Light Shadows (16 page)

But I had.

I am.

And I don’t know how to stop it. I don’t know how to pick up the pieces and press on. To fight for something greater than me when I have nothing else to live for.

I shake the thoughts from my head, refusing to let them take me under. Donna’s death won’t be in vain. I won’t let this kill me. If anything, I’ll let vengeance become my life source. I’ll let it fill my lungs, race through my veins. I’ll eat it, breathe it. And on those rare occasions when I can sleep, I’ll dream of killing the bastard responsible for taking my mother from me. My first kill was merely a knee-jerk reaction. This one will be deliberate, calculated. Goddamn satisfying.

Hopped up on rage and adrenaline, I don’t even realize I’ve opened the cabinet that houses our stash of booze until I’ve poured myself a shot of whiskey. I down it in one gulp, letting the burn stoke the flames of fury inside me. I pour another and another, welcoming that sweet oblivion where there is no shame and guilt. Where the devil inside me dances in a pit of fire, laughing and spitting on my enemies as they kneel before me.

This
is the Gabs they wanted when they sent mere humans to destroy me.

This
is the reaction they had hoped to gain when they chose to kill the only mother I knew.

Now they have her. And this room—this apartment—can’t contain her.

I want to go out. I need air. I need space to breathe and scream and be. Morgan is out of commission, and Niko is dealing with Chris (I won’t think about it. I can’t think about it.). So there’s only one person I can think of that will understand me. That may not understand this Gabs, yet love and except her anyway.

“Hello?” His voice is groggy as if he’s been asleep. I look over at the digital display on the microwave. It flashes 12:47am. Shit.

“Hey. Jared. Were you asleep?”

“Gabs? What the…? Are you ok?” His voice is clearer, as if a bucket of ice has been tipped over his head. I hear rustling on the other end, and imagine him sitting up in bed.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I mean, no. I’m not fine, but…I don’t want to talk about it.”

He releases a heavy breath. “Damn, girl. You had me worried. Morgan had been calling all over town trying to find you the other night. And I tried your cell phone, but it went straight to voicemail. Are you sure you’re alright?”

I pour another shot, wishing I could somehow feed it to Jared through the phone. I don’t want him asking questions that I can’t answer. I just want him to be Fun Jared. Easygoing Jared. The Jared that would pick me up and take me to the carnival for a night of carefree fun and junk food when things got too crazy. I missed my friend. Hell, I even missed his easy, uncomplicated love. It was safe, and dammit, I need safe.

But ever since we tried to have some type of relationship, only to have it end badly at Dorian’s engagement party when I was caught dancing with the groom-to-be, things have been more than strained between us. We hadn’t spoken since that night, not even so much as a text. And just when I had finally built up the nerve to go see him and apologize, Xavier, the psychotic, murderous Light Enchanter, completely foiled those plans.

“So…what do you want, Gabs?”

Ouch.
His tone stings, but I deserve it. Probably much worse for what I’ve put him through.

“Um, uh…”
Shit.
What
do
I want? For him to comfort me? Tell me it’ll be ok? Swing by and pick me up for an evening of mindless debauchery? Months ago, I wouldn’t have hesitated to suggest all of the above. But now…now there’s just too much left unsaid. Too many issues left unresolved. And now that my future is murkier than ever, do I even have time to make things right?

“Gabs? Did you need something?”

I take a deep breath and release it, exhaling everything we once were and what we could’ve been. Human Gabs should’ve ended up with Jared. She would’ve been his biggest cheerleader at every soccer match. She would’ve squeezed his muscled arm and hung on to his every word at parties. And when they were ready, she would’ve said yes when he popped the big question after graduation. Jared would’ve been her world, and she would’ve given him every bit of herself, without provocation. Because he was worth it, and she was lucky to have him.

But Human Gabs died just days ago, right there in Garden of the Gods with lightning raining down around her in a fury of nature. The minute I shed my human life, just as a snake sheds its skin, I became wild and free. Reborn. And Jared—with those dazzling green eyes and wholesome boyish charm—just didn’t fit anymore. It wasn’t right of me to even want him to.

