Let Your Heart Drive (21 page)

I bounce my eyes over to a guy wearing boots, charcoal grey, and sharply dressed. Tight fitting blue jeans with a blue plaid, pearl snap button down shirt, it almost resembled Trey’s outfit the night he found out. God he looked good.

The guy I’m gawking at browses his eyes over me and immediately his eyes advert to the floor. I know that look, two words.
My dad
. It’s the whole Alpha male thing, avoid eye contact at all costs, unless you want a six-foot two, beast of a man breathing down your neck. I’m surprised the guy even looked up. People maintain their distance from us as we make our way toward the exit.

As we eat, I try to decode their conversation, picking at certain words and tones. None of it makes me crave to know more, I roll a slimy mushroom around my plate and hide my frame of mind. Usually I have these emotions locked inside a vault somewhere. Immune and banned from ever surfacing, like if I ever had a child would they inherit my eyes, my lips and the dark brown shade of my hair? What would it feel like to fall in love and marry the man of my dreams and look forward to the future with him? What would it be like to grow spectacularly old and love someone to your very
last breath–?

The cancer has become inoperable.

Brain tumor.

Malignant.

Phrases the doctors and specialists have ejected out at me time and time again, toss and tumble in my thoughts until Chelsea and Dad become absolutely silent. I lower my fork and raise my eyes. I’m ambushed with two sets of eyes.

“What?”

“Have you not heard a word we’ve said, Sinead?” Chelsea asks and then grimaces like she just ate a snail drenched in dirt. She chews slower and forks through her creamy vegan pasta, searching for the culprit. I lean an elbow on the table, searching too.

“We were talking about the trip…” Dad intervenes tossing the napkin on his empty dish.

“Oh, yeah? What about it?” I ask stabbing my fork at a suspicious looking chunk of sauce on Chelsea’s plate. With my goading she starts sniffing at the lump of herbs and penne, gradually she takes a bite eyeing me. I grimace the same way she did a few seconds ago, and curl my lips like she just ate something so horrifyingly disgusting.

“I think we need to reconsider this, Garrett’s still in school, Brett’s having
some—
” 

“
Complications
,” Chelsea mumbles, a hand shielding her chewing mouth.

My playful scrutiny over Chelsea’s snailless food no longer holds my attention and I narrow my gaze between the two. I let out an irked sigh and recline back in my chair. This can’t be happening, I’m only ten hours away from Chicago.

“Okay, so why don’t you and I go, Dad? I mean it’s not that much farther…” I explain, dragging my hands through my hair. I want Chelsea, Brett, and Garrett to come, but this is the one thing I really want to do. I feel like an unreasonable child wanting to stomp my feet and cross my arms over my chest and pout.

“Is it money?”

“No.”

“Did they just randomly shut down Route 66?”

“No.”

“Well, what it is?”

“Tomorrow, we’re having a family discussion. Case closed and I don’t want to hear another word about it until then,” Dad asserts authoritatively, his voice booms with that decisive tone I know so well.

“Well then, I guess it’s case closed.”

“The road might be long, the stars may not guide me,

but if you keep your heart open, I will find you.”

–Michael Xavier

Tuesday evening,
I’m helping Garrett pick up some of his toys, his room looks like an outbreak of superheroes and villains on strike.

“God, Garrett how many action figures do you have?”

“A lot,” he announces lightheartedly and forages through his dresser. The more I pick up the more things he flings over his shoulder, undershirts, pajamas, to capes and masks.

“Rett, what are doing?” I dodge another shirt and laugh.

“I can’t find it, Sinny…”

“Find what?”

He drops back down to his heels, then tiptoes with all his might trying to reach the top drawer, he grumbles, “My Spiderman web shooter.”

“The one you’re going to wear with your costume this weekend?”

He turns to me with the gloomiest face and nods.

“Okay, let’s see.” I crawl on my hands and knees casting an eye over everything when suddenly I’m attacked with string.

He giggles villainously and I grab whatever I can, unfortunately for me it requires two squishy arrows that I don’t have. More string soars by and I scramble to the other side of his bed. I shout ducking behind it, “No fair, Rett! But you just wait!” I drop my eyes scavenging for ammo.

I zoom in on the floor, it’s like playing Eye-Spy probing for what I need. Two feet away, over the bags of Legos I spot the bright red and black foamy missiles. I crouch and swerve past his next round of string slinging and grab a handful. I laugh wildly as I charge out of his room. “You’ll never catch me, Spiderman!”

I amble my way down the hall and lurk low between the top railings of the stairs, waiting for Garrett to strike. I hear his feet in full pursuit running after me, I bounce up and fire before he shoots a slew of string at me. At top speed I race down the steps, barely missing his following assault. String falls across my shoulders and in my hair and I slide in my bare socks around the corner once I reach the kitchen.

