Lightbringer (13 page)

Jared pulled her down to his chest and took over the rhythm, stroking deeply, taking her higher with each thrust. She tightened her muscles on him, enjoying the slip and friction. Jared seemed to grow even harder. Then the tsunami broke over them both, washing away the last vestige of self. They were drowning in each other, yet buoyant. Light flashed behind her eyes like sunlight on water, filling her soul with dancing awareness. The breadth of the universe expanded within her. As rapture carried them away, the last barriers gave way, and she saw the shame Jared had tried to hide.

CHAPTER 12

CASSIE CAME BACK to herself slowly. She’d collapsed onto Jared, her head pillowed on his broad chest. She rubbed her face over Jared’s smooth pectoral, savoring the scent and feel of him. The memory of what she’d seen in Jared’s mind washed over her.

There had been too much to take in as they’d joined, but one thing was forefront in her mind: what Jared didn’t want to admit, not even to himself.

He felt
unworthy
to return to the Celestial Realm, but he missed his home with painful longing. Missed the belonging, the co-mingling togetherness that existed in the Celestial Realm. Underneath his control, beneath the heat of his desire, Jared was alone. Terribly alone. He denied it. He believed he was used to it. Believed he
deserved
it.

He’d chosen to come to earth. To leave behind the factional bickering, to do a difficult task. A task he’d failed. He’d been earthbound far longer than he’d ever wanted to be. The others hadn’t sung him home. It was as if a chunk of himself were lost. A wound that couldn’t heal. Cassie’s heart ached for him.

“I don’t want your pity,” Jared rumbled darkly.

Cassie startled, then remembered. So close, of course he’d pick up her thoughts. “Good.

I’m not offering any.”

She knew a little about being an outcast, about feeling unworthy. You could feel sorry for yourself or you could make the best life you could. That was obviously the path Jared had chosen. But there was still no substitute for a sense of belonging. For making that deep connection with another person.

She and Jared had connected, and in a way she’d never thought possible. It scared her a little, how good it felt. What was she going to do, how empty would she feel when he was gone? Cassie pushed the thought away.
Stay in the moment
.

The present was all she had, and it felt wonderful.

Jared’s arms tightened around her.
*It does feel good.*

But she knew it wasn’t the same as what Jared had given up when he’d come to earth.

In the Celestial Realm, he’d been part of a whole. A symphony of voices that sometimes sang in harmony, and sometimes knew discord, but were always together, like a huge extended family. A family he longed to return to. Being separated from them was like being a severed limb. Her fragile bond with Jared was minuscule by comparison.

“Don’t.” Jared rolled her onto her back, propped himself on one elbow, and gazed at her with warm brown eyes. “Never diminish yourself by false comparisons. You are unique. In all the universe there is no other like you. And you’ve given me a gift no other of my kind has received.”

Cassie frowned up at him. “You’re not the first Celestial to make love with a human.” She was proof of that.

Jared smiled and brushed a strand of hair from her forehead. “No. But I’m the only one who’s made love with
you
.”

Absurdly pleased, Cassie felt herself blush.

“Hmmm. Does that go all the way down?” Jared peeked under the comforter. He kissed her between her breasts, and she could feel his rising ardor like a rush of heat rolling over her. Her body clenched in anticipation. There was something though, something she ought to remember. It was hard to concentrate, to think of anything but the feel of her breasts pressing against his muscled chest. She kissed the top of his head and ran her hands down the long arch of his back. Cassie sucked in a sharp breath as his mouth found her nipple, banishing thought.

Jared pulled Cassie’s nipple deep into his mouth and enjoyed the pleasure sparking through her. He didn’t want her sympathy. Didn’t need it. Yeah, he’d like to go home, but the reasons he’d left were still valid. He caressed her other breast, savoring the smooth texture of her skin, the delight his touch evoked in her.

This was real. Being here, together with her. Not the endless arguments over order versus knowledge, obedience versus free will. Caring, giving, sharing. This was important. Not how many Celestials could dance on the head of a pin and whether they’d perform a waltz or a tango. He was done with that.

Cassie’s hands stroked down his back to his buns, squeezing, then traveled back up to tangle in his hair. He felt the blood thrumming in her veins, the need building deep within her. He’d been with other women, but none of them had been Progeny. With no other had he shared this incredible awareness of their pleasure. He stroked down between her legs. He knew just how to touch her because he experienced her pleasure with her.

