Lines We Forget (14 page)

“Anna, what are you doing?”

“You,” she replies bluntly.

“I can feel that. I mean, aren’t you tired?” He laughs, gently moving her hand back to his chest because he feels like he’s got a lot to say. It’s in his veins—three words swimming throughout his head and heart.

Tracing the dark moles along her collarbone, he whispers, “I love you, Anna.”

“I know.”

Charlie says it again. “I mean I do, really.”

Moving closer, she lifts up his arm and rests her head down. “I know. Just because you don’t say it every day or night doesn’t mean you don’t.”

He’s pretty sure that time stops. That or he’s just really high, because she keeps on softly kissing him, whispering back that she loves him too. It gives him relief to know that money can’t buy the love she has for him as she pushes her back against his body.

And when he moves in close to kiss the crook of her neck he hears a faint, familiar hum. Just another surprise Anna’s been waiting to bestow upon him.

In his arms, warm and content, she quietly and softly sings back the song he might as well have written for her.

Chapter Thirteen

Anna

June 5
th
2009

Glancing at the time on her watch, Anna thinks it’s absolutely fine to order another glass of wine, because even though it’s only two in the afternoon in her city, it’s five o’clock in someone else’s.

And that’s fine by her.

Because not only is it Friday—a perfect a day as any to indulge in a liquid lunch—it’s also technically her first lunch break without having any need to rush back to the office. It’s a feeling she wants to savour. Really take the time to sit back and drink in the hazy afternoon, along with the rest of the red wine.

As Anna casts her gaze round the Square Mile, at all the shiny high-rise buildings suffocating in their shards of glass under the glare of the hot sun, she thinks she’s damn well earned the right to relax under the awning of the far too posh-for-her café—at two in the afternoon, running up a high tab on her former boss’s loyalty card without any shred of guilt.

It’s a final fuck you and it feels great.

But what she hadn’t quite anticipated as the hours tick by is the uneasy feeling of shame that builds with every sip. The complete opposite of her original intentions to just sit back, get drunk, and forget.

However, she knows deep down that she can’t just sit there forever, nor can she hide the truth for the rest of the day. Not least from Charlie. Still, there’s a bit of time left to desperately drink away the reality that she is now very much, disgracefully unemployed. Yet no amount of Cabernet Sauvignon can make that an easy word to swallow.

Peering down below the café table, she opens the small paper bag with the stupid gold monogram on it and pulls out the hastily typed up and utterly generic reference letter they’d thrust in her hand as she left. She starts to think that she might have been an idiot to believe she was safe from all the budget cuts and redundancies. That all her unofficial sick days and late starts might go unnoticed in such a large office.

It feels awful to have been so unbelievably stupid and wrong. Which is why, when Anna takes out her phone to call Charlie, she has to swallow what little pride she’s got left. Get off her high horse and suck up the fact that she’s now in the same position as him. Worse off, even, as he still had work to keep him going, even if it is part-time and pays a pittance. She really has no right to judge now.

She realises that she’s not only jobless but also a drunken hypocrite. The fact that he sounds upbeat when he answers her call doesn’t help.

“Can you meet me for lunch?” she asks, getting straight to the point.

“Right now?”

“Yeah. Today. Now.” She knows she’s being demanding at such short notice but she suspects it won’t be long before the wine settles in her empty stomach. Experience reminds her that it usually doesn’t bode well on public transport or cobbled, busy London streets.

Charlie sounds confused. “I thought you had an important meeting this afternoon. You told me this morning, remember?”

The blood rushing in her ears distorts her voice. “I did.”

“Besides, isn’t it a little past lunchtime now? It’s gone four o’clock.”

“Oh, is it? I hadn’t even realised.”

“Anna…” he says slowly. “Shouldn’t you be at work?”

She thinks one last sip of wine won’t hurt to help get the words out, and she pauses to knock back the last few drops for a boost of courage until they slip out almost effortlessly.

“Yeah, about that…I don’t actually work there anymore.”

If Charlie’s trying hard not to sound shocked, then he’s not hiding it well, because he’s stuttering and not making much sense. She holds the phone away and brings it back once he sounds like he can formulate words again.

