Life Or Something Like It (28 page)

‘That must have been tough,’ said Cat gently. She felt Ellie’s body grow heavy against her and realised that the little girl had fallen asleep. She pulled her closer, relishing the comforting sensation of life resting in her arms.

‘I got really angry with everyone,’ admitted Charlie, ‘and I got into a lot of trouble. The school had to call Mum and Dad.’

‘Your dad mentioned it. So what happened?’

‘I sat down with Ben and Tom and the Family Worker. It was okay but I didn’t want to be friends with them any more so I made friends with some other boys.’

‘Sounds sensible,’ said Cat. ‘So what’s changed now?’

Charlie sighed. ‘Ben and Tom fell out and I started hanging out with Ben again. It was great to start with.’

‘And then?’

‘Tom found out. Ben and I used to message each other on our iPads and then Tom started to join in. He was friendly to begin with but only to get back in with Ben. Then when they were friends again, he started being mean.’

‘Conniving little shit,’ said Cat without thinking.

‘Cat!’ scolded Charlie but he smiled. Then his face grew serious. ‘I’m scared it’ll all start up again when I get back.’ Cat’s heart went out to him; he suddenly seemed so small and vulnerable.

‘Why haven’t you told your mum and dad about this?’ she asked.

Charlie shrugged. ‘They’re always so busy or tired. I sort of don’t want to bother them.’

‘But they love you, Charlie, and they would want to help you.’

‘I guess.’

‘Listen,’ she said, ‘how about I have a word when we get home? I could talk to your teacher if you like. I know a bit about social media.’

A wave of relief flooded over Charlie’s face. ‘Do you think it would help?’

‘We can only try. But listen, you have to promise not to clam up about all this stuff. People can’t help if you keep things hidden.’

Charlie nodded. ‘Okay. I promise.’

She spotted Finn and Daisy walking back towards them. ‘Did you get lost?’ she asked.

‘No, I bought some extra stuff for dinner plus a newspaper and these.’ He held up a packet of Club biscuits.

‘I haven’t had one of those for about twenty years,’ said Cat, realising that this was becoming the headline of the holiday. ‘Cat Nightingale relives her wasted youth.’

Ellie woke from her snooze, stretching out her arms. ‘Are those biscuits?’ she asked. ‘Can I have one, please?’

Cat laughed. ‘You’re a biscuit bloodhound,’ she said, tickling Ellie around the middle. Ellie giggled and wriggled out of her aunt’s grasp before claiming a biscuit from Finn. The afternoon was spent playing cricket, flying Daisy’s kite, running races – Cat and Finn’s was particularly competitive – and crossword-solving in the hut over tea and biscuits.

When Cat looked back on their Suffolk break, it was this day that she rested upon like a precious jewel of treasured memories. It reminded her of childhood holidays, when days seemed endless and the only task to be completed was fun and enjoyment.

A child had always been a great mystery to her – an alien being to be feared or ignored. Now, she understood a little of what it was to be a parent, she was beginning to comprehend the heart-surging joy that nestled amongst the exhaustion and worry. She was also amazed at what the children had taught her through the way they viewed life: Ellie with her hopeful enthusiasm and Charlie, dear Charlie, just a little boy behind the bravado, his anger masking the fear. Then there was the way in which children rewarded you when you gave them a little of your precious time – the excited giggles during a game on the beach, the jumping-up-and-down glee of flying a kite or the reassuring feel of a child’s hand in yours. Some might dismiss them as simple pleasures; Cat got the feeling that they were the essence of life.

In the early evening, Finn began to cook dinner. Cat sought him out in the hut and offered to help.

‘Do you know how to gut and clean a squid?’ He smiled, laying down a challenge.

Cat took it. ‘No, but I’ll give it a go.’

He showed her how to pull out the sharp inner bone and then peel away the grey mottled outer skin. ‘Surprisingly therapeutic,’ she observed. ‘What’s my reward?’

‘This,’ he replied placing a glass of crisp white wine in front of her. ‘And a plate of Arroz a la Banda.’

‘Very acceptable,’ she said taking a sip of the wine. ‘Where did you learn to cook like this?’

Finn shrugged. ‘I’ve always cooked for Ronnie and Daisy and got bored of tuna pasta bake so I made friends with Rick Stein and Jamie Oliver.’

Cat nodded her approval. ‘And excellent dinner companions they are too.’ She smiled. She finished cleaning the squid and carried it over to where he was topping up a pan of paella rice with stock. ‘Is this okay?’

‘Perfect,’ he said, fixing his eyes on her.

