Let Me In (12 page)

She heard Liam end the call and a moment later he came out of the kitchen in his low-slung jeans, his upper body gloriously naked. “That was my mom. She said to say hi and ask you to Thanksgiving dinner again, but I told her not to push.” When she didn’t answer he gestured over his shoulder. “I just made some coffee. Should be ready in a minute.”

Pain slid through her, squeezing her heart like a vise. She loved him. Part of her always would.
Say it. Say it now.
“No, I have to go.”

He froze in the kitchen doorway, his expression becoming guarded. “Go where?”

Yes, Talia, where?
“Back to the hotel.” She bit her lip.
You will not cry. Do the right thing and let him go. You know you have to.
“I have things to take care of.”

The taxi driver honked outside.

Liam’s head snapped toward the front windows. When he saw the taxi, his eyes turned glacial. Then he turned his stare on her, and it pierced her like a bullet. “You’re fucking kidding me.”

Wincing, she forced herself to stand next to the door and meet Liam’s gaze. The accusation and disappointment on his face squeezed all the air out of her lungs.

His jaw flexed, one eyebrow lifting in a demanding gesture as he folded his muscular arms across her chest. Arms that had cradled her, surrounded her, offering his love and protection. “So that’s it?”

“Liam…”

“You’re seriously going to just walk away from this? From us?”

She stared back at him helplessly. Nothing she said would make any difference, and she hated seeing the pain on his face, knowing she’d put it there.

His glare sliced through her like a jagged piece of glass. “Coward.”

Yeah, she was. She felt trapped, her heart pounding so hard she feared it might burst. Facing him like this was one of the hardest things she’d ever done, and now she was wavering. Could she still fix this?
Was
there a chance for them? God, she needed to get the hell away from him before she caved. “I just need some time.”

The words didn’t sound as final as she meant them to, but they worked. His eyes turned flat and cold, and he scoffed in disgust. “Fine, take all the time you need. Have a nice life.”

She flinched, her heart freezing in her chest. But that was nothing compared to the rending pain in her chest when he turned his back on her and disappeared up the stairs. Tears blurred her vision, but she didn’t dare go after him or try to call him back.

“Bye, Liam,” she whispered unsteadily when he was out of earshot. “I’m sorry.” Closing the door behind her, she stumbled out to the curb and got into the waiting taxi.

Chapter Seven

“Pass the sweet potatoes, would you?”

Liam grabbed the antique china bowl that held his mother’s prized sweet potatoes with marshmallows roasted on top and handed it to Angela.

“You’re not eating very much,” his mother remarked, brows pulled together in concern.

“Not that hungry,” he answered. Turkey dinner was his favorite, but he hadn’t had much of an appetite the past four days. Though his sister knew why and his parents likely suspected the reason as well, no one had said anything for fear of making him feel worse.

“When do you head out again?” his father asked, pouring gravy over his whipped potatoes and stuffing.

“Next week.” He’d taken the last-minute job yesterday, and in a way he was almost looking forward to heading back to Afghanistan. Over there he wouldn’t be forced to continue living at his house, constantly bombarded with the memory of Talia. Remembering the way she’d given up control to him every time he went into the bathroom and saw the tub. Seeing the enraptured look on her face as she came undone beneath him every damn time he walked into his bedroom and swore he could still smell her scent. He couldn’t stand the thought of sleeping in the bed where they’d made love and he’d bared his heart. Instead he’d bunked on the couch since the day she’d walked out on him.

He resented her decision, but more than that, it hurt. Goddamn it, he’d thought she might be the one. He’d been about to give her his heart. Knowing she cared about him somehow made it worse. The idea of a serious relationship obviously scared the hell out of her, and no doubt it had something to do with her background. But to him that was a piss-poor excuse because he felt he’d at least earned her trust. She was stronger than that. Strong enough to fight for them. Unless he’d completely misread her and she didn’t care about him nearly as much as he’d thought.

Even so, he couldn’t let her go back overseas without at least trying to contact her, see if they could fix things before she left. He didn’t want any lingering awkwardness in the way of her relationship with his family, even if she couldn’t stand to be around him. He’d already made up his mind to call her after dinner, although he didn’t have a clue what to say to make it better.

