Lissa Kasey - Dominion 2 - Reclamation (4 page)

I
DREAMT
of the puppy that Id watched drown when I was seven. There had been nights that I felt like him. Floundering in the current, trying not to get dragged beneath the surface. Though I never could remember who had given him to me.

The dream turned to Brocks anger-filled cry as hed ripped the knife out of his back. The rage in his face made me scream until someone shook me awake. Coming out of the nightmare was almost as bad as being in it. I was still in a hospital bed, though the room looked different now. Jamie sat beside me, looking more tired than usual. But his presence meant it was after sunrise and Gabe couldnt be here. Else hed gotten tired of me. I hoped it was the former rather than the latter.

I tried to push my hair out of my face but found my wrists strapped down in padded leather cuffs. The heavy wrappings made my hands feel stiff, and they ached like a really bad sunburn.

“The doctors wont let us take them off until your hands heal a little,” Jamie whispered. He looked so lost.
“How long do you plan on keeping me here? Im not sick. The hospital needs its beds for sick people.” I couldnt keep the angry bite out of my words.
“You are sick, Seiran. Just a different kind of sick.” He blinked away tears. “This is a different kind of hospital. They help people with your kind of sickness.”
The meaning took awhile to sink through the fog of meds theyd injected into me. A mental hospital? “Im not crazy.”
“Nobody thinks you are.”
I yanked at the cuffs. “Then why am I strapped down?”
“Seiran, stop please. Youve already hurt yourself.”
“So I was a little overzealous with my cleaning. Big deal.”
“Your hands are raw.” Jamie sat back in the chair, rubbing his eyes. “I dont hate you. Gabe told me you think that. But I could never hate you.”
“Let me go. Please.” The plea reminded me of a similar one Id begged of Brock. I couldnt get him out of my head.
“Once we know the meds are working and youre properly hydrated, youll get to go. Your psychiatrist was here. She mentioned that youd made an appointment for today. I told her youd reschedule.”
“I dont remember where the dog came from anyway,” I said.
Jamie frowned, recognition flashing across his face like the slow realization that he was in a horror movie. “What dog?”
“The dog my mom killed, when I was seven.”
He let out a heavy breath and sat quietly for a while. “What makes you think your mom killed that dog?”
“She held me. Kept me from going after it. I watched him drown.”
“Oh, Seiran, if I had realized you only remembered that much I would have brought it up sooner. I gave you that dog, and your mom didnt kill it. What happened that day was an accident.”
“But she wouldnt let me go.”
“You would have died too. We were picnicking on the shore of the Mississippi. A pretty little wooded park. The snow had just melted, and the ground was still soft. But I thought itd be fun. My mom and your mom were trying to get along for our sakes. Id begged a thousand times to have a chance to play with you, to be your big brother. Your mother always refused. That day we agreed to meet, and I brought the puppy, thinking if I couldnt be around, then maybe youd have another friend to make you smile.”
“I dont remember a picnic.” I didnt remember Jamie at all from my youth.
“You and I were running around the park with the dog when a levee broke upriver. The water only rose a few feet. I picked you up and handed you to your mom, planning to rescue the dog. But hed gotten too close to the waters edge and got pulled under. You dont remember me at all?”
“No. Just the dog struggling. I have nightmares.”
“Im so sorry. I never meant—” he couldnt finish his sentence. Jamie seemed to be fighting more tears.
Well, that solved one mystery. Id never liked dogs much after that. The memory of his pitiful whine right before hed been sucked beneath the current replayed sometimes when I lay awake in the dark. “Will you tell me about our dad?”
Again another flash of pain crossed his face. Apparently all I could do was hurt him. “He died before you were born.”
“The Dominion killed him. Why?”
“He was a key member of Ascendance. The accusation at the time had been misuse of earth magic. The rumor was that hed laid some sort of spell on Tanaka while she was pregnant with you.”
A spell? For what? “Didnt he want me either?”
Jamie shook his head. “Thats not it at all. I spoke to him before his execution. He had cast a spell. One of protection. He told me you were going to be the most powerful earth witch born in centuries.” My brother sighed and slouched down in the chair. “I yelled at him. Thought he didnt love me since he was getting himself killed for you. But that wasnt true at all. If he hadnt been caught by another member of the Dominion, your mother wouldnt have said a word. She knew what she carried.”
“A monster,” I whispered.
“An angel.”
I snorted at him.
He smiled. “My dad gave me his power upon his death. Told me to protect you.”
So I was a burden. Damn. Some poor kids dads last request.
“My mom brought me to the hospital when you were born. I hadnt even been allowed in when shed had Hanna. But Tanaka had called for me. Let me hold you that first day. I wanted to keep you. Even begged my mom to take you home with us. We couldnt, of course. You were Tanakas.”
“She didnt want me either.”
“Seemed that way when you got older. When you were little, she never let you out of her sight. After that incident with the puppy, I tried to get custody of you. Pleading to the courts that you were undernourished and too small for your age, signs of abuse. They denied my claim. She sent you to military school.”
And we all knew how that turned out. “I want to go home. Does Gabe still want me?”
“Of course he wants you. You dont stop loving someone just because they are having a hard time with things. Its light out. Hed be here if he could.” Jamie sat stiff in his chair. How long would they wait?
“I cant have sex with him. Did he tell you that?”
“No. But it doesnt surprise me. You were raped.” Jamie sounded so calm, like hed been through this sort of thing before. At least he didnt appear to be hurting anymore.
“I asked Brock to do it.”
“So youd have a chance to survive. We all know what happened, Seiran.”
Tears stung my eyes. I swallowed them back and looked away. “Can you call Dr. Tynsen? We can have our session here. Doesnt matter where I am to talk, right?”
Though Id begun to suspect that all the talking in the world wasnt going to fix whatever as wrong with me. The nightmares were getting worse, not better. Every time someone glanced in my direction it felt like a sneer. Seeing a psychiatrist was supposed to help my paranoia, not add to it.
“What was in the package?” I asked, suddenly remembering it. Gabe had been gone a long time when that had arrived.
A look of indecision crossed Jamies face. Finally he said, “It was just a piece of hate mail. Letters and angry words. Nothing you needed to see. Gabe reported it to the police, which is why it took so long for him to get back to you. If he had known what you were doing—”
“I was cleaning.”
“Seiran, Gabes place is immaculate. He keeps it clean because he knows how your OCD works. Ive gotten in the habit, too, but this time you threw us both for a loop.”
“It makes my head hurt less sometimes.”
“Cleaning?”
“Keeping busy.”
He paused, seeming to think for a while, then said, “Your doctor told me to ask you about Matthew.”
“No.”
“No, what?”
“I dont want to talk to you about Matthew.”
“Why?”
I closed my eyes. The truth was I didnt want him to hate me. Jamie would think I was tainted, dirty, unlovable, if he knew. Anyone who was halfway intelligent would. Why Gabe still loved me when he knew, was a mystery. I guess telling Jamie now would give me more time to get over his rejection.
“He was my first lover. And treated me like a whore. Brought other men to my bed because without them I bored him. I was eleven when it started, fourteen when it ended. Do you need to hear more?”
Jamie brushed the hair out of my face, looking sad but surprisingly not disgusted. “Sounds like he was a real bastard.”
“I loved him. Or at least thought I did. It was so long ago now.”
“Do you feel the same way toward Gabe?”
Did I? Not really. Gabe had really become the other half of me. The better half. His laugh made me happy. His smile usually made me hard. I missed feeling him inside me, holding me in those strong arms. “No. Gabe is everything.”
Jamie chuckled and leaned forward to hug me. “Then focus on that and get better. Nobody can take him away from you.”