She turned away quickly. ‘I’m going to go and find the kids,’ she said.

‘Tell them dinner’s nearly ready.’

‘I will.’ She walked barefoot onto the beach, feeling the sand cool beneath her feet. Daisy, Ellie and Charlie had found a wooden post and were taking turns to climb up and jump off the top. ‘That looks like fun,’ she said as she approached.

‘You have a go, Cat,’ said Daisy sweetly. ‘You feel like you’re flying.’

‘Okay then,’ replied Cat. She climbed up and stood gingerly on the top. ‘It’s very high,’ she said nervously.

‘Go for it,’ encouraged Charlie.

‘Yeah, go on, Auntie Cat. If I can do it, so can you,’ said Ellie.

She nodded and took a deep breath.
One – two – three
. She jumped. ‘Geronimo!’ she cried, channelling her inner six-year-old and delighting as her body and soul lifted with happiness. She landed heavily but stood up, relieved to find no bones broken. She turned to see Finn smiling at her. He had found some tea lights and placed them in jam jars around the balcony and on the table outside the hut. It looked magical.

‘Come on, kids.’ She smiled. ‘It’s time for dinner.’

The meal was delicious. Ellie declared the squid to have a ‘funny’ texture but decided that it was ‘good funny’ and asked for more when she’d finished. The mood was light and happy after the sadness of earlier in the week. Cat noted how resilient children were when it came to grief. They could be wailing like banshees one minute and as happy as a bouncy ball the next; they didn’t seem to dwell on things. Cat found it rather refreshing. Deal with it. Move on. She clearly had more in common with children than she’d realised.

She sat back in her chair and picked up her wine glass. She gave a little cough. Everyone looked at her. ‘I would like to propose a toast,’ she said. ‘To the best holiday ever.’

‘To the best holiday ever!’ echoed the cry.

Cat glanced over at Finn. He was smiling as he raised his glass in her direction. ‘To holiday-Cat,’ he said.

‘I like holiday-Cat,’ declared Ellie, wrapping her arms around Cat’s neck.

‘Why thank you, Ellie.’ Cat smiled, patting on her arm.

‘You know I said that I didn’t like you?’ continued Ellie.

‘Yes?’

‘I’ve changed my mind,’ reported Ellie.

‘Oh yes?’

‘I actually love you, Cat.’

Cat looked into the little girl’s eyes. It was like a mirror to her younger self and caught Cat unawares. She pulled Ellie in for a hug. ‘I love you too, Ells,’ she said, taking comfort from the embrace.

Ellie looked up at her. ‘Can we have an ice-cream now, please?’

Everyone laughed. ‘Ellie, do you know what cupboard love is?’ asked Cat with a wry smile.

‘No,’ replied Ellie wide-eyed.

Cat laughed. ‘Never mind. Can you fetch my purse, please? It’s in that bag over there.’ Ellie trotted off obediently. As she pulled the purse out of Cat’s bag, it fell open, spilling some of the contents onto the floor.

‘Oops,’ said Ellie, scrabbling to pick them up.

Cat felt her stomach lurch as she saw a scattering of passport-size photographs. She jumped up. ‘I’ll get those, Ellie.’

‘No, it’s all right,’ said the little girl unawares. She picked up the items. ‘Oh, it’s a little photo. Daddy’s got this one by his bed. It’s your mum and dad, isn’t it?’

Cat’s chest tightened at the exposed secret, a hidden truth she usually kept to herself. ‘Yes, it is,’ she said.

‘Sorry, Cat. I didn’t mean to make you sad,’ said Ellie, handing back the picture.

Cat took the photograph and stared at it. She realised that all eyes were on her but instead of tucking it away again, she carried the photo back to her chair and sat down. She felt her niece’s hand on her arm. ‘This is your other granny and grandpa,’ she said quietly, holding up the picture for Ellie and Charlie to see.

‘What were their names?’ asked Ellie boldly.

‘Ellie,’ warned Charlie.

‘No, it’s okay, Charlie,’ said Cat. She was reminded of how brave he had been telling her his secrets earlier and it gave her courage. ‘Their names were Julia and William Nightingale.’ She hadn’t said these names out loud for so long, her utterance came out as a whisper, as if expressing something sacred.

‘Granny is very pretty,’ said Ellie.

There was something about Ellie’s matter-of-fact casting of Julia as Granny that lifted Cat’s heart whilst at the same time making her feel so very sad that they had never met. ‘She was beautiful.’ Cat nodded, blinking back the promise of tears. ‘She would have loved you,’ she added with a fond smile.