His cock throbbed, and he felt himself through her mind as she wrapped her fingers around him, stroking him in just the right way.

His arousal fed on hers, hers on his.

*Please,*
Cassie thought.
*Now.*

Jared rolled her under him. Cassie spread her legs in invitation, and Jared glided home.

Survive. Evade. Resist. Escape
. Dave repeated the mantra of his Special Forces SERE training. He’d been out of the Army for years, but MissionOne Security had its own version. He’d always told his men that solid training meant the difference between survival and the alternative. He tried again to stand, to dress, to leave the dingy motel room. Nothing happened. His body would not obey his command.

*Your pitiful efforts grow tiresome. Why resist? I know you enjoyed what I procured. I certainly did.*
Aelziroth patted the flank of the prostitute tied to the bed. She was rail-thin but her over-sized plastic boobs jutted toward the ceiling.

Dave felt dirty looking at her, remembering. It wasn’t the first time he’d had sex that had been paid for, but it was the first time his body had acted without his control. He felt as used as woman strapped to the dirty mattress, even though his dick had enjoyed the rutting.

*You’ve been around. You know what the world is. We’re of a kind. We take what we want.*
The demon shoved three of Dave’s fingers into the whore’s pussy. Her protest at the rough treatment was muffled by the ball gag in her mouth.

*I am nothing like you!*
He didn’t torture women.

*No?*
Aelziroth sneered.
*I have all your memories, Dave. What about Fallujah?*

*That bitch had a bomb strapped to her!*

*And Thailand? Did that girl have a bomb, too?*

Shame swamped him. They’d just come in for some R and R after a long, dangerous assignment. They were all drunk, all happy to be alive, and Dave had accepted what was offered, even though the girl was only that, a girl barely budding. She wasn’t a virgin. He didn’t have that on his conscience. But she hadn’t been in his bed because she wanted to be there, either.

*You sold your soul a long time ago. Why cavil about it now?*

Aelziroth was right. He’d done a lot of things he wasn’t proud of. Maybe he had sold out.

No
. He’d made mistakes, but there was more to him than that. Wasn’t there?

Survive. Evade. Resist. Escape
. But none of his training had prepared him to fight an enemy in his own head.

Warmth. Safety. Comfort
. Cassie awoke, suffused with a sense of well being. Sunlight glowed through the too thin curtains. Jared spooned close against her back, drowsing, content. His arm wrapped around her, hand cupping her breast. The covers were pulled up around their shoulders, wrapping them in a perfect cocoon. Edgar had his nose tucked under his tail, curled in a tight gray donut near their feet.

She hadn’t noticed much of the room last night. It was small, with just enough room to walk around the queen-size bed. Yellowed knotty-pine paneled the walls. A picture of a cowboy with his dog and horse hung beside the door.

A kaleidoscope of shared thoughts swirled behind Cassie’s eyes. Jared’s memories, bright jumbled pieces, didn’t have a pattern yet. She pushed them away and tugged the quilt closer. This moment was perfect. She didn’t want to wake up yet, to sort through what she’d seen in Jared’s mind. Seraphim and Lightbringers, Guardians and Apostates. She was Progeny, the daughter, many times removed, of Celestials visiting the Terrestrial Realm. It would take time to understand how it all fit together, and a hell of a lot more explanation.

The flood of information floated just out of reach, with no one bit more important than another. But Jared’s emotions were clear and immediate. He cared for her. It was more than just desire. Desire was good, but he liked her. She liked knowing that. Liked not having any morning-after second-guessing or doubt.

Jared stirred, and he squeezed the breast cupped in his palm.
*Good morning.*

Cassie’s pulse jumped eagerly. “You’re awake.”

Jared pressed his erection against her rear, and her body instantly echoed his need. “Yes, we are.”

Jared heard Cassie’s heart speed as he nipped and kissed her breast. Her breath caught as he tugged gently with his teeth, and their minds hazed with shared pleasure. He loved feeling the effect he had on her. It fizzed in his brain like fine champagne. Her hands twined in his hair, then slid lower, down his back. Jared traced a line down her body, down her thigh, then up again to the heated place between her legs. Her folds were wet and welcoming. Cassie whimpered softly with need. He felt her body thrumming with hunger as if it were his own. He hadn’t wanted a woman like this since—

The memory stung like icy rain.

