Let Me Go (13 page)

AN HOUR LATER,
the kid is sitting in my backseat in his booster. He stares out the window mostly, but when I play some classic rock music, the kid lip-syncs and bobs his head to the beat. Paige has definitely been an influence on the little guy. I’m thankful Trey accepted my apology a month ago. I was convinced his friendship with Jessa would make him hate me, but I guess the true friendship we developed over the years still existed inside of him.

I ring the doorbell to the four-bedroom suburban home I’m still shocked my friend lives in with his wife. The rumbling of little feet slam against the floor before Trey’s booming voice yells. “Tara, do not open that door.”

“Man, he sounds so fatherly,” I remark to Matty who stares up at me with indifference. “See, he’s my good friend and I just—” The kid’s blank stare tells me I’m wasting my breath, so I stop.

I catch Trey with Chloe holding the little guy in his arms through the glass as he unlocks the door. A little brunette girl peers out the window, examining Matty. “Hey,” I snap my fingers and point to her.

“Tara.” Trey fills in the blank and laughs at me not recalling the girl’s name. “This is Drew.” Then he bends down. “Who’s this?”

“My name is Matty.” The kid surprises me.

“Good thing you know, because I’m fairly certain your driver doesn’t.” Trey jokes and then opens the screen.

“Funny, man.”

Trey winks, holding the door open. “I know.” Then he focuses on Matty. “Come on in; I guess the school holiday has everyone off in the area.”

I snap my finger and point to them. “I was wondering.”

I follow Matty and clasp my hand on Trey’s free shoulder. “You’re a lifesaver. I had no idea what to do with the kid.” I whisper so he can’t hear although he’s already following Tara down the hall.

“Whose son is he again?” We walk down the hallway to the kitchen and family room. “Why were you the best choice to watch him?” His eyebrow arches and I shake my head.

“He’s Paige’s brother and I was the last option.” I try to fill him in, but he shrugs.

“Figured so. How is Paige?” He raises his eyebrows up a few times fast.

“Shut the f—”

Trey’s eyebrows raise and he stares down at a drooling Drew. “She’s fine.” I correct myself and a bellowing laugh escapes Trey. I do have to admit one thing I missed about him was his easy going love for life personality.

“Sure she is.” He situates Drew in the high chair and tosses a few Cheerios on his tray. “Why don’t you guys go outside?” The kids all scramble up and run outside to the patio. I’m surprised Matty follows with how shy he’s been.

“See, already a lady killer,” I joke, nodding my head toward Matty following Trey’s two girls outside.

“You’re a bad influence. How long have you been around him?” Trey maneuvers around the kitchen, grabbing things with ease for the little one. Man, he’s changed since those days when stopping at Zen’s was our daily ritual. Or the nights when we’d down shots of Jack until we ended up passing out watching re-runs of Saturday Night Live.

“Don’t knock the kid’s swagger. I’ve only known him for . . .” I pick up my arm and glance at my watch. “An hour, maybe.”

Trey chuckles, giving Drew juice. “You couldn’t even play with the kid before shuffling him over here?” He occupies the seat across from me, cutting up a banana.

“You’ve really become . . . domesticated.” I raise my eyebrows at him and ease back into the chair.

His eyes focus on me with daggers. “Yeah.” I’m shocked he doesn’t make a joke or flip the tables on me. A strong desire to hold his self-confidence digs into my heart. He couldn’t give a shit what I think, or anyone else for that matter, he’s happy. Which everyone is aware of from the cheesy-ass smile on his face.

“Where’s your other half anyway?” I distract the churning thoughts about happily ever after that I’ll never get by pulling out my phone, as though someone texted me.

“She’s at school. I had to take the day off since it’s a teacher service day.” Then he picks up his head, placing a few cut up bananas on Drew’s tray. “Where does Matty go to school? Weird they are all off today.”

I shrug because I don’t even know if the kid is in school. “Today is the first I even knew there was a brother.”

Treys smile breaks into a stifled laugh. “And how nice of you to free him from Paige.” He wiggles his brows as though he knows something I don’t.

