Lisette (18 page)

“I will.”

She arched her brow. “That was easy.”

“I have loathed that place all of my life. No
furnishings or paint could matter…Nothing could erase the
taint…”

Her grin was gone. “You don’t owe him
anything else. You do not owe your ancestors either. You are your
own man, Marston. You suffered much, fought, to have any life at
all. This is yours to live—and make what you want of it.”

He looked around and then back at her. “I
watched you in the garden today. Thank you.”

“She has the same desire you do. Pamela. She
wants to forgive herself and rid herself of the guilt. She wants to
come out of the pain and live.” Lisette pulled away and they walked
down the hall toward the stairs. “She doesn’t want to be her
mother. There’s spirit in there, and in her way, in a woman’s
way—she’s strong and she’s fighting.”

That night, Pamela joined them at the dinner
table. Elisha shared his joy at it with Lisette in a simple meeting
of their eyes. They talked, and they laughed, and though she ate
less than them both, it was the first laugh he had heard from his
sister.

Lisette, of course, was wonderful—witty,
charming, and hard to resist.

He escorted them both to the parlor for
coffee and cake, and later up the stairs.

Elisha wanted to kiss Lisette, and to make
mad, passionate, love to her. However, he went to his study and
worked, and thought of all she said to him. Loving her was easy for
him. It was like breathing in sun-scented air. The rest—he had to
bring himself to, because that was not natural to his nature.

* * * *

Day two of her visit saw Lisette and Pamela
out at the stables. They walked amid the stalls and stroked the
horses, and Pamela wanted to hear about Haven and Patrick, and
their love story. Resting later, in the back garden, they ate a
nice lunch, and Pamela ate more than the day previous.

Little by little, she was telling her own
story too—and Lisette knew how much listening would mean. She
listened and she offered comfort. She thought perhaps Pamela had
waited, been mad to just tell someone—her mother—though that would
never happen—but someone. Before they went in for dinner, Pamela
spoke of the most traumatic parts—the horror that haunted her, that
often dragged her down so far that blanking out her mind was the
only way through it.

Holding her trembling hand during the
telling, Lisette watched birds and bees flitter on the blooms and
drink from a flowing fountain. It was gut wrenching. She could feel
the vibrations in Pamela as much as hear them in her voice.

When she was done, Lisette offered, “There’s
a hell for him, I am sure. He took the demons with him to the
grave. Your heart and soul is who you are, Pamela. Your spirit and
your life are precious to many. Your beauty is as unblemished as
your purity.”

She regarded the woman and stroked her hair.
“He didn’t taint you. He did not destroy what you are or will be.
Every day you awaken with love in your heat, and life in your soul.
Every day, you can feel breath and taste and experience, that is
you.”

After dinner, Lisette joined her in the
sitting room to her chambers. They shared wine and talked more.
They laughed too—about things Lisette had done as a child. About
some of her other, more daring adventures.

When they parted, Lisette lay in her own bed
awake and mulling over the day. She did not think Pamela would rise
from her ashes in a week, but she was certainly going to help her
stand—proudly. So that someday when she did, she could soar on her
own wings.

* * * *

“Will you ride with us?” Lisette asked Elisha
the next day.

“I’d love to.” He included his sister in his
smile and reminded himself to hire a dressmaker. He even let a
flame of hope stir in his breast that Pamela would someday bring
herself to go to London and shop too.

After he told Lisette, he had written the
Smith about selling the house, and asked the duke’s advice, Lisette
said, “You should get Pamela’s input on the décor. At least, on her
own quarters.”

“They’d be welcome. As would your own.”

She grimaced. “My mama is wonderful at that.
I am much too eclectic in my taste.”

Quietly riding beside them in her warm habit,
her hair tied back, Pamela offered, “I like rose. Deep rose and
shimmering ivory.”

Elisha and Lisette exchanged a grin.

Lisette said, “Then you should have vases of
them. Get a house with a balcony, where you can grow them right
along your window. I shall write mama and have her send samples and
magazines… it will be great fun planning for new chambers.”

