Let It Go (22 page)

He closed the door, effectively shutting out the muted conversation before he heard more than he wanted to know. He stripped out of the bloodstained clothes and kicked them into the shower area. He’d never be able to wear that shirt again even if the stains came out. Let the housekeeping staff incinerate them.

His stomach growled again when he walked back into the room a little cleaner than before he left. Both men sat silently, their mouths drawn into thin lines. Creed tried not to wonder what he missed. He didn’t need to know. Didn’t want to know. He pushed the cash the judge had given him the night before deep into his pocket. This week there was much more than last. Much more. “I’m starving. All I can remember eating is cold pizza yesterday for lunch. I think I’m going to go get something to eat.”

“Yeah, that sounds great,” Eli responded flatly, lifting one remarkably unbruised eyebrow up as he shrugged. “I’d say bring me back something but I’ll wait until they let me go home to eat.”

“I’ll go with you,” Randy said, reaching into his pocket for the keys to Eli’s truck. “I haven’t eaten yet and I’m going to be stuck doing babysitting duties the rest of the afternoon.”

“Okay, sure.” Creed had hoped for a few minutes alone to get his head on straight. In a moment of complete insanity he walked around the bed and leaned over, placing a kiss on Eli’s lips. Eli ran his fingers through his hair and smiled up at him. “Be back in a bit.”

“I’ll be here or maybe off getting my head examined.” Eli leaned back on the bed, letting his fingers slide over Creed’s face and down his arm to hold his hand for a moment before Creed pulled away.

“Yeah, well, let me know if they find a brain while they’re at it,” Creed said, more to cut the tension in the room than anything else.

“Holy crap, he does have a sense of humor,” Eli called after him, his laugh shimmering over Creed’s skin. Hell, even if he didn’t know what love was, he knew this was something completely out of his realm and he wanted to keep it.

“Not for much longer if you keep that up.” Creed stuck his head back in the door. Eli showed him his middle finger and then he smiled. “Be back soon.”

“I’ll see you then.”

Creed closed the door softly, aware that the deputy and half the nursing staff were looking at him as if he were some sort of alien with two heads. The smile that seemed to constantly pull at his lips retreated under the scrutiny. Panic wanted to claw its way from the box Creed tried to keep it locked in. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and followed Randy down the corridor to the elevator.

Randy didn’t say anything until they were standing beside Eli’s truck. He handed over the keys, turned to leave, and then stopped. Creed waited. He had no idea what to say or do where the deputy was concerned. So he waited for Randy to tell him where to meet him. Randy seemed to hesitate for a moment and then shrugged.

“Someone caught your bar fight on their cell phone. Because of all the confusion yesterday Judge Buchanan hasn’t had a chance to review it. The DA believes there isn’t enough to prosecute you. So maybe by tomorrow you’ll be free to move on.” Randy didn’t wait for him to reply; he turned and left him standing beside Eli’s truck.

The town was smaller than Creed would have guessed. A decent enough size for a county seat, he supposed, but very little in the way of amenities. He found the Waffle House they’d eaten at the Sunday before and ordered his usual breakfast, which he pushed around on his plate more than he ate.

Was that a warning from the deputy,
he wondered, replaying the conversation in his head. Randy Buchanan was jealous, possessive, and Creed could come to no other logical conclusion than the man wanted him out of Eli’s life.

Creed set his fork onto his plate and pushed it away. Dread filled him too full to stomach another bite. Yesterday he’d told Eli he wanted to stay with him. The yearning to set down roots on the small ranch slowly ebbed with each truck that pulled out of the truck stop next door. His skin grew tight, the need to move on nearly choking him in its intensity. He’d told Eli he loved him.

For real. Not because Eli paid him to tell him or because Eli expected to hear it. Because he felt differently about Eli than he’d ever felt about anyone before in his life. He paid the check and walked back to the truck, only to sit behind the wheel.

This was Eli’s town. Eli’s home, whether the man liked it or not. His people, his… Creed had a home once upon a time. One he couldn’t find with a map. Gone. Long gone. If he stayed, these people would treat Eli differently. Creed would never be accepted as his lover. He couldn’t bring himself to use the word partner. He wasn’t Eli’s partner. He was a whore.

