Lincoln County Series 1-3 (36 page)

Cameron knew he would grow up all too soon, and despite Lacey’s hastiness in trying to make Drew be older than he was, she wanted him to be her baby for all time. Because when he grew up, he would need to leave and begin his own family, and that would mean she would be all alone for the rest of her life.

*** *** ***

The trip into town on Sunday proved to be a major challenge but Cameron was determined. With no one to hold Drew, she placed him in a crate at her feet with so many blankets he hadn’t an inch to move against the softness. She settled the reins between her fingers. “Now Drew, if I can only minimize the jostling, we should be just fine.” She closed her eyes and breathed a prayer of safe travels and a smooth ride, then took off in the direction of the church building.

All along the way her thoughts went to Andrew. Her heart ached with sadness that he was missing out knowing his flesh and blood. Whenever her mind took her to his last minutes, she would steer herself away from the torment of speculation. She held onto Jake’s words, that her husband died saving another. How he died, she could not dwell on. His absence alone was enough to renew the hurt and sorrow of being left behind. She looked at the beautiful clear sky, spreading the warmth of spring, and thanked the Lord above that He did not give her more than she could handle.

As she made her way to the hitching post, Cameron was amazed at the carriages about. She pulled Drew, crate and all, from the floorboard and said to him, “Well for all of Aunt Lacey’s arguing, she sure came through for us!”

She gently placed Andrew’s bible upon the blankets tucked tidily at Drew’s feet, and with encouragement in her step, headed into the church. Her earlier concern about what to do with the baby while she shared scripture had been a complete waste of her time. Cameron barely saw Drew as he was passed about and smothered in adoration by nearly every lady present. With their helping hands, she was able to share longer than she thought.

A few minutes into the sermon she caught Jake taking a seat in the back pew. Her heart thudded about. For years she and Andrew had prayed for this moment and still she was shocked. Keeping focus on the scripture at hand, she reread it clearly, attempting to keep her mind from darting all over the place. When would she get over remorse that Andrew was missing this or that? He was missing his best friend’s presence in church! She reeled herself back to the moment. She would thank the Lord later for this miracle. She gripped the sides of the pulpit with determination to get through this and kept her eyes off of Jake Collins.

After modestly acknowledging accolades from the congregants for coming back to them and sharing her heart, she made her way to retrieve Drew from Mary. “He’s an angel, Mrs. Jackson.”

“Yes, he is.” She held up Drew to see his chubby cheeks. “You were such a good boy today!”

She looked behind Mary in time to see Jake exit the building. “Excuse me.”

Cradling Drew, she went after him, making it to Hunter just as he’d mounted. “Do you mind getting down again?”

Immediately he slid off. “What’s wrong? Do you need anything?”

She hadn’t planned out what she was going to say. She hesitated, afraid she might spook him from visiting church again. “I am glad you came today.”

It couldn’t be denied that in the past he’d been like Lacey and very adamant about not setting foot inside a church.

He scraped a boot across the dirt and hooked his thumb in his pocket. “I was curious about the new lady preacher.” He gave her a less intimidating smile than she was used to receiving from him.

“And…?”

“You always surprise me. Just when I think I’ve got you pegged you do something completely contrary.” He looked at Drew and was comfortable enough to inquire, “How’s he doing? Looks healthy.”

“He is. One wouldn’t know he was born early. God has been truly good to us.”

Accusingly, he took her in. She knew exactly what he was thinking.

“You don’t think He’s been good to us.”

“Like I said, I was curious about the lady preacher, not about what she says behind the pulpit.”

He looked ready to climb upon Hunter again so she pressed on. “I’ll not push, Jake. I’m just glad you came today. And despite what you believe, I am blessed.”

“One might disagree with you there.”

Anger rose in her. Like he said, she was contrary to what he expected and now she was contrary to acting like a lady preacher, but sometimes Jake made her so mad! “Look at Drew and tell me that again.”

“That’s not what I meant and you know it!”

“I don’t aim to know His ways, Jake. I want Andrew back with me. I’m sad most of the time with the wanting. But I also know my blessings. I choose to live with those over my losses. If I can do that, you should be able to let me.”

“I don’t know how you can.”

She watched as he remounted and did not wish to discern her feelings with this conversation. All she knew was that her heart dropped as she watched Jake ride away from her, an all too familiar sight.

Chapter Twelve

Over the next month Jake kept to his promise to Andrew by looking out for his family, but from a safe distance. It was the best he could do. He swore at the guilt eating at him, knowing in his gut that his actions did not live up to Andrew’s expectations. But heck, how could the man have expected more? He stood leaning against the outside wall of the jail, waiting for Sheriff Randall to get back. Jake needed a fresh Wanted poster so he could be on the hunt again. As he heard the train’s whistle announcing its arrival, he casually remained in place with nowhere to go and nothing pressing for his time.

When the train came to a halt, he had a perfect view of its disembarking passengers, and with little interest in any of the town’s other activities, he decided to look around elsewhere for Ed. As he stepped from the boardwalk he caught a glance at a woman gathering her skirts and making her way from the platform. She shielded her eyes by her hands from the warm June sun and Jake did another take at her features. He was gripped a moment with uncertainty and a shield of protection for Cameron went on alert as he watched Bethany Hoffman make her way to Lacey’s Place, where he knew Cameron and the baby were visiting.

Rushing to intervene, he was soon blocking Bethany’s path. He was unaware of the rage that resided in him towards the woman until he’d laid eyes on her. She appeared so unaffected, so confident and bold to show herself in Lincoln County. Who did she think she was? She was the reason for heartache and destruction and he was about to tell her just that. First, he needed to remove her from the boardwalk, out of sight. Roughly, he drew her into the crevice between buildings. Many townspeople were milling about but he could care less of wagging tongues.

