Lie to Me (Sexual Misconduct Volume III) (8 page)

Avery

Three days later
, I was still at a loss as to what to do about Xander. I’d spoken on the phone with Susan, and Ellie had moved back in Monday night. She was spending more time at home than she had in the last six months. It seemed like I was working things out with everyone except Xander.

As I left work
, I bypassed my car and walked along the path of the small park a few blocks down. I liked to get lost in the crowd. It started years ago. Any time I wanted to clear my head, I people-watched. I walked through the crowd and fabricated what issues they were having that day based on their demeanor. It was a way to prove I wasn’t the only person with problems. Even though I knew it was all in my head, as a psychiatrist, I knew no one was without their own set of issues.

After half an hour in the park
, I headed back to my car and let my heart guide me. Pulling up to Xander’s place felt bittersweet. I sat in the car for another half an hour, fighting with myself—weighing the pros and the cons of ringing his doorbell. In the end, the decision was taken away from me when Xander opened the door and stood there staring at my car with his arms crossed.

There
’s no way I’m leaving now.

I got out
of the car and made my way up the stairs.

“
We need to talk.”

I brushed past him and made myself at home on his living room couch. Xander stood at the door
, looking out for a few seconds before following me. He knew this conversation would make or break us. When he sat with his legs spread and hands folded, I felt his unease.

“
I need to know why. Why lie to me the way you did?”

“
I’d like to make it beautiful for you, but it was mostly self-preservation. I loved you and needed you. I stepped over the boundary to keep you.”

“
I don’t even think you know what a boundary is.” I stood, walked to the farthest end of the room, and crossed my arms.

“
I might agree with you. I just don’t think the way most people do. I talk myself out of doing the right thing in order to hold on to what I want,” he admitted.

“
I don’t know if that’s something I can live with. How am I supposed to trust you?” I narrowed my eyes as I gazed at him.

“
I told you I’m not good at this. I told you I always make the wrong decisions when it comes to love.” He ran a hand over his face as if to wipe away his frustration. “You said you wouldn’t leave me.”

“
You lied about my parents,” I threw back at him.

“
I didn’t tell you because it was going to hurt you… and break us.”

“
You should’ve let me decide what I could handle. How am I supposed to trust that you’ll be honest with me? That you won’t withhold information from me again?”

“
I won’t.”

I shook my head.
“I don’t believe you.”

He stood and held out his hands.
“Everything is out. I’m not hiding anything else from you. You wanted to see my scars; I let you.
You
told me to stop blaming myself.
You
told me I wasn’t a monster because of it. Were all those lies?”

I walked toward him, stopping uncomfortably close.
“No, but if you would’ve come to me and told me the truth—I’m not going to lie—I would’ve been devastated, but not as shattered. That’s how I felt when Ian told me. Like everything I knew about my life was yanked right out of me.”

He
rolled his eyes. “Ian… He’ll never stop until I pay.”

“
You want to know how you can pay? You own it. Admit your mistakes. Confess your secrets. Own up to the ruin you caused. Stop being a coward and hiding in the dark! Be the fucking man I thought I fell in love with. Own. It.”

“
What do you want me to say? That I’m Xander Pierce and I fucked up? I’m selfish. I’m a jealous control freak. That I’m a fucking drunk who killed my wife.” He took a deep breath, then admitted, “I stole her life… and I robbed you of your happiness.” He stuttered, and though his face was stony, nearly emotionless, a single tear rolled down his cheek, betraying his true feelings. My heart broke. For my parents, for Jessica, and for the burden he’d carried around all these years

I moved in closer and held his face in my hands, wiping his tears with my thumbs.
“Fate brought us here. You with your pain, me with my loneliness and heart of stone. God, I don’t want to.” I sighed, letting my head fall back and owning how I felt. “But… I still love you.”

He
reached up and wrapped his hands around my wrist. The touch connected us deeper than a kiss in that moment. “I love you, too.”

I shook my head because this
wasn’t what I wanted, but it was what I needed. “We need to find a way to heal—to move on.”

He
took a deep breath and frowned before asking, “You won’t leave me?”

