Learning to Live (The Infinite Love Series Book 1) (8 page)

I glance around at my dark surroundings, looking for anything I can use as a weapon. I see a thick stick lying on the ground, and I swiftly fetch it, holding it in front of me, protectively. I watch as someone exits the driver’s side door, and begins walking toward me.

Turn around and walk the opposite way.

I know I should be listening to my inner voice, but my feet feel planted and frozen in place. I feel as if I can’t move an inch, which only increases my heartbeat.

The dark figure makes their way toward me, and I catch a glimpse of his face under the moonlight.

Topher Carlson?

“Ciera?” I hear him speak my name. I’m surprised he even knows my name.

He takes a few more steps forward, closing the distance between us.

“What are you doing out here?” he asks, his eyebrow raising.

“Walking home,” I reply, meeting his stare. I will never be able to repay the favor Madalynne did for me when she helped me in the bathroom. It is an empowering feeling to lock eyes with someone.

“Joe was right…you have some balls.”

I choke on my surprise. “Excuse me?”

He motions with his hands toward the dark sky. “It’s not exactly the safest thing to be walking home this late at night.”

I stare back at him with a blank expression. Obviously I am aware of this—but he is the exact reason I left the party. Okay, maybe not the only reason, but definitely the deciding factor why.

“Come on.” He motions with his hand toward his car. “I’ll give you a ride.”

It’s the second time in less than five minutes that I choke on my surprise
. He can’t be serious.

We’re lucky the street we are on is so high up in the hills, his car was the first one I saw in thirty minutes.

“Are you coming or not?” he asks, growing impatient.

I look from him to his expensive car, and then back again. “I’m fine.”

He looks as if I just told him someone died. Obviously he’s not used to being turned down.

“Don’t be stupid,” he presses. “It’s going to take you hours to make it home.”

“How do you know?” I reply sharply. “For all you know, I live a couple of blocks away.”

He shakes his head dismissively. “No you don’t. I know basically everyone who lives up in this area. I’m going to guess you live on the north side of town.”

His guess is spot on. I swallow, trying to digest the fact that he suddenly seems to know more about me than I’d like him to.

“You’re really going to stand here until I hop in, aren’t you?” I ask.

He nods slightly. “Yeah, basically.”

I sigh loudly, dropping the stick I’ve been clenching onto for dear life. “Fine.” I follow him back to the car and climb in beside him, closing the door.

The car is even nicer on the inside than it is on the outside. I’m not great with cars, but I’m pretty sure Porsche means money. I saw the logo on the back before I climbed in.

We drive in silence through town until Topher decides to speak. “So, I was wrong about Madalynne.”

I turn my head so I am looking at him. “What do you mean?”

He sighs, rubbing his hand over the stubble on his chin. “I mean, maybe she wasn’t only being nice to you because she felt sorry for you. Maybe she actually likes you as a person.”

My heart dips into my stomach. Butterflies attack my insides.

“What makes you say that?”

He shifts his teal eyes to meet mine. “Because of how disappointed she was after you took off. How worried she was.”

Madalynne was worried about me?

“She said she didn’t know your number, so she couldn’t text you to make sure you made it home alright.”

“I don’t have a cell phone,” I mumble.

“What?” he exclaims loudly. “You’re joking, right?”

I wish.

My cheeks instantly begin burning up as I shake my head no.

“Who doesn’t have a cell phone in this day and age?” He doesn’t seem to want to let it go.

I shrug.

I can feel his eyes on me, examining my every move. It sends goose bumps throughout my entire body.

We cross the border to the north side of town, and he looks at me as if he is awaiting further instruction. “I live right next to Chemeketa,” I say, attempting to change the subject.

He nods as if he understands. I wonder what he will think when he drives into the apartment complex. It’s definitely not the Ritz, and not exactly located in the safest of areas. But it’s cheap, which is all we can afford right now.

“So, how long have you known about my girlfriend and best friend?” he asks.

I don’t know why it matters to him. My opinion has never mattered before. I end up humoring him anyway. “A few months. I saw them sneaking out of a utility closet together.”

He nods, his lips in a straight line. “I’ve known for a while. I don’t know why I never said anything until now.”

I shrug, unsure of how he wants me to respond.

