Leaving Eva (The Eva Series Book 1) (5 page)

SHE LOOKED
AROUND
the massive nursery at all of the things that still needed packed up, and threw her hands up in the air. There were still piles of frilly little clothes, diapers, blankets, and shoes that needed to be put into boxes. Where was her help? She sat on the bed exasperated, her deep brown eyes full of tears.

Ellie was done!

She endured the crying and the sleepless nights, when Eva was a baby. She changed all of the diapers, wiped the baby spit-up, and had taken Eva to every checkup. Momma wouldn’t even let her have a nanny! She had done everything.

Now Ellie was being left on her own. Momma and Daddy told her that it was time to be an adult, and they were abandoning her.

“But I finished high school like I promised, and I’ve stayed far away from
him
! I can’t believe that you are kicking me out. I don’t want to live on my own!” Ellie was angry and whining because Daddy was being unreasonable!

“Elizabeth, enough!” he said angrily. He was sick of her selfishness and how spoiled she was. His Momma had raised him, and his two brothers on her own and Ellie couldn’t take care of one child without complaining. “You’ve been given a great deal of help! We’ve given you a roof over your head, and you’ve wanted for absolutely nothing!”

“I’m your daughter! You’re supposed to take care of me always, you’re my Father!” Ellie felt betrayed. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing.
How can he just cut me off, and expect me to live in an apartment half the size of my bedroom? Why can’t he just buy us a little house and get me a nanny?
She deserved it, after all she had sacrificed for the baby, for them.

She stayed away from Eva’s father, even after he said he was still in love with her. It had already been three years, and she hadn’t been out with any boys since she was with his because nobody in their town wanted to date a girl with a baby.

She always turned him away but now Ellie was tired of saying “no” and tired of being alone and she couldn’t do this on her own. Momma always expected her to have Eva and she could never get away from the little imp! Ellie hated that she couldn’t even go shopping or out with her friends, without Eva tagging along.

Sometimes Ellie just wanted to be alone!

The only time she could get away from her was at school but that just wasn’t enough.

Then Momma and Daddy announced they were going on a long trip to Europe, and Ellie hadn’t been invited! They wanted Ellie to live by herself and take care of her own life.

James and Amy agreed that they sheltered her too much. They thought that leaving for a couple of months would help teach Ellie how to grow up. But instead, Ellie felt they were abandoning her, and she was angry. She thought they would take care of her and Eva for as long as she needed them to, and she still needed them.

“You need to grow up, Ellie. You’re too much of a child, and you need to learn to take care of yourself! College is right around the corner, and you haven’t even picked one yet!” James couldn’t believe what they had done. They thought they were helping her, but now Ellie was helpless and lazy, and she didn’t want to do anything without their help, and their money.

Ellie had just turned eighteen, but she didn’t want to be an adult yet. She wasn’t ready, and she wanted to go to Europe! She deserved to go to Europe and see the world.

Momma agreed with Daddy, as always, even though Ellie could tell that she really wanted her to go. Momma was no help.

Momma had come into Ellie’s room the week before they left for the trip. She knew that Ellie was angry with them, but she was helpless to change it. Ellie’s room was packed with all of their belongings, and the movers were coming the next day. Momma was planning to help Ellie settle in, but she wanted to spend some time with her before she left.

“I know you’re mad, Peanut,” Momma said as she sat down on her soft bed. Momma hadn’t called her that for a while, and it made Ellie soften, until she remembered that she was angry.

“Mad? Mad doesn’t even begin to say it! Momma, I just don’t understand. Why can’t you take me with you?” Ellie was beside herself, and was on the verge of tears.

“Gamma, Gamma,” Eva walked over to her and put up her arms. Amy pulled her into her lap and nuzzled her against her, “Eva looove Gamma.”

“Grandma loves Eva,” Amy said smiling down at her sweet face. She worried for her. She had argued with James that Ellie wasn’t ready to be a mother on her own but James insisted. He reminded Amy that when they were young, they didn’t have what they had now. He said that Ellie was too spoiled and that she needed to learn to stand on her own two feet. He knew who Ellie was and didn’t like the kind of woman she was becoming.

