Linc (A Cocky Cage Fighter Novel Book 3) (13 page)

"I guess...I guess you're not the man I thought you were,” I try to explain. “But then, I'm not really who you think I am, either."

Blowing out a breath he says, "What exactly have I done wrong? Are you saying I’m a shitty lover?"

I shake my head since that's the furthest thing on my mind. Being with him was amazing, well, up until the last few minutes.

"Then I have no idea what the fuck I did wrong,” he says, scanning my face, trying to figure out what it is that I’m not saying. “But if you tell me what I can to do to make it right, I will."

I simply shake my head again because there's nothing he can do to fix this. I can't tell him the truth now, and he can't undo his agreement to participate in a porno. "It's done and over, so I, um, guess I should probably go," I reply.

"Go?" he exclaims with a jerk. "Why? If you're ready to leave here then fine, let’s go. Come home with me tonight."

The sound of hope in his voice almost breaks my heart, but I don't want to be bought, and I can't keep up the lie any longer. Every second I spend with him makes the guilt weigh even heavier on me. "I know you paid a lot of money and all, but I don't think that's a good idea. This was just a one-time only deal, so we’re done."

"What the fuck are you talkin’ about?" he asks, sitting back on his knees. "Hold on. Is that the reason...is that why you brought me up here tonight? Because you think you
owed
me?" I don't answer him right away because I don't know how to, especially since his words aren't exactly making sense.

“No, we came up here tonight because there’s no price you wouldn’t pay to be with Eve Kelly, right? Your words, not mine.”

Linc scrubs a palm down his face and then climbs off the bed. He finds his shirt and starts pulling it over his head, and then his boxers and jeans, putting them on with jerking, angry movements. Finally, he grabs his hoodie from the floor, and then looks up at me again. "I may have been willin’ to pay any amount of money to be near you, but I didn’t expect you to fuck me for it. So you're right. You're not who I thought you were, either, because I was stupid enough to think you actually
wanted
to be with me."

By the end of his speech he looks really pissed off, with a heaving chest and red flush across his ivory cheeks. He yanks the door open before walking out without so much as a backward glance, slamming it closed behind him. Tears run down both of my cheeks, because I have no idea what the hell just happened or why he’d say all that with cameras rolling. But I know one thing for sure. That's the last time I'll ever see Linc Abrams.

Linc

"Let's go," I bark to Senn as I storm past the sofa where he and the redhead are sittin’. I don't pause even a second on the way out the front door. 

"Dude, what the hell?" Senn asks when he catches up to me out in the driveway. "Why are we leavin’ already?"

"Cause I need to get the fuck out of here," I say as I head for my truck.                            

"What happened?" he asks me after we both sit down in the dark cab.

Tightly clutchin’ the steerin’ wheel with both hands, I debate whether or not to tell him. I'm so pissed I need to get it off my chest before I break somethin’

"She fucked me."

"Wow, that's such a goddamn shame." He laughs. "How dare a sexy as hell porn star do such a thing to you? Eve is an evil, evil, woman."    

"She
only
fucked me because she thought she owed me."

"Oh. Sorry, man. But hey, at least you got fucked."

My inner beast is furious, his ego demolished after he fucked like a champ and then found out it was all just an ordinary, nothin’ special, run of the mill transaction for her. That’s right, I remind him, since it’s so easy to forget when I’m with her. She fucks men on camera for a livin’, so why did I think I was any different? 

I should be happy that I know the truth about her and can move on. Her asshole manager warned me that she only fucked for money. I went off on him earlier tonight when he was talkin’ that shit. Yeah, maybe I thought about it before we met, but there's no way I would ever pay a dime to fuck her now that I know her. Apparently, she thought she still owed me from the four thousand I gave her at the strip club Friday.

Instead of bein’ relieved that I know the real Eve, or Mandy, I'm pissed. Mostly at myself. I knew somethin’ was...off with her when she was leadin’ me up the stairs in a hurry. Her mood and demeanor had shifted from flirty to insistent, and I couldn't figure her out. But then when she grabbed my cock it sort of made thinkin’ difficult. And after my cock went into her mouth...well, I was too far gone. Now I feel like a fool for thinkin’ she wanted me. I was certain she did outside at the fight. But it was just quid-fuckin’-pro quo for her. The most fucked up thing of all is I don't regret bein’ with her, and that probably makes me an enormous asshole. Bein’ with Eve, dammit,
Mandy
, was beyond incredible. Best sex I've ever had and she didn't even
want
to fuck me! It was nothin’ more than an obligation to her, and yet, it blew my mind. At least I know the answer to the question I've been wonderin’ for years.