I shook my head.
“No,” I said in a raspy whisper because the words were hard to admit. I cleared my throat and continued. “I don’t know how to.”

He pulled me
in and held me tight, as if his arms could keep me locked to him forever.

I leaned back and met his gaze. “But we’re going to take this slowly.”

He nodded his acceptance, and I let him pull me back into his arms and let myself enjoy the feeling of being held by him again.

~*~*~

I was kidding myself thinking we could take things slowly. Xander and I have always burned hot from the first day. That heat did not evaporate when we split. If anything, distance only caused it to build into an inferno. So three restless nights later, I found myself sprawled in Xander’s bed, stripped bare in more ways than one.

“
Did you fuck Matthew?” he asked while thrusting slowly into me. This had been the topic of discussion the night before, but I’d hung up without giving him an answer. It seemed he knew he’d have to resort to other means to get answers from me.

“
Tell me what happened,” he insisted.

I shook my head
, gasping as his cock repeatedly hit against my sweet spot. I could barely breathe between thrusts, much less speak.

“
Nothing happened,” I panted.

“
Tell me what the fuck happened, Avery! Tell me what you let him do.”

“
Not now… please… Xander… Later.” Each word came out on a ragged breath between strokes.

His thrust
s became as aggressive as his tone. He grabbed hold of my hips, lifted them, and fucked me onto his cock. “Tell me now,” he shouted.

“
Nothing,” I shrieked.
Why won’t he just leave it alone?

He growled
, then smacked my ass. Hard. I yelped.

“
Just a kiss,” I finally admitted.

“
And?” He’d slowed his pace, barely moving at this point.

“
I took off my bra.”

“
Then?”

“
He touched me and that’s it. I swear that’s all.”

H
e was eerily calm with sweat running down his muscular frame and a hard-edged look in his eyes.

He threw my legs over his shoulders
, hunched down, and sucked my nipple into his mouth as he began to fuck me hard again. His hip fluctuations were superb, and I was on the fast track to becoming derailed.

He released my nipple with a smacking pop
, then glared down at me, wrapping his hand around my neck, never missing a beat with his sexual lunges.

It was hot
, and I was cresting despite the lack of air. Bolts of pleasure jolted from my core and spread across my body like a tidal wave of euphoria.

I screamed and
shouted, my muscles seizing up as if he’d shocked me with his power-driven lightning strike-like thrust. Light and darkness flashed behind my eyelids, and I wasn’t sure if I’d passed out due to lack of air, or died from a heart attack-causing orgasm.

“
Turn around,” he demanded from somewhere in the distance. My eyelids fluttered open, and I realized he was still hovering. It just seemed like he’d spoken from another dimension. He pulled out and flipped me over. His heavy body loomed over me, his hand sweeping my hair to the right.

“
You let him touch you? It makes me sick that he touched you, but I still need this pussy… So. Fucking. Bad.”

Shit
.

I
f I said the things coming out of his mouth didn’t make me wetter, I’d be lying. He twisted my arms behind my back and pushed into me in one long thrust. My body tightened, mouth gaped.

I inched forward
, trying to escape the intensity of it all, because I knew this orgasm wouldn’t be just a physical release. This was a lesson, and at the end, no matter how savagely he took me, he’d prove unequivocally that he owned me. My shattering orgasm would be the trophy he carried around as proof of our love.

Before I
squirmed too far away, he grabbed my thighs, spread them wider, pushed my upper body down so my chest was pressed against the bed, and leaned into me. “Are you trying to get away?”

I shook my head against the mattress.

“You’re always trying to get away from me. When will you realize you fucked up? You let me in, and I’m not leaving.”

I moan
ed as he sharply thrust his cock into me.

He put his mouth to my ear and whispered,
“We fell in love, and now we have to live with this insanity.”

He reared back and pounded into me repeatedly
, painful but blissful drives of his steely length banging against my G-spot relentlessly. Nagging, mocking, ridiculing me into submission, then evoking a climax out of me so strong it plundered my senses and stripped me bare.

It was the most silent orgasm
I’d ever had, but that didn’t represent the severity of it. In fact, the only thing that proved the climax had ripped my soul from me and firmly placed it in Xander’s hand was the sole teardrop that spilled from my eye and onto the sheets.