He leaned his head on the steering wheel. His whole damned fucked-up life played out like a bad X-rated movie. Eli’s uncle had the starring role in his life. The closest thing to a steady relationship he’d ever had was with a madman who liked to call him by his nephew’s name during orgasm. For money. He let Owen Mason do whatever he wanted to him for money. He was nothing more than Owen Mason’s whore.

Creed put the truck in gear and pulled out of the parking lot. He couldn’t go back to the hospital. What happened to Eli was because of him. Because Owen had flipped out finding them together. He’d managed to evade the man for three damned years. He couldn’t stay where Owen could hurt him again, or worse, where Owen could hurt Eli. Because Creed loved Eli.

He wiped his eyes. He couldn’t leave, not yet. Randy was right. As soon as the DA dropped the charges and Judge Dickhead signed his release he had to move on. And right now that meant leaving Kip behind.

The drive back to the ranch wasn’t as long as Creed expected. Kip saw the truck and moved to the fence. Such a smart horse. He’d be fine here with Eli’s mares. Green grass and room to run every day instead of being cooped up in a trailer for hours or days on end; that’s what Kip needed, and Eli could give it to him.

Eli could give his horse everything Creed wanted. Creed couldn’t give anyone anything but heartache. He forced the tears to stop before he climbed out of the truck, leaving the keys inside. He just wanted to ride for a while and then go back to the hospital as if nothing was wrong. And when the judge said he was free, he’d leave.

He took two steps toward the stable and stopped, his feet turned to lead. Owen Mason waited for him. Owen Mason with his too handsome face and evil eyes. The gun in his hand was new. Creed pushed his hair behind his ears and searched for calm. “Missed you, Daddy.”

“Save it, you little bitch.” Owen smiled as he closed the distance between them. He twisted one hand in Creed’s hair; the other held the gun to his temple. “Looked for you for three damned years. And here you are nice and cozy with the one person I told you to stay the hell away from.”

Creed didn’t say anything; there was nothing to say. Owen pressed a brutal kiss to his lips. The gun barrel seemed so warm against his temple. Creed opened his mouth and let him in. He turned the lock on the box in his chest that held his heart. He couldn’t love anyone, especially Eli.

“My sweet little cunt, missed you so damned much,” Owen whispered against his mouth. Creed reached up to wrap his arms around his shoulders, looking for nonthreatening and flirty. “Tell me. Tell me, Creed.” He pressed the gun hard against Creed’s temple.

“Love you, Owen. Missed you so damned much. Should have stayed with you, where I belong. Love you so much, Daddy, want you.”

Owen pushed him backward against the door of Eli’s truck. His breath smelled of coffee. Sweet coffee. This time the kiss was almost tender. He held Owen to him, the ridge behind his jeans hard against Creed’s belly. “Turn around,” Owen demanded. Creed turned his hand on his jeans button; he pushed them down for Owen. He closed his eyes at the first touch of skin pressing into him. He didn’t want to see their reflection in the glass as Owen fucked him. He didn’t whimper. He didn’t think of Eli. He didn’t think about the gun Owen held just out of sight. He moaned and pushed back against the hot cock, and he took it like the whore he was.

Chapter 16

Being poked and prodded and questioned and run through a tube for two damned hours made Eli cranky as hell. The pain in his chest had little to do with his ribs and more from the strange fear that Creed had changed his mind.

“No more concussions, Eli. Another one might scramble your egg on a permanent basis.” Dr. Anderson clucked and sputtered over his MRI results.

“That sounds like career-ending orders to me,” Eli growled, more from worry about Creed than because he was being ordered off the circuit. Maybe bull riding didn’t mean as much to him anymore as it used to. Which never was all that much, now that he thought about it.

“That’s exactly what I’m saying,” the doctor muttered, taking his glasses off, his face stern as if Eli was arguing with him. “You’re certainly welcome to consult your regular physician for a second opinion.”

Eli sat on the bed swinging his legs. So his career in PBR was over. Big deal. He shrugged. It should be a big deal. Would have been a big deal two weeks ago. Except now he had other plans. Plans that included Creed. Who wasn’t here. Where the hell was Creed? He left hours ago to get breakfast saying he’d be right back.

“Are you listening to me, son?” The doctor tapped him on the knee to get his attention, worry in his eyes.

“Yeah.” Eli dragged his attention back to the here and now. “Do I have to stop riding horses, you know, regular riding, not broncs or anything? I can handle giving up bulls, but I need to ride to ranch.”

