hearth. He was throwing stuff into the flames.

“What
are you doing?” she asked.

He
turned to look at her. His gaze penetrated her where she stood. Her body worked
against her, responding to the heat in his eyes. David was always able to
seduce her without saying a word. He threw something else into the fire.

Molly
moved closer into the room and saw several empty boxes. Looking in the closest
one, she saw the stuff he’d kept from his first wife.

“You
don’t have to do this,” she said when she finally realised what he was doing.

“Yes,
I do.”

“No.
You don’t. Burning this doesn’t change what’s happened or your feelings.” David
threw another picture of his wife on the fire.

“No.
It doesn’t change anything.”

She
couldn’t let him do this. “David, loving a woman is not a crime.”

“I
know.”

“What
is going on?” She shouted the last at him. The calmness she saw inside him
scared her. The man she knew would fight with her tooth and nail if she ever
tried to replace something his wife had gotten.

“I’m
finally admitting the truth to myself.”

“What?
That you can never love another woman?” she asked.

“I
was never in love with her,” he yelled. Molly took a step back at the look in
his eyes. He lifted a box and threw the whole thing into the hearth. “I hated
her, Molly. I thought I was in love with her, but the truth of it was, I stayed
at work so I didn’t have to come home. She was needy, whiny, and constantly
complained about the boys. The only
thing that bitch
ever wanted was my money and the Sinclair’s fucking name!”

She
stood speechless as he shouted. All the words he spoke were in contradiction to
everything he’d ever told her.

“She
wanted to do nothing but spend money and leave the boys to a nanny. Her figure
was ruined because I couldn’t keep my lust under control. She told me when she
got pregnant with Trent that she tried to get rid of it. Do you have any idea
what it’s like looking at your son and seeing the hard look of hatred because
his own mother didn’t want him? I’ve had to deal with that ever since he was
born. I’d rather him hate me for thinking I blame him for his mother’s death,
rather than admit how much a dead woman he never knew didn’t want him.” David
sighed. “I know your friends advised you to abort our baby, but you couldn’t. You
never would have gotten rid of our child. You love too easily to get rid of
anything. Isabella was different. We were married when Trent was conceived. She
didn’t have to fear society. She was fucking married to me.”

The
tears fell from her eyes as years of pain and hate spilled out of the man she
thought she knew. David had kept so much of himself locked away, and she was
only beginning to see the real man underneath.

“I
love that boy so much because regardless of anything his mother tried to do, he
still fucking lives. He’s a fighter, and I’m proud of him.”

She
didn’t speak. Molly knew he needed to say this.

“Then
you came into my life. You were sweet and adorable. Everything she wasn’t. And
it was like the whole world was mocking me. I had had a woman who was so
gorgeous that every man wanted to bed her, but she chose me. Only she never
chose me; she chose my money. You were different.” He cupped her cheeks staring
into her eyes. “You came in and looked after my boys as if they were your own.
I fell in love for the first time the moment you stood in front of Trent and
defended him.
A woman who was so unselfish that you dealt
with an old man’s attentions.”

He
kissed her lips, and Molly didn’t respond. The pain in his voice was more than
anything she could bear. “I’m a selfish bastard, Molly Sinclair. I wasn’t drunk
that night. I knew I was going to have you. I’d had a few drinks, but I knew
what was going on. I took you and prayed you were pregnant as it would have
given me more rights over you.”

She
whimpered.
“How?
Why? You’ve spent so much time hating
me?”

“I’ve
never hated you, Molly.” He kissed her lips. “I hated myself because of how
much I hated her. You were the woman I’ve always wanted. Blaze, Chris, Trent,
Luke, and John are brilliant, but without you it means nothing.”

David
kissed her with so much passion he took her breath away. Suddenly, he tensed,
collapsing in a heap on the floor, his hand covering his chest.

“David,
what’s wrong?”

He
couldn’t speak.

She
ran and called an ambulance quickly before rushing back to him. He lay on the
floor in a heap. “Don’t die on me, David. Please, I love you. I love you so
much.” She brushed his hair off his temple, kissing him.