The real thing
is
even better than the fantasy.

…

Claire

Friday night after work I get sacked out in my bed, cozy in my warm flannel pajamas, indulging my pity party of one with a pint of
Ben & Jerry's
Boom Chocolatta. I consider holding the cold container between my legs to numb the ache, not just from overuse but because I actually miss having him inside me. Knowing that will never happen again, a few tears slip from my eyes, strays trying to catch up with their friends who evacuated as part of the mass exodus last night after Linc left Vito's house. There I was, lying naked in a strange bed after sleeping with a man for the first time, sad and dumped while being video recorded during every fucking second of the ordeal.

No matter how many times I go through the entire night over and over again, it still feels like an unfinished painting. I swear something's missing but I don't know what. How could I have been so wrong about Linc?

At the knock on my bedroom door I sit up with my back against the headboard, put down the carton of ice cream on the nightstand and swipe my fingers under my eyes to quickly dry them before answering. "Come in."

I was expecting my sister not...
him
.

"Get out," I tell James, who’s wearing the usual wrinkled dress clothes along with his trademarked greasy hair.

"I just wanted to tell you how pleased Vito was with your...film," he says.

Fidgeting with an unraveling blue string from the top of my comforter, I don't even have to look up at him to know that stupid smirk of his is on his face. His comment embarrassed me, just as he intended, making my cheeks burn.

"Leave," I say again.

"Vito wanted me to try and convince you to do a few more movies for him. Said he'd pay you
very, very
well."

"Hell no."

"That's a shame," he says, taking a few more steps into the room. "Because to act so innocent, you sure do know how to suck a big, fat cock like a pro. Must run in the family."

"Get out!" I yell at him. I’m so pissed off at the shit coming out of his mouth that my whole body is starting to shake. Instead of leaving, he comes even closer to the side of my bed.

"And the way you screamed and writhed when he was licking your pussy...mmm, mmm, hmmm." His hand comes down and grabs ahold of my calf through the comforter. He tightens his grip as he rubs his palm up to my thigh while his beady eyes stare at my breasts through my tank top. "You had all of us in the screening room stroking the fuck out of our cocks right then and there."

My stomach flips violently, but I'm frozen in place. James is not only blocking the door so that I would have to get past him to escape, but he already has his hand on me, preventing me from going anywhere. For some reason, I don't think it will help if I try to bolt. Seeing my phone next to me on the mattress, I suddenly have an idea. I pick it up and quickly dial Mason from my favorites.

"You remember our brother Mason, right? Really big MMA fighter?" I ask the asshole while the line rings, my voice only slightly shaking. "Let's see what he's up to tonight and if he wants to come over to say hello."       

"Hey, sis."

I let out a sigh of relief when he thankfully answers, even though it's late. "Mason! What are you up to tonight?" I ask while narrowing my eyes at James in warning. "Want to come over and hang out with me, Mandy, and James?"

The sleazy jerk rolls his eyes before he removes his hand from me. My call to my brother accomplished my goal of getting him to finally leave my room. As soon as his ass clears the doorway, I jump up to shut and lock the door.

"Ah, you want to hang out right now? At almost midnight on a Friday night?" Mason asks. “I’m all the way up in a club in Raleigh with Senn and Nate from
Havoc
. Is everything okay?"

"Now it is," I tell him. "Thanks...for answering."  The flood of tears return in full force.

"Are you crying? What's going on, Claire? You're starting to worry me."

"Sorry. Just...bad day."

He sighs heavily into the phone. "I’m on my way."

"No! Mason, I'm fine now. I promise."

"You sure? You don't fucking sound fine."

"Yes. I’m sure."

He stays quiet for a few seconds. "Does this have anything to do with Linc Abrams?"

"No," I say quickly.   

"Liar," he calls me out. "Did something happen last night with him at Vito's?"

"Nope." What's another lie on the ever growing pile?

"Good," he says, which shocks the hell out of me. I figured my brother would be Team Linc all the way since he looks up to him and his successful MMA career. "Because you know I went over to
Havoc
today to get registered? Well, instead of coming out with me and his boys, he left the gym with some girl tonight." I choke on a sharp intake of breath hearing that Linc was with someone else. The night after he paid to fuck me on camera he's going on a freaking date?