Plans racing through his head a mile a minute, he barely heard the doctor agree that regular everyday riding shouldn’t be a problem as long as he didn’t fall off or wore a helmet. So he was retiring. Going to buy new cattle and a couple of new horses for Creed to train. He would build a bigger stable and maybe get into racing. “When can I get out of here? And don’t say tomorrow, I’m not staying another night.”

The doctor looked at him as he was going to argue. Eli stared back until the older man sighed. “I’ll see what I can do.”

“Today, Doc, today,” Eli said to his retreating back. Tom came in as soon as the doctor left, closing the door behind him. “Where’s Creed?”

“Don’t know; haven’t seen him so he’s probably taking his time over breakfast.” Tom ignored Eli’s question. He seemed preoccupied. “Listen, Eli, there’s something I want to talk about before Creed returns and without Randy listening in.”

“The doctor says my rodeo days are over,” Eli interrupted. He wasn’t in the mood to listen to one more lecture about his health. He thought he’d nip that in the bud now before Tom could work up to another grand hissy fit. “Too many damned concussions from falling off things I shouldn’t be on. Too many bar fights. I think it’s time to rebuild the ranch. Upgrade the stock, horses, maybe put in a lunging ring like Sawyer has out at his place. I could train boys to ride bulls. Creed is a damned horse whisperer; he can break any damned horse alive. And he’s the best damned rider I’ve ever seen. The kids around here would love to have someone like him train them how to… You all right, Tom?” Eli noticed the judge go pale as he spoke; he seemed odd, almost as if he was going to collapse. Eli started to rise but Tom waved him off.

“I’m fine. I just never thought to hear you talk about rebuilding, that’s all. I thought you weren’t interested in coming home.” Tom took the seat near him, whatever he wanted to discuss seemingly forgotten.

“Never had a reason to stay, I guess, I don’t know.” Eli shed the hospital gown and pulled the T-shirt Randy had brought for him over his head. He already wore jeans. He just needed shoes and he’d walk the hell out of this place before they brought him more chicken soup or cherry gelatin in a cup.

“Because of Creed?” Tom said, his voice low, serious; the tone had Eli looking at him in surprise.

“Maybe. Maybe I’m just ready to find something that means something.”

“And Creed means something to you. But do you mean enough to him?”

“I don’t own him. Shit, Tom, he’s a grown man, he said he loves me. I believe him. But if he decides he doesn’t want to give up rodeo, then I can’t make him. I’ll take what he can give me.” Eli shivered. Damn rabbits walking over his grave feeling. “Where the hell is he anyway? He has my truck; how the fuck am I supposed to get home?”

“If they release you.” Tom smiled like a cat that ate the canary. Eli tossed the pillow at him for even daring to say such a thing. “Besides, you can’t drive with a concussion. Creed will be back; don’t worry about it.”

“Yeah, well, he’d better hurry. I’m walking out of here in ten minutes with him or without him. Hate the fucking hospital. Creed had it right that day he had heatstroke. No goddamned hospitals.” Eli rambled mostly to keep from worrying about Creed. “Did you want to talk to me about something? I’m sorry, sort of lost in my own head today.”

“And today is different from any other day because?” Tom waved his hand. “Anyway, don’t worry about it; you more or less covered what I was going to say. Post-rodeo plans and all.”

“Yeah?” Eli fished a flip-flop out of the paper bag and used it to point to Tom. “Well, I’m starting with the house. I can’t even go into Mom and Dad’s room. I sure as hell don’t know what to do with their things. The idea of just throwing it all away isn’t something I can stomach. Their lives, Evan’s life. That’s all that’s left of them. But I can’t move on with their ghosts haunting the house either. And that painting has to go. I have the original photo; I can’t stand the sight of that damned painting.”

“Would you like for Nancy and me to pack their rooms up? We can route their things to the appropriate places. We can store what mattered most to them until you’re ready.”

“Yeah, Tom, I think that would be great. It’s a start.” Eli stopped when a nurse came in with papers for him to sign. “Where the fuck is Creed?”

“GPS puts him at the ranch.” Randy leaned against the door frame; he drummed his fingers on the wall behind him and looked at the floor. “He meandered around town for a while and then went to eat at Waffle House. He’s been back at the ranch for about ten minutes or so. Probably went to shower or crash for a while.”