Like Arrows (Cedar Tree #6) (10 page)

"I'm sorry I yelled," I say softly over her head, which is tucked, under my chin. "When you were gone, it scared me. I'm just afraid you're not getting how dangerous it can be out there."

She’s quiet for so long that I’m not even sure she heard me. I try to shift in an effort to get a look at her face when she finally speaks.

"Sor...Sorry," she hiccups. "I'm not...I'm just...not used to this. I s...stick to myself."

Before she totally soaks my shirt with her tears, I reach around to grab the box of tissues behind my seat. With one hand I lift her face up and with the other I grab a fistful of tissues and wipe her tear-stained cheeks. Her eyes stay downcast as she quietly submits to my ministrations. And damn if that doesn't get a
rise
out of me. She probably feels me get hard under her ass, because suddenly she starts scrambling to the passenger side.

"I'm too heavy."

"Thinking that's not the problem, babe." She doesn't answer that, but resumes staring out the window at nothing. I reach over and grab her chin, tilting it my way. "Until we get a better grip on who is responsible for last night and what your boss got himself into with those land deals, you have to be very careful." Encouraged by her little nod I press on, "Part of that includes allowing me to look out for you. The company I work for, GFI, is run by a good man, Gus Flemming, and he wouldn't allow anything to happen to you. Not on his watch. Or rather, my watch. We'll keep you safe."

She opens her mouth as if to protest, but closes it again quickly, simply nodding. Not quite the security of a verbal agreement, but I'll take it.

-

B
y the time we pull into the diner's parking lot, I can see we're last to arrive. By the looks of it, just about all of the GFI crowd is present.
Fuck me.

Expecting a large congregation to be waiting for us, I'm surprised to see Gus and Emma off to the side in one of the smaller booths for four. Joe and Naomi, Neil, Caleb and Katie, and my little nephew are all gathered around  the big round table Arlene added a few months ago. Mostly to house our crew.

"Hey!" Naomi calls out when we come in and Kim looks up in surprise.

"Oh hi," she says a little meekly, eyeing the substantial crowd at the table.

Not meekly enough to miss the ears of Mattias, whose eyes pop up in our direction. The moment he sees me, a big smile breaks through on his face. With his little arms raised toward me he starts his usual chant. "Unca! Unca!"

From experience I know that unless I give him his due attention, the chanting will turn into crying. My nephew seems to adore me, which is good 'cause the feeling is mutual. Never thought I'd be interested in kids. I generally could take them or leave them, but with the birth of Mattias that seems to have changed.

With my hand at the small of Kim's back I guide her to the larger table, shrugging in the direction of Gus and Emma who seem to be observing with amusement. They know the drill.

"Hey buddy," I smile at Mattias, lifting him from the high chair. His little hands slap on my cheeks and his smile almost splits his face in two. Bad moods never last long when this little guy is around, his sunny disposition puts everyone in a good mood.

Distracted by my nephew, it takes me a while to notice Kim is looking very uncomfortable. Of course.

"Kim, this little guy is Mattias, and he belongs to my brother Caleb and his wife Katie."

Katie, who has notably softened since becoming a mother, stands up immediately and grabs Kim's hand, smiling broadly. The hard edges her job as investigator for GFI required her to have are barely visible anymore. My brother just tilts his chin.

"Nice to meet you, Kim."

"Likewise."

I'm surprised to see Naomi also standing, giving Kim a hug. "Hey girl, so glad to see you here. I didn't realize you knew Mal."

I'm busy keeping Mattias’ hands out of my hair. He loves to pull it out by hanks. But I do notice Kim's shy glance at me and decide to jump in.

"We met recently on a case," I tell Naomi with a smile before finishing up introductions. "The blond guy with the ugly mug next to Naomi is her fiancé Joe, a colleague of mine, and Neil over there is the Benjamin of the group. He's our tech specialist."

Kim lifts her hand in a small wave as I untangle myself from my nephew’s clutches and plop him back in his seat beside his mom.

"If you guys will excuse us, there's someone else I'd like to introduce Kim to."

A series of
Sure things
and
Nice to meet yous
follow us to the booth where Gus and Emma are now openly smiling.