S
PENDING
the weekend in a mental hospital had been a bit like a vacation. If there had been people screaming or acting odd, they kept them all away from me. Jamie and Kelly took turns reading to me during the day. Though, whenever Kelly tried to read a romance out loud, he started cracking up, which sent me into easy laughter that didnt end until the doctors had come to warn us to keep it down.

My blood pressure was fine. The ache in my hands sometimes felt too much to bear. But theyd given me painkillers for that. Apparently, when injected straight into my veins, lots of drugs worked.

When they released me Sunday night, Id never been so happy to be back in the car heading toward Gabes place. Jamie drove. Gabe sat in the passenger seat, and Kelly sat in back with me. Of the whole group, I think I felt most comfortable with Kelly. If asked why, I couldnt say. Other than that he didnt seem to expect anything from me.

We stopped for ice cream, even though the temp was less than twenty degrees. Gabe had to feed me mine. But the hot fudge and sugary strawberry mixture tasted like heaven. Kelly had dialed Dr. Tynsen for me and held the phone up so I could schedule my appointment. She told me to come by in the morning. I relayed the message to Jamie, who would be driving.

That night Gabe and I took a bath together. Wed put plastic bags around my hands and used rubber bands to keep them on. I sat in his lap in the warm water, his happy resting against my back. We didnt talk much and just enjoyed the feeling of each others presence. When we finally went to bed, he wrapped me up in warm flannel and tucked me in with a light kiss on the lips. Then he disappeared into the living room to do whatever it was vampires did all night. The bed was a lot lonelier without him.

The morning brought Jamie and a bag of bandages. He rewrapped each hand and cleaned the kitchen while I watched. My hands looked gross, wet, cracked, and red. He had carefully applied some sort of cream before wrapping them up again. The towels Id used that night had been thrown out. Jamie said there was so much cleaner on them they werent safe to go through the wash. And the cleaner had been the kind youre supposed to use gloves with. All cleaning solutions had been removed from the house, replaced with natural products, or so Jamie told me.

Doing anything without hands was pretty hard. From peeing to trying to make breakfast. E-mail was fairly easy. I clicked into the new box, somewhat surprised at how empty it was. No hate mail. Just a confirmation of the new message from my doctor and one from an unknown address. I clicked it open hesitantly. The whole thing made my head spin.