“What? What is it?” Cassie’s voice was thick with wanting, sharpened with alarm.

The last time he’d wanted a woman so much his desire had cost a man his life. And now he was making the same mistake all over again. Only this time it would be Cassie who died.

“That wasn’t your fault.”

Jared sat up, turning his back to her, breaking the skin-to-skin contact that allowed her to glimpse his thoughts so easily. “The hell it wasn’t.”

Edgar lifted his head and glared, then jumped to the floor and trotted into the living room, offended at being disturbed. Behind him, Jared felt Cassie shift upward on the mattress. The headboard creaked as she leaned against it. She remained silent for a long moment.

“Judith needed you. You were there for her when it mattered most.”

Did Cassie know everything? Had she seen so much when they’d joined? Of course she had. He’d known this could happen. He still didn’t like it.

“Compassion is a virtue, not a sin,” she added.

How could she know what happened and not understand? “I wasn’t where I should have been.”

“You were exactly where you should have been.” Cassie was silent again, then said, “Celestials can’t see the future, not usually anyway.” She spoke with certainty. “You couldn’t know what would happen.”

Jared turned to look at her. “That’s not—”

She stopped him with an upraised hand as she glanced up to the right, as if trying to remember something. “You got someone to cover for you. It wasn’t your fault he abandoned his post or that Aelziroth chose
that
night to strike. It was Aelziroth then, too?” Cassie shook her head. “Never mind. The point is, you couldn’t be in two places, or three or four. The conspiracy was too widespread. Of course you had to stay with Judith. How could you not, being who you are?”

What is she talking about?
He’d failed to keep Lincoln alive long enough to restore order to the South. That should have been a Guardian’s assignment, but he’d taken it, at Michael’s request, because he’d also have a chance to advise the President. Which he’d done through most of the war. For once, the Lightbringers and the Seraphim had been in agreement. Lincoln had taken his advice, and instead of punishing the South, he’d planned to return peace and order to the Union. Only it hadn’t turned out that way.

“What do you mean, being who I am? You think I’m so obviously maladroit?”

Cassie flashed a grin. “I love the way you talk.” Then she sobered. “No, I don’t think you’re a screwup but I’m beginning to think you’re a nitwit. Lincoln was going to the theater. Judith was dying. It’s a no-brainer. How could you not have stayed with the woman you loved?”

Loved? No
. Celestials remained detached from those they guarded and guided. They might care about them, but they didn’t fall in love with them. “Mortals die all the time. It’s not like death is the end for them. For you. For some reason I forgot that. I allowed myself be distracted from my duty.”

Cassie gave him a
look
from under her brows that said she didn’t believe a word he said. “Uh-huh.”

He wasn’t going to talk about this anymore. Jared got up and began searching for his clothes. He knew Cassie was watching him, but he refused to look at her. If he did, the sight of her generous curves and delicious nipples would make him want to climb back under the sheets and make love to her all over again. That wasn’t what he was here for. It shouldn’t be so hard to remember that. He wouldn’t forget his duty again.

He found a shoe, then his slacks. His shirt hung askew on the bedpost. He pulled it on. He had to get down on his knees to retrieve his underwear from under the bed. The springs complained as Cassie moved. When he rose, she was kneeling on the edge of the mattress, right in front of him. He couldn’t help it, his eyes swept up her rounded form, admiring her roses-on-porcelain breasts. He wanted to fill his hands again with her bounty. She was all he could think of.

It was Judith all over again.

No, it was worse. As much as he’d cared for Judith, he’d never felt so…so obsessed. Was it Cassie’s blood that was doing this to him?

Jared clenched his fingers and forced himself to meet Cassie’s gaze. There was laughter in her eyes.

“Nice outfit.” She looked pointedly at his erection peeking from his unbuttoned shirt.

Focus
, he told himself. But all he could think about was how much he wanted to hold her in his arms.

Cassie touched his shoulder, and he felt her warmth, even through his shirt.

She blushed, and even the tips of her breasts turned red. “I know this can’t be a long term thing. You want to go home, to wherever that is, and I’m an assignment. But it’s pretty special for me, to be accepted for what I am, not in spite of it. I don’t want to waste that.”