Life of the Party (36 page)

“Grey … Grey …
stop ….” I choked out between laughs. “… I’m serious ….”

“If you’re so
serious, then why are you laughing?” His voice was suddenly thick,
his eyes heady as they scanned my face. His face hung just inches
from mine.

“I’m not.” I
whispered, the last traces of mirth disappearing from my voice. I
smiled at him pleadingly. “Grey, promise me.”

“Promise you
what?” Grey bent and kissed my collarbone, just below my neck,
sending a shiver of pure heat through me. Then his lips moved
slowly, achingly down my breastbone, beyond my ribs, gliding across
the smooth skin of my stomach. He let go of my wrists but I didn’t
move them. My heart was beating loudly in my throat; my breath was
shaky, faster.

“Promise that
you won’t forget me.” I pleaded.

“Forget you? I
could never.”

Grey stopped
his trail of kisses just above the waistband of my jeans. His lips
curved into a smile as he looked up at me, his blue eyes gleaming
wickedly.

“What about
you? Would you forget me?”

I shook my
head, breathless.

“You won’t
after this.”

We were still
entwined the next morning when I awoke. It took me a few minutes to
come too, a few minutes to assimilate the heavy weight of Grey’s
arm around my waist. Once I understood, a smile curved my lips and
I snuggled against the hard form behind me.

We still hadn’t
had sex. I mean, we had done many other things … wonderful things …
things that sent a quick blush of heat to my cheeks at just the
thought of them. We’d spent the most amazing night together. But
still, Grey had stopped us before we could go the final distance,
and I just didn’t understand it. I was actually starting to get a
complex about the whole thing. I mean, we’d had plenty of
opportunity, plenty of chances to do it, but we just … didn’t. He
didn’t want to, for some reason. I couldn’t help but think it had
something to do with me.

Grey stirred.
It was early in the morning, the sun was doing its damndest to
sneak through the Venetian blinds on the window, peaking around the
edges and filtering through the cracks. We’d been awakened by the
sound of the radio coming through my alarm clock. I hated the
noise; I knew it meant that Grey would be leaving me soon.

“Good morning.”
He whispered in my ear, his voice low, like velvet. His stubble
rubbed against my cheek. My heart wanted to burst, I was so
content. I tried to enjoy the moment as best I could while it
lasted.

“Good morning.”
I brought his hand to my lips and kissed it. I thought quickly
about doing some more cocaine, but pushed the thought from my mind.
I had to save my rations; I’d need them after Grey left. “Do you
want a smoke?” I asked instead.

“Sure.” He
answered. I had recently discovered the brilliance of smoking in
bed. I grabbed my pack from the nightstand and lit two cigarettes,
turning over and handing him one. We smoked in satisfied silence a
moment.

The blankets
were low on his torso, his tan chest naked on the bed, his head
resting against his arms. I propped my head on my hand and slowly
trailed my fingers over the hard contours of his pecks and his abs
in open admiration. He was so perfect, so unbelievably beautiful. I
sighed happily. I’d never been this intimate with someone
before.

I’d never
experienced what happened last night, to sleep wrapped up around
someone wearing nothing at all, to wake up with them the next
morning in a cocoon of total bliss and contentment. He’d held me
all night long, and I’d never felt safer.

I couldn’t help
but wonder if anything would change once we did have sex. Would it
be better? Would we be closer? I blew my smoke out thoughtfully,
trying to imagine what it’d be like, how it would feel. The
curiosity was driving me crazy. I knew he had to leave soon, I knew
our time together was fleeting. I had to ask him, I had to know
before he left.

“Grey?”

“What?” His
voice was still raspy from sleep.

I could feel
the heat in my face, and knew I was blushing. “Nothing, never
mind.” I changed my mind, I couldn’t ask him. It was too
embarrassing.

“What is it?
Tell me.” He chuckled. “You have to tell me now.”

“No, it’s
stupid. Forget it.”

“Mackenzie.”

I shook my
head. “No, it’s ….” I groaned and shut my eyes, forcing out the
words. “I just, I’ve been wondering … I mean, don’t get me wrong,
last night was amazing … but I was just wondering … why we don’t …”
I couldn’t say it.

