Let It Go (26 page)

“Why are you telling me this,” Eli whispered. He’d grown so still that Creed was afraid to touch him. The pain in his eyes nearly kept him from continuing.

“So that you understand. So that you know what my life was like before I met you. By the time we met in Texas I’d been hustling for five years. I was so fucking dead inside. It was just sex. I sucked some guy off or I sat on some trucker’s lap and called him daddy while he stuck his dick in my ass. I stopped … I didn’t feel anything anymore. No orgasm, I never even masturbated. I didn’t give a shit about sex. Or what I was or wasn’t. It was currency. Nothing more.”

“I see.” Eli pulled away and Creed followed him to the stove and stood behind him while he stirred the simmering soup in the pot. “You’re not gay. Okay. And—”

“Will you shut up for a second and just let me say this, so you’ll know, okay? Dammit, Eli, that’s your problem, you don’t listen.” Creed took the spoon and set it on the stove. “I’m trying to tell you something.”

“Okay, then tell me, but I don’t think I want to know about all the guys you’ve been with. I don’t think I can handle it right now, Creed.”

Creed sighed again; this wasn’t going the way he wanted it to. “I never did junior rodeo like you did. As soon as I was old enough I started on the pro circuit. My old man knew I could ride; he didn’t want to waste time on it unless there was money involved. So my first rodeo was that one in Texas. And there was this guy, I’d been hearing about this guy for a long time, punk kid with a Mohawk. A red Mohawk. He was badass on the junior circuit. A lot of the guys hated him because he could ride like the wind. He wasn’t afraid of anything or anybody and he had a massive temper that scared the hell out of them. I saw that guy for the first time that day. I rode against him and he was better than I expected. Problem is every time I looked at him or if he happened to look at me or our eyes met or something, it felt like I’d been punched in the stomach. I wanted to talk to him. Maybe see if… I have no idea what I was hoping. That this weird-ass feeling was mutual, I guess. And then the scores came in and I’d beaten him. And the guy stormed off. I didn’t get a chance to say a word to him. But then I saw him outside. Arguing with his uncle. He was so damned cute, his skin red, his hair sweaty, I wanted to get close enough to see if he smelled as good as he looked but his uncle spotted me, and then he spotted me. My hands were sweaty, I had fucking butterflies in my stomach. He wasn’t very nice to me.”

“No I wasn’t. I’m so damned sorry for that. I wasn’t angry with you. I was just a damned rotten kid who didn’t know how to control my life and I let stupid things piss me off knowing what would happen. I watched you ride that day, and damn, Creed, I’d never seen anyone move with a damn horse like that, like you were part of it. I knew I was beat. And you were so damned gorgeous, all that hair, and those damned green eyes. I couldn’t breathe the first time I saw you up close. Trying to control my reaction. I didn’t want anyone knowing some pretty boy had just knocked my fucking socks off. So I got angry and I stayed angry.”

“And Owen took you behind the trailer and backhanded you for your temper. He left you on your knees spitting blood.”

“Oh, fuck, you saw that?”

Creed held out his hand, taking Eli’s in his, lacing their fingers together. “I doubled back to get to our trailer and, yeah, I saw. He slammed you against the trailer and hit you. I wanted to do something but he looked at me; then he walked off. Scared the shit out of me. You picked yourself up so I guessed you were fine. I guess that I was just so damned used to dealing with it that I thought it was how everyone lived so I rode on. The next time I saw you, you tried to take my head off.”

“And you beat me in every damned event I entered. You know you’re the reason I moved up to bulls in the first place.” Eli took Creed’s other hand in his. “So let me get this straight. I was the first guy to float your boat?”

“I hated when you stopped competing with me, Eli, because I didn’t get to worship you from afar. And yeah, you were the reason that I knew I was gay. You. My first crush. I’d been with so many—” He shook away the thought, not wanting to ruin the moment. “I was seventeen years old. I didn’t know what it was. I thought I was sick or something. Sly noticed. He didn’t know anything about, you know; he asked me who I was mooning over. I couldn’t tell him. I never had to think about that sort of thing before. That this guy on the circuit was so damned hot I wanted to do stupid things for him. I knew then what the brothers probably knew five years before. I just didn’t until then. I let myself fall in love with you then, Eli. And out of it, the first time you picked a fight, and then back in, and then back out. And then your uncle—and it didn’t matter anymore.”