Xander groaned, pulled out
, and flipped me over.

“
Open your mouth.” I was past trying to reason with Xander. He was crazed in his need to brand me—make me his again.

I did as he demanded
, and he pushed his cock into my mouth.

“
What does it taste like?” he asked. His cock was too far down my throat for me to respond. So I moaned against his hot skin.

He yanked himself out, using his hand to stroke his achingly hard cock.
“Answer the question.” He twisted my hair in his free hand and forced me to look up at him.

“
Me. You taste like me.”

“
It’s the only thing I’ll ever taste like.” He threw his head back, his hand working aggressively on his cock.

“
Fuck!” he growled.

Thick cords of cum shot out onto my face, lips, and chest. I knew he was marking me, but I was okay with it, because the mark I left on him was etched all over the pained expression on his face. His love for me was my mark, and when I took it away, it cut him deep.

I leaned forward, opened my mouth
, and worked him through his orgasm. Sliding my tongue over his pulsating cock and licking up his seed. He’d opened my eyes to what I didn’t want to accept. The feelings we had toward each other were chaotic, turned us into dirty
fucking
lunatics. But the love… the love was irreversible.

Avery

I woke in Xander
’s arms, and amazingly, he was asleep. It was a very rare occasion that I woke to find Xander asleep, but I liked it. I got to watch him unguarded—untroubled and peaceful.

His eyes slowly cracked open. He
rubbed them with his fingers and looked at me like he thought I’d disappear. He smiled as he pulled me in and held me against his warm skin.

“
I missed this. Missed you.” He kissed my forehead, his fingers caressing the skin at my hips.

“
Missed you too.” I looked up and met his gaze. “Don’t mess this up.”

He sighed.
“I’m going to fuck up, Avery. I love you so much I did anything to keep us together. I never intended to hurt you, and I won’t do it again.”

I nodded.
“But you did hurt me. I don’t care if you make mistakes. I just need to be able to trust you. Trust that you’ll tell me the truth and know I’ll stand by you.”

He nodded
, and I leaned up and kissed his jaw.

We stayed that way—just holding each other, our fingers running over smooth skin as
tangible evidence this was real and not another dream.

After what seemed like an hour
, I asked, “Would you do something for me?”

“
Anything,” he declared.

“
Talk to Ian.” Ian and I had discussed this, and I knew he was ready to move forward.

“
Oh, fuck no!” He released me abruptly, swung his legs off the bed, and pulled on a pair of briefs.

“
You said anything,” I reminded him.

He turned back to me with a grimace on his face.
“Why do you want this? He’s gotten to you, hasn’t he?”

“
What does that even mean? Gotten to me how?” I scoffed.

“
He always had a way of getting women to feel sorry for him… fall in love with him.”

“
Really, Xander?” I got up with the sheet clutched to my chest. “I don’t want Ian. If it were that simple to turn off what I feel for you, I would’ve done it.”

He looked at me
with a hurt expression on his face before he turned away.

“
I’m sorry, but if I had a choice, I would’ve walked away. I just wasn’t strong enough.”

He turned back to me, reached out
, and touched my arm. “You’re the strongest woman I know. And for the record, you did walk away. You took time to run it through that overactive brain of yours and decided I was worth the chance.”

I smiled because that
’s exactly what I thought. Xander was worth it, and what we had was worth a lot more than a chance. Anger blinded me—kept me from giving him that second chance sooner. I’m just glad I simmered down long enough to realize I wanted him in my life.

I reached up and ran my hand across the morning fuzz growing on his face.
“Look, I just want you two to heal. It’s time to let go of the past and move on.”

“
We’d kill each other in a room alone.”

“
So I’ll be there. You guys can come to my office. Neutral ground. Safe haven.” I winked at him.

“
I can’t believe I’m even considering doing this,” he said, pulling away the sheet and leaving me exposed. He pulled me into his arms and smiled as he kissed the spot on my neck that guaranteed him a happy morning.

“
But you are considering it, though? Right?”

H
e nodded against my neck, and I smirked because he had a lot of making up to do, and there was no way he wouldn’t show up.
I may be getting my way for quite a while.