Amy sadly agreed with him. She had gone to college, but hadn’t finished because James had swept her off her feet. He had been young, handsome, and brilliant, and she had fallen head over heels. James had blinded her with his strength and enthusiasm, and Amy knew that she would always follow him to the ends of the earth and beyond. She usually agreed with him simply because she loved him so much. But this time she agreed with him because she also didn’t like how useless and selfish Ellie had become and deep down inside she blamed herself.

They had even asked Ruth, their cook, to give Ellie cooking lessons six months ago. Ellie had been resistant, and had grudgingly gone along with it, but she wasn’t happy. Six months later, she could cook a roast and grilled chicken, and that was it. Ruth, who had been with the family ever since Ellie was a baby, had thrown up her hands in frustration, and told them that she was “impossible to teach!”

Amy was worried for Eva more than anything. She knew well, how immature and rebellious her daughter could be when she didn’t get her way.

Leaving Eva terrified Amy.

“I don’t know if Ellie can take care of Eva on her own,” she had argued with James. When Ellie ran away, she finally found her voice with her husband and she used it. “You know what happened the last time she was on her own, and now she has Eva. What if she can’t do it?”

“We have to try to teach her some responsibility, Amy! She believes that the world owes her everything, and that’s our fault. We need to practice some tough love and hope it isn’t too late.” James felt guilty. He never wanted to raise his child to be so purposeless in the world. He thought that when he rescued her from the hospital that she would have stopped living her life in such a selfish fog but he was wrong. She was even worse now as she left Eva with Amy every chance she got. Ellie thought that James didn’t know, but he did.

“I’m going to be all alone, and you don’t even care!” Ellie sounded like a child, her pretty lips puffed out into a pout.

“I
do
care,” Amy said, feeling helpless. Where was James when she needed him? He was always so good at this sort of thing. Amy was never good at fighting or arguing, and she hated it. “I do love you, sweetheart. But Daddy thinks it best if you learn to live on your own! Daddy thinks that you will be able to take care of yourself better!”

“Oh, like
you
take care of yourself?” Ellie sneered at her.

Eva toddled up. “Mommy, no fight! No yell at Gamma!”

“I’m NOT yelling!” Ellie said, not taking her eyes off her mother. She felt powerful for a moment. She knew she was right. If it weren’t for Daddy, Amy wouldn’t be able to take care of herself. Ellie hated the hypocrisy!

Maybe it was better that they left so she could do what she wanted.

He
was calling her a lot lately. Maybe she would see him and see how he had been doing. She could finally introduce Eva to her Daddy. She could even see him tomorrow if she wanted to!

“You’re pathetic,” she said to Amy. Ellie enjoyed watching Momma flinch as she inflicted her with the painful words she always wanted to say. “I’m glad you’re leaving. Eva and I don’t need you. We will be just fine on our own.”

“Ellie, please,” Amy begged. “Don’t say things like that. We are only going to be gone for a couple of months, but it will go fast. I don’t want to leave things like this!”

“Like what, Mother? You are leaving me here, alone! You haven’t let me have a nanny, or a driver! You expect me to do it ‘on my own’, and for what purpose? You don’t think that I am capable of finding a rich handsome husband like you did? Well, that’s not what
I
want, even though I could get one if I tried! I just wanted to have some help. I’m your daughter! I’m not a stranger begging for money!” Ellie let her have it. She poured out her anger and her resentment with every syllable. She showered Amy with every mean thought and word that had ever crossed her mind. She didn’t care that Mother was leaving.

“I don’t need you!” Ellie spit out the words through clenched teeth.

Amy was crying. She didn’t understand her hatred. “Let me take Eva with us. I’ll take care of her from now on, Ellie. It’s okay if you don’t want to be a mother. You don’t have to do it anymore,” Amy cried.