"This is my boss, Gus Flemming, and his wife Emma," I tell Kim who seems a little intimidated with all the introductions. I don't blame her, we're an overwhelming bunch. I slip her coat off her shoulders and hang it up on the hook at the side of the booth. Of course Emma immediately takes the lead when she motions for Kim to sit next to her.

"Hi there. So good to meet you, Kim. Ignore the mass of assembled muscle. We can use another gorgeous woman to balance the scales." She wraps her arm around Kim's shoulders, giving her a sideways hug.

"Emma's right," Gus rumbles, "always room for another pretty face."

Kim tilts her head down but not before I catch the slight blush on her cheeks. Having been left no other choice, I slide in opposite her, next to Gus.

"Let's order some breakfast, shall we?" Gus says beside me and I don't miss the hint of panic in her eyes when she flicks her gaze up at me. She's completely startled when Gus bellows through the diner. "Arlene! Get your ass in here. Some of us are hungry!"

Emma leans over the table and slaps him upside the head. "Gus! Are you insane? It's not like we're the only diners here."

With a big smile on her face he grabs his wife's hand before she can pull it back and kisses her palm. I notice Kim observing this interaction with a hint of shock and no small amount of interest.
She'll get used to us
. Not sure where that thought came from. I'm happy for the distraction when Arlene comes barreling out of the kitchen, a scowl on her face. She marches over ignoring all the other patrons and stops right in front of our table, setting her fists on the table and leaning in front of me until she is facing off with Gus.

"Will you quit hollering down the place already? And you," she says, turning to Emma, "you're supposed to keep his caveman antics under control. Do your job." With that she straightens up and looks at me and then Kim, her face softening with a look of recognition. "Hey there, good to see you back here. Are you gonna try the food this time?"

It was said in a teasing manner, but the reaction from Kim was immediate. Her spine seemed to collapse on itself and she looks like she’s trying to disappear into the upholstery.

"Just coffee, please." If the rest of us hadn’t been looking at her, we might've missed the softly whispered response.

Damn. It’s a bit unnerving to see all the starch leave her so quickly. This woman obviously has some issues with food. Well—not on my watch.

"Actually, I'll have a ham cheese omelet, and she'll have the same," I tell Arlene firmly, ignoring the small gasp from the other side of the table.

"I will not."

I look at her to find the blush on her cheeks has deepened to a dark red and her eyes are shooting fire. There she is, the little spark plug.

"You've gotta eat. Can't live on coffee."

"I'm not hungry," she insists quietly, seemingly intent on not making a scene.

"Bullshit. I could hear your stomach growling when we walked in," I throw back.

It's then I notice the silence surrounding us and almost every eye in the place watching our exchange. Unfortunately, Kim notices too, and with a quietly whispered "Excuse me," she slips out of the booth and runs to the bathroom.
Well, fuck.

"Seriously?" Emma spits out, "First you put her on the spot in front of what are virtual strangers to her"—she glares at Arlene before turning to me—"and next you stomp all over that uncomfortable moment and embarrass her even further? What is wrong with you people?"

With angry jerking motions she pulls herself from the booth, grabs her cane and hobbles in the same direction Kim disappeared, leaving me at the table with a startled Arlene, and a widely grinning Gus.

"Well, she told you," he points out.

K
im

Oh my God. I've never been so embarrassed in my life.

I'm leaning against the sink in the bathroom, grabbing hand fulls of paper towel to try and blot the steady stream of tears that have started running down my face. When the door behind me opens, I duck my head down, toss the ball of paper on the sink and pretend to wash my hands. A hand lands in the middle of my back.

"You know both of them mean well, right?" Emma's soft voice only sets off a new flow of tears. "Arlene is almost as bad as the guys. Not quite totally oblivious but getting close. And Mal? Well I can honestly say him weighing in like that is something I never thought I'd see him do, which probably means he cares. Other than for his nephew, brother and sister-in-law, there aren't many people he'd stand up for. I know it doesn't seem that way, but he stood up for you in his own limited way."

I look up in the mirror to see her standing behind me, red curls, and a sweet round face on a softly rounded body. Not quite as rounded as mine but still. And a cane. I hadn't noticed that before. She looks a bit older than me but not much. I expect the face in the mirror to hold pity but it doesn't. Concern, yes, warmth, absolutely, and even a hint of amusement is what I find in the slightly upturned corners of her mouth.

