Line Of Scrimmage (5 page)

“Mom is acting really weird.”

“Mom is just tired.” I explained. Hannah rolled her eyes at me. I guess girls learn that gesture early in life. “Ladybug what are you painting?”

“A pink pony family
with a triple rainbow.”

I looked over on
the table at her painting. “It really looks great. How about a quadruple rainbow?”

“Huh.” She squinted and thought ca
refully. In her British accent, “By golly that is a splendid idea.” She watches a lot of the
Nickelodeon
British kids show
House of Anubis
.

“
Finish up.” Hannah hopped back into the chair and snatched up her paintbrush. “Where’s mom?”

“Upstairs.”
Hannah was back to her Midwest American accent. She pointed her paintbrush toward the back steps.

“Okay, where’s your brothers?
”

“Upstairs.”

“See you a little later ladybug.”

“
Okay dad.” Hannah smiled I could see the relief wash over her face. I smiled back but I was wounded beyond belief. I had to control my temper. I wanted to choke the shit out of Tess. Did she really discuss our marriage with our eight year old? Was she really trying to poison my kids against me? Control yourself, Mason. I’m trying to keep this shabby marriage together and she’s trying to pull it apart.

I took the back stairs two at a time.
I walked down the hall and peeked in on Matt and Tim. I inhaled and exhaled and made my way to our bedroom.

The door was open and I walked in to
see Tess lying in bed. She was under the covers with piles of clothes in the bed around her. I tried not to frown as I glanced at the mess.

“Tess.” I called to her although she had her puffy eyes on me. She had been crying. Seeing her in this state hurt me. I was the cause of this.
I was the bastard that couldn’t keep his cock from wandering around the baseball bleachers.

I
really wanted to blame my meddlesome assclown brother but I had to face facts. I was the one that made this happen.

I took a seat on the bed and turned to face Tess.
In her eyes was proof of my wicked ways. When was the last time she showered? Her hair was a ratty mess. There were dirty Kleenex all around the room and in the bed. Damn, this is going to be tough. She’s probably not eating. I hope she’s not throwing up.

“I’m here to talk and explain myself.” The first and maybe one of the only honest things I would say
to her. “I want to come home.”

“You had an affair.”
Tess’ voice was hoarse but nonetheless a whisper. She can’t really yell at me. That’s good.

“I did.”

“You just admit it like it’s some everyday occurrence that just happens.”

“No, I want to be honest with you.”

“So when I thought you were having an affair before you were?”

“Yes.”

“You lied.”

“
No, I lied to Mike. I didn’t lie to you.” I clarified, even though I knew it wouldn’t make a difference.

“So what? Is that supposed to be some excuse?”
She blew her chapped red nose. She was making herself sick.

“No excuse. Just the t
ruth. If you would have asked me instead of talking to Melissa I would have told you the truth.”

“The truth, Mason you are such a liar.”

I peered into her bloodshot eyes. “I never lied to you.”

“You lied
every time you left this house and went to see her. Who is she? Do you love her?”

“
She’s no one important.”

“Liar, do you love her?”

“No, of course not. I don’t love her. I love you.” Shit, lying is getting easier and easier for me. I am a monster.

“So why? Why?
What were you thinking?”

“I wasn’t thinking. I was bored.”

“Bored with me and our kids.”

“No, no with life. I was just really depressed and I thought that this would make me feel better but it didn’t.”

“You mean she would make you feel better.”

“I guess so b
ut it just made me feel worse. I hated lying to you and I feel so guilty about it.”

“You feel guilty. Who cares how you feel. You should feel like shit.”

“Believe me I do.”

“How many times?”

I knew what she meant but I opted to feign stupidity. “How many times what?”

“Did you fuck her?”

“Ah, it was only three times.” I planned to use the word ONLY a few more times in this conversation.

“I don’t know if I believe you.”

“Tess I don’t have any reason to lie anymore. I swear only three times.” More like three times fifteen.

“Mason who is she?”

“She is no one. She’s just the wife of some guy I do business with.” I’m getting too good at lying. The bullshit is coming out my mouth without much effort.

“She’s married?” Tess was invisibly shocked
by this revelation.

“Yes, she’s married.” I was cool
under this interrogation. I had my script memorized and every single detail stored in my frontal lobe. I always figure shit out and I figured out that a married woman would ease Tess’ mind. A single woman would give her more to worry about.

“I was going to end it when Mike found out. I was tired of lying
to you and feeling like shit. The only reason I saw her the one last time was to tell her it was over, not to have sex. She told me she loved her husband and he was getting suspicious. She had no problem with my decision to call it quits. She wanted to stop too.”

“Did she know you were married?”

“Yes.”

“She didn’t care?”

“I guess not since she was married too. Tess, sweetheart, we didn’t talk that much. It was just those three times and nothing more. It’s not some sordid love affair. It was just sex. Don’t turn your back on our marriage for something so insignificant.”

“Insignificant to you maybe but you stuck y
our cock in some other woman. Are you crazy?”

“No, I’m not crazy. I’m just stupid.”

“How do I know you won’t act stupid again?”

“You have my word. I will do
whatever it takes for you to trust me again. If you want to go to therapy or counseling or whatever you want, I will prove to you I am the man you can count on.”

“Mason, I don’t know what I want to do right now.”

“I want to come home Tess. I miss my family.”

There was silence and then a cough. I leap from my place on the bed.

“Where are you going?”

I faked a smile. “Just to the bathroom honey.”
I walked into our adjoining bathroom. It wasn’t that dirty in here. Apparently Tess hadn’t spent too much time in here.