His laughter and mine ring through the house and I aim at my next pursuer. My feet come to a screeching halt as my finger clicks the last spongy bold arrow, it flies through the air and plummets at
Trey’s
feet.

My dad’s leaning against the island with a callous expression with substantial muscular arms crossed over his broad chest. Chelsea and Brett are both sitting together displaying a benevolent look toward me. And the only one here giggling and showing excitement is Garrett as he tugs on my limp arm.

“I got you, Sinny! I got you!”

I lower my bow and smile at Garrett. “Yeah, you did, I never had a chance…” He starts to pull me in the other direction when Brett gets up.

“Come on Garrett, let’s go upstairs and let Sinny and your granddaddy talk.”

I feel Rett’s little fingers slide free from mine as he beams up to me. I tousle the top of his hair and tell him, “Rematch tomorrow, deal?” He shakes his head agreeing energetically.

As soon as they leave I watch as Trey bends down and picks up the foam arrow. I keep my eyes far, far from his and quickly take the arrow when he hands it to me. I know the moment I look into his eyes I’ll probably cry.

Why is he here?
It’s the first thought that slams in my mind, but I don’t ask. “So…are we having a family meeting or something?”

“We need to talk, Sinead,” Trey voices softly. He sounds beaten down, his tone rough and serious. I dart my eyes at Chelsea then my dad, I still don’t dare a glimmer of a glance at Trey.
Why are they all acting like they know something I don’t?

Dad adjusts his formidable position, angling his shoulders slightly as if he’s getting ready to dive into a domestic dispute. “Sinead… Trey here tells me he’s been seeing you for some time now.” He peers sternly over to Chelsea and lifts his chin at her and adds, “And Chelsea has long-established this.
So….”

I lean to the side and slowly place my weapon down on the counter. “Okay, but I just want you to know it’s over.” A heart pounding lump forms inside my throat and my sight lands on him. “Right, Trey?”

His gorgeous amber stained eyes sear through me and all I want to do is run over and jump into his arms. My stomach knots and my old friend misery comes throttling in with full force at my heart, pounding away. I take every defined feature of him in, from his light stubble along his jaw and kissable mouth, to his white crew-cut shirt tucked inside his tight blue jeans.

Trey holds my eyes as he repeats soberly, “We need to talk.”

He glances over his shoulder where my dad and Chelsea are and pauses a beat. His jaw grinds as if he’s unsure what to say next, maybe because Dad’s indomitable presence patrols so closely.

“I came back by on Saturday,
but—
”

I hold a hand up and ask, “Wait…when?”

He soaks me in too, I see his look and then he answers, “It was in the morning, I couldn’t sleep, it was pretty early, your sister came out and said if I needed to talk with you that I’d better wait.”

“Wait? Wait for what?” I crank my head around Trey and glare at Chelsea. Here all this time I’d thought Trey never came back, never wanted anything to do with me.

“Chelsea? What’s going on?”

She turns toward Dad and Dad looks strictly at me. “Would you believe that I find out through my other daughter, my youngest daughter is in love?”

“Dad… please tell me you’re not the reason Trey stayed away?”

He shakes his head and coldly replies, “I want you to hear me out, Sinead.”

“
But—
”

He cuts me off and plows right on through, holding his hand up and seizing any more words spilling from my mouth. “And Trey, as for you…”

“…throw roses into the abyss and say:

“here is my thanks to the monster who didn’t succeed in swallowing me alive.”

–Friedrich Nietzsche

Fear and anger
coil through me, we’ve moved to the living room. I’m guessing Dad feels he needs more room to slaughter the man I love. Trey sits directly across from Dad on the couch, Chelsea sits squeamishly beside me, until unexpectedly she zips off to use the bathroom. Trey has no ridge of a hat to mask his engaged eyes, watching and reading my dad’s every move.

Both men perched in their seats, both leaning forward, elbows resting on their knees and both looking for answers.

“Why did you came back, Trey?”

Trey swallows and looks over to me and says unreservedly, “Because I love her.”

Dad sneers and reproaches, “And what makes you think this is love? This is not a game Trey Reeves. Yes, I know exactly who you are and I’m not going to let you hurt my daughter.”

“I’ve had my rounds protecting someone I love, Mr. Noelle. And there’s nothing in this world I won’t do for Sinead.”

Dad casts me a sideways glance and snaps, “Do you believe him, Sinead?”

I bob my head silently, it’s the only thing I can do, because Trey’s admission makes everything inside me mush.

