Let's Play in the Garden (18 page)

Someone was missing from the table. Someone was missing from the holiday.

No, everything wasn’t normal. Everything was not all right, and it was far from perfect. Pain jabbed Merydith, pain that burned in her heart. She felt empty as blame and guilt filled her, followed by fear and anger.

“My, oh my,” Simons voice broke the donning silence. “This is a very fine dinner. You two are the best cooks in the world.” A smile as wide as could be crossed his face as he stuffed another fork full of turkey into his mouth.

“Why, thank you so much, dear. We worked our tails off,” Gladys said.

“We sure did, and everything is the freshest there is. I have a keen eye for fresh vegetables. I only got the best potatoes, yams and butternut squash. It sure is delicious.”

Merydith lifted her gaze from the empty chair and caught the attention of her mother. This was her chance. The time was now. “Why didn’t you just pick the vegetables from our garden, Mother?” she asked, knowing full well where she was treading. “I’m sure they would be fresher than any store bought vegetables, and it wouldn’t cost you a thing.”

“Merydith, that’s a silly question,” Marion answered. “You know no one is allowed to pick from the garden. It’s a family rule. You’ve always known that.”

“Well, I don’t see why it’s a family rule. It’s stupid! Why can’t we pick anything from the garden?
Why?
The garden could very well grow the pumpkins and squash and yams we needed for today’s feast. They would be larger than any store’s on earth. We wouldn’t need half as much. Besides that, the garden would supply us with all the food we would need for a hundred lifetimes. It’s a foolish rule! We go out and buy all our fruits and vegetables at the stores when we have giant ones that sit here in that damn garden and do nothing! We could feed the world with all the food that sits in there. Why? Why?”

“Enough!”
Simon ignited with fiery rage. “I will hear no more out of you, Merydith! How dare you question us? You have no right to do so! You understand nothing of that garden or anything here, and you never will! How dare you judge the place or the people who feed and shelter you? By the good grace of nature do we exist and continue to do so. That garden provides something you will never appreciate if you don’t tame your mocking ways. I will have no more out of you. Be silent and finish your meal!”

“Someday I will understand all that goes on here, I promise you that, and then I’ll finally be free!” Merydith screamed, her eyes full of tears. She withdrew herself from the table and ran upstairs as fast as she could.

The rest of the family sat in silence and the house remained that way the rest of the night.

###

The days off from school were spent in awkward silence. Merydith stayed in her room and plugged more and more pieces into her puzzle, but the puzzle of her life still remained to be solved.

She refused to leave her room, and occasionally Tobey would come to her and they would talk and plan about how they would deceive the adults and free themselves from their hold.

More snow sprayed the countryside as a white blanket once again spread across Willington. When school started up again, it was Merydith who was unable to attend this time. Illness struck her again and kept her out for days.

She felt the cold climbing its way inside of her and rendering her numb. The tips of her fingers and the tips of her toes had no feeling at all. The same could not be said for the rest of her body, for it ached with a pulsating pain.

She watched her window crust over with ice and she could see the points of icicles stretching from the roof. She consumed tons of medicine and more juice while refusing to acknowledge the people around her. She shivered just as Tobey had when he nearly expired, but she was stronger and was able to get back to health in no time. She vowed to go back to school tomorrow…

###

With schoolbooks in hand, she made her way down the hall and saw a friendly face waiting to greet her.

“Welcome back, Merydith,” Mrs. McCormick said with a warm smile.

“I was very ill but I’m back and ready for school. I fought off that stubborn sickness.”

“You do seem to get sick quite often in the winter, don’t you?” Mrs. McCormick asked.

“Yes, I’ve always been that way in the winter. My brother and I are the same way. We get sick a lot.”

“Well, I’m glad to see that you’re back. Try to stay healthy now.”

“Oh, I will, Mrs. McCormick, and thank you,” Merydith replied as the bell rang.

It was first period and there was some excitement within Merydith as it was the start of a new course she had signed up for.
Sex Education with Professor Yandermin.
 

