Leverage (3 page)

The next morning, I showered and dressed in some old clothes I found in my dresser. My leather jacket was missing. I figured Mom must’ve grabbed it and hung it up somewhere to dry. That would be just like her, to always take care of me. She never stopped. Nor did I want her to. But she had someone else to take care of now. I doubted they would want me to drop out of school and move back home, something I was seriously considering. Or maybe I could stay enrolled and just commute instead. I wanted to discuss it with my mother, so I started down the stairs. I smelled coffee and toast and heard her clanking plates and pans in the kitchen, but I could also hear Tyler’s voice. I slowed at the landing when he used my name.

“Conner’s still young and impulsive,” he said. “He’ll likely change his mind five times before he figures out what he really wants.”

There was a sharp crash of metal on metal. My mom and her temper.

“No, Ty,” she said. “He already
had
everything worked out. He’s so close. His advisor just told him he’d have to get his grad school apps filled out this year. He can’t stop now, not because of this Leo thing.” She slammed a cabinet door.

I hated that they were talking about me, but I hated upsetting her even more. I scooted down the rest of the stairs and spun around the newel post in the front entry. But then I stopped in my tracks again.

“I need you to talk to him, Tyler,” my mom pleaded. “He needs a man in his life.”

“He has one, Hannah,” Ty replied. “His father.”

She snorted. “A strong one,” she argued. “Beck is as weak as they come, still mooning over that…that
woman
.”

There was a lot of contempt in those last words. She was talking about my dad’s old girlfriend, Erin Anderson. I’d met her once a long time ago, before she’d been arrested and sent off to prison. By my mother’s tone, I guessed she had some knowledge of all that. Mom continued to slam doors and shuffle dishes around. I heard the familiar sound of a kitchen chair scrape across the old wood floor. Tyler. Then all of a sudden, the clattering ceased.

“Hannah, don’t go there. Please. It’s in the past. Leave it be. We both have to move on. Forget she ever existed.”

Mom chuckled, but it was bitter and raw. “I will
never
forget what that woman did. Never! And neither will you. Her mere existence may have inadvertently brought us together, but she was at the very heart of that mess. We almost died because of it, and Jillian and your child, Tyler. They
are
dead because of her,” she spat with heated venom.

“Shhh, keep your voice down,” Ty whispered.

What the hell!
Mom
and
Ty both shared a connection to Erin? While I had always suspected Tyler had something to do with whatever happened to my mom down in San Francisco, this was news to me. I took a few more steps toward the kitchen.

“Look, Hannah, I know you’re upset by what happened with Leo, but Conner was probably just blowing off steam. I doubt he’ll drop out. He just needs his mum right now.”

I moved down the hall and peeked around the corner into the kitchen. Mom stood facing the sink with Ty pressed up behind her, one arm around her waist, his hand at her belly, the other stretched down the length of her soapy arm, his fingers wrapped about her wrist. Her chin rested on her chest as Ty stroked her baby bump.

“Little Nicole needs her mum, as well,” he added softly. He stepped back and spun my mom around in his arms. With one finger beneath her chin, he tilted her head up and looked her in the eye. “I don’t want you to get all worked up over this, Hannah. I’ve been down this road before. I won’t lose another wife and unborn child to emotional extremes.”

Mom looked stricken for a moment, with her lips pressed tight and her brow drawn down, but then she loosened up and pulled Ty in close. “I’m sorry. That was insensitive of me to bring it all up again.” She kissed him then stepped around back to the table where she busied herself with the dirty dishes.

I hoped that was the end of it, that they would stop discussing me like I was some case that needed handling. It pissed me off that my mom would seek his advice about me. He wasn’t my father. We weren’t even friends. And I definitely didn’t want his nose in my business.

Ty leaned back against the counter and watched my mom. “Hannah, I’m not opposed to speaking to Conner. You know that. But he…resents me. You know that, too. For marrying you or whatever suspicions he might have. And to be honest,” Ty said then paused, his gaze down at his feet, “I made a lot of mistakes with Nick. I expected too much of him, demanded, really, and you know how that turned out. I won’t make the same mistake with Conner. He needs to grow up and become a man on his own terms. Not yours. And certainly not mine.”

Mom stopped mid-wipe, her shoulders sagging a bit. “I do know that, and I agree to some extent,” she said then turned around to face Ty. “But I’m his mother. It’s my job to counsel him, help him make the best decisions, like you did with Nick, or tried to anyway. You can’t beat yourself up over things you had no control over. Your father started something, and your brother ended it. You and I, we were just caught in the middle, unaware. But this thing with Conner, it’s different. There’re no Russian mobsters, no one he has to protect with his life. He holds his future firmly in his own hands. I won’t let this thing with Leo destroy that.