“Did you know that he asked Chelsea if he could have this talk...” He motions two fingers between himself and Trey and continues, “With me, to see if he could be the one driving you on the rest of the trip?”

I stare dumbfounded at Trey and mumble out, “What?”

Trey faces me more, his eyes seeking mine and answers, “I started falling in love with you the moment you said my name. I know it sounds crazy, but believe me, Sinead. I wasn’t expecting us, our feelings and what happened Friday night and I know…” He cuts off his sentence and cups his hands over his face carefully considering his words. Finally he looks back up and says, “I just want to be with you. Every single minute away from you is hell and I don’t want to waste another second of our lives apart.”

Dad clears his throat abruptly and begins cross-examining him. How will he handle an emergency to god knows what else. I stop listening and drift toward the hallway, out of their sight and flop back against the wall, gripping my chest. Chelsea emerges from her hidey hole, her hands squeeze my upper arms.

“Sinead? What’s wrong? What is it?”

I inhale with the biggest smile and whisper, “He loves me, Chelsea. He really truly loves me.”

Her worried expression fades and she whispers back, “He does, Sin. And I knew he had to meet Dad before he could ever drive you a block away from this house.”

I shoot an evil glare at her. “I’m so mad at you,” I tease. My anger at them lessens, I realize now what they’re doing. Protecting. And it makes sense why Dad flew in early, I just hope he doesn’t make Trey run for the hills.

-

“So…you survived my dad?” I ask as we walk out, our stride is idle and languid. The evening tapers off clouds that hovered over the fall moon, it’s not quite full, but still emits a brightness along with the stars. Shriveled leaves crunch beneath our feet and we stop beside his truck. Our hands both stuffed safely inside our front pockets, chancy glances toss between us and the only sound is a car driving by.

“Yeah, I survived your dad.” He looks up toward the house. “Do you have some time to sit with me or…”

“Or are they going to release the guard dogs?”

He laughs softly and it reaches his eyes. Slowly he slips his hand out and caresses mine, coaxing our hands to thread together. He squeezes lightly and leads me to the back of his truck, a tug on the handle and we’re sitting on the tailgate. Side by side, our feet dangling off, I hook my foot underneath his.

“No boots tonight?”

He rubs his thumb across my hand and replies warmly, “Not tonight. I figured out something about you.”

“What?”

“You’re part of the Avengers,” he quips and snags a string from my hair. I immediately gasp and roam my fingers through my straightened strands. I quickly grab the string from him utterly embarrassed.

“Actually I kinda stole that from Spidey-Rett’s secret layer.”

“So you’re a thief?”

I scrunch my dark brows at him and shrug like it’s probable.

“So you admit you go around stealing Styrofoam bows, arrows and hearts?”

I bump his shoulder with mine and smile.

“Well you’ve stolen mine and I need you to know I really will do anything for you, Sin.”

“I know,” I reply quietly, our feet rocking together, our legs touching as I lean my head on him. Loving the moment, a moment I thought I’d never have again.

“Hey,” he says, he gently possesses my chin making my eyes focus on his. “Chelsea told me about the tumor, the surgery, all the treatments you’d underwent and the prognosis. I also know about Jake and I’m not going to treat you like he did. I’m not going to hurt you.” He pauses a breath and looks up, facing the star-filled sky he whispers sincerely, “I just want to keep you…” He turns and stares directly into my eyes. “…for as long as I can.”

His mouth tenderly touches my lips and like a bird caught in a cage feverishly wanting to be free, I grip his hair pulling him in closer and kiss him back. My mouth skims over his stubble outlining his lips and I tug on his lower lip. We kiss as if we’re deprived of air, sucking in a breath and possessing each other again. His hand releases mine and grips my face with a raw need. My body begs and yearns for him to recline me back and take me right here, but he chuckles softly against my lips.

“I feel like we’re being watched,” he whispers and nips playfully at my lip.

“We probably are.
So…
I guess I should go back inside?”

“I don’t want you to go inside…” He opens his eyes just a bit, just enough that I can see the glimmer of amber in them. “But I’m about to take you right here, right now.”

I taunt him, kissing and easing back slightly.

“You’re so going to get it, if you don’t stop… I really don’t want to spend a night in jail.”

I press my lips to his quickly and run my fingers across his jaw. “You won’t.”

“How do you know that?”

“Because I want to keep you too,” I whisper and kiss him one more time and hop off his truck.

I start to walk toward the house when he calls out, “Sinead… I love you.”

My feet lose all function to move, unsteadily I turn toward him, soaking up everything about him in this minute. Hair as dark as night, windswept, with eyes that penetrate straight into my soul and a swagger that makes everything around me nonexistent. I breathe in deeply.

“I love you too.”