Thus, the ride went famously, including a
picnic. Elisha enjoyed listening to their conversation, no matter
how trivial. He enjoyed watching Lisette weave flowers and put them
on Pamela’s wrist. He loved—looking at her.

When they returned, she coaxed Pamela into
grooming her mount, and after they changed, they gathered in the
study, Lisette telling him he needed to buy cards, a chess set, and
a billiard table.

He caught his sister’s amused eye and
gathered she was getting used to Lisette’s character and her
informal way with him.

Pamela excused herself when the clock chimed
the ninth hour. Elisha went to where Lisette stood by the window,
and took her in his arms and kissed her.

His fingers under her chin afterwards, he
gazed down and husked, “How long before we can speak
intimately.”

“One more day.” She lived her lips. “It’s
difficult for me too. But this is important.”

“You have done well with Pamela. She has gone
further out of this house…she has color in her cheeks. And she is
eating better.”

“Her wounds are not in her body, Elisha. I
can try, but you know more than I, that she has to fight and
believe and want more.”

“I know.” His thumb brushed her lips. “I have
prayed for that every day. I was afraid for her, even though I had
to leave them here and live some semblance of a life. I was afraid
every time I came back that she would either take her life or go so
far into herself, like mother.”

“She didn’t.” Lisette captured his hand.
“Does she talk to Drew?”

“Yes. He brought her here. He sat many nights
with her afterwards. He came down regularly, to see to the estate.
He tried to talk with Mother too. But with Pamela, yes. He has a
way….”

“Um. A gift.” She agreed.

Her thumb stroking his hand stirred him. He
could easily lose himself in her gaze. However, he heard her say,
“He’s given you much, and in some ways, it’s healed him too. I am
in awe of the bond you share.”

“He is in love with you.”

“You knew—”

“I saw it…and heard it, when he’d advise me.
When he—told me to fight for what we had.” Elisha nodded and used
his free hand to brush a strand of her hair behind her ear.
“Perhaps we’re that connected, that deeply entwined.”

“I think so. He has a similar love—for you.
You need not feel apologetic that you feel love for him, also.”

“I am not apologetic. I owe him my very life,
in a sense.”

“Yes.” She held his gaze. “He believes the
same of you.” She said softly, “When you said, you were a virgin;
you meant making love with a woman didn’t you.”

“Yes.” His silver gaze did not waver. “It
wasn’t sexual per se. It was…what it was.”

“Would you believe me if I said, I understand
that too? It is beautiful, the way you look at him, and the way he
looks at you. It’s not carnal or mere lust, it’s that enviable mind
and soul, of tender and protective—yet proud—as if you each bask in
the other’s simplest joys and happiness.”

“I believe you are capable of understanding
what others do not put into words. I do not put things into words
like that,” he murmured, adding, “We lived our emotions because
life wasn’t life, or true living. There is no defining what is when
you exist in your mind and emotions. I would think myself to be
dead were it not for the rage and fear. There is torment in letting
yourself feel any hope, Lisette—even to purge anger and fear. I
walked within a nightmare that never let me awaken before Drew
forced me to.”

“And you hated, and loved him, for it?”

“Yes. Until it was all over, and that bastard
was dead, I did. However, it was never over, not for me, because he
had wrecked my Mother’s soul and robbed my sister of life, too. I
could hope, I could forget for days and weeks…”

“You’re a better man than any who sired you.
You will build a better life. You will leave a wonderful legacy. A
true one.”

“I hope so.” He scrapped his teeth over his
lip.

“I know it.” She kissed his hand then
released it. “I must go.

“I want you.”

She returned softly, “I would not be here if
I didn’t need and want you, Elisha.”

“Am I meeting your request that I express
myself and talk to you?”

“You’re getting there.”

He grunted and smiled. “I have exposed more
than I intended.”

Lisette reached and touched his hard cheek.
“Your secrets and confidences are safe with me. They are no one’s
business—the things that I presume you are second guessing about,
now that you have told me. You know that your most private
struggles or your pleasures are not something everyone has the
right to know. I only encourage you in order to show you, prove to
you that your fears of it making me feel differently or see you as
less than the man you are, are groundless.”