What the hell
? I stepped into the kitchen, my jaw set tight and my eyes surely blazing with the anger that burned in my gut. “What the fuck are you talking about?” I asked my mom.

She startled and sucked in a breath. “Conner, please!”

Ty pointed at me. “Watch your language.”

I ignored him, my eyes trained on my mother. “Russian mobsters? Really? His father, his brother, a dead wife and child?” I turned to Tyler. “Is this some sort of sick joke? What did you get her mixed up in?”

I stood nose to nose with Ty, a fierce challenge in each question. I could feel my muscles twitch with pent up frustration, ready to lay into him, to wipe that look off his face. But he stepped back with his hands raised. He shook his head then looked at Mom before reconnecting with me.

“Conner, I’m sorry you heard that, but don’t step into the middle of something you know nothing about.”

“Well then, why don’t you enlighten me,
Dad
?” I clenched my mouth tight, my jaw working in bursts as I tried to hold myself back from punching this bastard in his fucking face.

Tyler let his arms drop back to his sides, his eyes locked onto mine. They began to burn with the same intensity I felt inside me.

Mom stepped up behind me and squeezed both my arms. “Conner, please, this is a private matter. It doesn’t involve you.” She stepped around to face me, turning me away from Ty and placing her palms on my cheeks.

I tore my eyes from Tyler and looked down at my mother, remembering the cuts and bruises that had covered her face when she returned from California, the broken ribs I had to be careful of when I hugged her, the haunted, terrified look that had once held her eyes so captive, for so many months. Ty
did
have something to do with all that, like I always suspected. He and his family were responsible somehow. Yet she had welcomed him into her life, into this home, into
our
family. She’d married him and would bear his child in five short months. How could she do that? How could she bring that into our home, into
my
life?

I pulled her hands from my face and pushed her aside then grabbed my shoes by the kitchen door. “Where’s my jacket?” I asked as I tugged them back on.

Mom stepped closer, palms up. “Why? Where’re you going?”

“My jacket?” I asked again.

She dropped her hands. “Hanging over the dryer. It’s still damp though.”

I strode to the laundry room and pulled it from its hanger, sweeping the cheap plastic from the rod and sending it clanging along the metal between the washer and dryer.

“Hey!” Ty yelled. “Watch your temper.”

I yanked the kitchen door open and turned back to the room. “Or what? You’ll sic Russian mobsters on me? That how it works in
your
family?” I hit a nerve. I could tell as he pressed his lips together to keep from lashing back. I captured my mother’s gaze, tears and all. “Nice guy you got yourself there, Mom. A real step up.”

With that, I stormed from the house, slamming the door behind me. Mom chased after me and caught me from behind. She spun me around only to slap me across the face. My hand rushed to my cheek as I tried to rub the burn away.

“Don’t you ever talk about Ty that way, you hear me? He’s a good man, way better than your father ever was!”

“My father didn’t almost get you killed?”

“Didn’t he?” she blasted. “It was his cheating that started it all. You have
no
idea!”

“Because you never told me. You’re all about secrets and lies, now, aren’t you, Mom? Because of him,” I replied, pointing at Ty, who’d stepped out onto the stoop.

“I was just trying to protect you!”

“Protect me? You married him, for God’s sake!”

“Not from
him
. From the truth!”

“Why? Why can’t you tell me the truth? What is so bad about that?”

Tyler stepped forward and pulled Mom back. She clung to him, her sobs and tear-stained face buried in his chest.

“Can’t you see how painful this is for your mother?” Ty asked, his voice low. “Leave the past alone.”

“You mean buried, right?”

“Drop it, son.”

“I am not your son, and I will not just leave it alone. I have the right to know what you did to my mother.”

“He saved me!” Mom wailed. “I’d be dead if it weren’t for him. Or worse. So much worse.” She cried harder, and Ty wrapped his arms around her shoulders.

“What could possibly be worse?” I asked, but neither of them responded. They just stared at me, hard, as if willing me to understand without having to say whatever words they found so offensive. I shook my head at the myriad of possibilities. There were only two things I could think of that a woman would find worse—and I was fine, which left…

Oh my God!

I rushed toward them, pulling my mother out of the way before I swung my fist at Tyler’s face. It landed squarely against his nose, and a spray of blood gushed forth as he stumbled backwards.

“Conner!” Mom screamed then ran to Ty’s side. She removed her apron and pressed it to his nose and mouth. “Oh my God, Ty, are you all right?”