I wish I could tell him that; he’d understand more than anyone. He’d tell me I was crazy—that no matter what, I’d always be his Gabs. I’d always be that hazel-eyed, curly-haired girl that couldn’t hide her secret crush on him. That girl that had wanted him to be the moon and stars—before she could ever truly see their immense beauty.

I came back down to earth, his question echoing in my head. Did I need something? Something that—sweet, handsome, mortal Jared—could provide? “No,” I answer, my voice a mere whisper. “I don’t need anything. I just wanted to tell you—”

I hear rustling, followed by three knocks at the door.

Oh no.

No no no no.

“Jared, don’t open it!” I shriek, already rushing to my closet to slip on my tennis shoes. I stuff my feet into them in less than a second and am already searching for my keys.

Shiiiiiit!

I don’t have my car!

I search for Morgan’s, but I can’t find them. Dammit! Dorian must’ve taken her car.

“Jared! Listen to me. Do not answer that door! I’ll be there in a minute!”

“What?” I can hear him padding across the hall, marching right towards Death. He holds his breath for just a pinch of a moment, and I imagine him looking out the peephole. “Chill out, Gabs. It’s just Carey from across the hall. I think she and a couple of her sorority sisters are having a party or something.”

“It’s not her, Jared! Please, listen to me! You can’t trust anybody! No one is safe!”

In the next instant, Alexander appears before my eyes, concern dimpling his forehead. He must’ve heard my alarm. I put my hand over the receiver and pull the phone away from my ear before turning to him, desperate for any help I can get.

“Please, I need your help! I need you to fly or teleport or whatever it is you do. I need you to get to UCCS and rescue my friend. Now!”

Hope drains from Alexander’s face and his shoulders sag before he’s shaking his head. “Gabriella, I wish…I wish I could. But we cannot manifest where we have never been. I have not ever visited that location. I’m sorry.”

I don’t even let myself get pissed. I don’t have time for that. “Fine. Then teach me how.”

He shakes his head. “It cannot be taught. It comes from within.”

This can’t happen. No. I can’t let this happen.

I can’t lose Jared. I can’t feel even an ounce of pain. No more. Please…no more.

I hear Jared’s shout from the phone in my hand, trying to get my attention. “Hello? Gabs? You still there?”

I swallow, my mouth dry and tasting of stale liquor. “Don’t open it, Jared. Please.”

I don’t even know if I’m really saying the words. Maybe I imagined saying them. Maybe it’s lingering regret on my tongue from not making him hear me. Because even as the words resound inside my skull, I hear the click of a lock, the twist of a doorknob. The sharp inhale of breath.

He opens the door.

I DON’T HAVE to look at Alexander to know that his face is contorted in a frozen state of shock and horror. I couldn’t see him through my haze of dread even if I tried. All I can focus on is the sound of Jared’s voice, waiting, listening, for any inflection. Any indication that his next word will be his last.

“Hey, Casey. What’s up?” I can hear the reluctance in his voice. Maybe on some level, he knows that my warning was warranted. Still, he opened the door.

He opened the door.

In the past 48 hours, opening damn doors has knocked me on my ass every-fucking-time.

I opened the door at Dorian’s suite and Alexander, my very undead father, is standing there.

Then I opened it to let room service in, only to find Niko and a poison-laden cart, wheeled by some punk-kid hopped up on Dark magic.

Opened the door to Morgan’s room. Found that she’d nearly killed herself.

And the one time I didn’t open the door at my parent’s house…I wished I did. That knock was meant for me. That dagger to the gut should have been mine.

Donna’s blood is still fresh on my hands. I can still smell her. Can still feel her warmth slipping away as I held her limp body. I still see the look in her eyes as she looked up at me, begging me to help her—to save her. To be the very thing I was set on this earth to be.

Now I’m about to lose another precious part of me. And I’m afraid that after this, I won’t have any more left to lose.

“Please. Please close the door, Jared.” I know he can’t hear me; he’s pulled the phone away from his ear. My voice is so weak, as if my body has given up. Or maybe it’s learned to protect itself from the inevitable. It’s learned, adapted. It knows that any more pain—even just an ounce—would be my undoing. There would be no chance of recovery.

