Like Carrot Juice on a Cupcake (9 page)

When we walked into our apartment,

I knew exactly what I wanted to do.

I wanted to hear Bibi’s voice.

So I picked up the phone,

and I called her.

I didn’t even have to ask my parents for her number.

Because I know Bibi’s number

and her mailing address

by heart.

“My Ellie!” she said,

as soon as she heard my voice.

(Ellie is Bibi’s nickname for me.

I don’t let anyone else use it.)

“How are you?” she asked.

“I’m terrible!” I said.

I told her all about Antoine leaving.

“I wish I could call him, like I’m calling you,” I said.

“Or write to him.

But he doesn’t talk or read!”

“He’ll be home soon,” Bibi said.

“Then everything will be fine.”

“Definitely not everything,” I said.

I told her then

how I’d lost my Mondays and Wednesdays

with Pearl.

And how I had to be a singing rabbit

because of Pearl.

And,

worst of all,

how my feelings had been hurt by Pearl.

“I know my dad doesn’t sing well,” I told Bibi.

“And maybe I could be better with Antoine.

But why did Pearl have to say that to
Ainsley
?”

Bibi was quiet for a second.

Then she said,

“Sometimes it’s hard,

keeping thoughts to ourselves.”

I tried then

to remember times when
I’d
had trouble

keeping thoughts to myself.

I couldn’t think of a single one!

And I knew I wouldn’t have had
any
trouble

keeping my thoughts from Ainsley,

if I’d been Pearl.

I wanted to say,

“It’s not hard at all!”

But I didn’t want to tell Bibi she was wrong.

So I changed the subject instead.

We talked about her dad

and how he wasn’t sick anymore.

And we talked about

how much we missed each other.

Then we hung up.

And it was only days later that I realized:

I’d
been wrong,

not Bibi.

Because sometimes

I
did
have trouble—

lots of trouble—

keeping thoughts to myself.

When I got to school the next morning,

I sat on a bench in the lobby.

I figured I’d sit there reading

until the warning bell rang.

Because I didn’t want to see Pearl.

Only,

before I could even pull out my book,

Pearl walked into the lobby

and saw me.

And

before I could decide whether to hurry away,

she headed straight over

and sat down beside me!

“Hey,” she said.

Very quietly, for Pearl.

I didn’t answer—

I hadn’t figured out what to say.

That’s
why I’d been trying to
avoid
her.

She looked worried.

Then she said, “Did I do something bad?

Or say something wrong?

I know you’re mad at me.

But I can’t think of why!”

I hesitated.

Then I said,

“You talked to Ainsley about me.

I don’t like that.”

Pearl looked confused.

“I must’ve said good things,” she said.

“No, you didn’t!” I said.

“You said I’m too nice to Antoine

and my dad sings like a garbage truck.

She told me that!”

“Oh,”
Pearl said,

covering her mouth with her hand.

Obviously remembering.

“I’m so sorry,” she said.

“I wasn’t trying to be mean!

I was just telling her about you.

Because you’re my best friend!”

“How could ‘garbage truck’
not
be mean?” I said.

“And how could it
not
be mean

to say I’m bad with my dog?”

“It came out wrong!” Pearl said.

Her voice was quivery.

Then she said,

“I don’t want you to be mad at me!

You’re as important to me

as paper is to pencil!”

“You hurt my feelings,” I said.

My voice was quivery, too.

We both sat there,

very miserable.

Then Pearl sat up a little straighter.

I could tell she’d had an idea.

So I said, “What?”

And she said,

“How about if I tell
you
something about
Ainsley
?

Would that make things fair?”

“What do you mean?” I said. “What kind of thing?”

Pearl looked to her right

and to her left,

like a spy.

Then she whispered in my ear,

“Ainsley has a crush on Adam.”

“She
does
?” I said,

too loudly.

I’d never dreamed of anyone ever

having a crush on Adam.

Pearl nodded, then whispered,

“She thinks he’s cute.”

“Adam?”
I said,

making sure I’d heard right.

Adam was a nice person.

And smart, too.

But
cute
?

“Shhh,” Pearl said with wide eyes.

“You have to
promise
never to tell anyone.

It’s a secret.

I
swore
I wouldn’t tell.”

“I promise,” I said.

We smiled at each other

for the first time in forever

as the warning bell rang.

Then we hurried together to class.

I watched Ainsley later that day, in gym,

as she dribbled the soccer ball

through cones.

And I did a lot of wondering.

I wondered what it would feel like

to have a crush on someone.

I wondered how she knew she had a crush.

I wondered if she wanted to walk down the street

holding Adam’s hand.

I wondered how she could
possibly
want that.

I wondered if she liked gum as much as Adam does.

Or if she liked the way his hair sticks up in the back.

I wondered whether he liked her humongous bows.

And then I had to stop wondering.

Because it was my turn to dribble the soccer ball.

And I am very bad at that.

So I had to
focus
.