I stood there, staring at them, stunned that I had reacted so violently. I took a step in their direction, my hand outstretched. “Shit, Ty, I’m sorry. Really, I didn’t mean to—”

Mom twirled around and pointed a bloody finger at me. “Get out! Go home!” she ordered. “I can’t even look at you right now.” She spun back around and tended to Tyler.

“But…this
is
my ho—”

“Go back to school, Conner,” she said without even turning around. “You’re not welcome here at the moment.”

I sucked in a shocked breath and my eyes narrowed. So it was going to be like that, was it? She wasn’t even going to let me apologize?

Fine
. I walked past Ty’s white pickup truck and gave it a good kick in the rear quarter panel. But all I managed to do was scuff the muddy buildup near the rear bumper. I looked back toward the house, at my mom fussing over Ty. I turned my back and flipped them off then jumped into my car. I stared Ty down as the car roared to life. The tires spun against the asphalt driveway as I peeled out in reverse, back onto the street.

Mom took a step in my direction, but Tyler pulled her back against his chest.

I shook my head and sped away.

I raced back through the quiet neighborhood, out to the busier city streets and onto I-90, westbound, back to Seattle. I pounded my fist against the dash and screamed.

“Goddamn motherfucker!”

I swiped at my eyes, angry I was so upset, that I had allowed Tyler to get that far under my skin. But she was my mother, for God’s sake.
My
mother! Yet she didn’t want me involved, didn’t want me to know the truth, to protect her, even though it was
my
right, way more than it was
his
. We were blood. They were not. But she had chosen him over me. And God only knows what he’d gotten her involved in, the danger he’d exposed her to, what he’d done to her.

Russian mobsters? Worse than death?
What the fuck!

I had to calm down. My hands shook, and my eyes were blurry with tears and rage. I backed off the accelerator and slowed to seventy-five. I took several deep breaths, shook my head, and slapped my hand to my cheek to help me focus. But that only brought back the pain of my mother’s assault, how she’d smacked me across the face for insulting her husband.

The speedometer edged close to ninety. I sucked in a lungful of air and exhaled through my nose, again and again, until the shaking eased and my eyes cleared. I laid my head back and looked down. The car was cruising at sixty-five, but I didn’t trust myself to remain calm, so I fished my cell from the glove box and speed-dialed. She answered after only one ring.

“Conner?” Katy’s voice was rough and strained, like maybe she’d been screaming, too.

“Yeah, K, it’s me. How’re you?” Stupid question. I grimaced for even asking.

She sighed. “Where’ve you been? I’ve been calling and calling. Didn’t you get any of my messages?”

I pulled the phone back and pressed the button to view my home screen. Six missed calls, six messages.
Shit!
I returned the phone to my ear.

“Sorry, K. I had a really rough night. I went to my mom’s after I walked you home. Huge mistake.”

She didn’t even bother to ask why. “Are you coming back now? I need to see you. I know I told you I wanted to be alone, but…” She started to sob into the phone.

“I know. I’ll be there in twenty. Meet me at Hansee? I need to change.”

“Okay. Thanks, Conner.” She clicked off, and I threw my phone onto the passenger seat.

I scrubbed my hand over my face and glanced in the rearview mirror, pulling it toward me for a better look. Shit, I was a mess. The whites of my eyes blazed red, making the irises glow bright green. Dark stubble covered my jaw and chin. And I hadn’t combed my hair after my shower. I finger-combed it, but even still, the dark bags under my eyes made me look tired. With a groan, I twisted the mirror back into place and focused on the road ahead.

I left my car in the parking garage and started the long walk back to Hansee. I couldn’t avoid passing McMahon Hall or glancing down into the sloped landscape well where Leo’s body had fallen the night before. My jaw ticked, my hands tightly fisted in my jacket pockets as I peeked up at Leo’s balcony, imagining those eyes peering over the railing yet again.

Breathe. Don’t look. Eyes forward!

I complied with the command in my head, my gaze on the sidewalk straight ahead. But then I noticed the eyes that kept turning in my direction as students passed me by, their heads pivoting back to whisper into their friends’ ears.

Guess I was the object of their gossip now.
That’s fucking great.

I turned up the path at the end of Whitman Court and spied Hansee through the trees. Katy was sitting on her backpack on the cold, damp pavement near the front door. At least it wasn’t raining yet, but the gray sky was turning darker by the minute. It wouldn’t be long.