‘What were they like?’ asked Charlie.

It was as if she’d opened an old box of forgotten letters or childhood treasures and rather than wanting to shut the lid again, Cat felt an unexpected and overwhelming urge to share her memories.

‘Mum was…’ she searched for the words, struggling to define it like you would struggle to define love or anger ‘…she was everything a mum should be.’ She paused and smiled as thoughts flooded her mind like a breaking wave. ‘She was kind and funny, but strict too. She dressed beautifully, which is why I like clothes, I think. She never went out without make-up. She once told me that if I only had time for either breakfast or make-up, I should miss breakfast.’ Cat laughed. ‘She was clever too. She loved us. Very much.’ Cat’s voice trailed away.

‘And what about your dad?’ Finn’s voice was a surprise. Cat had almost forgotten he was there. She glanced at him, his eyes sparkling in the candlelight. Daisy had climbed onto his lap and was resting against his chest. His gaze was gentle and encouraging. Cat felt at that moment that she could tell him anything.

‘He was like Mum in lots of ways, apart from the thing about make-up.’ She gave a small chuckle. ‘He was very funny; we had lots of laughs together and he loved music too. I always remember our house being full of people and music and laughter. They liked to have parties, liked to be sociable and sometimes we got to stay up. I remember dancing with him; he would scoop me up and swing me round and round. He was the one who first called me Cat.’ She brushed away a tear and looked out to sea, trying to regain her composure.

‘They look cool,’ said Ellie, putting an arm around Cat’s shoulder, leaning in to look at the picture again.

Cat glanced down at the photo and smiled at her dear, much-missed parents. ‘They were very cool. This was taken at a friend’s wedding. They certainly knew how to dress. Look at Dad’s suit – those lapels! And Mum’s dress. She always looked so effortlessly glamorous, like a screen goddess.’

‘Like that lady on your wall at work?’

Cat was amazed that Ellie remembered. ‘Yes, like Grace Kelly,’ murmured Cat.

‘They look really happy,’ observed Charlie.

‘They were. Very happy,’ admitted Cat.

‘It’s so sad that they died,’ said Ellie simply. Cat bit her lip and stared out to sea. She could feel buried sadness welling up inside and knew that if she started to cry, she might not be able to stop.

‘Charlie?’ said Finn softly. ‘Could you take the girls to get an ice-cream, please?’

Charlie’s eyes shifted from Finn to Cat and he understood. ‘Come on, Ellie, Daisy. I think the kiosk might close soon. We don’t want to miss out, do we?’

‘Oh, okay,’ said Ellie, oblivious to what was going on. She planted a tiny kiss on Cat’s cheek before skipping off with her brother and friend.

Cat sat very still, her breathing shallow, her throat tight. Finn knelt down in front of her and tried to take her hands. ‘Don’t,’ she gasped, pulling away.

‘Let me in, Cat.’

The look she gave him was desperate. ‘I can’t.’

‘Why not?’

She exhaled. ‘I’m scared.’

He reached out a hand and smoothed a piece of stray hair away from her face. ‘Of what?’

She stared into his eyes, glimpsing hope, possibility and everything she had denied herself for the longest time. ‘Of being as happy as they were and losing everything like they did.’

He gazed at her, a look of such tenderness on his face. ‘You don’t need to be scared. Your parents’ death was a terrible tragedy but that doesn’t mean the same thing will happen to you. You can’t deny yourself the chance of happiness because of it.’

‘I thought I was happy,’ said Cat.

‘And now?’

‘I feel as if I’m falling and I don’t know what to do,’ she whispered.

Finn took hold of her hands and this time she let him, feeling her heartbeat quicken at the coolness of his touch. ‘So let yourself fall. I promise I’ll catch you.’

Cat looked into his eyes, those beautiful blue eyes, shining in the candlelight. She hesitated but only for a second before taking his face in her hands and kissing his lips, tasting the raw sweetness of him and wanting more. They kissed as if it were the first and last time and then he cupped her face in his hands and gazed at her. ‘Now that has to be the perfect ending to the perfect day.’

‘It’s not over yet,’ she smiled, before leaning forward and kissing him again.

By the time the children returned, they were sitting on the edge of the promenade, looking out to sea. Finn had his arm draped over Cat’s shoulder. Ellie and Daisy plonked themselves either side of the adults, apparently unaware that anything had happened between them. They were far more intent on demolishing their ice-creams. Charlie seemed to have guessed something and gave Cat a shy smile as he sat down next to his sister.