“Shit. Wow, that’s not good. I’m so sorry.”

She can feel there are a lot of questions due her way and she tells him she’ll explain all in person. That he might want to get a wiggle on too before she makes the mistake of drinking more.

“Of course, hold tight, I’ll be there soon as I can.”

Between hazy thoughts, Anna wonders how she’d cope without having him to fall back on. In times of need he feels like a constant. Makes hard times a little more bearable. The type of guy to top up her glass when it runs half empty, to make it full again.

Even if she does whine and moan, say silly things and sometimes loose her rag, she knows that she can count on him.

And when the sun starts to dip below the glass buildings and the waiter tries again to free up the table, Charlie appears just as promised.

As she watches him wait by the traffic lights to cross, she can’t help but giggle at the sight of him. He’s in light khaki shorts that skim his sun-starved white knees and a dark button down t-shirt. It looks like he’s run all the way from home to meet her. Sweaty and dishevelled in contrast to the slick city workers swarming by.

Anna thinks that she can’t fit any more love inside her heart for him as he crosses quickly, throwing his hands up at an oncoming taxicab that’s not slowing down. Unable to fully make out what he mouths to the irate cab driver, she imagines in her wine-induced state that Charlie’s saying how he’s in a rush to lend his strong, sturdy shoulders to his newly unemployed, drunk girlfriend so she can wipe her tears of despair onto them.

“Sorry I’m late. Tried to get here as fast as I could without getting mowed down,” he says, out of breath. He looks up at the café and hesitates to pull out a chair.

She laughs, gently kicks it out for him. “Don’t worry, lunch is on me today, babe.”

“No, it’s all right. I’ve already eaten. Besides, isn’t this the place that charges for tap water?”

“Correct, but I’ve got this.” She waves the gold loyalty card. “So treat yourself, I know I have been.”

He just frowns. “I can see that, but whose card is it?”

“Old boss’s, she gave it to me last week when she was in dire need of a pan au chocolat. Sure she won’t miss it anytime soon. Loads of points left on it—I’ve checked.”

Charlie still shakes his head, pushes away the menu card, and idly hovers.

“Just sit down, would you?”

Anna checks there’s not any wine left in the bottle as the waiter idles by the door. His nose turns up at the sight of Charlie joining the table. Like he’s never seen a pair of torn trainers before or a ratty old guitar case, which is still slung over his shoulder in its usual position.

When he finally takes a seat, he reaches for her hand under the table. “I’m really sorry, Anna. I understand if you don’t really feel like talking about it, but I’m all ears if you do.”

“It’s fine. I’m fine. Really.” She’s not too sure who she’s trying to convince. The words feel alien and out of sync with what’s going on in her head.

“‘Fine’ usually translates to the exact opposite, but again, we don’t have to discuss it if you’d rather not.”

She begins to mumble. “To be honest, there’s not much to discuss. There’s been a lot of talk about budget cuts and overstaffing these past couple of months, so I should have seen it coming.”

“Still, it seems like they could have given you some warning?”

She shrugs and signals for the waiter to top up her glass, which doesn’t appear to impress Charlie. Again he frowns at her.

“Don’t make that face at me. One more won’t hurt.”

“It will in the morning.” He sighs deeply, squeezing the bridge of his nose. “Just take it easy.”

Anna thinks that’s the whole point, why she’s drinking in the first place—to dull the shitty feeling in the pit of her stomach so that she’ll wake up and hopefully not remember, at least for a couple more hours.

“Daisy’s well upset.” She quickly tries to change the subject, even though she locks eyes with the waiter to confirm her order when Charlie’s not watching.

“They fired her too?”

She notes the surprise in his voice, corrects him. “No, they didn’t, but she’s mad at them on my behalf. She’s already called a few times to say she’s holed up in the toilets to avoid them. You know what Daisy’s like—she’s worried about saying something to them for me. Tells me that Lucy and Marissa have already cleared out my desk and drawer, the fucking vultures.”

“Did they have anything to do with it?”