She stood when she noticed me approaching. She looked worse than I did. Her face was pale and splotchy, and the whites around her frigid-blue eyes glowed red. Her blonde hair, normally sleek and perfectly styled, hung in an unruly mess over her shoulders and down her back. She appeared rumpled and weary and twitchy as her eyes darted about.

She closed the last few feet between us, rushing into my chest and throwing her arms around my neck, something she had never dared before. There’d always been a weird tension between us. Not bad, just uncomfortable when Leo was around. I’d never betray a friend—especially Leo—and move in on his girl, but that didn’t mean I didn’t notice her physically. After all, Katy was hot with a smokin’ body and supermodel looks. And though she never made it seem like she’d ever cross that line either, she didn’t seem to mind when she’d catch me staring at her. Honestly, Leo had been a lucky man.

I allowed my arms to snake around her waist, but then I pulled away and forced her back, aware of the stares and whispers around us. I took her by the arm and walked to the front doors, using my ID passkey for access. We took the stairs up to my third floor room and closed the door against the ogling gossip.

Katy began to pace around the tiny space. Her hands wrung over each other again and again. That’s when I noticed how red and chapped they were, like she’d been doing it for the last fourteen hours. I grabbed and held them still, gazing down into her frantic eyes. They darted back and forth and filled with a thick layer of tears before she looked away, pulling her hands with her as she renewed her frenetic pacing.

I couldn’t stand to watch her, to see her so upset, at a loss for what to do. She stopped at the tall window and peered out through the old, pebbled glass, looking, but not seeing. Her hands rested against the divided diamond-shaped panes. I stepped up behind her and put my hands on her shoulders. I squeezed and let them trail down her arms to her elbows then her wrists, encircling them as I’d watched Tyler do with my mother. It seemed to have calmed my mom, and I wanted to do the same for Katy.

Her chin dropped to her chest, and her hands took hold of mine as she turned to face me. I was struck dumb as I stared into her bright blue eyes, so sad and lonely, so tortured and barren, even as the tears pooled up, spilled over, and ran down her cheeks.

“I’m sorry, K. I wish I could—”

“Shhh,” she said and put her forefinger to my mouth. Then she drew her thumb slowly across my bottom lip, her eyes glued to my mouth before she closed them, leaned in on her tiptoes, and pressed her soft lips to mine.

I stood there, motionless, unsure, and let my eyes flutter shut. God, how many times had I imagined this? I never allowed my mind to go much further, because I knew she could never be mine, and I never wanted to harbor any resentment toward my best friend for possessing something I coveted. But Leo was gone now, and here she was, offering herself up to me. I realized it was just the grief and loneliness, but I felt it, too. I wanted something, someone to take that pain away, so I let my body take over.

I parted my lips and felt Katy’s tongue sweep along them, first the top, then the bottom, before her teeth nipped it, and she sucked my lip between her own. My hands started at her waist and smoothed up her body, along her ribs, and around her back, pulling her in tight. I felt her fingers weave through my hair. She pulled then pushed, indecisive, yet in need. Our breathing grew hectic and heavy, and our hands drifted over body parts they’d never before dared to touch.

She gasped when my hand slipped under her rumpled t-shirt and took hold of her breast. Can’t say I hadn’t ever dreamed of doing
that
. And just as I had always suspected, it filled my hand perfectly. Katy’s knees nearly buckled when I ran my thumb over her nipple then took it between my fingers, rotating it gently, slowly.

She pulled her mouth from mine and let her head loll back, the perfect opening to explore her neck with my mouth. She drew into my body, allowing herself to feel and be overwhelmed, yet succumbing to her sorrow at the same time, and sobbing into my shoulder. She clawed at my jacket and tore it from my body then pushed my t-shirt up over my head in one swift movement. I felt her nails rake across my back, reasonably sure she’d drawn blood. I hissed through my teeth and threw my head back, but Katy didn’t stop.

She ripped open the button and zipper on my jeans and slid her hand inside my shorts. Again, I inhaled sharply, only this time, I groaned afterwards as her fingers found and wrapped themselves around me, squeezing with just the right amount of pressure.

It was almost too much, too unexpected, too emotional. I feared completely losing control. I grabbed for her hand and tried to pull back, but Katy used my momentum and pushed me onto my bed. Her lips found mine once again, biting, sucking, kissing, everything she could do to keep me in the moment. And God, it worked.

My hands behaved of their own accord and pushed her t-shirt over her head, then her sweatpants down over her hips, taking her delicate lace panties with it. She cast everything aside and flipped her hair over her shoulder, then sat astride me, her gaze pinned to mine, her eyes heavy with both passion and grief. Her movement slow and deliberate, Katy slid off my lap and onto the floor, tugging my jeans and briefs as she went, peeling them off after removing my shoes and socks.

