Levitate (2 page)

THE ANNOYING BEEP of my alarm blares from the nightstand. I didn’t get in until after three this morning and I have to be back in for a delivery by ten. Dad did this for years, ran the bar on only a few hours of sleep at a time. It pisses me off that I never noticed. I never realized what he did to keep the family business alive. The woman I refuse to refer to as my mother, never had to work a day in her life. He busted his ass to provide for us, to make sure we never went without. It’s been two years, and every time I think about her and what she did, I see red. Looking back, she was always self-absorbed and seemed to be constantly nagging. I, however, was a teenager and she pretty much left me alone. Dad seemed to always be the one she felt needed improvement. It had been that way my entire life, so I never thought much of it. It wasn’t until I learned all of her secrets, until she killed the soul of my father, that I realized she was the devil incarnate.

When Dad died, Mom was already moved on to her newest conquest. She came home for the funeral and to say she was livid when she found out that everything was willed to me is an understatement. The house, the bar, everything. He left her nothing. I was expecting nothing, not because he didn’t love me, he did. He was the best dad a guy could ask for. No, I didn’t expect it, because he was never able to tell her no. Even though they had been divorced for almost three years, I just assumed it would all go to her.

She whined and tried to make me feel guilty that she had nothing to remember him by. I made sure I reminded her that she had his heart, always did. Her new flavor didn’t like that comment too well. Truth hurts, and it got them both out of my hair. It’s been two years, and I have not seen her since. She calls on occasion and I avoid her calls. Like I said, not a normal relationship, but she is not a mother. Egg donor, that’s how I should refer to her.

I took over the house that I grew up in. I was working construction at the time and quit to run the bar. Cooper’s is now a third generation establishment. My grandfather opened it back in the day and Dad took over when he was about my age. I never really gave much thought to taking over the family business. College wasn’t my scene, so after graduation, I went straight into construction. I enjoyed the work and liked being able to see the end product. When Dad’s attorney told me that he left everything to me, I knew I had to keep the Cooper name alive. I called and gave my boss notice and started on the unknown adventure of bar ownership.

My best friend, Brighton, worked at the same construction company. When I told him my plans to run Cooper’s and asked him to hop on the crazy train, he didn’t hesitate. We’ve had each other’s backs since kindergarten. That’s what family is all about. Too bad the egg donor didn’t get the memo.

Not only did Brighton jump in and help me run the day-to-day operations, he became my new roommate. The house is way too big for just me, and we easily split the expenses. Brighton and I are just two bachelors living the dream.

I force my tired ass out of bed and into the shower; the warm spray helps wash away the grogginess. I throw on a pair of worn jeans and a black fitted t-shirt and call it good. I find Brighton in the kitchen, head over a huge bowl of cereal, serving spoon in one hand and his phone in the other.

He stops chewing long enough for a simple “Morning,” and resumes the consumption of what looks like an entire box of Fruity Pebbles. Bastard, those are my favorite.

I settle for Pop-Tarts. “I have a delivery at ten. What are you getting into today?”

“You off tonight?” His mouth is still full and the visual is almost enough to make me lose my appetite, almost.

I hope so. “Yeah, as long as everyone shows up for their shift. I’m ready for a night off.”

Brighton picks up his bowl, or should I say trough, and slurps the remaining milk. “It feels like we have been going non-stop for the past couple of months. The renovations are complete, and the staff is hired and trained. Now it’s time to kick back and supervise.”

“I’m in. What were you thinking?” I ask, because I know he has something brewing in that brain of his. Brighton always has a plan.

He wipes his chin with the back of his hand and grins. “I was actually thinking of calling Nicole and seeing if she wanted to meet up somewhere. Maybe Studio 57.”

“Nicole? Is she the one you met at Jacob’s bonfire?” I watch as his grin grows wider and he nods. “You’ve been talking to her?” I question because he has not mentioned anything. We’ve been busy as hell since that night with the renovations to the bar and hiring new staff. How in the hell did he find the time?