“Why we don’t
have sex?” He finished for me.

I nodded
shamefully. “Yeah.”

“Well, you’re a
virgin, right?”

“Is it that
obvious?” My blush deepened. Why did I bring this up? I was going
to die of humiliation; I knew it.

“No, it’s not
obvious. Not in the way you’re thinking. Not in a bad way.” Grey
smiled at me.

“Okay ….”

“Look,
Mackenzie.” He sat up a bit, adjusting the blankets as he did so.
He looked at me seriously, but his lips were still bent in a smile.
“I’m not in any rush or anything. We can wait until you’re
ready.”

“I’m ready.” I
stated certainly.

He chuckled. “I
know you think that, but are you really? Maybe you just feel that
way because you think I expect it. And I don’t. I mean, I’d like
to, yeah … hell yeah,” he looked me over roguishly and smirked,
“and it’s definitely not easy. But I can wait.”

I was stunned.
And relieved. I had no idea Grey was so … thoughtful. That he cared
enough to wait until I was truly ready, that he wanted to make sure
I knew for certain when I was. I shook my head at him in utter
disbelief.

“Wow. What
makes you so … careful?”

“I don’t know.”
Grey shrugged. He took a drag of his cigarette and blew out the
smoke, avoiding my gaze, like he was the uncomfortable one now. “I
don’t know,” he repeated. “I’ve had a shit life, Mackenzie. A total
shit life. But I’ve got a chance now, to do something right for
once. You know?” He met my eyes then, his burning blue. “I feel
like if I do right by you, it’s, I don’t know, it’s like a shot at
redemption, or something. Does that make any sense?”

I nodded.
“Yeah, I guess so. But … what do you need redemption for?” Though
elated by his sentiment, my heart swelled with compassion for him.
I hated hearing that he had a “shit life,” I couldn’t imagine what
that meant. As much as I complained about my family and my parents,
deep down I knew I had it pretty good. What Grey was alluding to, I
had no real idea, only a feeling that it was bad. I looked up at
him with concern.

“It’s nothing.
It doesn’t matter.” Grey chuckled and shrugged it off. “I just; I
don’t want to screw this up. That’s all you need to know.”

“How could
you?” I lay my head down on his hard chest; my long, dark curls
spreading over him. “I won’t let you.”

Grey’s hand
found my hair, stroking the soft tresses and running his fingers
through them, sending little shivers through me. We lay together in
comfortable silence for a while. I wondered what he was thinking
about, if he were back reliving the memories of his youth that he
so needed to be absolved of. I hoped that one day he would talk to
me about it, but I wasn’t going to push him or pry. Grey was always
so cool, so casual, he would never convey even a hint of trauma or
torment about him. I had a feeling that all of it was buried,
somewhere deep and lost inside, hidden in a dark corner that no
light could ever touch.

His life was a
mystery to me; there was so much I had left to discover. It was odd
growing up in a small town not to know absolutely everything about
a person before you even meet. I loved it though; I loved the
ambiguity of it all. I looked forward to learning everything there
was to know about Grey. I had so many questions about the different
chapters in his life, and could only hope that one day he would
tell me the rest of the story, the parts edited for content, kept
only to himself.

His heartbeat
was loud in my ear. I smiled contentedly. When Grey was ready to
talk, I would be there to listen.

Zack’s car
idled loudly against the curb as the guys loaded their luggage into
the trunk. It was a gorgeous day, hot enough to “fry a cat on a
sidewalk,” as my Grandma would say. I stood back and waited, my
arms crossed, watching as they packed their things. The guys were
jovial and cheery, obviously excited as they prepared to embark on
their adventure. But I couldn’t say the same for me.

I hated this
day. I couldn’t even pretend to be happy about it. I wasn’t going
to cry though, I had promised myself that much. I could be strong;
I was going to be strong. After Grey threw his last bag into the
trunk of the car, he turned back to me and smiled. I forced myself
to grin back at him. I was going to be strong.

He gathered me
into his arms then, and I clung to the hard warmth of his body,
breathing deeply for one last time his delicious scent. I could
tell he was trying to hide his excitement, his perfect face seemed
crestfallen as he looked down at me, but there was no mistaking the
light apparent in his clear blue eyes. At least he had tried, for
my sake.