“No way!” Ellie was enraged, “You aren’t going to raise my child only to turn her out and let her go like you’re doing now to me! I will raise her on my own.”

Eva was tugging at Ellie and crying. She didn’t like that Mommy was yelling at Gamma. She loved Gamma. Gamma was crying so hard, and it made Eva sad. Eva loved Mommy, but Mommy was being mean.

Amy looked down at Eva with sad, beautiful eyes. “It’s okay, Peanut,” she said trying to smile. She picked Eva up and held her tight. “I love you and I will see you soon. Grandpa loves you, too. We will see you as soon as we get back from our trip!”

Eva planted a soft wet kiss on both of her cheeks, “I love you, Gamma Peanut.”

Amy looked at Ellie, and smiled a sad smile, “I don’t care what you think. This is for the best. We love you and want you to be an independent adult. We are not withholding anything from you. We are giving you a gift.”

Ellie glared back with eyes of steel, and Amy was unnerved. She had never seen this side of her daughter before and it frightened her. “I love you, Ellie, ever since you were
my
little Peanut. Please take good care of our Eva.”

Ellie was silent. Amy paused before she walked out the door, waiting for some kind of response. She wanted to hear Ellie say she loved her, like on the night they rescued her from the hospital. But it was clear that Ellie was not going to give in. She stared at Amy, and for a split second, Amy saw her when she was four, tiny and chubby, with eyes that were too big for her face.

Little Eva ran after Amy breaking her reverie and put her arms up for one last hug. Amy picked her up and held her tight, breathing her in. She wanted to pick Eva up and run out the door with her, but she knew she couldn’t. As much as Amy loved her, she couldn’t steal away Eva’s chance to be with her mother. Amy smoothed Eva’s soft hair and looked into her big brown eyes, so much like her mother’s, so much like her own.

“I love you, Peanut Eva,” Amy said, dreading letting her go.

“I wuv you, Gamma Peanut,” Eva said in her soft sweet voice, her little soft arms squeezing her as hard as they could.

Amy gave Eva one last kiss. She stepped toward Ellie, but Ellie gave her a hard look, and then turned around. Amy knew that it would take her daughter time to forgive, it always did. She hoped that when they came back from Europe, things would be different.

She walked out the door feeling a pit in her stomach. She couldn’t ignore the feeling that it would be the last time she saw either of them ever again. Amy chastised herself for being so paranoid and forced herself to keep going.

She urged her feet to continue moving as she tried desperately to quiet her own fears, ignoring the growing crack in her heart.

EVA WAS
HUNGRY.

“Mommy, hungry!” Eva cried. She looked down at her tummy. It was making a lot of loud sounds, and it was grumbling.

“Mommy, eat, NOW!”

Eva shook Mommy. Mommy didn’t move. She was tired. She put the sharp thing in her arm, and now she was tired. She had been awake, but now she was sleeping. Eva couldn’t wake her up. Eva was hungry. No food. No juice.

And Eva was cold. Too cold. The room was dark and cold. The Mean Man was there, but he had been sleeping for a long time, too. His arm was lying over Mommy, and they were both sleeping. He was snoring so loud. It must be nighttime because when Eva looked outside, it was dark. She was afraid of the dark. She didn’t want the monsters to come and get her. She felt like anything could come out and grab her at any moment.

She missed her Gamma and Gampa. If they were here, they would feed her! They loved her. They never ignored her.

No light, no food, no juice, no TV, no toys. She only had her favorite doll, Betsy to keep her company.

Eva was mad. “Mommy, wake up! Wake up! WAKE UP! HUNGRY!”

Eva’s tummy kept making those loud growly sounds. Her tummy hurt. The Mean Man brought her a cheeseburger and French fries, but that was a long time ago, when he was trying to be nice to her. Then he started drinking the stuff that smelled like medicine out of the big bottle, and he started pulling her hair and pinching her for no reason. He kept saying, “Eva, come sit on Daddy’s lap,” and Eva kept shaking her head “no.” She didn’t want to sit on his lap. She just wanted to go home.