“What in blazes do you think you’re doing?” Anger spilled through his words. “We don’t need you around. You’re nothing but trouble.”

She stared him down. “I know that.”

He realized his hands were gripping her shoulders and he released them. “Then why would you come back? Haven’t you done enough to the Jackson family?”

Looking mortified, she acted like he’d slapped her. He did not regret his forcefulness. There had never been a desire to see her again and he would not relent.

She mumbled, “I thought I would set things right with… his wife.”

This woman was unbelievable. “It has been months! She’s finally coming to herself and happiness. Seeing you is the last thing that is going to ‘set things right’. Your thinking on this is absurd and selfish. I suggest you turn around and get back on that train.”

“Bethany?”

Jake cringed. So did Bethany. In unison they turned to see Cameron holding a baby and looking at them in wonder.

“Jake, what’s going on?”

He looked at Drew, a month older than the last time they spoke, and saw more of his father in him. “Bethany was traveling through town. We were… catching up.” He fought the mounting fury and the urge to rush her out of Cameron’s presence.

“And Bethany, you weren’t going to see me?”

Jake turned to Bethany, whose confidence had plummeted and looked to be having second thoughts about her mission to right things. She stepped towards Cameron, threw an unsure glance back at him and said, “I… of course. But I don’t wish to miss my train.”

Cameron looked at Jake disapprovingly as if to say he hadn’t fooled her at all, then invited Bethany for tea at the hotel. “Well now, there’s always another train. Come and tell me how you’ve been.”

Not willing to risk Cameron getting hurt, no matter if he’d fooled her or not, he held his ground. “She’ll be along shortly. We weren’t done here yet.” He would later hear Cameron’s reaction to his dismissal of her but it would be a small price to pay. He turned his back on her and waited until he knew she’d gone, displeased he was sure.

He put his face close to Bethany’s pale one, rested his hand on the wall behind her, and threatened, “If you so much as make her upset, I will personally boot you out of town. You are not to sully Andrew’s name. He died defending your sorry hide.” And if that hadn’t hurt her enough he added, “You could never make things right and you don’t get to ask for forgiveness just to ease your conscience.”

She’d flinched with every word he spoke so he was surprised when a moment later she challenged him back. “She doesn’t know, does she?”

His brow creased and she answered his curious look. “She isn’t aware of Andrew’s last words is she?”

Before it had sunk in what she was referring to, she’d ducked out of harm’s way and made it back to the boardwalk before he could react. She was lucky, that one. Still within hearing distance his words shot after her. “Don’t you breathe a word.” He watched as she made her way into Lacey’s Place. Immediately fear replaced anger and he knew he could not afford for Cameron to know the entirety of the last wishes of her husband. She would be repulsed.

So help that woman if she exposed the truth.

*** *** ***

“He’s beautiful,” said Bethany as they settled at a table in the restaurant.

Cameron adjusted Drew in the crook of her arm. “Thank you.”

The look of pity Bethany speared her with set Cameron on edge. When would people begin to understand that she truly was blessed? If Andrew was meant to be taken from her, and she was left with a piece of him for eternity, how could anyone see it otherwise?

Cameron accepted the tea Lacey served them before walking off, her disapproval clear as the day outside with regards to the guest at the table. She realized that it wasn’t up to her to make everyone see things the way she did, now that she knew God’s love and intent for her life. Her friends like Bethany, Jake and Lacey would all need to come into that knowledge on their own. She looked at Drew’s eyes, coming awake, and received His goodness.

Bethany sipped on the beverage and sighed. “She doesn’t like me much, does she?”

Cameron acknowledged the truth. “Not since you showed her up on her offer to have you work on this side of the hotel. You chose the side of the saloon and the, ah… selling of yourself instead. It’s hard for her to understand that.”

“And you understand why I did that?”

“I do. Bethany, I believe you wanted to hurt your husband and that you were in hiding, but more than all of that, you acted out what you felt you deserved.”

“I deserved everything I got but you… you didn’t.”

Cameron observed how uncomfortable Bethany was and prayed for a fresh ability to show forgiveness. It wasn’t always easy. She had her moments where it would be easy to blame everyone, including Andrew, for his death. But as she looked at the guilt-ridden countenance of Bethany, she couldn’t add to it, not with having received His complete forgiveness for her own past sins. She reached out. “I don’t have any hard feelings where you are concerned.”

“But if I had only told the sheriff the whole story…”

“Andrew would have still been on that train. Bethany, I don’t want to talk about what we could have, or should have done differently. I don’t want to dwell on the past. If you’ve come to seek my forgiveness, it’s yours. But that needs to be the end of it, other than you forgiving yourself.”

There was a drawn out silence before Bethany changed the subject and gestured to the baby. “What’s his name?”

Cameron looked at him tenderly. “Drew.”

“I really should be going.”

Cameron didn’t buy it. Plus she noticed, with much annoyance, Jake loitering outside the building. What did he think? That she was oblivious to his constant watch, even if done from a distance?

“What were you and Jake talking about?” Cameron shifted Drew to her other arm, so she could enjoy the tea while it was still warm.

“May I?” Bethany stood to retrieve Drew. Grateful for the resting of her arms, Cameron readily handed him over. She caught a look of dismay from Lacey during the transaction and slightly shook her head. She knew these people in her life had their purpose, but they did cause her to often ask God to give her patience with their over protective natures.

“So?”

“You’re not going to let me off, I see.” Bethany squirmed a bit. Or perhaps she was adjusting Drew. Either way it was obvious she did not wish to discuss the formidable Jake Collins.