Mason sighs again, this time heavier. "Ah shit. Am I gonna have to kick his ass? Cause I will for you, sis, even if it means giving up
Havoc
."

"No!" I exclaim. "Please swear to me you won't mention anything about me to him. It's complicated, okay, and doesn't matter. Promise me, Mason. This is a great opportunity for you so don't mess it up!" I'm not about to admit to my brother that I did a porno with the man.

"I know you're hiding shit from me, but I can't make you spit it out. Just, let me know if you need anything, okay?"

"Okay," I agree. "Thanks, Mason. I got a pretty good deal the day they were handing out baby brothers."

"Yeah, you did," he easily agrees. "Too bad they dropped Mandy on her head before they gave her to you."

"Mason!" I chastise him.

"Seriously, what are we gonna do about her? We can't keep this shit up, and neither can she." I understand exactly what he's referring to; the two of us constantly bailing Mandy out of her self-created problems. It never ends with her.

"I know," I agree. "Let's work on trying to get her to go into another inpatient rehab program.” Two years ago she got accepted into a drug treatment facility for ninety days. It was enough time for her to detox, and she actually stayed clean for several months after she got out. “It’ll probably go in one ear and out the other like usual, but if we both stay on her, maybe she'll cave just to get us off her ass."

"Deal," he says.

"Now go have fun and I’ll talk to you later."

"Love you, sis," he says before hanging up, making me smile.

Linc

It has to be close to midnight, but I'm not ready to head home yet. After the homecoming game that Abby convinced me to come to, all of us from the Cary High class of '08 decided to stick around and hang out on the bleachers, knockin’ out a cooler of beer while we rehash an infinite number of stories from the glory days. Talkin’ and laughin’ with Ryan and Jason for the first time in years has helped take my mind off the thoughts of a gold-diggin’ porn star which fill my every wakin’ minute. God, I still feel like such a fuckin’ fool for bein’ so damn cocky and stupid to think Eve actually wanted me.

"Oh shit," Ryan mutters with a grin. "You remember how trashed Jason got the night we graduated? We couldn't find him because he had gone next door and jumped in his neighbor’s pool fully clothed." He has to pause in the story until he stops shakin’ with laughter. "Then when the cops showed up and pulled him out, they asked him what he thought he was doing. He reached down and said 'Freeing Willy' with his cock in his hand."

Everyone laughs, including myself, even though I missed seein’ the events firsthand. As soon as we graduated, Abby and I left for Myrtle Beach, in a hurry to get a jump on the senior ritual, and ready to jump in bed without parents, friends, school, trainin’ or anything else gettin’ in our way for a few days. It was during that week that I first asked her to marry me. Yeah, I knew we were young, but that didn't matter to me, not when I loved her and wanted to be with her forever. What we had was the real deal. Not only was she my best friend those three years we were together, but regardless of the fact that we were each other's first, we burned up the sheets learnin’ every position in the Kama Sutra and inventin’ a few of our own. The sex was always scorchin’ hot. We collided like we'd die if our bodies weren't joined within seconds of bein’ left alone together. And now here she is in my life again, sick, possibly terminally, movin’ back to town with her parents because she's gettin’ ready to have her first chemotherapy treatment in just a few days.  

Sittin’ sideways two bleachers down, Abby's eyes catch mine on her. Tonight she's bundled up in layers, a sweater, hoodie, and overcoat even though it's not that cool out in the September night. The rest of us have on thin jackets or just long sleeve shirts. Her long braid hangs over her shoulder, restin’ on her full chest, tauntin’ me. The tease is multiplied when one of her eyebrows inches up and she flashes me a smile that asks, Y
ou're thinking about fucking me, aren’t you pervert?
I return her smile and shrug in the
What can I say? I have an elephant trunk for a cock and he never forgets
response.

She shivers either out of arousal or because of the temperature. I still can't believe she has cancer since she looks so healthy. But right now, at this moment, I can see the fragility in her that's more prominent than ever before. And the worst part that squeezes my heart, the fear of an unknown future in her sad eyes that never disappears even when she smiles.

The five or six beers that I've had are meltin’ my icy block of coldness toward her. Each droplet that lands in the surroundin’ puddle seems to take some of the anger and hurt along with it. Of course I haven't completely forgiven her, but I'm workin’ on it. Maybe I never will, but I can stop bein’ a dick long enough to show her that I'm tryin’ to let the past go. Abby already has so much on her that it would be petty of me to make her feel even worse.