Eva needed to go to the potty. Mommy needed to help her. The potty was so tall, and there were no steps in this bathroom like there was in their bathroom. She still had her icky pull-ups on. They were wet and heavy. Mommy said they were out, and Mommy needed to get more but then she fell asleep. Eva wanted the icky nasty pull-ups off. She wanted new ones, dry ones.

She wanted her potty at home. She wanted her bed. She hadn’t been to sleep in her bed in a very long time, and she missed it. She wanted to see her kitty. They had been in the Mean Man’s dirty apartment for a long time. He wanted her to call him daddy but she didn’t call him daddy. It made him very mad, and he called her ugly names. She didn’t like him. He yelled at Mommy, and then Mommy cried and ignored her.

And now she was hungry.
HUNGRY!

She wandered around the dirty room. It smelled bad, like puke and pee. She looked on the shelves and in the cabinets, and she saw lots of black little bugs scurrying away. They frightened her. There was no food, no cookies, no fruit snacks, and no cereal. There were no juice boxes in the refrigerator. There was nothing.

Her tummy wouldn’t stop growling, and she was hungry and cold. She hated it here. She was getting really mad.

HUN-G-RY!
“WAKE UP!”

She found some crackers in a cabinet far in the back. They were not good. But she ate all of them. She shoved them into her mouth all at one time, her cheeks full as she savored the stale salty flavor. Now she was thirsty. She didn’t know why her Mommy brought her here. With nothing for her to do, she was bored.

She begged Mommy to take her home. The Mean Man told her to stop whining and then pinched her, leaving a mark on her arm. Mommy got mad at him and slapped him on the face as Eva hid behind her.

“Don’t you ever slap me, you bitch,” he said grabbing Mommy’s arm hard. “You need to calm down. I know what you need.” Then he pulled the sharp thing out of a drawer and put it in his arm, then in Mommy’s arm. They forgot about Eva, and they didn’t care that she was hungry, and dirty, and cold.

Mommy, wake up. Wake up. I’m cold.

She huddled under a scant little blanket that she found in a cabinet. She tried to lie close to Mommy on the bed, but there was no room. The Man was taking up all of the room. She had no place to lie down. She didn’t want to go into the other room. She didn’t want to be alone. She still had to go to the potty.

She lay down on the floor. It was hard and cold. She could hear breathing from Mommy and the Man on the bed. She tried to get comfortable, but the floor was hard. She hated it.

She heard the mattress creak as someone shifted. Then she finally drifted off to sleep.

She awoke to the sound of screaming. She realized that she was wet. She had to go potty for so long, and when she was sleeping, she couldn’t hold it.

She followed the sound of the screaming. She found herself in a hallway. It was so dark and then her eyes adjusted to the light. She looked up and saw Mommy at the top of a long set of stairs. Mommy and the Man were screaming at each other. Mommy looked sick like she was going to throw up. She was crying. He was trying to push her down the stairs. He was pushing her, and Mommy was crying. He was saying lots of bad words. The Mean Man and Mommy saw her and stopped fighting.

Mommy I’m wet, and I’m hungry!

Mommy ran down the stairs to Eva and picked her up. She hugged her and then pushed her away. “Eva, you smell like pee.”

“I had to potty, Mommy. I couldn’t hold it,” Eva was ashamed. She looked down at her ruined dress. It was her favorite, and now she couldn’t wear it anymore.

Mommy, don’t cry.

“I know, baby. It’s not your fault. I’m so sorry.” Mommy was stroking her hair and kissing her head. She liked when Mommy did that. She didn’t like when Mommy fell asleep after being poked with the sharp thing. She didn’t like when Mommy wouldn’t wake up. It scared her.

Mommy was so pretty. She had pretty dark hair and pretty dark eyes. She loved Mommy so much.

