Letting You Know (14 page)

Glad
she couldn't see my scowl, I carefully decided on my words. I was too
ashamed of what I had done to let myself tell her. I couldn't handle
the idea that she would think... even consider... that I had reacted
like her ex had.

That
I could be anything like Owen.

“
He
told me they started dating almost instantly after she broke up with
me,” I admitted, hoping the truth would be enough to keep her
from prying further.

Leah
gasped, wriggling free as I let her go. Reaching up, she held my jaw,
staring into my face with her own full of empathy. “That's
awful! I'm so sorry, how... my god, how shady is that?”

“
Pretty
shady,” I grumbled, looking to the side uneasily.

“
Do
you think... do you think she cheated on you with—”

“
No,”
I said briskly, shaking my head, knocking her tender hands free. “I'm
positive that didn't happen. Bethany is... was, maybe, too proud of
her image to have that hanging over her head. No,” I laughed
bitterly. “Much as dating my younger brother before the stove
was cold is crummy, it's not infidelity. That's enough for her.”

Leah
didn't seem convinced, but she didn't argue with me. Reaching up,
curling her arms around my neck, she gave me a quick kiss. “I'm
so sorry,” she said against my skin. “I can't even
imagine how this feels for you.”

“
It'll
be fine,” I replied, not entirely convinced. “Anyway, you
should finish packing, just get everything together and take it with
you. I'm pretty sure we'd have enough time to get our stuff when we
come back from my Granddad's, before we go to catch our plane, but
better safe than sorry.”

“
You're
leaving me already?” She asked, her pout too delicious to keep
me from kissing it sweetly.

Inhaling
her, holding her against me, I wished once more that we could simply
escape into a private bubble, untainted by the actions of the people
around us.

Her
hand, rolling down my chest, found my belt buckle. “Wait,”
I said, reaching down to stop her. My voice was husky, betraying me,
making it harder to convince her I was serious.

“
What?”
She asked, lifting an eyebrow. “Is there a problem?”

“
Not
here,” I sighed, my skin clammy. Her disappointment was clear,
it was almost as bad as my own. “Sorry, we just, you know, my
parents—”

“
I
know, I know,” Leah muttered. Stepping back, she let my belt
go, flopping onto the bed behind her. “How much longer is this
trip, again?”

My
grin was angled sharply. “You say that like this is torture.”

“
It
could be, in a way.”

Forcing
a laugh, I ran a hand over my skull. “Grandparents tomorrow,
twenty-third till the twenty-sixth, then back here to fly on the
twenty-eight. So, what, five more days? Can you endure?”

“
Maybe,”
she said, sticking her tongue out at me before rolling onto her
stomach. “Leave before I'm tempted to break the rules and make
myself more scorned than ever in your family's mind.”

Chuckling,
I shook my head and opened the door. “I'll see you in the
morning, no need to wake up too early. We won't be leaving till noon
or so.”
And
if she sleeps in, I can go get my shopping done before she even wakes
up, avoid suspicious questions.

Making
my way to my room across the hall, I wasn't prepared to find someone
inside.

“
Hey,”
Nicholas said, glancing up from digging through a suitcase he'd set
on the other mattress. “This is where I'm staying, right?”

“
Yeah,”
I said coldly, sitting on my bed. “I guess so. Where else would
you sleep?”

Shrugging,
he tossed out some socks onto the blanket, his eyes teasing. “I
don't know, in my old room with your new girl, there?”

Stiffening
up, I scowled at him in blatant distaste. Nicholas just gave a little
laugh, waving at me appealingly. “I'm kidding, obviously.
Relax.”

“
I
don't know,” I muttered, kicking my shoes off, preparing to
gather things up again for traveling. “You didn't seem to have
any qualms going after my ex.”

He
said nothing, prompting me to glance at him when the silence grew too
ominous. Those hard emerald eyes were watching me, unblinking. “Well,
you know,” he said, “the key word there is 'ex' because,
yeah, that's over with. You don't still have feelings for her, do
you?”

Gawking,
I resisted the urge to chuck my shoe at his head. “Of course
not!”

Nicholas
sat down, closing his case, setting it on the floor. “Good.
It'd be awful if you were still holding a torch for her, but were
planning to put your new girl through the fun of watching you pine
from a distance.”

“
Her
name is Leah, not
new
girl
,
and I'm not going to do that.”

“
Good,”
he said, smiling sweet as poison. “I'd always considered you to
be a moral person.”