"I don't like eating in public," I blurt out when I turn to face her directly. Don't ask me why that confession comes flying out of my mouth to this virtual stranger, but somehow I feel she'll get it. Her pensive nod seems to support that.

"I figured it might be something along those lines. Hell, I still struggle with that from time to time, although Gus would put me over his knee if he knew. He likes my curves. Doesn't want me to lose any of them and frankly, I've grown to like myself just the way I am. Most of the time," she adds with a self-deprecating little smile and a shrug of her shoulders. "You know? Women with bodies like ours often don't appreciate the kind of warm protective feelings they can evoke in men. It's a known fact that most men would still prefer soft curves to hard angles. I'm not saying we should define ourselves by how men view us, but it does help. Don't you think?"

All I manage to do is nod, getting choked up again by Emma's words. And I realize something; I may have allowed others to define me, like she says. Peter, for sure, and maybe even my mom and sister too. I vow to change that, although I'm under no illusion that it will be an easy feat.

Bolstered by Emma's thoughts and my mini break-through, I force a little smile which is immediately met with Emma's bigger one. Turning back to the sink I splash some cold water on my face and dab it dry with towels. I look a mess, but there isn't a damn thing I can do about it now. Full of bluster I no longer feel, I nudge Emma. "Guess we should go eat?"

Emma giggles and hooks her arm through mine. "I have a feeling we're gonna be great friends," she says before leading me out of the bathroom and back to our booth.

Both Mal and Gus stand when we get back to the table, but I can't read Mal's face . His jaw is clenched when he moves me to the other side of the table and has me slide in before he follows. Gus does the same on the other side with Emma and puts a protective arm around her shoulders. Mal turns his back toward the diner, effectively cutting off my view, but also blocking me from the view of the other diners. His eyes scan my face before he leans in.

"You okay?" I answer with a nod and he continues, "I can change the order if you like?"

"Leave it, it's okay." My eyes slide to Emma, who's heard the exchange and gives me an encouraging nod. A moment later, Arlene slides plates in front of me and Emma, both omelettes. Mine ham and cheese, as Mal ordered, and hers mushroom. My mouth waters at the smells and as Arlene slides plates in front of the guys, I have a bite of mine, groaning a little when it hits my taste buds.

"Seb's an amazing cook," Gus volunteers, loading up his own fork. "He's Arlene's better half—"

"I damn well heard that, Gus bloody Flemming!" Arlene tosses over her shoulder while walking away from the table. Gus just chuckles.

"As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, Seb and Arlene own this diner jointly and since the food is always amazing, we tend to meet here instead of in my offices at home. Although..." he says with a quick glance at his wife, "my wife's skills in the kitchen are close enough."

"No need to butter me up, honey. I was already sold," Emma says, her eyes rolling mockingly.

"I wanted you to meet with Gus, since he's the one who took on this real estate job to begin with. All the others," Mal says taking over, indicating the larger group sitting at the big round table in the corner, "they weren't really invited, but as you can see, it doesn't stop them from showing up anyway." I peek around Mal at the group at the table, finding only Naomi's eyes on me. The rest are deeply engaged in conversation.  Naomi smiles and winks before she too turns her attention to whatever is being said. Must be something funny because everyone bursts out laughing.

These people are close. Closer than just co-workers from the looks of things. More like friends.

A pang hits my chest when I'm once again reminded how much I've missed. Hell—
am
missing. All because of some warped sense of self-protection. When it is ingrained in you, since childhood, that you’re not enough, that you fall short of expectations, only to have experience after experience confirm those words, into adulthood, eventually, you start to believe it. The harsh words spoken randomly over a lifetime become the soundtrack to your reality. 

As a result,  I've held myself back from socializing, from making myself vulnerable to another person. Not until I met Kerry did I even come close, and still something holds me back from exposing myself all the way. I don't know why it is Emma's words that actually penetrate. Well, maybe I do. When I look at her I see someone very similar to myself. Even though I don't walk with a cane, I'm crippled by my body in a different way. Both by self-perception and by pain that regularly rages through my body without explanation.