“Have fun while
I’m gone.” Grey brushed the hair back from my face. “But not too
much fun, okay?”

“Yeah.” I
nodded. “Same for you.”

“Promise you’ll
be careful? I don’t want to go crazy worrying about you.”

“I promise.” I
smiled, despite myself, at his obvious concern.

Grey bent down
and kissed me then, long and slowly, his lips lingering on mine. I
wrapped my arms tightly around his neck. I wanted to beg him to
stay.

“I love you.” I
whispered.

He smiled at
me. “I’ll call you.”

I nodded as he
pulled away. I forced myself to take a breath, to hold back the
tears that were threatening. My throat was aching.

“Let’s go
boys!” Alex called—ever his loud, grinning self—cheering as he
slammed the trunk shut. “It’s time to make some music.”

“You be good
while I’m gone.” Grey implored. I nodded again, unable to speak,
and watched in agony while they all piled into the car. Charlie
came and joined me after saying goodbye to Zack. She wrapped an arm
around my shoulders and gave me a comforting squeeze. We waved
forlornly as the vehicle pulled out onto the road, music cranking
from the open windows as they drove away. We could still hear Alex
cheering, even from afar.

I sighed
heavily, crossing my arms.

“Well, Mac,
it’s just you and me now.” Charlie stated.

“Yep.”

“So ….” She
grinned at me. “You wanna get blitzed or what?”

Charlie and I
kept ourselves as high as we could for the rest of the day. It
helped me forget how badly I already missed Grey, how my heart had
begun aching for him the moment the car was out of sight. We
ignored the creeping loneliness with cocaine and sun tanning and by
watching Jim Carrey movies well into the night. It wasn’t until I
crawled beneath the covers of my too empty bed that I recognized
the heartbreak of solitude. I wished for Grey’s strong, warm arms
around me; to have him whisper in my ear, to feel his lips on mine.
I sighed and curled up into as tight a ball as I could. This was
going to be a looong month.

Monday was the
same. Cocaine was on the menu for breakfast and lunch and most of
the afternoon. I was doing a bit more than I should’ve been, but I
justified it easily. I needed it now, it wasn’t just a want.

Work was
pitiful. There was some strange guy behind the counter covering for
Grey, but at times I’d forget he wasn’t Grey and bend to look
through the window, expecting his gorgeously handsome face to smile
at me in return. The new guy must have thought I was crazy. He
didn’t deserve half the disappointed glares I threw his way.

I continued
this mind-numbing routine for most of the week. I found it actually
got easier as time went by, not harder like I had expected. The
ache was still there, it hadn’t gone away or anything, but I was
learning to live with it. I began to feel like maybe I could do
it—maybe I could get through the month without Grey and emerge with
my sanity still intact.

That was before
I started waiting for him to call. I let a few days pass without
thinking anything of it; Grey was excited, he was getting settled,
he was probably busy. I could understand that. I spent Friday night
alone at home while Charlie went to the club, partly because I’d
promised Grey to be good, and good was not something I was at the
club—but mostly because I was sure he’d call me. Charlie rang
numerous times to try and pry me off the couch, so I knew my phone
wasn’t broken or anything. But Grey never called. I did some
cocaine by myself for awhile and then called it a night, trying to
keep my spirits up.

Sunday morning
came, and still no word. I looked out my bedroom window, laying in
bed, smoking a joint and staring up at the perfect, cloudless sky.
A myriad of possibilities flashed through my mind; reasons why Grey
couldn’t call. They ranged from a car accident to the studio
burning down, or Grey locked in a room and forced to sing
twenty-four hours a day. Maybe they’d signed a contract forbidding
any outside communication until the record was complete. The higher
I got the more ridiculous the explanations became. When I imagined
Grey on a spaceship, playing his guitar for bright green alien
creatures, I knew it was time for me to stop.

But then my
phone rang.
“Leila! You got me on my knees, Leila …,”
It
sang. I sat up, gasping, nearly falling out of bed in my rush to
answer the cell phone that I kept on my nightstand, right next to
my head so there was no way I’d miss it.