Life
couldn’t be this cruel. She refused to believe he would die on her after he’d
admitted the truth.

“I
love you. I told you every night you were asleep in my arms.”

“Don’t
talk, David. I’m here. I’ve got you. The ambulance is going to be here any
moment. Please, don’t die.”

His
hand gripped hers as he stared at her. She couldn’t handle this. It was too
much. The sobs fell from her as the paramedics crashed into her home. They
moved her out of the way. She watched them work on her husband. Her whole body
was numb all over.

What
had David been thinking all these years? She knew whatever he had to say wasn’t
over. There was so much hate and pain left unsaid.
 

Molly
prayed to whoever was listening that those were not the last words she’d ever
utter to the love of her life.

The
paramedics took him to the ambulance. She rode in the back as they drove to the
hospital. No one talked to her as they pushed him through to the Cardiology
department. There, she sat waiting for what was to happen. The doctors asked
her some questions.

She
filled in forms then walked to the telephone. Calls needed to be made. Molly
talked to all of their children then waited for the bad news.

****

David
was pissed off. He was hooked up to several machines, and the doctor was
prodding his arm. Why wouldn’t they leave him alone? He felt fine.

“You
had an angina attack. You’re stressed, Mr. Sinclair.”

“I
don’t care what I am. Is my wife here?” he asked. Where was Molly? He’d been
talking to her, and then he’d felt the pain in his chest. The last health check-up
he’d undergone had been fine. He was healthy as a horse, or so the saying went.

“Your
wife is in the waiting room.”

“I’m
not dead, son. Get my wife in here.”

“Sir,
your whole family is in the waiting room.”

He
sighed. David didn’t want his family. He wanted Molly.

“Please,
do me a favour and get my wife here.”

“Well,
I should have known you’d be bossing my interns around,” Malcolm said. He was a
long-time friend of his. “Molly looks a little scared. I saw her through the
doors. Is everything all right?”

David
glared at the intern, making sure his friend dismissed him before he talked.

“I
need you to go and check the vitals on ward four, Jake.”

The
intern nodded and left.

“So,
what do you have me bossing my own interns around for, David?”

“A
few months ago, Molly asked me for a divorce.”

“Does
this have to do with that supposed curse that the Sinclair men are only
supposed to love one woman?” Malcolm asked.

“You
remember that?”

“There
is not a lot a doctor can forget even with a case-load of beer inside him.
Molly is a good woman. Have you been treating her like the second woman?”

David
nodded his head.

“David!”
He heard the disappointment in his friend’s tone.

“I
know. I need your help. First though, what is wrong with me?”

“Did
you know you’ve got diabetes?”

He
shook his head. “They were doing some tests the last time I went in.”

“I
bet it is because of all Molly’s cookies. That woman can cook,” Malcolm said.

“I
know.” David knew she was an exceptional cook. Molly excelled at everything she
set her mind to. Look at his boys. Blaze and Chris might refuse to call her
mother, but she raised them like they were own. Very few women would take a man
on with three sons already.

“How
are things between you and Molly?” Malcolm asked.

David
sighed, and he knew his shoulders slumped. “Not good. She asked me for a
divorce a few months ago. I can’t bring myself to let her go.”

“Why
don’t you just give in, David? You clearly love
her,
always have if you ask me.” Malcolm folded his arms. It had been a while since
he’d seen his old friend.

“I
screwed up,” David said.

“Because
you believed everything your father told you?”

David
nodded his head. He didn’t need to speak aloud to know that he’d fucked up big
time. “Look, can you do something for me?”

Malcolm
nodded his head. “Sure, you’re still my friend, even if I’m your doctor.”

“Could
you tell Molly not to bring up divorce again?”

His
friend began to shake his head. “I can’t do that, David.”

“I
suffered an angina attack, I know. I feel much better. Are you sure it wasn’t
indigestion?” David asked.

“I’m
the one who is the doctor here. You need to take care of yourself. I’ve got a
prescription here for some medication that will help you, and I’ll also request
that you come back every few months so we can check you over.”