Her hands moved languidly from my ankles to my knees and up the inside of my thighs before laying claim to the very essence of me, first with her hands, stroking and squeezing, then with her mouth, torturing me with her tongue and her teeth, sucking and pulling while her hand stroked up and down. And just when I thought I couldn’t take it any more, I pulled up on her head and bucked beneath her practiced hands. She jumped up and straddled me once again, using her hand to guide me into the deepest part of her.

Her slick flesh enveloped me in a warmth so tight and wet, I thought I would explode into a million pieces. I groaned like I was about to die, and my hands twisted the rumpled bed sheets. But then Katy held still for the briefest of moments, her hands on my chest and her hair cascading like a waterfall over her shoulders and down her bare breasts.

I reached for my forehead, overcome with my need to release. I looked up at Katy, and, at first, thought I saw the smallest of smiles turn up the right side of her mouth, but it was too brief, and I couldn’t be sure. She started moving against me once more, her motion controlled and with a purpose. Her flesh tightened hard around the length of me, pulsing in a frantic rhythm with each measured thrust. I couldn’t take it. I covered my face with my hands and tried to think of something else, anything but the blessed torment this woman was putting me through.

She leaned down, then, and took hold of my wrists, pulled my hands from my face and stared into my eyes. She began kissing me as she flipped onto her back, taking me with her and never once losing even the slightest bit of contact. With my weight pressing her into the mattress, she reached down and took hold of my bare ass, pulling me farther into her as she ground her hips into mine.

I started to move, slowly at first, but as far into her as possible. That wasn’t enough for Katy. She bucked against me, pulling me in with her hands and pushing me out with her feet, faster and faster as she panted and moaned, until I threw my head back and bellowed toward the ceiling with one last, violent thrust. I released myself into her, discharging every ounce of pain and rage, all my grief and uncertainty, sorrow and fear, filling her until she could hold no more. It seeped from her and spilled between us as our bodies quivered in synchronized climax.

My heart whipped within me, thrashing around as if trying to escape. I panted in deep, gulping breaths, my arms like Jell-O as I raised myself up. Katy lay squirming beneath me, her face all flush and her hair a tangled mess. But there it was again, that smile. I couldn’t miss it this time. Her eyes were closed and her hands were twisted up in her hair as she rubbed them across her head. Small moans escaped her lips as her body twitched in final pleasure.

As my breathing calmed, I watched her body relax and her arms fall to the bed. She turned her head to the side, her pinky hooked over her bottom lip and teeth, and finally peeked up at me. I guess my expression must have worried her, because her brow drew together, and her grin turned serious, but she just stared at me, silent.

I pulled back, eased myself from her body, and slid off the bed. I stared back for a minute then began to search for my underwear and jeans. I yanked them back on while Katy lay across my bed, exposed, naked yet unembarrassed, her feet flat against the mattress with her knees bent and fluttering like a bird’s wings as what remained of me seeped from her fold and pooled in a darkened stain on the tousled sheets beneath her. She finally propped herself up on her elbows, her face unreadable, while mine surely showed every wretched emotion that was currently washing over me.

Shock. Shame. Disgust and humiliation. A self-hatred so deep, I wanted to puke.

I couldn’t believe I would do that to Leo. He’d been dead for less than a day, and here I was, soaked in sweat, my betrayal still slick upon my flesh, the smell of sex all over me and his girlfriend. What the fuck was wrong with me?

I resumed my search for the rest of my clothes. Katy’s, too. I threw her panties, t-shirt, and sweats onto the bed, yet kept searching.

“I’m sorry. I can’t find your bra,” I explained over the rigid lump in my throat.

She snorted a giggle and raised one brow. “I wasn’t wearing one. Remember?”

I stopped and stared at her again, then began to pull the rest of my clothes back on. I sat down on the end of the bed, as far from her as I could get, and yanked my socks on, then untied my shoes. All the while, Katy lay there, watching me. Just when I had finished tying up my second shoe, she flipped onto her knees and leaned up against me from behind. I felt warm moisture spread low across the back of my t-shirt, further proof of my despicable treachery.

Katy’s fingers toyed with the hair at the back of my neck, even as I tried to pull away.

“I’m not embarrassed, and I’m not sorry it happened.” She twisted around my side so she could see my face. “Are you?” she asked, her eyes boring into mine.

I turned away, uncomfortable with the look in her eyes, and shook her off my shoulder. She plopped back down on the bed behind me.