But ever since they came to the Mean Man’s house, Mommy looked sick. She didn’t look like Mommy. She looked slimy, and sweaty, and she had ugly circles under her eyes. She smelled dirty, too.

The Mean Man had stayed at the top of the steps staring at them. He walked down slowly giving Eva mean eyes as if he hated her. His eyes looked like monster eyes.

“You gotta do something about the kid, El!” He was mad. He was standing close to Mommy, and Eva didn’t like it. Eva kicked at him, and he laughed. Then he kicked her, and she yelped.

“Don’t do that!” Mommy yelled at him.

“Ditch the kid, El. Nobody wanted a kid. I didn’t want a kid. I told you that in the hospital. I told you to ditch her there, and they would have found her a good home. But you had to run from me. And then I found you. I told you that I would always find you. I need you!” he was holding Mommy close now. Mommy was hugging him. She was kissing him. He looked like he was going to swallow her face. It made Eva mad, and she stomped back into the room with the dirty bed.

“Fine. What do I do? I don’t want her to go. She’s gotta be safe,” Mommy loved her, Eva knew.

“Just let her go in the next town, or over the state line. She’ll be fine, someone will find her.”

Mommy was going crazy. She cried. She screamed. She slapped him again. “I can’t let her go like a dog. I can’t dump her out of the car like that. She won’t understand. What if nobody finds her? I can’t let her go if she’s not going to be safe. What if we just wait until my parents come back? We could take her to their home! Pleeeaase!”

“Your parents aren’t coming back for a long time! They left you, baby! We need a clean break. If you leave the kid with them, they’ll just come looking for you. If you ditch the kid, they’ll figure you ran off with her.” He was annoyed with her. He hated her parents, but he didn’t have to worry about them now, he just didn’t need Ellie to know that. Her dad had his thugs rough him up, and he had paid them back. They were gone for good, and now Jonas was going to have their little Princess, too. His guys had dumped their bodies so deep in the lagoon that nobody would ever find them.

One day, he would have Ellie cash in on the inheritance, and they would be set for life. But not yet. He had a plan, and he needed to be patient. They had to lay low for a while and get rid of the kid, or Ellie would have to split the money with her. He wasn’t sharing his money with a snotty ass kid.

“They’ll look for me, anyway,” she said.

“They won’t find you. They won’t find the kid, either! We’re leaving her.”

Eva was scared. What were they saying? Was Mommy going to leave her?
No, Mommy!

Eva was crying now.

“If we let her go over the state line, which is about four towns over, close to dawn when people are going to work, someone will find her. We can’t keep her, El. If we keep her, we’ll end up partying too much, and she’ll be neglected. Then she will really get hurt,” he was stroking Mommy’s side. He could tell that she liked it. “It’ll be okay, baby. She will end up with a nice family. You’re just not the mothering kind. You like to party too much. Look at her, El. She’s a mess.”

Mommy ran to Eva and looked at her big sad eyes. Mommy shook her head back and forth. She was mumbling to herself and wiping her eyes hard, over and over. She was walking in circles around the room pulling at her hair.

“No, No, No,” she said over and over. She kept shaking her head, looking at Eva, and shaking her head. “No, No, No.”

Her parents were going to be so mad at her. They were going to be so upset! They should never have left her! How could they leave her to take care of herself and the baby? They should know by now that she couldn’t do it. They should know her by now.

After a very long time, she looked at the Mean Man and nodded. She thought Eva didn’t understand. Eva did understand.

Mommy was going to let her go.

It wasn’t long before the Mean Man made Mommy put Eva in the car. “We’re going for a little drive,” he said.

He told Mommy that she didn’t have to go, but Mommy insisted. She said that she needed to make sure that Eva was safe. Mommy made him give Eva a big heavy shirt, and she put it on her. It was too big, and the sleeves kept falling down over her hands. “It will keep you warm,” she whispered in her ear, her voice sounding as if it were broken.