I’m surprised we have been carrying a conversation for as long as we have without a lull. He pulls into my apartment complex, and I sneak glances his way. I can tell he is uncomfortable.

“It’s right up there.” I point with my finger. He pulls up right in front and stops. “Thanks,” I say quickly as I unbuckle the seatbelt and begin to climb out.

He nods stiffly and then zooms off as soon as I make it to the staircase. He doesn’t bother waiting to make sure I get inside okay. I shake my head once more at how strange the day has turned out to be, before slipping inside our apartment quietly.

Chapter Nine

Topher

As my eyes flicker open, I realize that I can’t avoid it any longer. I can’t avoid
him
. It’s been a week and a half since I ran out on dinner with Clarke and my father and after what transpired at the game, I know he’s waiting for me downstairs. I can feel it.

God, I hope Clarke isn’t here.

I slip on a light hoodie and sweats, and begin making my way down our large, spiral staircase. I can smell the coffee wafting through the air. I can hear the low volume of the stereo which is playing smooth jazz.

As I enter our kitchen, I take notice of my father seated at the dining room table. The paper is laid out in front of him as he sips his black coffee. I still can’t understand how anyone can like it that way, but I digress.

He doesn’t hear me at first. It’s not until I grab a mug down from the cabinet that I feel his eyes on me.

“Topher,” he says, animosity spilling off his tone.

I nod back at him, and then go back to pouring my coffee. I slide over to the fridge, and pull out the creamer tossing some inside my grey mug.

“Topher,” he says again sternly. “We need to talk.”

There it comes. The four inevitable words. I’m not even sure how I’m feeling exactly, except for dreading the conversation that is about to happen.

I place the creamer back inside the fridge, and close the door gently, taking small, hesitant steps toward the table. I pull out a chair across from him, and plop down on it.

His eyes are still burning into me, and after a few quick glances at him, I notice the misty look around the edge of his eyes.
Has he been crying?

“Look…” I say, unsure of where I am even going with it. “I know you can’t help it…but, I just wish you would have thought about me, before bringing him to the game.”

His mouth drops open in surprise. “I know it may not seem like it, but I have been thinking about you, and putting you first for the last eighteen years.”

My brows furrow on impulse. “What are you talking about? You were with mom then…”

A sad look crosses his face and I feel as though he just ripped my heart out.

“How long have you known?” I ask in a quiet voice, afraid the answer may further complicate our already hostile relationship.

He sighs loudly, rubbing his hand over his face and then mouth.

“How long?” I press, this time with more authority behind my question.

“I’ve known there was something different about me—that I was wired differently, since I was a kid. I didn’t act on it until I was in my early twenties, but then I met your mother.”

I swallow loudly, as I try to digest his words. “Why…” I can’t even finish my sentence. I feel so betrayed.

“I loved your mother, Topher,” he replies, as if reading my mind. “She was a wonderful woman. But, the heart wants what it wants.”

I feel sick with his statement.
Is this his way of telling me he is in love with Clarke?
Because, I can barely handle the fact that the person I’ve always thought was my father, the person I’ve looked up to my entire life and wanted to be, turned out to be an imposter.

“Does it embarrass you?” he asks, eyeing me down.

I feel like it’s a trick question.
Of course it embarrasses me!
My fucking father is a fag. But I’m not heartless, and I know how much the truth will gut him. It’s a catch-22.

I look away from his gaze, and simply change the subject. “This is a lot to take in. You’re basically telling me that the person I’ve idolized for my entire life isn’t real.”

His face falls, and it tugs at my heart. Although his confession has turned my life upside down, it doesn’t mean I want to hurt him in the same way.

“I’m still me…” he says in a gentle voice. “I’m still here for you, Son. I’m always going to be your father.”

“I’m going to need some time. I know you want me to meet Clarke, but Dad, I’m not ready,” I admit.

He nods slightly. “I know, and I’m sorry for pressuring you. I shouldn’t have brought him to your game, I’m sorry.”

I shrug. “It is what it is.”

“I just want to get back to where we used to be and I’m willing to do whatever it takes.” A small smile forms on his lips.

“I have to go get ready,” I say as I finish off my coffee, and make my way to the sink.