“Not really, just a phone call or text here or there. We’ve met at the coffee shop a couple of times. She’s been busy with school; this is her last year. We both said we would like to hang out; it’s just been hard to find the time. Since we’re free tonight, I figured I would call her. I know her roommate is also unattached.” He raises his eyebrows and winks.

A night out sounds awesome, and Studio 57 is always a good time. “You needing a wingman, Bright?” I decide to fuck with him. He seems really into this girl.

This causes him to throw his head back and laugh. “No. Nicole and I have talked enough the past three months, I feel like I know her. However, I’m sure she will want to bring her roommate along. She’s mentioned before that the girl doesn’t get out enough. I want to be able to whisk her off to the dance floor without her feeling guilty. It would help if I also had a friend there to help her not feel left out.”

“I’m in. As long as I’m not the one who has to issue last call, kick out the drunks, clean up, and cash out.” Before I even finish, he has his phone to his ear. I assume calling Nicole to set things up for tonight. It’s been way too long since I’ve been out, and just as long since I have had the sweet release that only a beautiful woman can provide. Studio 57 is just what I need.

I wave as I grab my keys and wallet off the counter. The delivery isn’t going to sign itself in.

BREAKFAST IS DELICIOUS. Neither one of us eat much, but what we do eat, we both comment on how good it is. I was dreading this because of the day, but I have to admit I miss spending time with my dad. He’s the foreman for a road construction crew. His shift is never the same, changing due to the traffic patterns of whatever area they are working in. His job also causes him to travel long distances. More often than not, he will stay out of town until the job is complete. Lucky for him, the company covers all costs. In other words, my dad is one of the guys behind the orange barrels on the highway. After we finish eating, Dad insists on taking me to the mall. I tell him it’s not necessary. I know he lives on one income and I have my part-time job as a tutor to cover what my scholarship doesn’t. Thankfully, it’s enough to allow me and Nicole to share an apartment off campus. Dorm life is not where it’s at. Of course, he blows off my concern and says it’s his God-given right to spoil his little girl.

After dragging me in and out of every store, asking if anything catches my eye, I ended up with a new pair of jeans, a sweater, and a scarf. It’s early October and the weather is starting to get cold. We stop on the food court on our way out and grab a slice of pizza. We were in the mall for over five hours. I know what you’re thinking—a man in the mall for five hours? Yes, my father is relentless when he wants to be. He hates to shop, but he loves me and loves to spoil me. My mom used to say that was one of the things she loved about him best. She used to say that behind all the brawn is a heart of gold; he loves with everything in him. She always told me that if I ever found a man like that, I needed to hold on tight with both hands and never let him go.

I see that in my dad. My issue is letting myself get close to anyone else to find out what his heart is made of.

After inhaling our food court pizza, we head to our final destination of the day. My mom loved horses. As soon as we moved here, Dad and I found a riding stable that let you rent a horse for the day. It was something we thought we could do and it would seem like she was with us. We were both reaching for anything that would make us feel closer to her. We stumbled upon a beautiful lake along the trails. The view is serene and I immediately knew Mom would have loved it. Dad agreed and we come back as often as we can. It’s odd to think that coming to a place she has never been makes us feel closer to her, but for me at that time in our lives it worked. I still feel close to her when we are here. I like to think she is watching over us, and she really is.

“I called ahead and reserved Savannah and Charlotte for us today,” my dad says as we pull into the long lane that will lead us to the stables.

I’m excited to see the two horses that we have grown attached to. I’m ready to feel like she’s with us. “Awesome. I can’t wait to see them.” And feel close to her. I don’t say that aloud though. Today has gone really well. Both of us have held in the emotions, grounding each other from the pain. My dad is really the only one who has ever been able to do that.

The owner, Ray, as he insists we call him, greets Dad with a man hug and me with a kiss on the cheek. “I got the girls all saddled up and ready for you.”

“Great, thanks,” I say over my shoulder. I’m headed toward the barn. I love horses, love being outdoors really.