“And I thought you were just being a pissy little diva, trying to rub your superior horsemanship in my face. I didn’t know you were trying to talk to me. Aw, how cute, I remember now, the way you wiped your hands on your jeans, or played with your hair. I wanted to play with your hair. I thought you were just taunting me. Hated your guts because it turned me on.”

“Is that why you picked fights?”

“Because I wanted in your damned pants and you ignored me? Most likely. Because I didn’t want anyone knowing I was gay, and I didn’t want them thinking I was secretly lusting after you. I made you a rival and put you in a place so that I wouldn’t have to face what I am. I didn’t know how to deal with it back then, Creed. It wasn’t until after I escaped Owen that I figured out how to live with it.”

“But you still sought me out to pick a fight.”

“By then I was usually drunk and horny and pissed as hell that you continued to ignore me when all I wanted to do was kiss the fucking hell out of you.”

“Is that what you were doing two weeks ago, wanting to kiss the fucking hell out of me so you put your fist in my face?”

“Love taps. I thought you and that flashy bull rider had hooked up. Can’t stand him. And there you were with his arm around your shoulder. And then you and the old man were deep in discussion and you kept looking at that asshole. I was just pissed that you wouldn’t even look at me.”

“Who, Jimmy Marquess? Eli, are you sure you aren’t just pissed because Jimmy was going to take more gold buckles than you? Besides, all he was doing was plotting how to take all of your women away. What is it with you and the bunnies?”

“I can’t help that they think I’m interested. And hell no, he isn’t … wasn’t … but he is, isn’t he? I’m finished and he’s just getting started.”

“Time is running out for the World Finals. He’s doing well enough, he might not make it, and you got my attention.”

“Yeah? I did, didn’t I? Took you long enough to notice.”

“I noticed. I just liked my teeth where they are.”

“I like your teeth on me.” Eli held up Creed’s hand and rubbed the scars with his thumb. “Why did you do this to yourself?”

“They don’t like it when you scream, Eli. Makes them mad.”

“Who? Oh. Ohhh… I like it when you scream. I love it when you make me scream. Is it awful that I want you to make me scream right now?”

Creed draped his arms over Eli’s shoulders and pulled him close enough to whisper in his ear, “I like when you scream for me. You’re my first, Eli, no man has ever let me … you know.”

“No, I don’t, oh, I’m the first man you’ve fucked, oh hell, Creed, do you know how sexy that is?”

“Sexy enough that you’re willing to be the girl in this relationship? Save a horse, ride a cowboy. Yee haw.”

“Oh hell, you heard me telling Randy that, didn’t you? Fucker was goading me. But, oh yeah, Creed, I’ll be your bitch, just tell me how loud you want me to scream.”

“What if I don’t want you to scream? What if I want you to moan my name and hold me tight and never let me go? What if I want you to tell me you love me while you tremble beneath me? What if I just want that?”

“Then come and get me, cowboy, because I can be that for you.” Eli turned off the soup that Creed didn’t want anyway and tugged him out of the kitchen to the bedroom.

Soft kisses became hot, fevered kisses as Eli pushed him onto the bed, his body arching as he fell with Creed, a grunt of pain followed by a groan of pleasure when Creed dragged his shorts off and lifted his legs in the air. He closed his eyes as another man tried to intrude. But he remembered the condoms. No sense in risking Eli because Owen wasn’t interested in safe sex. Eli flipped him onto his back; taking the condom from him, he rolled it over Creed’s aching cock, and with a sigh Eli eased himself onto Creed. Dragging in stuttering breaths as he opened. “Oh, hell, this is good.”

“Hey, Eli, guess this makes you the cowboy.”

“And you the bull, fuck, Creed, just don’t buck me off, okay?”

“I’ll try not to, feels so damned good.” Creed tried not to moan but with Eli moving over him until his face was within inches of Creed’s, all bets were off. “Think you can make it the whole eight seconds?”

“More than capable.” Eli found his rhythm with a gasp. Creed loved the intense pleasure in his eyes. He reached between them, stroking him as he pumped into Eli from below. “Oh, fuck, maybe not. Fuck, Creed, it’s too good. Might not make it much longer.”

“Good, I think eight seconds is long past.” Creed couldn’t catch his breath; he’d never felt like this, in control, out of control, this completely insane whatever the hell it was thing with Eli. He’d never had anything like this. “I think I’m going to fall.”

“Yeah, well, I’m falling with you, just hang on, okay? Just hang on. Fuck.”