“Don’t.” I warn, but he just laughs, which makes Drew start laughing. Suddenly, a one year old finds my kindness amusing.

“Come on. I really liked talking with her until you made the bone head move and ventured over to that table full of girls.” Drew’s slimy hands reach out for more banana and Trey places some more down. I give Trey props, I’m not sure I’m ready for this in my life right now. Drew’s greedy hands clamp on to banana pieces and he smashes them into his mouth. Trey laughs. “Let the guard down, she’s a cool chick.”

Trey’s right, Paige is cool as shit. The fact she didn’t even ask me questions last night on the way home from the race earned her great respect from me. She hasn’t dug into my issues, and for some reason I’ve grown to like her even more because of it. But finding a girl cool to hang out with and then stepping forward into girlfriend zone are two different things. After running into Xavier and Nora last night, it all rings too true for me. That I shouldn’t be happy, I deserve to live a life of single moments with a million different people instead of a million moments with one person. They reminded me of my fate and I need to stick with it. If only Paige didn’t make it so hard on me.

“She’s a great friend and if I could get her to be friends with benefits, that’d be even better.” I wink and for the first time today, Trey’s face is stone straight.

“You need to get your shit together, Rob. We aren’t eighteen anymore, we’re fucking twenty-four and life will continue on. If you keep passing up the girls, you’ll live a life of regret.” He stands up, walking over to the fridge. “Do you want anything?” Typical Trey, words of advice followed by normal daily routine.

The kids’ screams in the backyard show they’re definitely having fun with one another. I meander toward the window and find Tara chasing Matty. Their little arms pump and I can’t help but smile. Tara’s arm stretches out and she tags him, and then Chloe screeches.
To be so innocent and carefree.
Not that any of the kids out there were handed an easy life up to this point, but their resilience amazes me and I guarantee they’ll all be in therapy at some point in their adult life. The door bells rings and Drew claps his hands.

“Watch Drew for a sec.” Trey stands up and I sit next to the little guy.

“Are you expecting someone?”

“No, this will just be step one in
exterminate the asshole out of Rob
mission.” He walks backward and a bellow of laughter escapes his throat.

He answers and I hear her voice. My whole body fidgets in the chair, praying like hell the big man isn’t with her. That I’m not about to have a spotlight on my ass to be interrogated. It’s been a long time coming, but to be face to face with her after all this time makes my insides shake with insecurity. She’s the closest person that’s seen my demons, but she’s still in the dark about what haunts me.

She and Trey carrying on the whole time until she steps in the archway of the kitchen. When she spots me, she stops in her tracks. Her blonde hair now brown, the baby seat hanging over her arms and diaper bag swung over her shoulder. She and Trey resemble a damn suburban minivan clan side by side. Not even acknowledging me, she swivels back to Trey. “What—”

“Hey, Jessa.” I interrupt. Her head whips in my direction and Trey weaves between her and the wall, grabbing the car seat from her hands.

“Rob.”

“Oh good, we all remember each other’s names.” Trey moves over to the couch, fiddling with the car seat. “She’s asleep so try not to wake her.” Walking back over to the table, he picks up Drew. “Time for this one’s nap, so be nice you two. I’ll be right back.” He exits the room, escaping down the hall, but shouts back, “Don’t forget innocent ears outside.”

Jessa stands there, her feet shuffling back and forth. The situation couldn’t be more awkward, and I’m not even sure what to do in this moment. “Where’s hubby?” She narrows her eyes to mine, placing the diaper bag next to the car seat in the living room.

“Work.”

“And you, I heard you were at that gallery?” The only reason I know is because Chrissy took over her spot for a while when she first arrived in Western. Otherwise, I know next to nothing about Jessa’s life.

“I’m part-time now.”

“Never pinned you as the settled down, husband, baby and house in the suburbs kind of girl.” She spins around on her heels.

“Of course you didn’t. I was just a girl you fucked.” She tilts her head and I’m correct—the anger still lies there.

“If you’d let me finish.” Her eyes stare at me waiting. “It looks good on you. Somehow fitting.” A small smile forms until she forces it back.

“Thank you,” she murmurs.

