Light to Valhalla (29 page)

Her breath caught
.
“Lost me?
  A
lex, I don’t understand
what you mean
.
I’ve always been here.
”

“You have haven’t you?
”
Gentle fingers traced the curve of her cheek
.
No expectation lived in his ca
ress, only discovery
.
T
here was something just a little bit broken in his eyes, as though his spirit were
lagging and in need of rescue
… in need of
her
.
“
I’d ask your forgiveness, but first I must
show you I’ve changed.”

Heart hammering against her ribcage
Charley
was dangerously close to dissolving in his arms
.
When Alex looked at her
with such vulnerability in his eyes
she
wanted nothing more than to rescue him
.
Wash the pain from his soul
.

“
Give me a chance, Charley
.
Let me make amends
.
Maybe
we could just start over?  Forget everything before this moment.”

Charley nodded
.
“
I’ve been thinking about
what
you said,
Alex,
and I do want to give our marriage a real chance
.
I don’t want to spend our lives
miserable and separate.
”

He nodded thoughtfully
.
“
W
here do we go from here?”

“Let’s get to know each other again
.
Catch up a bit and become friends again.”

“Lady
Coverstone
,
you are wise beyond your years.
”
He lifted her hand and pr
essed a soft kiss upon the palm
.

“First answer me one question,”

“
Anything
.
”
He
shifted
closer, tiling her chin unt
il the warm gusts of his breath whispered over her lips
.
Shivers of delight skipped along her s
pine
.
His head cocked to the side, gaze roving across her face
.
Rough hewn
hands
slid down her cheeks to her thro
at, teasing the edge of her blouse
.
He leaned in until naught but a hairs breath separated them
.

“
Is it true?” she asked
quietly
.
“
What Sidney
said
about
your wanting to get me with child so you can return to service
?
  Is that all you want
from us
?
”

Alex drew back
and shook his head
.
“
No
.
Where Sidney came across that notion, and why he chose to share it with you is beyond me
.
My mother would love nothing more for such
to be the case, but truly, the issue has no bearing on my return to London
.
”

Charley
studied his face, digesting the information
.
“Perhaps your mother gave him the idea.”

“I wouldn’t doubt it
,” he agreed.

“W
hy are you home
then
?”

Alex drew a deep breath and released it in a whoosh, a haunting shadow drifted elusively across his face, and his hooded gaze drifted from
Charley
to his hands
.

“Will you return
to France soon?”

“I don’t know,” he said
.
“For the moment the decision is out of my hands.”

“Do you want to go back?”

“Yes,” he replied instantly and without wavering
.
“There is a war on
.
Men are dying
.
It is my duty to be there with them.”

Disappointment
crashed down around her
.
Ten years earlier when his commission had been purchased and his departure imminent she’d felt so terribly alone… abandoned
.
Those old
, pent up
feelings trembled
at the base of her soul, mingling with all the other turmoil existing between them
.
“Your duty?
  I’d say you’ve more than done your part, Alex
.
Perhaps it’s time for you to retire and resume your other responsibilities.
”
What of your duty to me?
 
She wanted to scream.

“You mean to my title?
”
He scoffed
.
“
Charley, I have been a soldier since I was seventeen years old
.
It is all I know
.
Do you have any idea how difficult it is for
me to consider giving up the career I’ve spent my entire adult life cultivating?
  I want to be respected for the man I am, not the title I was born to.
”
He scrubbed both hands through his
raven
hair
.
“I wish it were as easy as you make it sound, but I
can’t… can’t
… change horses at a full g
allop, if that makes any sense
.
The military is a part of who I am.
”

She nodded
.
“I understand.
”

“Do you, really?  I don’t believe anyone tru
ly can
.
”
For a long moment he
gazed into her eyes, searching
.
He reached out to drag a finger along her cheek, moving in once more.

Charley
’
s lids
fluttered
downward
, lips tingling in silent yearning
,
impatiently
waiting for
the moment he would
close the distance
between them
and
kiss her
.

“I brought you something,” he murmured, slipping
a hand into his breast pocket
.

“From the village?”

“From the continent
actually
.
I’ve been carrying the damned thing around in my pocket for three months.
”
He shrugged
.
“
It’s rather fanciful I suppose, but it reminded me of you.
”

“Oh?
”
She wiggled closer, thoroughly intrigued, dying to see the gift.

Alex lifted a simple gold chain, displaying the red gemstone for her inspection
.

She clasped her hands in delight
.
“A ruby?”

“
A garnet,” he corrected
.
“
In the crusades, knights wore these stones for protection.
”
He
rose on his knees and
moved
behind her, draping the necklace across her shoulders
.
“And
Vikings believed garnets lit
the way to Valhalla
.
My hope is
that
this will keep you safe when I cannot.
”
His voice dropped, smooth and low
as aged brandy
.
“
Perhaps even light your way home.”

A hand flew to her throat and her heart fluttered
.
“Are you superstitious, Alex?”

“Would you t
hink me foolish if I said yes?”

The deep timbre of his voice boomed, resonating through her
body
.
Charley
felt him in every bone and crevice of her
soul
.
She
trembled
.
Ached
.
Perhaps even
desired
…
Tremulous fingers
clasped the gift
as s
he turned
back to face him
.
He was
close
enough for
the heat of his broad chest
to
warm
her blood
.
She curled her arms aro
und his neck
,
deeply moved by his gift
.
“Thank you, A
lex, but I don’t understand, why does this remind you of me?”

He wrapped
his arms around her and rested
his chin on the top of her head
.
“Because you’re my light home, Charley
.
After I
was shot last June, I
lay
bleeding on
the battlefield and
saw y
our face
.
You saved me
,” he said humbly
.
“Without you I would not be here
.
I—I love you
.
I have
loved you since the very first.”

She tightened the hold
around his neck, squeezing her eyes closed to keep the tears at bay
.
“Wh
y
did you never tell me?
”

“Because
it took quite nearly dying to realize what was important and what I want
ed in life.”

“Y
ou could have written, Alex
.
I
waited every day for letters, p
rayed
daily
for word from you
.”

“I know,” he murmured, smoothing a hand over her hair
.
“I am a fool
.
After all was said and done I didn’t
know
how to make it right
.
Hell, I didn’t even know if you’d want me anymore.”

She searched his eyes for sincerity
.
“Of course I do
.
I—” She stopped short
.
While she was willing to accept his olive branch and breathe fresh air into their relationship, Alex needed action to corroborate
his promises
.
S
he must protect her heart
else his selfishness
threaten
to crush her again
.
She couldn’t allow herself the danger of loving him
.
Not now
.
Mayhap never.

Heat flared in his eyes, and his hold on her arms tightened
.
“Charley,” he
murmured,
the name on his lips a benediction, a desperate prayer all in itself
.
“Charley…”

A call went up from
outside, piercing the tender moment
.

She
blinked
.
“It sounds like someo
ne is coming.”

Reluctantly they broke apart.

“Could it be the magistrate again?
”
Events of the morning flooded back to her
.
“
Oh!  How could I have forgotten, did you receive word of
Johnston
and Halverson today?”

Alex heaved to his feet
.
“Yes
.
In fact I questioned Halverson this morning myself
.
He is being transported to London for trial as we speak.”

He stepped to
the boarded window
, running his hands along the bolted shutters securing the windows
.
She waited for him to
elaborate, drumming impatient
fingers
against her
thigh.

Silence
.

“And?
  What more,” she pressed
when he remained silent
.
She
followed Alex
over the bed of straw to the
window
.
“Who hired them?”