Life Is What You Make It A Story Of Love, Hope And How Determination Can Overcome Even Destiny (7 page)

“As though we will do anything with the door open.”

“Let me shut it then,” he teased.

“Not so soon,” I replied smiling.

“By the way Abhi, where are your parents? Do they both work?”

“My mum is no more. That's her picture you see over there,” he said pointing to the lady's photo that I had earlier seen on the chest of drawers. There is so much more I want to tell you,” he said. “No actually I want to show you.”

“Do say. I am all ears,” I said propping a pillow against the wall and leaning back on his bed. It felt so intimate to be sitting with him, like this, on his bed.

He turned around so that his back was towards me and lifted up his T-shirt. I was stupefied. It was a profusion of angry welts and bruises, some red and some fading ones, criss-crossing each other all over his back.

“God, what is it?” I said as he lowered his T-shirt and turned towards me, settling next to me, leaning against the wall. His shoulder was definitely touching mine now but I made no efforts to move away.

“That is my father.” He said simply. “I hate him. I would kill him if I could.”

The vehemence and determination in his voice shocked me. His openness in showing it to me also took me by complete surprise. I was feeling a plethora of emotions that I had no name to. I wanted to know more.

“He uses a belt, the bastard, pardon my language.” He said simply.

“But why? What have you done to merit this?”

“It's a long story, but let me try and make it short.”

“No, tell me the whole thing. I want to know. ”

“He does not live here. He lives in Pretoria, South Africa. He works for a missionary organisation trying to promote God's cause” he said. The derision and scorn in his voice was obvious. “And what I showed you was his reward this time to me, for my refusal to toe his line. He visits me from time to time. He wants me to join him in his mission. I hate it when he comes here. ”

“Doesn't your grandpa stop him?”

“This is my mother's dad. So he has no say in the matter. My father does not even know who his parents are. He was raised by these missionaries. He will lay down his life for them and he just cannot accept the fact that I have a different view point. ”

“And how did your viewpoint become so different?” I asked a wave of curiosity and affection flooding through me. I wanted to know more. I wanted to know all about this guy who was so madly in love with me.

“My mum was a Hindu. That is why it means such a lot to him if I join him. It is a kind of redemption for his having married her.”

I did not know what to say. I felt like hugging him and telling him that it would all work out in the end. But who knew what the future held and the assurance sounded hollow to me.

I took his hand in mine, the one that had the cut and held it. It seemed the right thing to do at that point of time. He squeezed my hand as if he was getting some strength to go on.

We sat quietly for a long time hands entwined, shoulder to shoulder. There was so much going on inside my head. I felt strangely connected to Abhi. He made no attempt to move or to remove his hand. Finally, when it began getting dark, I said that I must go home otherwise my parents might get worried.

Something in me changed that day, with the visit. I wasn't sure what it was. There were no words to describe it. I wanted to tell it all to Suvi.

But not right away. I needed time to clear my own thoughts which were still whirling inside my head, as I fell asleep that night. It was the first time in ages that someone other than Vaibhav had dominated my thoughts.

6

The needle swings

S
uvi could not wait to hear all about my visit to Abhi's place. She dragged me off to a secluded spot in the building that housed the college auditorium.

“You little minx. You slept with him. You lost your virginity! Didn't you? ” she shrieked.

“Of course not! We only held hands,” my indignant words were out even before I realised it.

“Ah ha! AH HA! Miss Ankita Sharma . If anybody can get you to open up and trap you to admit facts it is only me!” She looked as though she had won a prize at a fair where you try your chances in a game of luck.

I asked her to shut up and narrated in detail every single thing that had happened, ever since I went to his home.

She let out a whistle when I completed. Then she said “You should have at least kissed him.”

“You and your dumb ideas! You're a trollop and that is all you can think of.”

I was annoyed with her for not offering a salve to my guilt. She was only looking at it as an opportunity to get physical with a guy. A perfect opportunity that had been handed to me on a platter, which in her books, I had missed. I walked off angrily and she trailed behind me.