“When will you be home this time?”

He pushed some veggies around his plate, forked up a bite. He could hear the concern in his mother’s voice, knew she worried constantly about him when he was gone. “By Christmas, don’t worry. You know I’ll be fine.”

She didn’t answer, and he was glad. They all lapsed into silence, the only sounds the scraping and clinking of silverware on his mother’s good dishes.

Halfway through the meal, someone knocked on the door.

Angela wiped her mouth and jumped up. “That’ll be Rob, looking for some of your pumpkin pie.” She winked at their mom and headed for the front door.

Liam barely withheld a groan. The last thing he wanted was to be the odd man out at the table. It was hard enough to sit here and pretend to be thankful when his heart was barely beating.

* * *

Standing on the doorstep shivering in the cold wind, Talia held her breath when the glossy black door opened.

Angela’s eyes widened when she saw her. “Hey! God, it’s good to see you—come in.” She wrapped her arms around her and Talia embraced her in return. The relief swamping her left her lightheaded. Against all odds, apparently she was still welcome here after all, at least by one of the Brodies. Talia wasn’t sure she deserved it.

“I wasn’t sure you’d ever talk to me again,” she admitted with a watery laugh. They’d spoken on the phone once, the morning she’d left Liam. Talia had told her everything, apologized profusely for hurting him, Angie and their parents. Angie had pleaded with her to call Liam and work things out, begged her to give it a chance despite all that had happened. She hadn’t been able to yet.

“Because I love you I’m going to pretend you never said that.” Angie hugged her harder. “Now come inside and say hello.”

Talia drew back. “Um, no, thanks.” Her gaze swung past the open door and into the foyer. She caught the scent of roasted turkey and her stomach rumbled with jealousy. “Is Liam here?”

“Yeah, he’s here.” Her friend’s dark eyes were shadowed with concern. “Come on, go in. It’s freezing out here.”

Talia shook her head. “I can’t.”

Angela studied her silently for a moment then gave her a reluctant smile. “Okay. Hang on. Liam!” she called, turning from the door and heading back into the dining room.

Her heart drummed in her ears as his footfalls approached the entrance. The complete shock on his face when he saw her told her Angela hadn’t warned him. Was that a good sign?

“Um, hi,” she said, resisting the urge to lower her eyes and fidget.

He recovered fast. “Hey. You want to come in?” Polite, a bit remote, like they’d never been anything more than friendly acquaintances. Even though she knew it was her fault, it hurt.

“No, I just…” She swallowed, holding back the tears that threatened to burst free. “Can we talk?”

He studied her for a moment, then nodded once. “Sure. Just let me grab a jacket.” He disappeared for a moment and returned wearing a black wool pea coat, closing the door behind them. He came down the steps while she backed away to give him space, and he stuffed his hands into his coat pockets.

A thousand things rushed through her mind as the silence stretched out between them. Where did she even begin? “I’m sorry, I probably interrupted dinner, didn’t I?”

“It’s okay.” He tilted his head, eyes wary. “Why are you here, Tal?”

Because I need you.
“I wanted to say I’m sorry. For the other day. For everything.”

He didn’t respond, and her stomach twisted into a knot. She forced herself to continue. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking the past few days.”

“Yeah? About what?”

Oh, shit, he was going to make this tough. He had every right to, though. “About my mom, my life. About you.”

He arched an eyebrow. “And what did you decide about me?”

The growing lump in her throat threatened to choke her. Before she chickened out, she said what she’d come to tell him. “I…miss you.”

His gaze instantly softened, but he didn’t make a move to touch her, didn’t come any nearer. “Yeah, well, I miss you too.”

His words lifted a thousand-pound weight from her shoulders. “You do?”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t make much difference, does it? You made it clear you’re not interested.”

She bit her lip. Took a breath. “You’re wrong.”

“Am I?”

“Yes. I know it’s selfish of me considering all that’s happened, but I want to be with you.”

He cocked his head. “Be with me how? Just sex?”

“No.” God, she hated that he would think she was so shallow. “No, not just for that.” Was that all he wanted?

He grunted in irritation. “Spell it out for me then. I’m damn tired of your mixed signals.”