I turned the bathtub spout on to full blast.
The water roared from the nozzle and I stood and watched. There was these pain that rumbled in my chest.

I
turned and took a hard look at myself in the mirror. I was glaring at an imposter. A man pretending to be a good husband and father. A clone of the man I used to be.

My wife
was falling apart and it was my fault. I am scum. I’m worse than scum. I’m the shit that scum looks at in disgust. This is what my life had come to. I’m a fucking cliché. I’m a cheating man. I’m not even forty and I’m already fucking up. What next? I might as well go buy a sportscar and become a real live douche. That seems to be the road I’m heading down.

Once the tub was half full I turned off the water and stalked out to the bedroom.

“Time to take a bath.”

“No.” Tess mouthed without moving from lying on the bed.

I took the few steps needed to scoop her up in my arms. She was too weak to fight me and she didn’t try. I stormed into the bathroom and sat her down on her feet.

I lifted the lid on the toilet seat. “Pee.”

“No.” She said as she looked up at me.

I pressed my lips together. “You know that as soon as you get into the bathe you always have to get out to pee. Pee now.”

“I’m not peeing and I’m not taking a bath. Go fuck yourself.”

I quickly fall down to my knees and yanked her shorts and panties down to the ground. I pushed her fragile body with a swift shove. Tess’ butt hit the toilet and she was right where I wanted her to be, on the toilet. “Pee!”

Fuck! Here comes the water works. She started crying. I just glared down at the back of her head as she pressed her face to her knees. Finally I heard the magical sound of her urine hitting the toilet bowl water.

I stood there hovering over her, blocking out her crying and waiting for my cue. Once the pee stopped I wrenched her up by her arms. I hastily pulled her shirt over her head.

“Step out your underwear.” I didn’t give her a chance to think about it. I just twirled her away from the toilet and to the bathtub. “Get in.”

She must have been too exhausted to protest because she just surrendered to my demands and stepped into the bathtub. She sat in the w
arm water without my existence.

I grabbed her wash cloth from the rack and sat down on my ass by the side of the bathtub. I sunk my hand into the water to wet the wash cloth.

“Mason, why are you here?”

“I’m here because I love you.”

“I don’t believe you.”

What the hell do I say to that? “It’s true. I love you and one day you will believe me.
” I tilted into the tub to kiss Tess on her cheek.

I reached over and grabbed a bar of soap off the ledge. I dipped the bar-soap in the water and rubbed it over her bare back.

I slowly and gently washed her back and neck. Tess allowed this but she turned her face away from me. She just stared at the tiled wall. There was no eye contact, not even when I washed her breasts.

“Put your head back so I come wash your hair.”

Tess complied. She scooted down in the tub and bent her knees up. She dipped her head back into the water and I took the shampoo from the ledge and squirted some into my palm. I tenderly rubbed the shampoo into her hair and scalp and massaged it into a thick lather.

I
slowly rinsed the shampoo from her hair. Tess helped me by dipping her entire face under the water. I took my free hand and washed the inside of her thighs. Her body tensed but that didn’t stop me. I worked my way up and to her pussy and as fast as lightening Tess grabbed my hand. Her eyes popped open and found me. Shit! That was a bad idea. Too soon.

“
Enough! Get out! I can bathe without you. Get out! Go back to the hotel.”

“Okay, fine.” I removed my hands from the water.

“I need more time. I’m completely disgusted by the sight of you. I’m hurt and shocked by your actions.”

Well then get over it. Damn, did I just think that?
“Fine, can I come by tomorrow and take you out to dinner.”

“Do I look hungry? I can’t eat after what you’ve done.”

“I understand you’re not hungry now but you may be hungry tomorrow.” You’re probably going to threw it up anyway. So what difference does it make?

“Who’s going to watch our kids
when we’re out?”

“Either my sister or my mother. I’
ll worry about that. Just be ready at six, okay?”

“Fine whatever.  Please just leave.”

I stood. “Can I make some dinner for the kids before I go?”

“Fine Mason, then leave.” Tess
turned her face away from me and started rinsing the soap from her body. I dried my hands and forearms on the towel hanging on the back of the door and left my wife alone in the bathtub.

I’m not sure if that went good or bad. I assume it’s some kind of progress in the right direction.
I know I should be worried but I’m not. She needs time to cool off. She’s not leaving me. That would be absurd. I will let her have her time to pout but I will be home with my kids soon enough.

I went to the kitchen and made dinner, blueberry pancakes, Kraft macaroni and cheese with
vanilla ice-cream for dessert. After dinner I did a quick surface cleaning of the entire downstairs portion of the house.

When I left I could have went to the hotel but I didn’t want to. I went to Kari’s. That’s what I wanted to do. 

CHAPTER 4

We were in the play-offs and we had a good shot of going all the way. We had to win the next three games in a roll to be the Bolingcreek little league champions. With all that’s going on in my life, if I pull this off, I can actually pat myself on the back. I had opened up the lines of communication with Tess. This was a major step in the right direction. I was feeling really guilty about what I had done to her.

Yeah I felt guilty but I still kept seeing Kari
. Nothing had changed. Things were much like before. One difference was the truth was out, partially. I told Kari I would be over later but I decided just to pop up. My ego was inflated and I felt I could do whatever I wanted. I had locked my insecurities away in super-max prison. I was full of myself. In my mind I was working this out and it was working out in my favor. Tess was coming around and I knew she would let me back in the house soon. I know she loves me. She had to realize she needed me. I had to give her time to recognize this.