There was limited seating and you had to sign up early or you’d miss out. It was a special class just newly offered on a trial basis, and finally Merydith was old enough to select such a class.

Finally, she would understand the mysteries of her own body. She hoped and prayed that this would help her understand where she came from and how the human body worked. Maybe it would answer the things her relatives refused to tell her.

Class started off with the basics, the anatomical differences between men and women. Merydith listened with great attention. It was all so fascinating to her. Professor Yandermin told the class that they would even see a video of an actual birth.

Merydith thought that would be the greatest thing of all.

As the weeks progressed and the class discussions turned to pregnancy and fertilization, Merydith found herself becoming quite confused and a bit shocked.

“Now, class,” Professor Yandermin began, “after the semen is injected into the female it carries millions of little cells called sperm. These are the male sex cells. They fertilize the woman’s sex cell known as the egg. They take a journey down through the woman’s body in order to reach the egg. Out of the thousands of sperm cells to travel, only one manages to break the wall of the egg and fertilize it.”

Merydith sat amazed. She had no idea that human beings were formed that way. It seemed so utterly unbelievable, as if it were pure fantasy.

Professor Yandermin continued by showing slides of what the sex cells of male and females looked like. “So, class, this oval cell is the egg and this is the sperm. It looks like a tadpole with a long wriggling tail.” There was a snicker in the classroom. “Okay, class, settle down.”

“To continue, once the egg is fertilized, it produces an embryo. That is you. The cycles of pregnancy begin in stages of three months known as trimesters. In each trimester the child becomes larger, grows hair, fingernails, toenails, and its sexual organs, which determine the sex of the child. The child receives its food through its mother, which is delivered through the umbilical cord. That is where your belly buttons come from. When you’re born, your doctor cuts your umbilical cord, for you have no more need for it, leaving you with your belly button.”

No!
That cannot be.
Merydith screamed as something inside her shattered. The blow was administered swift and sure. It was an awful revelation. If she had no belly button, did that mean she had never had an umbilical cord?
I’ve never had an umbilical
cord and neither has Tobey. I’ll bet Mother hasn’t either.
Oh my God…my dear
God!
I’ve never been given birth to…but then how do I exist? I’m real…where did
I come from?
Not from my so-called mother, that’s for damn sure.

Who is she? What is she? What the hell am I? A freak…a deformed creature, all of us…we’re freaks…the Santaneen freaks….

What else don’t I know?

Rage burned deep inside her. A betrayal walloped and blindsided her. She’d been living a lie her entire life. She knew nothing of who she was or where she’d come from. She could barely contain the fury that swirled within her, wanting to break out, wanting to unleash its terrible force upon everything and everybody…her teacher, her classmates, the town, her family. No one would be spared. In her mind, they were all guilty.  

The more she could learn and discover, the better. It would only aid her in her revenge. She had to pay attention and listen, no matter how much it hurt. No matter how angry she felt. This was the most important class of her life. Truth and knowledge were her only weapons against the adults.

This was one time they couldn’t keep the truth from her. She continued to listen. She would enlighten Tobey, and then continue to deceive her deceivers.

“Here now, class, are two diagrams of a pregnant woman. One shown from the outside, one shown from the inside. Notice the size of the woman’s stomach. The baby is carried inside what is called the womb, and within the womb the baby lies in a sack of water. In this picture, you can see the womb, the sack of water, the umbilical cord, and the child itself. Now, usually in the ninth month, occasionally earlier and occasionally later, the sack will break and the water is dispersed, then begins the contractions which is the beginning of birth. The woman then goes into labor, which is the process through which a new life is brought into the world.”

I can’t believe this. I know for a fact that Mother was never big with child. She has never looked like that. She has never been in labor, and never even been to a hospital. Aaron was brought into the house as a baby, but from where? Where did they get him? It was only five years ago and I remember it. Mother did not give birth to Aaron, or Tobey, or me. Where did we come from?