Eva was afraid. She didn’t know where Mommy and the Mean Man were taking her. She didn’t like his car. It smelled bad like his apartment. It was bumpy, and he was going fast. Really fast. Eva couldn’t stop crying which was making the Mean Man even meaner. “Shut her up, El!”

Mommy was holding her in the front seat. She was never allowed in the front seat before, but she was glad that Mommy was holding her tight. Mommy kept saying “Shh, Shh” in her hush voice, but Eva couldn’t stop crying. She knew something bad was going to happen. She could tell. And Mommy was crying, too.

They drove, and they drove, and they drove. It was dark the whole time. Eva was still hungry. The crackers hadn’t been enough. But she had been hungry since they had been staying with the Mean Man, so she was getting used to it.

Eva fell asleep, even though she tried hard not to. She didn’t want to, but she was so tired. She didn’t feel it when they started to slow down.

She woke up, and the Mean Man was holding Mommy’s ponytail hard in his fist. “We’ve talked about this a hundred times before, El. When I found you after you tried to duck me after the hospital, I told you that you weren’t the Mom type!”

“But I can’t leave her! I can’t.” Mommy was crying hard. She grabbed Eva, and held her so tight she couldn’t even breathe.

They were stopped on the side of the road. It was a dark quiet road, and Eva was confused. Mommy was talking really fast, and Eva was trying to figure out what she was saying.

“You need to party. You need the rush. You need it, I need it, and I need you. You need me, too. But you don’t need a kid. A kid gets in the way. And look at her! She’s dirty, she smells, and she cries all the fucking time. Jeez, El, why can’t you just think for once in your life?” The Mean Man’s face was close to Mommy’s face, and his face looked like it was going to explode.

“It’s either the kid or me. You decide.” The Mean Man looked at Mommy with hard eyes.

Eva was getting colder. It was cold outside, and the Mean Man’s shirt wasn’t keeping her that warm. It was wet and dark, and there was a lot of water and leaves on the ground. There was nothing around them but trees.

“You decide. If you want me, then make her get out now!” he said to Eva. He never said please or thank you, and Eva thought that his Mommy hadn’t taught him very good manners. Eva was afraid of him, and she didn’t like him at all.

“Get out!” He said again looking right at Eva. This time he sounded even meaner. Mommy started to pick her up, and get out of the car with her.

“NO!” he yelled at her. “YOU STAY IN THE CAR!” Mommy jerked Eva back and held her tight.

Eva was begging and crying. “Mommy, No, No, No! Don’t leave me. I promise I’ll be good. Don’t leave me here pleeeeaaaaase! Mommy, No!”

Just then, it got really bright. He got really quiet as the lights came toward them, and just as quickly went away.

“See, El! There are cars on this road. She will be fine. Someone will find her.”

Mommy was crying. “My baby! My baby! I’m so sorry. Please forgive me,” she cried over and over. Tears were running down Mommy’s face, and Eva could see that her nose was running, too. She was hugging her tighter and tighter. Eva could hardly breathe.

“Let her go, El. She’ll be fine. Don’t cry.” The Mean Man was trying to pull Eva away from Mommy.

“Mommy, NOOOOO!” Eva was screaming.

Mommy, don’t make me get out of the car. I don’t know where I am. Don’t leave me!

“GET OUT!” the Mean Man was pulling her arm hard.

She was out. He threw Betsy at her, and she fell to the ground.

She felt Mommy let go of her. She kept reaching her arms out, reaching for her but grabbing only air.

“Mommeeeeeeeeeeee!” Eva’s big brown eyes were full of tears, and she had a hard time catching her breath. She could see Mommy looking at her through the window, her hand on the glass as though she was trying to touch her. “Mommy, Mommy. Don’t leave me! I’ll be good, I promise. Don’t leave me, please!”

The Man pushed her hard, and Eva fell back and landed on the cold hard ground. When she got up, he was already in the car and the car was pulling out fast. She ran after it screaming, but all she could see were the bright red taillights getting farther and farther away. She hadn’t even gotten to look at her Mommy one last time.