A few minutes later, Dad joins me and places the lilies in the saddlebag on his horse. He will be riding Savannah. She is huge; Ray referred to her as being sixteen hands or something of that nature. That’s horse speak for tall. Dad is over six foot, so they work well together. Savannah is a beautiful horse; she is white with red spots. I believe Ray said she is a paint… again more horse speak that I don’t understand but can repeat and sound as though I do. It does kind of look like she has blotches of red paint all over, so I can see the logic in the name.

My horse is Charlotte. Ray says she and Savannah are sisters. Where Savannah is red, Charlotte is black. Charlotte is also smaller, coming in at fourteen hands. She’s sweet and gentle and I love her. Dad and I fell in love with both of them on day one, and he has called to make sure they are reserved any time we visit.

The trails are beautiful and peaceful. The stables are not very busy today, because it’s October and starting to get colder. There are over five hundred acres of trails that we can ride. I think over the years, Dad and I have traveled them all at least once. We always travel to our lake and toss some lilies in for Mom. Her name was Lillian and lilies were her favorite flower. Dad always called her Lilly, and when I was born, he decided he was going to call me Kensi even though everyone else shortened my name to Kens. Mom was the only other person who called me Kensi. A few have tried, but I am always quick to shut them down; that was something the three of us shared. Dad doesn’t call me that as much as he used to.

“How’s school, baby girl?” His question brings me back to the present.

“Good. Classes are good this semester. My advisor informed me that I need to be looking for a local business that I can volunteer with next semester. Apparently, the professor for my advanced business practices class requires all students to volunteer at a local business to get some hands on workforce experience. She likes to keep it local as a way to give back to the community. There are a lot of small businesses around and the extra free help is a perk for them.”

“I think that’s a great idea. Do you have any ideas yet?” he asks.

“No, not yet. I still have a lot of time. I’m sure I’ll figure something out. I think Nicole is just going to work at her sister’s salon.”

“How is Nicole?”

That’s Dad. He’s always taking interest in my life, even my friends. He knows how much Nic has helped me over the last four years. He was worried when he moved me into the dorms. We were both going to be on our own. It was scary for both of us.

“She’s good, keeps me on my toes.” I don’t say anything else. I know he can read through the lines. We let the silence fall between us, and before I know it, we are stopped in front of the lake. We tie the horses off to the hitching post and Dad pulls the lilies out of his saddlebag. He hands me half of the bouquet, keeping the remainder for himself.

I follow him to the edge of the bank and we both take a seat. I toss one of my lilies into the water and watch as it slowly drifts away.

“Kensi…” His voice is gruff. “I’m worried about you.”

I turn to face him and I can see the lines of worry across his forehead. “I’m good, Dad. Promise,” I try to reassure him. I’ve actually done really well today and I’m mentally giving myself a high five for keeping it together.

“I’m worried that what happened is keeping you from living life. I know you don’t really date and I understand your hesitance to let someone in. I want to see you fall in love. I want to walk you down the aisle and someday hold my grandbabies in my arms. That is what we both wanted for you; I still do,” he says this as he throws his first lily into the lake. It’s almost as if he’s speaking for her.

These are the same kinds of conversations Mom and I used to have all the time. She was always the one to touch on these types of subjects with me. Dad let us do our thing… this is a first for us. It’s not as awkward as I always imagined it would be.

I lean my head against his shoulder and let his words sink in. “I used to want that. I just don’t think it’s in the cards for me. Maybe one day. I’m not opposed to it completely, but it’s going to take someone who is willing to put in the time and effort to prove he’s worth it. For now, I’m good with one man in my life. Besides, if and when that happens, he will have some pretty big shoes to fill.” I feel his shoulders lift with the chuckle that escapes his lips.

Dad wraps his arms around me and holds me tight. “I love you, baby girl. I just want to see you live a full, happy life. It’s up to you what will make that happen, just know that sometimes the risks are worth the reward.”

We continue to sit by the lake and slowly toss our lilies into the water. Dad tells me the story of how he and mom met, and then tosses in a lily. I tell him how I miss the talks she and I used to have and toss in a lily. Within a few hours, we have managed to talk about her, about the good times and some of the bad. The pain is there, but there is just something about this place that helps ease the sting.