“Maybe, but who knows for sure. It was just one of the managers who broke the news. Should have known what was in store when he asked me into his office.”

Charlie squeezes her hand again. “Don’t they have to give you a notice period? I’m obviously no expert on employment regulations, but it seems pretty abrupt to tell you to leave right then and there.”

Anna’s aware that he’s not stupid, that he’ll figure it out eventually; she’s just not sure how to tell him. How can she admit to being the one to storm out after without him judging? He’ll probably frown when she confesses to telling them to shove the offer of seeing out the month where the sun didn’t shine. Which is something she now regrets, but in the heat of the moment it felt right.

Still, she isn’t the type to go back on her word or grovel for her last paycheck, no matter how much it might help.

“Well, the thing is, they kind of did, but I just couldn’t stand the thought of having to work there for another couple of weeks. I’d rather walk out with my head held high than have to spend another minute in that place.”

Pushing back his hair to fan a napkin against his face, Charlie nods and assures her she did the right thing even if his expression and body language says otherwise.

“Sorry to have dragged you here. I just didn’t want to sit by myself any longer.”

“It’s fine. I came from the guitar shop, had to get some new strings and sort out extra shifts for next week.” He smiles and Anna notices the dimples in his cheeks grow large, how cute they are, how much she wants to kiss, poke them.

“That’s good. Extra shifts mean extra money, which will come in handy now that you’ll have to support your lay-about girlfriend.”

“Don’t talk like that, Anna. You’ll land back on your feet, trust me. You’re way more employable than the rest of us and I should know, being somewhat of an expert.”

She laughs properly for the first time all day. “You can joke all you like but you’re the breadwinner now, Charlie.”

“Hardly. I’ll help out where I can. I won’t let you wallow in Pot Noodles and microwave dinners.”

“That’s so thoughtful of you,” she teases, knocking over the bag beside her as she kicks out her leg. Dipping below the table to grab it, she bangs her head on the metal leg because she’s taken aback by the fact that Charlie’s fly zipper is
very
much undone.

He jumps up too at the sound of her head colliding beneath him.

“Anna, you okay? What are you doing down there?” he says quickly, steadying the rocking table and the wine glass. The giggles get the better of her and it takes a lot of deep, controlled breathing before she can muster the energy to point down at his crotch, to whisper that he might want to take a look himself.

“You’re flying pretty low down there, Charlie.” Hand to mouth, she tries to stop the laughter. “If you catch my drift.”

“What?”

“Are you wearing underwear today?” she tries again, pointing under the table until her finger brushes against the fabric of his shorts, and then the metal zipper.

“No, but seriously, what are you doing?” There are people around, Anna.” His eyes are wide and his cheeks flush. “Why are you trying to poke my, you know…thing?”

She prods again. “Your fly is undone. I’ve seen it all. Including your thing.”

He’s so cute when he’s all flustered, she thinks as he scrambles to zip it up.

“Why are you commando today?”

“Because it’s hot out.”

“Cute.” Anna doesn’t care how many disapproving stares come her way from other café patrons. Isn’t fussed if she’s being too loud, talking about her boyfriend’s wonderful cock, because it will be the last time she sets foot in this area of town.

Being jobless means she can kiss goodbye to the long Tube rides home and rush hour crush. Leave behind the feeling of always being underdressed walking the streets to the office and not feel like a complete fraud waiting in line for sushi with the glamorous, slick women in their expensive, stupidly high heels.

The thought of never having to blow dry her hair or co-ordinate outfits again fills Anna with surprise comfort and small joy. Even without employment or a steady income there are still some positives from escaping such a vapid world.

“Cheers for being discrete about it,” Charlie whispers.

Finding his hand, she brings it atop the table. “Knew I could count on you to make me smile again, give me something to laugh about.”

“It’s been known to have that effect,” he jokes back.

She pretends to gag. “Yeah, course it does.”

As he traces the cracks in her palm, Charlie sighs. “Glad I could help, though, even if all I’ve done so far is sit here and expose myself. It’s good to see you smile, hear you laugh.”