A feminine voice—saccharine sweet and nauseatingly shrill—purrs his name, seduction dripping from every consonant. “Jared. How are you?”

“Fine.” It sounds almost like a question, as if he’s trying to figure out why the hell this chick is at his door at nearly 1:00 am. “Everything ok, Casey?”

Even in suspicion, he’s caring to a fault. The girl laughs like his kindness is a joke. Like it amuses her that he’s so oblivious. I know that sound—it’s the call of a predator. And Jared is the sweetest kind of prey.

“Everything is definitely ok, Jared.” She says his name again, letting it slide over her venomous tongue. It sounds unnatural, too deliberate. “But I was hoping we could talk.”

Talk?
Who the fuck talks this late at night? What the hell does she need to say?

“No!” I scream into the receiver. “Close the door, Jared!” I’m completely aware of the jealousy roiling in my chest, but most of it is fear. And rage. Blinding, red-tinged rage.

“Don’t you want to hang up the phone?” she asks, a hint of annoyance in that unnatural screech of a voice. I hear her shuffle forward, and her heart rate spikes with excitement.
Back up, bitch,
I silently scream.

“Um…just, uh, a sec,” Jared stammers before placing the phone to his ear. “Gabs, can I call you back?”

“No, you can’t,” I’m yelling before he can even complete the question. “Do not hang up. Close the door, Jared. There’s something I need to tell you. Please.”

“Tell me? Can it wait?” The girl co-signs his suggestion, and I swear I feel my pressure rise into the danger zone.

“Tell that bitch to mind her business and shut the door. It can’t wait, Jared. It may be too late. And…and…something happened tonight. I didn’t want to tell you like this, but you have to know…about Donna.”

“Donna?”

Casey bristles impatiently, insisting Jared give her his undivided attention. She’s not backing down, fully prepared to fight dirty. “Jared, don’t you want to hear what
I
have to say? Or better yet, what I want to do? Come on, sexy, you know you want to.”

“Don’t listen to her, Jared! Seriously, I need to talk to you!”

Jared sighs uncomfortably, and I imagine him rubbing the back of his neck as nerves creep up his spine. “Ok, Gabs. Just give me a sec.” Even though he covers the mouthpiece with his thumb, I can still hear with crystal clarity. I can even picture the irritated scowl this Casey chick would undoubtedly wear. “Hey, Case, can I stop by later? Like in the morning?”

“No, you can’t. It has to be now,” she sneers, obviously offended that he brushed her off. Casey doesn’t sound like she takes rejection well.
Boo hoo, bitch.

“What does?”
For God’s sake, Jared! Close the damn door! Stop being so nice!

“What I’ve been dying to do for months.” Her voice drops an octave, and I can hear her moving, stepping over the threshold of the doorframe. Her voice is closer, her breathing ragged with lust. “Kiss me, Jared.”

“What?” He sounds genuinely surprised, as if the request is totally out of left field. As if it’s out of character for Casey to ask such a thing.

“Kiss me.”

“Casey, I think you—”

A loud, screeching clatter impales my eardrum and their voices grow to screams, yet they sound farther away. There’s a struggle, scratching flesh, ripping clothing. Either they’re rolling around in violent passion or Jared’s being attacked. Human Gabs would have been crushed at the first scenario. Immortal, I-Will-Cut-A-Bitch Gabs knows it’s the latter of the two.

“Just one kiss, Jared,” Casey growls, her voice sounding less shrill and more menacing. “Just give me one kiss.”

The
fuck?
She’s lip-raping him?

“What the hell is wrong with you, Case? When did you get so freakishly strong? Get off me! This isn’t you!”

Freakishly strong.

Uncharacteristic behavior.

Fucking hell.

I never wanted to be wrong more than in this moment. I longed for paranoia. I prayed I was just being irrationally jealous and possessive of a green-eyed boy that could never be mine. It would have been easier to imagine him hooking up with his sorority girl neighbor. Anything would have been better than this.