Lilah (8 page)

‘I’m Lilah. It is a pleasure to meet you.’ The
child, who was perhaps eleven, lowered her eyes.

‘You have another sister too.’

Danika pressed her shoulder in my back.

‘I did,’ she said. ‘But she died. She would
have been eighteen now. She had the fevers…’ Her voice trailed away.

‘I’m so sorry.’

‘I never met my oldest sister – Arianne.’

‘Well you look just like her. Just as
beautiful.’

‘Oh,’ she said wistfully. ‘I have not heard
that. We do not have any drawings of her.’ She looked away then and we took
that to be a dismissal. We curtsied to leave.

‘Will you come and visit me sometime and tell
me about my sister.’

‘Yes,’ I said. Though I wasn’t sure if that was
permitted and by the look on Danika’s face it did not look likely.

As we left to head down to the galley I had to
ask: ‘Why are there no portraits of Arianne?’ I had already seen sketches of
the family at various ages all along the hallways on the second floor.

‘Baron Köszegi had them all burnt.’

‘Why?’

Danika stopped me suddenly. She looked around
cautiously before hissing at me under her breath. ‘The first thing you must
learn if you are going to work in this household is that you ask no questions,
and you see nothing. Do you understand me?’

I nodded unsure of what exactly I was agreeing
to. ‘If you don’t you will be out on your heels with nothing but your life, and
that’s only if the Lady and Baron are feeling generous.’

I continued following Danika. The walls seemed
to ooze sadness here, something that I hadn’t noticed until now and after the
strange occurrence with Evie I knew that Arianne was most fortunate to be where
she was.

I believed that apart from helping me find a
roof over my head and food in my stomach, Arianne had sent me here for another
purpose. It would be several weeks before I discovered what that was.

Emil

After she left the room that day I could
not stop thinking about her. She was only young, yet seemed a lot older than
her years. For one thing, she was tall, the same height as me; though not as
tall as my younger brother.

Andrew I hated beyond words. He was always
father’s favourite. Like my father, he despised my mother and most women. He
thought them useless. But he had put me on such a list too since I had been
very sick as a child and allergic to his horses. Andrew on the other hand took
to horse skills with vigour. He would often accompany father on business trips.
What they were up to was privy only to them but I knew that they had paid a
great deal of money to members of the monarchy in return for certain favours.
My father was always doing deals. He had given monetary
support,
helping people reach a certain station in life but only if it in some way
benefitted him.

Until Lilah entered the room that day I had
almost lost purpose in my life. I could never rely on mother. She had been a
feeble thing, unobservant, bossy when she needed to be but only to the serving
staff. Although physically there, she had been absent in matters of her
children’s welfare and of matters of the spiritual. She spoke the words of
prayer but she did not value their meaning. If I had been my mother I would have
sent the girl away. She would have been better off anywhere but our abode. With
her pleasant face and sweet manner she would have had no problem finding work.

Han.
My little sister.
I’m sorry that I could do no more for you.
How many times had I tossed around in my sleep
thinking about her? With such an uncaring mother, it was up to me to find Evie
a husband far from here, to release her from father and his tyrannical rule on
the household.

The pretty new servant girl was kept busy
scrubbing, dusting and washing in her first weeks
;
given extra tasks by Danika who had promoted herself to the dining room. Lilah
was different from the others who had served before: resolute and efficient in
her tasks and not shirking from heavy labour. Her composure made me curious and
I began searching for opportunities to observe her without her knowing.

One day I made a point of being in the sitting
room with my sister when it came time for her to clean. I’d had trouble meeting
her eyes and she must have thought I was a bore. I did not say anything to her
and pretended to read a book. My sister, however, talked to the young servant
girl while she worked. She asked Evie to play some more music and said it would
help her work faster. Evie laughed, something I did not hear very often, except
when we were alone. We had been close, another thing that annoyed my father. He
told me I should have been born a girl but that did not hurt. I enjoyed reading
Evie stories or taking her on walks but only short ones. Too far, or if the air
cooled suddenly, my chest would feel like it was exploding.

I stole glances at the girl. She had long arms
and a face with many angles. I planned to draw her later: long straight nose,
high
cheek bones
chiselled from pale amber down to a
pointed chin.

Another week passed before I had the courage to
talk to her alone. I had planned the meeting but the outcome could not have
been more awkward.

It was her afternoon of rest and I followed her
when she left the house. She had been there many weeks and I knew she liked to
wander the hills and sit under a tree. She took out some paper and began to
write with a piece of charcoal.

I pretended that I was out for a casual stroll
and drew near.

She looked up and smiled and I faked surprise
at finding her there.

‘Hello.’

‘Hello,’ I mumbled. ‘So this is where you
come!’ My words sounded predatory and I wished them back.

‘Yes,’ she said thoughtfully. ‘Did you follow
me?’

‘No,’ I said quickly. ‘I was on the way to the
market.’

‘But the market is in the other direction.’

Idiot
, I thought, and quickly attempted
to change her train of thought.

‘I didn’t know you wrote,’ I said stiffly.

‘Do you think that all servants are
illiterate?’

‘Oh no,’ I stumbled. But by then I wished that
I had not stopped at all. How could a girl have such an effect on me? None of
the daughters of neighbouring landowners had shown such intelligence; very few
even wrote.

I proceeded to walk on but it was Lilah who
showed a presence well beyond her years.