Givin’ in to the urge to prove that I'm...tryin’, and hell, maybe even soothe my recently bruised ego, I scoot down the bleachers until I'm next to her. I wrap my arms around her shoulders, pullin’ her to my chest to warm her up. She fits against me the same way she always did. "You okay? Need to go?" I ask.

"No," she says, lookin’ up at me with those brown eyes that I once would do anything for. "Are
you
okay? You've been chewing a hole in your bottom lip all night."

I scrub my free hand down my face, noticin’ the scruff that I didn't shave off today. Distracted is not even close to describin’ the zombie like state I've been in since leavin’ Mandy last night. Instead of shruggin’ it off, I decide to tell Abby the truth. "Last night I made a fuckin’ fool of myself, so now I'm tryin’ to figure out how to pick my stupid self up off the canvas with what dignity I have left."

"You mean, like with a woman?" she asks, way too perceptively.

"Uh-huh." I don't bother denyin’ it.

She laughs. "
You,
the recently named
Sexiest MMA Fighter in the World
struck out? I find that very hard to believe." When she throws out the ridiculous magazine title the corners of my lips inevitability lift just a tad. I've had fun rubbin’ that shit in Jude's face since he came in third behind his brother, Jax.       

"I didn't exactly strike out," I reply. Bein’ with Mandy, despite the circumstances, was more like a fuckin’ grand-slam, home run. "She just doesn't have any plans to see me again or give me a real chance."

"Well, she's an idiot," Abby says, and then softer, "And I would know."

Followin’ the silence that surrounds us after
that
statement, I figure we should call it a night. Anything to avoid divin’ into those shark infested waters.                    

"You ready to go?" I ask. Abby nods, so we say goodbye to our old friends and walk back to my truck. Her car is still sittin’ at
Havoc
since she stopped by and asked me to go with her to the game. I caved, needin’ the distraction from replayin’ the night before.

We climb in the cab, and the doors barely close before she unfortunately starts in now that she has me in a contained space. "Can we please talk?" she asks. "Will you give me just five minutes to explain what happened that night? That's all I've ever wanted, Linc but you've never given me that.
Please
."

Starin’ out the side window, I keep my eyes on the empty parkin’ lot, instead of her face that is guaranteed to soften me. "Don't think that's a good idea, Abby."

My whole body tenses up when her soft fingertips unexpectedly make contact with the side of my turned face, caressin’ my scruffy jawline. Her gentle touch is way too...intimate than I'm prepared for or comfortable with, when she says again, "Please."

I shake my head and grab her hand to peel it away from my face, tellin’ her the honest to God truth. "I could go the rest of my life and never talk about that-" I pause mid-sentence when the stadium lights hit a tattoo on the inside of Abby's wrist. I pull it closer to see if it's what I think it is. A small, simple black outline forms a pair of angel wings, connected in the middle by three cursive letters, "TLA." The ink is lightly faded, provin’ that she's definitely had it for a while.  

"There's no expiration date on my mourning, either," she says softly. "I was hurting just as much as you, but I couldn't take another second of the guilt...seeing the pain on your face and everyone else's...You blamed me. I know you did. I
thought it was my fault, too."

My chest tightens and throat burns seein’ the reminder she permanently inked into her skin. The drastic contrast between the proof in front of me and the belief I've always had that she was so happy and relieved throws me completely off balance. I might be sittin’ down, but I still feel the foundation of the past start to shift underneath me. All because of a tattoo.

The asshole in me says it could be nothin’ more than a way for her to try and get attention or sympathy, but that's not somethin’ the Abby I used to know would ever do. If that's all it was then she would've shoved it in my face the other day when she saw my necklace. I assumed she never looked back, but I was wrong.

Still holdin’ her hand in both of mine, I brush my lips over the memorial and finally give her the small concession that I couldn't honestly give her the week everything went to hell. "It wasn't your fault. Chromosome abnormality. That's what the medical records said caused it."

My parents and I had ordered all the hospital records, because they drew blood from me and Abby to use for genetic testing to see what exactly had gone wrong to cause a miscarriage in the second trimester of the pregnancy. At the time, a part of me even wondered if he was really mine or some other guy's baby after the night in Greenville. The results left no doubt about the paternity, and made it clear that there was nothin’ anyone, even the doctors, could have done to prevent the miscarriage.

"We didn't know that at the time. Not until weeks later...when the tests came back," she says through sniffles. "No, I wasn't ready to be a mother...not when I first found out I was pregnant. But I still loved him and wanted him."