“Hey, relax. I was only teasing you,” she said. “But look at you. You're behaving as though you actually slept with him.”

“Look, I am beginning to like him a lot more than I intended to. I have no idea what to do. And what do I tell Vaibhav?” I asked.

“How do you know your sweet Vaibhav hasn't met someone there? You think he is telling you everything? For God's sake Ankita, it is not as though you are married to Vaibhav. Things happen. People change. Before I met Ravi, I liked Suresh. And all this virginity business is really no big deal. You do it and it's done.”

I knew she had a sex life but this was the first time she was talking about it.

“Weren't you scared the first time? “ I asked her. I wished I could be as nonchalant as her. I wished things didn't bother me so much.

“Well, not exactly scared, because I knew what I was doing. I was more worried about whether he had put on the condom right. And I was more worried about getting pregnant.”

“And how did you know that Suresh was the one?” I asked.

“My sweet, Anks, which century are you living in? Don't tell me you are saving your virginity to gift it on a platter to the guy you will marry,” she said.

I was.

So I said nothing. I think she understood.

“Look,” she said, “I had decided to do it and I did it. That was all. It did not matter with whom. But things didn't work out with Suresh. Then Ravi came along. And even now it is not as if Ravi and I are a couple. I do understand what you're feeling, babe, trust me I have been there. I
know. ”

I felt a lot better after her assurance. I was a little in awe of her too. I had miles to go in
that
department. Here I was, feeling guilty for having spent time alone with a guy. It wasn't as if we had kissed or even got physical. But somehow I knew at that moment, that a barrier between him and me had been broken and I would go further the next time. I wasn't comfortable thinking about it, so I dealt with it in the manner I knew best. I pushed it aside.

As months passed, I discovered that being an office bearer meant a mad whirl wind of selections, competitions, trials, organising transport and the best part of it all—bringing home the laurels. For most of the cultural festivals, we either came second in the overall championship or were winners.

For each of these cultural festivals, the team from Mahaveer's would invariably be present. That meant that Abhi was there and my interaction with him grew more and more. It became almost a ritual that after each cultural festival he would ask me if he could drop me back home, after a cup of coffee. I looked forward to it. I enjoyed his company and over numerous cups of coffees and bike rides home, we were forging a bond that was becoming stronger as the weeks passed.

I did not breathe a word of any of this to Vaibhav. But deep down, I knew I wasn't waiting for his calls or letters anymore with the same eagerness that I used to.

These days I was only looking forward to opportunities that would give me a chance to be with Abhi for longer periods of time. The needle had swung in Abhi's favour and there was no question of turning back.

7

Destiny changes in moments

I
t was during the mother of all cultural festivals, the Mahatma Gandhi University Youth Festival, that Abhi and I first kissed. The Earth didn't move, the skies didn't open, I didn't feel the exhilaration I was supposed to feel, as described in books and shown in movies, but the cops came. The feeling of terror that swept over me when we heard the noise and saw the hurried footsteps and cops spilling out of jeeps like marbles tumbling out of an open bag, would remain with me for years to come, whenever I set my eyes on a person in a uniform.

The sequence of events that led to this, started innocently enough. At least it was innocent on my part and Abhi's but I am not so sure about the others who were involved.

It was an event spread over four days and we were all staying at a hostel in the college that was hosting it that year. The students who took part were of varied age groups ranging from 16-24. For many students, it was the first time they were staying away from home.

The freedom and the fun that this opportunity gave them, a high and sometimes, as office bearers, we had to be strict with the girls.

Only the office bearers in our college had permission to stay out as late as they pleased, as there were a million things to co-ordinate for next day. Anyone else who wanted to stay out late had to get an okay from them. Three days of events were already over. It was clear that Agnes was in the lead for the over-all championship and a talented girl called Suja from our college, had already emerged as the Individual champion, as she had won the first prize in four events—two dances and two singing events. It was a well known fact that the girl who won it would be invariably be offered a role in a Malayalam movie. We were waiting to see if Suja would take it up or pass it on. We were all proud of her. She was our star, our prized possession, the darling of the nuns who taught at the college.