Brady’s words from yesterday morning remind me how I need to make amends here somehow. At least for him and Sadie to have a drama-free wedding. “Will you sit down?” I ask and she eyes me for a moment before walking over. Standing behind the chair, her hands clench the wooden rung. “Please.”

At a painfully slow pace she grabs the chair out and sits down, facing the baby. “Brady asked me to stand up,” I inform her, and she nods still staring at her baby. God, she’s like a different person now.

“I heard.” Her voice is soft and annoyed.

“So, we need to figure out how we’ll be around each other without fighting.” I stare at the side of her face, remembering how beautiful I thought she was the first time I saw her. How much I wanted to dissipate that pain and be with her. I hoped one night would fulfill the need, but something about her dug into me and wouldn’t let up. She was the first girl to pique enough interest to date more than once.

“You could apologize.” Her bluntness, yes, that’s what grabbed a hold of me.

“I’m sorry,” I instantly declare, because her sitting across the table, reminds me of our good times. “I should have ended it before I left on tour. Shit, I probably shouldn’t have even gone on tour.”

This grabs her attention and she twists in the chair, facing me. “Keep going.” Her lips curl a little bit at the ends and I finally sense my way in to her.

“I treated you like shit, and I’m sorry.” She nods, and those eyes that saw too much that one night have a flicker of understanding in them. She saw the hurt and the true me when I awoke from the nightmare in a cold sweat. I came close to telling her, but rolled her over and fucked her instead, probably a little too rough. That’s when I knew I would only hurt her and I needed to do something drastic to make sure she went to Grant instead of staying with me.

“Thank you.” She clasps her hands on the table.

“And?” I add because I’m not denying I did something shitty, but she wasn’t exactly truthful with me.

“What?” She plays innocent, raising her shoulders and shooting those puppy eyes my way. “I should have told you things between Grant and me . . .”

“Were heating up?” I add and she smiles.

“I never cheated on you, Rob. I swear.” If Jessa is one thing, it’s honest. She’s always been truthful with me.

“I know.” I believe her and maybe if I wouldn’t have given her good reason to be with someone else, Grant wouldn’t have taken the opportunity. “So, you think your guy will be okay with me in the wedding party?”

“Well,” she taps her finger to her lips. “I do have some manipulation tactics I can use on him.” She laughs and even though I am an asshole, there’s something about seeing her happy that rotates the contentment back my way.

“I’d rather not hear about them.” I cover my ears like a toddler. Just then, Matty runs into the room, and climbs into my lap. I’m just as surprised as Jessa’s wide eyes. The kid sees me as his protector and it kind of feels good.

“Yours?”

I crinkle my brows. “No, our roommate, Paige’s brother.” I glance down at Matty. “Matty, this is Jessa. Jessa, this is Matty.”

“Nice to meet you, Matty. You like Tara and Chloe? They’re fun, right?” She already possesses that motherly voice that can calm kids.

“Yeah, they’re a lot of fun.” He looks back to me. “I’m hungry.”

“We just ate breakfast.”

Jessa stands up, going to the cabinet. She pulls out a granola bar and then looks down at me. “Any allergies?”

“No, I don’t have any allergies.” She smacks the back of my head.

“Not you, Matty.” I shrug. I’m thinking Paige would have told me, right? She’s way too responsible not to.

“Matty, do you know if there are any foods you can and can’t have?” Matty squints up to me and his eyes light up.

“No. Not like Brendan at school. He can’t have peanut butter.”

“But you can?” she asks, and since when is it twenty-questions before you give a kid something to eat?

“Yep.”

“Good, here’s a granola bar.” She places it in front of him and he opens it by himself, gobbling it down.

“Thanks.” She smiles. “Like I said, this mother role suits you.”

She rubs her belly. “I hope so, because number two is on the way.”

“Seriously?” Just the thought of two kids back-to-back nauseates me. “You need to tell him to get the—” She cocks her head at me, smiling. “Give you some space.” I change my wording. Damn, two kids already.

“Nah, I don’t.” She smiles and stares over at her baby. Joyfulness pours out of her and it makes me happy that I’m the asshole I am. It confirms that good can come from me being a prick.