Those are the words I would've given anything to hear before she ran, but she didn't say them, not even once.  

"That's what I wanted to believe. It's why...that's why I followed you to Greenville, because I was worried about you blamin’ yourself. Then when I found you fuckin’ cheatin’ on me-"

"I swear, Linc, I wasn't cheating on you-"

"Bullshit!" I yell so loudly it echoes around the interior of the truck. I finally let her hand go at that bald faced lie. "You were in bed with him!"

"Charlie-" she starts, and just hearin’ his name makes me groan. "He was just a random guy who lived on my floor. He heard me crying when he was leaving the shower and came in to check on me.
Everyone
had gone home for break and he was the
only
other person on the entire hall that night. There was nothing else going on!"

I shake my head and bark out a laugh in complete disbelief that she thinks I would ever buy that shit. “Checking on her” required gettin’ in bed with her? Yeah, right. "That's a nice story that you've had five years to make up," I tell her.

"It's the truth. The
only
truth. I had all of my clothes on, and he was in a towel from his shower. You didn't give us a chance to explain before you…attacked him. I was terrified. You wouldn't hurt me...so you took out all of your anger at
me
losing the baby on him."

The cab of the truck suddenly starts shrinkin’, the sides closin’ in on me, and I'm certain the temperature must’ve shot up at least fifty degrees. I get out to find more air for my lungs, slamming the door shut behind me.

The rational, clearheaded part of me says she's lyin’, but honestly I don't even remember much of what happened that night. I'd gone into a fuckin’ rage as soon as I walked into the room and saw she wasn't alone. So I can't try and figure out if there's any truth to what she now wants me to believe, even if I wanted to.

Bracin’ my back against the side of the truck I rub the throbbin’ veins in my temple that make me absolutely certain that my head is about to explode. It's too much to take in, too emotional to deal with. I'm thankful that Abby doesn't get out and keep talkin’ because I need a few minutes alone to think and to get my escalatin’ blood pressure under control.

A knife piercin’ my gut keeps askin’ me,
"What if she's tellin’ the truth? What if I lost her because of a stupid misunderstanding?"
I nearly killed that boy after I got my hands on him. At the time, there was no doubt in my mind that she was with him, but now...it never actually made sense to me why she would even
try
to have sex with someone when she hadn't recovered from the birth. Yeah, the baby was only a few ounces, but it didn't seem much different from a full term healthy delivery.

Out of nowhere a memory of me and Sadie the night before my and Jude’s fight hits me. We were in my bed at the hotel together. I slept on my back in a t-shirt and shorts that night with my arm around Sadie. She took her dress off and slept in one of my oversized shirts, usin’ my chest as a pillow. It was completely innocent to us. Sadie’s a beautiful girl, but I wasn’t attracted to her, and even if I had been, she was devastated by her dad and Jude lyin’ to her. I had only held her while she cried because she felt like there wasn’t anyone else to hold her. It was no different than if she had been my sister Hailey. On the flip side of that, what if Jude had walked in on us? Would he have seen the two of us in the same non-sexual way? Not fuckin’ likely because of his blindin’ jealousy. Maybe the same thing happened to me.   

I can't begin to sort through everything right now, and I know Abby has to be gettin’ cold sittin’ inside the truck. I need to take her back to her car and go home to drink myself into oblivion, hopefully until I forget the roller coaster ride from hell that I've been on for the last two days.

...

The next Wednesday my hinged brace officially came off and I was cleared for trainin’.
Finally
. Mace showed up just like I told him to last Friday, so now he's a registered
Havoc
fighter. I've tried to leave his trainin’ to the coachin’ staff because just seein’ him reminds me of his sister, who I'm workin’ really hard to try and forget. More than once I've considered askin’ him for her number. It would be so easy to get it from him so that I could see her again. I want to kick my own ass for even considerin’ it since I’m nothin’ but a big dollar sign to her, so instead I kick the long bag in front of me. While I may be crazy about her, she could care less about me, other than my money.

And Abby...my thoughts are still all over the place. She started chemotherapy this week, and while she didn't ask me to go with her, I think she wanted me to offer. I just...couldn't. I knew her mom or sister would go with her, so she wasn't alone. I've talked to her on the phone a few times since the game Friday, checkin’ on her, but that's all I can offer for now. Probably makes me an even bigger dick. She can't expect to spring shit on me after all these years and it roll right off of me. I'm still processin’ this new information, but it's gonna take time to come around to seein’ things from a different perspective than the one I've held onto for so long.