“Now, no man or woman can reproduce until they reach puberty. This is when you come of age and your sex cells mature and are ready to reproduce. For men, it marks the arrival of sperm, pubic hair and facial hair. For women, it is pubic hair, larger breasts, and a menstrual cycle—the process known as menstruation, where a woman will bleed in the cleaning out of her egg, and the beginning of ovulation. This process occurs once a month. Most of you girls should have started having your cycles by now, also called periods.”

I haven’t…it’s not true, it’s not. God, there is so much. I have never bled like that. That means I’ve never had a cycle. I can’t ever get pregnant. What about children…my children?

Anger, guilt, and pain collided with accusations and suspicions. She was getting so much knowledge at once her brain was on overload. Merydith wasn’t sure she could handle much more. She wanted to cry, to beg the professor to stop, but she was getting so close to discovering everything, all the ugly, miraculous, bizarre, fascinating and terrible truth.

The bell rang with abusive disruption and it jolted her. She thanked God this lesson was over. She wanted to scream, she wanted everybody to know, but she kept it inside, crawling and eating her from the inside out.

Merydith walked in silence, her eyes glued to the floor. She couldn’t bear to face her schoolmates. She wasn’t one of them, she was a thing, just some sort of thing. Not male or female… not human or animal…
a monster
.

The building felt cold as she walked, the floors like ice and the walls frostbitten. She shivered a bit, and dizziness fell upon her. She tried to ignore it as she entered math class.

She took her seat without lifting her head once, simply staring at her desk.

“Hello, Merydith,” Mrs. McCormick said.

Merydith said nothing, as if she could no longer hear.

Puzzled, Mrs. McCormick kept close watch on her.

The wind outside stirred and howled. She could feel the cold all around her as if she were sitting outside. Shivering from head to toe, her teeth chattered.

Mrs. McCormick stared in awe as all the other kids filed in, unaffected by the weather.

“Merydith?” she asked.

Merydith said nothing. Instead, she got up and walked over to the window. Sweat dampened her face. Her arms shook as she placed her hands on the ice-cold glass, and, without warning, collapsed. A wave of dizziness and cold air filled her as her skin turned blue. A moment later darkness and peace…sweet peace.

###

“Merydith?” Mrs. McCormick called again and again. Merydith could hear her through the dark. She felt like she was in a tunnel, unable to find the way out but not afraid. It was serene and had a calming effect on her.

She felt pleased about being there and embraced it. From behind her, as if from miles away, she could hear her teacher’s voice.

“Merydith? C’mon, Merydith, come back to us!” Mrs. McCormick continued to call. “Someone get me some water!”

There was a soft light at the end of the tunnel where she was walking, and Merydith wanted to go to it, but for some reason couldn’t reach it. It was inviting and warm and it made her tingle, but she knew it was not time.

She turned around and listened to the calls for her to come back and obeyed. Merydith turned from the light and saw herself lying on the classroom floor. Her schoolmates surrounded her and McCormick had taken her coat from the closet and placed it around Merydith.

She took some water and wiped some on her forehead and cheeks, then gently slipped some into her mouth.

The scene grew closer and closer, the voices louder, and the next thing she knew—

She coughed and opened her eyes. “Where am I? What happened?” she asked weakly.

“You’re in school, Merydith,” Mrs. McCormick said. “You fainted. C’mon with me, I’m taking you to the nurse, and then you’re going home.” She turned to a boy standing wide-eyed beside them. “David, open the door to Mrs. Vexon’s class, explain to her what’s happened, and ask her to watch the class until I return.”

There was a tormented sigh from the entire class; they were about to be watched by the old bitty herself, Mrs. Vexon, meanest teacher in the school. “Now, class, none of that. I won’t be too long.”

Mrs. McCormick guided Merydith out of the room and to the school nurse.

Still groggy and disoriented, Merydith stared speechlessly through glazed eyes. She could see the fear and concern evident on her teacher’s face. She cared for her as if Merydith was her own daughter. For a moment Merydith wished she was. She felt more loved now than she had ever felt in her life.