‘I’m so sorry, sir,’ she said. ‘I did not mean
to sound so rude. I was taught well by Arianne and other sisters at the
monastery. Forgive me, please.’

I could see that she was perhaps concerned
about losing her placement within our household by insulting the son of her
employer. I found myself by her side assuring her that no offense was taken and
pleased to be closer than we had been before.

She told me then about the monastery, about
being abandoned and how she was sad when her employment had come to an end due
to overcrowding. She was totally engaging and not short of a word, something
rare for a servant girl. Even her speech was refined. She gave no reason but it
was clear that Arianne had encouraged her to come here. That concerned me a
little given my sister’s attitude toward her family, but perhaps, like me, she
had thought that what was in the past would stay there.

My coughing fit could not have come at a worst
time and it took several minutes to recover. She had stood by patiently, even placing
a hand on my shoulder in concern. When she removed it I still felt the warmth
there.

‘You are very sick,’ she said.

‘No,’ I lied. ‘It is nothing.’ The look in her
eyes told me that my lie was exposed but it seemed to me it was the first time
she had fully taken me in.
Just for a moment there had been a
connection between us, a moment when everything else faded.
She felt it
too and we both smiled.

I asked that if she was writing to Arianne to
pass on my kind wishes, and leaving her to her task was the courteous thing to
do.

After that, words between us became easier. I
made a point to be in the same public rooms where she cleaned, and I noticed on
occasion her cheeks were reddened at my appearances.

Then two things happened to affect my newfound
happiness. The nights became colder and my brother returned.

Andrew was the more handsome by far and he had
been the source of much distress with past maids. How many girls had been let
go because they were found to be in the family way by my brother. The pattern
was that mother would cry when she learned of it and father would get angry and
pay the girl, and sometimes not. Now with his return I wondered two things:
whether Lilah might fall for his fallacious charm as did others; and given that
Andrew was now betrothed to a pretty but shallow girl from a noble family,
whether he would now turn his attentions to piety and abstain from such
debauchery.

I soon had my answer. For the first couple of
days following Andrew’s return, he slept and ate and noticed very little around
him. Then at breakfast one morning we had been discussing the date of father’s
return when Lilah entered. It was Danika’s free day and Lilah was helping serve
tea. Andrew lost track of our conversation and focused on the girl trying to
get a glimpse of her ankles under her full skirts. Lilah left quickly and I
could not tell whether she was aware of the scrutiny.

‘What’s her name again?’

I answered reluctantly and he was too vain to
pick up the slowness in my response.

Another day passed and I saw that my brother
was finding, like myself, similar places to be with Lilah. Unlike me, he was
upfront and confident and she smiled politely and answered his various
questions. Andrew had the look of a bird of prey before it swoops and I
realised that whether Lilah wanted to accept the attentions or not, she should
be warned.

I could not put in words how disheartening it
was to see my brother in action this time. Never had it bothered me as much but
it had become personal and I couldn’t sleep that night wondering if he was
visiting Lilah to charm her with his talk of false love.

By morning I was nearly indisposed with my
chest hurting, not only from my condition but also from more emotional ailments
of the heart. I sought out Lilah and told her of the girls who had worked
before her. Words against Andrew poured out suddenly, and there was no hiding
the jealousy in my voice.

‘It is alright,’ she said calmly. ‘I have seen
the mischief in your brother’s eyes and reject such inconsistencies. There was
a knock on my door last night, which I refused to answer. It was Andrew and I
knew perfectly well what he intended.’

I was amazed at the perception of this girl
– the fact that she was so clear in thought and not subject to my
brother’s charismatic courting.

‘The question is: what are your intentions?’

This question shocked me and I stammered that
my feelings had always been honourable.

She smiled tenderly and touched my cheek. I
could not help myself and held her wrist gently. It was my expression that gave
me away. My father would say that I could never hide anything I felt, that I
would look guilty even when I was not.

‘I’m feeling that I might love you.’

‘I knew that,’ she said.

I took her in my arms and held her. When I
tentatively found her lips with mine, the kiss was everything I had hoped:
earnest and inviting. My desire for her was magnified as a charge went through
my body.

‘What’s this, brother?’ Andrew stood in the
doorway resting one hand haughtily at his hip. His bemused expression was
undoubtedly a prelude to mockery.

‘It looks like you have won the prize this
time, Emil,’ he said.

‘She is not a prize. She is a girl and someone
I…’

‘Love?’ he queried mockingly. ‘I heard. Well
it’s
alright
to bed the servant girl and take your
pleasure but don’t get ahead of yourself, brother. They are not worthy of any
further intent.’

‘My intentions have nothing to do with you,’ I
replied, now annoyed at his intrusion and authority. I was the elder son, after
all.

‘Ah yes, but they have everything to do with
father. You talk of such love around him and he will beat you and send the girl
away. And if she should disappear in her travels then no-one would care.’

‘Get out!’ I ordered.

‘I’m just warning you, brother,’ but there was
no care in his tone. Instead, I heard an underlying resentment in the fact that
for the first time a girl had not acquiesced to his demand, preferring my
company.

When Andrew was gone our former mood had
evaporated. Lilah was concerned. ‘I should leave here. It does not sound safe for
either of us if I stay.’

‘Please…not yet. I will talk to Andrew. I will
bargain that father
hears
none of this until I decide
what we can do. There are other places to live than here. My cousin, Ivan,
lives north of here and he would welcome us.’