I hear the low grumble of his belly and a giggle escapes my lips. “Oh, you think that’s funny, do you?” he says as he climbs to his feet. The next thing I know, he’s lifting me off the ground and throwing me over his shoulder. We reach the horses and he gently sets me on my feet. “It’s not nice to laugh at a man when he’s hungry.” He winks at me.

Back at the stables I smile and shake my head today turned out better than I had expected. We unsaddle the horses and brush them down. This is not something that is required, but I love it. Ray says he doesn’t mind having someone spoil the “crew” as he calls them. We finish up, and with one final hug, Dad and I climb into our vehicles and go our separate ways. Somehow, throughout the day, the pain in my chest shifted. It’s still there, but the dread I was feeling is gone. Maybe I was wrong, maybe talking about her, about what happened, is therapeutic. Maybe it does get easier after all.

Walking into the apartment, I find Nicole stretched out on the couch. Her eyes take me in. I know she’s prepared to see me in full breakdown mode, but I’m not, much to her surprise and mine.

“Hey, how was your day?” I can hear the hesitation in her voice. I chew on my bottom lip to keep from laughing at her. She’s wigged out because I’m not a blubbering mess. It feels good and it’s taking all the effort I can muster not to bust out laughing at the situation.

“It was good, actually. We went to breakfast then the mall.” I hold up my bags to show her my new purchases. “Then we went to the stables and road down to the lake.” She knows about the stables and the lake. I’ve told her how I feel closer to my mother there. I don’t keep everything from her, just that night. Everything else, I’m an open book.

“You seem… I don’t know, lighter somehow,” she comments as she continues to watch me.

“Yeah, I’m not sure what happened really. Dad and I talked a lot. We talked about Mom, the good times and the… bad. He even broached the ‘I want to see you married with kids’ subject. He worries, but I assured him he has nothing to worry about.”

“I worry too, you know?”

“I know you do. I’ll tell you what I told him. I’m not opposed to dating. I just need to know that the guy is into me for the right reasons. I need to see that he is willing to put forth the effort to really be with me. I know that makes me sound like a spoiled brat, but… my past… he needs to be able to take me as I am.” I smile thinking about my conversation with Dad. It eased the pain. “I told Dad that any male in my future has big shoes to fill.”

Nicole throws her head back and laughs as well. “No shit. He spoils you rotten. What’s in the bag?”

“I tried to argue my way out of it, but you know how he is. He was having no part of it.” I toss the bags to her. Just as she reaches for them, the alert from her cell phone announces a new message. She reaches for her phone instead.

I watch as she reads it and a smile crosses her face. Interesting.

“All right, you’re holding out on me. Who is that?” I ask.

“It’s Brighton. He’s the one I met a few months ago at the bonfire. You remember the one you were supposed to go to, but decided last minute that you weren’t feeling it.” She scowls at me.

“I didn’t say I wasn’t feeling it. I wasn’t feeling well. If you remember correctly I had a stomach thing for over a week.” I remind her of my illness. “Brighton is the one who has met you for coffee a few times on campus?”

“Yes. He’s been texting me all day asking if we want to meet up at Studio 57 tonight. I told him we couldn’t make it. He’s been trying to get me to change my mind all day.”

I can see she really wants to go. I think about the day with my dad and what he said. I do tend to shy away and keep others at arm’s length. I know he’s right that Mom would want me to live life to the fullest. “So tell him you changed your mind.”

“Kens, we always spend tonight together,” she says softly. She’s afraid that mentioning it will set me off. I’m just as shocked as she is that it doesn’t.

“Who says we aren’t? I have this new outfit that needs to be broke in. Put the guy out of his misery and tell him we will meet him there.” With that, I head to my room to shower and get ready. I pass a picture of me and my parents sitting on my dresser. I miss her so much. I miss our family. Today was the first day since we lost her that I felt like Dad and I are back to being us. It’s nice. I kiss the frame and place it back on my dresser. Time to strap on a smile and be the wing woman my bestie needs. I think I need this night as much as she does.