I
watched him, absorbing his words, his false concerns. His comment had
poked at something I was already struggling with.

After
everything with Owen, now the whole mess with how I'd attacked
Nicholas...

I
didn't know if I believed I
was
a moral person, anymore.

How
can I be, with what I've done? This isn't how people react normally,
is it? I shouldn't be getting so angry about my brother and my ex...

Should
I?

In
that moment, I still didn't know how to feel, or to act. Watching how
comfortably Nicholas stripped down to his boxers and slid under the
covers, not a hint of guilt on his content face, I couldn't keep
myself from feeling bitterness over how he seemed to get everything
without any issues.

Stop
it, he has things you don't even want.

Despite
thinking that, feeling convinced I didn't
want
Bethany
back, the bitter jealousy wormed into my heart. Jealousy over
Nicholas, the accomplishments he'd achieved.

Thing
that I had not.

It
was a jealousy that had been there far too long, and that I had never
once allowed myself to deal with.

The
day grew forth full of ink wash grey and brooding clouds, a morning
that felt nothing like the normal joy of the holiday season.

I
had already been up for a few hours, abusing the hot shower, cleaning
up for my own personal trip.

I
don't have a lot of time, I need to get into town, buy Leah's gift,
then get back before she wakes up.

It
seemed an impossible mission, I suspected she'd rise before I
returned. But, that was still better than her seeing me leave in the
first place. Making up a reason that I went out without her was the
lesser of the two problems.

Stepping
into the kitchen, my eyes flicked over the quiet room. The scent of
coffee was strong; I wasn't shocked to see my mother awake, drinking
a steaming cup at the table.

“
Morning,”
she said to me, smiling over the rim.

“
Hey.”
Grabbing an apple from the fruit bowl on the counter, I dropped into
a chair across from her. “Is it still okay if I borrow the car
to go run into town quick to do some shopping? I'll be back before we
leave for Grandaddy’s.”

Her
head bobbed in a few nods, the cup of coffee keeping tempo so she
could continue drinking it. Setting it down, she made a small noise
of contentment. “If you'll be quick, that's fine with me. What
are you planning to get?”

“
Just
gifts for people, I didn't get a chance to buy anything before hand.
Not that flying with things would have been the wisest move, anyway,”
I laughed.

My
mom squinted at me, the look of someone who knew me too well. “Plus,
then she'd be suspicious, or possibly come across it accidentally in
your bags.”

Inclining
my head, I studied her face like she might say more. I wasn't exactly
sure what I expected, but I wasn't that surprised, in hindsight, that
she knew what was on my mind. “You got me, yes, it's a gift for
Leah.”

“
Mmhmm,”
she mused, lifting her mug again.

“
What,
what's that mean?”

“
Nothing,
nothing,” she shrugged, hiding her mouth behind her coffee.
“I'm just observing.”

Frowning,
suddenly self-conscious about what she was implying, I leaned
backwards. “Come on, Mom, tell me what you mean.”

“
Well,”
she sighed, looking at me calmly. “You just... tend to do
this.”

“
To
do what?”

“
Put
all this effort into impressing a girl you like.”

That
stopped me cold, a defensiveness seeping in as I mulled over her
words. Before I could resist, the question that had been prodding at
me since she'd picked Leah and myself up at the airport came out.
“What about you, do you like her?”

“
I
hardly know her,” she said quickly, the mood shifting to one of
irritation. “Give me a little time.”

That
ball of anger, growing from everything I'd dealt with since
yesterday, finally began to show itself in my tone. “How much
time did you need to start 'liking' Bethany and Nicholas?”

“
Deacon,”
she snapped, almost slamming the cup onto the table. The sound, sharp
and solid, shook me from most of my irrational mood.

Blushing
up my throat, I stood carefully, as if I might accidentally knock the
chair over. “I'm sorry, I just... you shouldn't pretend like
what's going on isn't weird.”

“
If
you want to talk weird... what was going on with Leah's neck the
other night? What were those marks from?”

A
numbness sank into my hands, making me set the apple down. “Nothing,
I don't want to talk about that.”

“
And
on top of that, you've known her how long? A month?”

“
Over
a month,” I grumbled, regretting getting into this discussion.

My
mom nodded sagely, like I'd given her the answer she expected. “So,
you want to try and tell me that your brother dating a nice girl like
Bethany is weird, while you show up with someone you won't tell us a
thing about, that you've hardly spent any time yourself with. That,
to me, is worth calling weird.”