“We should speak of us. Of our feelings.”

“Yes. But not yet.” She shook her head. “When
I got out of that coach, that is all I cared about. Now I care for
Pamela too.”

“She’s never had someone to confide and talk
to, to guide her in the more—feminine things.”

“Now she does.” Lisette told him.

“Help me not to feel guilt that you are here,
and not out doing something more pleasurable. Not causing scandal
in London,” he grinned, “Or enjoying life as you do.”

“Don’t. I have my whole life. And, I like
being needed. I like making loyal friends. I like living life—all
of it, and this is part of it.”

His silvery gaze moved over her face. He said
when he met her eyes again. “You have a way of getting into my
heart and soul, Lisette.”

She closed her eyes a moment and then lifted
her lashes. “That’s the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said
to me.”

Elisha watched her go up the stairs, his
emotions making his body long for her all the more. Finally, he
sought his bed, lying nude under the covers, wishing she was next
to him.

* * * *

Lisette tried something bolder the next day.
After their morning walk, and a substantial breakfast and brisk
ride—where she wore her trousers—and laughed at the expression on
Pamela’s face—she went on to tell her she’d teach her archery and
other sports, and she invited Pamela into her chambers.

In the pretext of having her talk with her
while she changed, Pamela herself in a summer blouse and riding
skirt—Lisette waited until the maid left and divested herself of
clothing.

She talked all the while she bathed in a pan,
and told her casually, “You know, when we were younger, once I was
out of that bloody sickbed, Haven and I were swimming in the lake,
in our chemises. I am grateful she was as blunt as I, because I
thought my breasts were grotesque since they were larger than hers.
And my nipples… completely different.”

She pat dry, having her hair piled up and
before pulling on stockings and chemise, went on, “And when my
menses started… Mama swears I screamed so loud the rafters
shook.”

She heard the softest giggle, and sat down,
rolling on the stockings. “I was too bloody curious too, once I
realized we’re all different shapes and hues. Thankfully my mama is
very blunt-and once she convinced me I wasn’t going to die, during
my monthlies—though I still find them inconvenient, I began to
realize how beautiful every woman’s body is.”

She stood and after having the garters
secure, and slipped on her chemise. “Of course it helps to feel it
too. I am not vain, though I do like that Elisha finds me
attractive. I am speaking more of how your body feels… the soft
skin and pleasure at touching. How this silk feels against it.”

After tying the small tie at the breast, she
was pulling on her blouse, and looked over, seeing a blush on
Pamela’s cheeks. However, she was looking at her.

Meeting her gaze when it lifted, Lisette
offered, “I will give you some of my bath oils. When you put them
in the water, close your eyes. It is like breathing in the garden
at night. As if, you were out there bathing instead. And when feel
it on your skin…mmm.”

She was fully dressed and went to sit by
Pamela. “Bathe in them tonight and slip into the rose garment I
gave you. It will relax you, and you’ll have a lovely sleep.”

Pamela nodded almost shyly.

“How old are you, Pamela?”

“Nineteen.” Pamela fiddled with a button on
her shirt.

“And you came here, when?”

“I was just turned sixteen.”

Lisette put her arm around her and for a
moment let the birdsong filter through the window. She said
eventually, “We will go shopping when you are ready to go to
London. Your coloring is stunning. You should have lovely stockings
and gowns. And your own special perfumes. When Elisha has the house
picked out…”

“—Will you—is he going to marry you?”

“Hmmm. That, I do not know.” Lisette offered
with a soft laugh, “What matters more to me, is if he loves
me.”

“He does.”

Lisette met her gaze.

Pamela said, “I know he does. He was afraid
to, I think. He… felt so burdened by us. Even though he has changed
for the better, made the life, I am so glad he did, he changed most
of all—after meeting you. I could tell when he spoke of you.”

“I wasn’t very nice to him.” Lisette told her
then, about her rebellion against the suit.