Suja came to me, asking if she could stay out a bit longer that night as a guy from Mahaveers who was her boyfriend had asked her out. I had no idea how to answer her. I passed the buck and asked her to talk to Sanjana.

Sometimes decisions that are taken in the nick of a moment are the ones that have the power to affect a whole train of events that follow. But at the moment of taking those decisions, not much thought goes into them. They are taken in the normal manner and in retrospect, cause a great deal of contrition or remorse.

“Do you want to join us? We're having a special office bearers party tonight,” said Sanjana when Suja asked her for permission to stay out late. It was a surprise to me as well.

“What office bearers party?” I asked.

“The office bearers of all colleges are meeting today at 11.00 p.m after the day's events are over. It is a tradition before the last day, during youth festivals. Suja can come along and vanish in a little time after the party starts. Nobody need know, as long as she comes back safely and joins us to go back to the dorm,” Sanjana winked.

I shrugged. It was not my decision. I was quite sure that Sanjana knew what she was doing. Of course Suja agreed gratefully. Every other office bearer seemed to know of the party. They were old hands at this and I was the newbie.

“Where is this party going to be held?” I asked Priya, as I watched Suja walk away in glee.

“A t Hotel Crown Plaza. Their ballroom is a decent size. And some navy cadets will be there too. Gosh, those guys
are
gorgeous,” answered Priya dreamily.

The Indian Navy had a sea officers training establishment as well as a Naval Base in Cochin. The naval cadets trained here. The guys were usually well turned out, articulate, smart and most importantly would be officers at the end of their courses. The combination was irresistible to most women and having a naval academy guy as a boyfriend was a matter of prestige. The naval guys on their part would definitely give a right arm to say that an Agnes girl was their girlfriend. After all, Agnes girls had the reputation of being intelligent, fashionable and smart. So it was a kind of symbiotic relationship and each side thought they were the lucky ones.

The girls were all excited about the party. The numerous preparations that involved ‘getting ready for a party’ in a woman's parlance had begun in the hostel at 6.00 p.m itself. I was stunned when I saw some of the outfits that the girls had chosen to wear. Sanjana looked like a fashion model straight out of Vogue with an off shoulder deep red dress that had a plunging neckline and it clung to every curve. She also wore six inch heels and when she completed her make-up, all our jaws dropped open in amazement. She was stunning. Most of the others who were attending the party had dressed glamorously. I had not known about the party and had not carried any such party wear with me. I chose to wear a simple black and white printed shirt and black tights. They went well with my white heels. Sanjana took me aside and asked if I would like to borrow one of her outfits but I refused.

All the girls wore some kind of a jacket or a full sleeved top over their clothes which they would remove as soon as we were out of sight of the faculty. If the nuns saw the girls dressed like this, they would definitely object.

The hotel was within walking distance of where we stayed. The party had already started when we arrived.

The atmosphere was electric. The ball room was spacious, elegant and filled with young people dancing to the groove of blaring western foot tapping numbers. I was taken by surprise and it seemed as if I had stepped into a different world.

Priya, Sanjana and the others seemed to fit right in. They mingled around effortlessly and started dancing with a group of guys. I knew they were the navy guys. Suja too seemed to have found her boy friend and they were dancing like they had eyes only for each other. I did not know what to do. I tried to blend into the background inconspicuously, suddenly feeling out of place and uncomfortable.

“Hi there. You're Ankita, aren't you?” said a tall well dressed guy, tapping me on my shoulder. From his hair cut I knew that he was one of the Naval guys.

“Yes. And how do you know me?” I answered, surprised.

“Sorry, I didn't introduce myself. I am Pravin Singh. I am a friend of Rakesh Duggal who is Suja's friend,” he said.