“I know. I’m sorry. It’s just that…” She dragged a hand through her hair. Damn, she was botching this whole thing. “You realize now what kind of home life I have—or don’t have. It isn’t pretty.”

“I know.”

The shame threatened to swallow her. “She might not have been there for me much over the years, but the thing is, she’s still my mom.” Her voice cracked on the word.

Liam pulled a hand out of his pocket to touch her arm. “I realize that. And hell, you’ve got nothing to be ashamed of.”

She grabbed his hand, squeezed it hard, grateful for the anchor and the chance to touch him again. “I’ve talked to her on the phone a couple of times in the past few days. We’re going to take a stab at having some sort of relationship, and she’s agreed to try more therapy.”

“I’m glad.”

“Thanks, but you don’t understand what I’m telling you. I’m trying to make you see that she’ll always be part of my life, whether she’s actually in it or not. I’ll probably always help her financially, or when she’s in trouble. I can’t just walk away from her, no matter how bad things get. I can’t let her wind up on the streets, Liam. She’s my mom.”

“Of course. And so…?” He looked confused. “Look, I respect your loyalty and independence. Those are two of the things I admire most about you.”

Damn it, why couldn’t he figure it out himself, now that she’d given him that much? “Look at your family.” She gestured toward the bay window, glowing with warm lamplight as the rest of his immediate family gathered around the Thanksgiving table with a traditional home-cooked meal and little holiday decorations in the center. The true All-American family, like something out of a Norman Rockwell painting. “I would give anything to be with you and be a part of that, but I’m afraid you’ll wake up one day and decide it’s too much trouble to stick by me. My mom’s always going to be in the picture to some extent. You saw firsthand the other day how bad things have gotten for her. Would you really be willing to put up with all that just to be with me?”

His eyes flashed with annoyance and he pulled his hand free of hers to grab both her shoulders. “Yes.” He shook his head in bewilderment, as if he could hardly fathom what she was saying. “Jesus Christ, Tal, are you telling me that’s why you walked out the other day? You thought I’d bail on you later if things got tough with your mom again?”

Her mouth snapped closed. Yes, that’s exactly what she’d feared. Now she had no idea how to respond.

His expression was equal parts incredulous and frustrated. “Did I walk out on you the other night after what I saw?”

She flushed at the memory of him wrenching her mother off her, restraining her until the police took over. “No, and you’ll never know how much I appreciate that, no matter how humiliated I was that you saw her that way. But you’re missing the point. I don’t know if you even want a serious relationship with me in the first place, but if you did, down the road you might eventually change your mind about dealing with all that drama.”

He sighed deeply. “Tal. Look at me.”

She raised her eyes, suddenly realizing she’d been staring at her shoes.

Liam gazed down at her, so impossibly handsome, the tenderness in his expression making her want to cry. “My family’s not perfect, you know, and neither am I. But we stick together no matter what, same as we would with you. You’re part of the family already, whether you’re with me or not. Do you think that whatever happens with your mother’s going to change that? Not a chance.” He shook his head. “I
want
a relationship with you. And I won’t bail. Why are you so afraid of that?”

It was so hard to admit the truth, but she owed him at least that, no matter how raw and exposed it made her feel. “Because none of the men in my life have ever stayed,” she whispered back.

“Hey.” He cupped her face with a large, warm hand. It felt so good against her cold skin. “I know you had a rough upbringing, and I know you have a hard time letting people in, but I can’t keep going like this. After all this time you finally let me get close, then shoved me away because you were scared I might abandon you someday. I can’t deal with that again. I won’t.”

She nodded. She’d hurt him, and she fully understood what he was saying. All she wanted was another chance to prove how much he meant to her. This time she wouldn’t screw it up. “I know. I don’t expect you to.”

His thumb rubbed across her cheek, and the tender gesture caused a bubble of hope to inflate in her chest. “I don’t know what else I have to do to prove myself, especially after everything that happened last week. Doesn’t all that show you I’m for real?” His grip tightened on her shoulder, his eyes delving into hers. “What I feel for you is
real
. What my family feels for you is
real
. I’m not going to ditch you when we hit a bump in the road. Damn, Tal, I love you. You mean the world to me.”