Creed held on for as long as he could. He held on all night. But when the sun came up, he let go. Eli slept soundly, a pain pill for the headache that hit him in the night in his system. Creed took only the clothes on his back and he let go.

Chapter 19

The burbling, trilling noise cut through the fog in his head. Eli knocked the alarm clock to the floor before he found the phone. “Yeah?” His mouth didn’t seem to want to work.

“Which one of you two assclowns left the reservation?”

“Fuck you very much, Randy.” Eli pulled the phone away at the shrill tone in the deputy’s voice. “Shouldn’t you be enjoying your suspension or something while the real cops—”

“Shut up, Eli, and just answer the damn question.”

Eli held out the phone and looked at it. “I’m on the land line. I think I lost my cell, can’t remember. In fact I’m in bed. So guess my ass is still holding down the fort. The Injun, on the other hand, is…”
not here
, he finished silently.

“Is Creed with you, Eli?” Randy stopped shouting at least. “Eli? Hey, Eli, are you still there?”

“Yeah, I’m here. I was sleeping off one of those pills the doc prescribed. I’m sure he’s here somewhere. Probably out feeding the horses.” Eli couldn’t stop his heart from racing as he unwrapped the covers from his legs and staggered out to the kitchen. “His stuff is here. He wouldn’t just leave…”

“Eli, talk to me, what’s the deal, is Creed there or not? Because I have one blip at the house and another in town.”

He wouldn’t leave. Eli leaned his forehead against the kitchen window as he stared out at the spot where his truck should be. They’d made love. Creed loved him. He said so. Eli turned and slid down the wall to the floor. He was such a fool. “My truck isn’t here.”

“I see,” Randy whispered. “I … are you all right?”

“Yeah, he probably just went to talk to the fella who drives the dually. They have some sort of connection. He’s hurting, just keep that in mind, okay, and don’t shoot him.”

“I’m not going to shoot him, Eli, I don’t have a weapon. Just go get dressed. I’ll be there in five minutes. The judge wants to see the two of you in town anyway. As soon as we retrieve your boyfriend.” Randy hung up.

The house felt cold and empty around him. The floor was icy beneath his ass. Why the hell had Creed left? He leaned back against the wall, letting the phone skitter across the floor when he dropped it. He sat staring at the refrigerator for what seemed like hours trying to figure out what had gone wrong. It was then that he saw the scrap of paper sticking out of the top of the fridge door.

Curiosity overrode disbelief and Eli strode naked across his kitchen. The note was short.

Take care of Kip. He’s a good horse. Tell him I’m sorry.

He wanted Eli to tell the damned horse he was sorry? Eli wadded the note up and threw it hard across the room. The horse? “What the fuck about me?” He swiped his hands over his eyes. He could hear an engine and knew Randy wasn’t far away. Finding clothes and then getting to town to find Creed Dickson’s ass and kick it was now top priority.

He moved fast to make himself presentable so that by the time Randy hammered on the door Eli was ready. He still couldn’t find his cell phone. And all of Creed’s things were still accounted for. Except the buckle.

“I told you five minutes,” Randy griped the second Eli opened the door. He wasn’t in uniform. Just a pair of worn jeans, a camouflage T-shirt, and dirty work boots. “Dad sent me to pick the both of you up. There’s been a development in the case and then the call came that one of our homebounds had strayed, and it’s Creed. I expected it to be you.”

“Come on, Randy, maybe he just wanted to go talk to that guy Sly without anyone around. His shit is all still here. I doubt he’s escaping from Alcatraz at this point.” Eli didn’t mention the note.

“Fine, whatever, let’s just go, okay?” Randy walked out to his truck. “I’ll be glad when this crap is over and I can stop babysitting your ass.”

“Yeah, well, who asked ya?” Eli shot back as he climbed in on the other side.

The ride to town didn’t take long with no school or business traffic. Randy called in to the station for exact coordinates of Creed’s ankle band. “He’s probably at the motel up by the interstate. I think his friend is staying there. So you’re probably right.”

“You sound like you don’t believe it.” Eli wouldn’t look at his former friend. He didn’t want to see the doubt he felt echoed in Randy’s eyes. Or the pity.

“I sound tired. I shot a guy yesterday, Eli. I shot your uncle in the fucking head. I didn’t exactly sleep much last night. Contrary to popular belief I’ve never actually killed anyone before.” This sounded more like the Randy that Eli remembered as a kid.