Seiran,
Saw you on the news recently. Knew you’d grow up to be a looker. I miss riding your ass. I’ll see you soon. May even bring a few friends.
Yours,
Matthew Pierson

Itd been eight years since Id seen him last. The words almost sounded ominous, like he was going to find me whether I wanted him to or not. Struggling to breathe, I deleted the e-mail, cleared my trash, and logged out. The day could only get better, right? Even if memories of Brock were being replaced with ones of Matthew.

Arriving at the doctors office was much like it had been last week. Only Jamie had parked the car, walked me to the building, and told me he would wait in the lobby, no matter how I protested. Not like Id be doing much or going anywhere anyway. Hard to function, being the freak with big white gauze-covered hands.

Dr. Tynsen closed the door, and I settled onto the couch. “I want to go through the incident with Brock. No matter what.” I told her. Whatever was making me unable to perform for Gabe had to end.

“I understand.” She began speaking in that soothing tone.
I closed my eyes, knowing Id gone under when I heard Brocks strong voice.
“You are beautiful.”
His cock pounded into me in a pain I had never felt before. Most of it emotional. I fought with my own psyche while it tried to pull me out of the memory. Focusing on the pain had kept me conscious that day. Hed slammed into me while casting the inheritance spell and probably planning a million ways to use my power to do this to someone else.
Kelly.
I thought of my friends easy smiling face and bright happy eyes. Had we met sooner, things might have been different for us. Maybe I wouldnt have been fooled by Brock. Maybe I wouldnt be so broken. Maybe we both would have been killed.
That was a lot of maybes.
Brocks death had saved Kellys life. That had to mean something.
The pulses of pain faded to a dark memory of one of Matthews many accomplices. Hed been too large for me, and though I cried, he hadnt stopped. Matthew often watched, seemed to almost enjoy that more than participating.
I shoved that memory aside and waited for the next barrier to hit me. There had been hundreds of men. How Gabe still tolerated my presence was unimaginable. Sadly, it all came back to Brock.
“Say it.” He had growled at me. I let him fuck me and waited until he was almost at the end.
What would have changed if Id said those stupid words? Given him my power? Id be dead. My pain would be over.
“Fuck.” He shoved into me harder, holding my hips with bruising force in both hands. Knife lost at his side. I felt his body twitch in that final warning. “Say it!” Then he was coming and clinging to me, trying to make it last.
What if I hadnt spoken the words to make me pillar? What if Id hexed him then? Hed probably have killed me fairly quickly. What if Id put more force behind that knife?
He and I screamed together.
Id become earth Pillar to save my life. The earth had pounded into me far more intimately than anyone else ever had. Those few seconds before his fist had sent me flying across the room, I felt the entire breath of the earth, from its wide turns to the smallest amoeba surging to life. Earth had always been the apex of elemental magic. All four elements combined with the fifth, which was the human spirit, could accomplish anything. But nothing had quite the power of the earth.
“Count backwards from one hundred,” a voice was saying. “Deep even breaths.”
I felt the pain subsiding, though I trembled something fierce and tasted blood. Following the numbers down, the world came back. Dr. Tynsen sat in her chair shifted away from me. “Youre still trembling. Do you need to count again?”
My whole body ached. Felt like Id been hit into the wall again, bruised spine throbbing in memory. The shivering slowed enough to allow me to move. I felt somewhat weak in the knees. The blinds had been pulled, and only the overhead light glowed down on us. How much time had I lost? The clock read just before noon. A few hours.
“Perhaps I should go get your brother?” Dr. Tynsen asked.
“Please.”
She got up from her chair, leaving the door to the room mostly closed when she left. I relaxed into the couch and let my eyes shut. Sure, I hadnt been sleeping well, but there was no reason I should be this tired.
“Knew youd grow up pretty.”
My eyes flew open and stared into Matthews green gaze. He leaned over me, looking older than I last remembered, but not by much. I tried to say something, but nothing came out but a gargled bit of noise. My body felt as frozen as it had when Brock damaged my spine. Breathing shallow, heart pounding.
“Happy to see me?” He smiled like I remembered, faint tilt to the corners of his lips. His fingers traced my face, down my chest, and cupped my balls, squeezing me lightly. “No? I dont excite you anymore? I have a lot of friends I can bring along.”
Dread pooled in my stomach, a familiar feeling. How many times had I waited in fear for him to come to me? No one ever roomed with me at military school because Matthew put them in other bunks, anywhere but with me. Cut me off from everyone else.
I closed my eyes again as the tremble took complete control.
“Seiran?”
I refused to open my eyes, felt the tears streaming down my cheeks. If I opened my mouth Id scream and probably wouldnt stop. Itd been eight years. Id never realized how much Id feared him until now. Hed go away if I willed it. He had to be all in my head.
Strong hands gripped my shoulders hard and shook me lightly. “Seiran?”
I fought him with everything I had. No way was I going to let it happen again. I wasnt a kid anymore. Kicking and screaming, I thrashed. His arms clamped around me, locking my arms at my side.
“Stop, Seiran, stop. Its Jamie. Please stop. Its just me. Your brother. Do you remember? I smell like Jamie, dont I?” He eased his grip on my arms.
He did smell like Jamie, the mix of vanilla shampoo, cinnamon gum, and unscented deodorant, which always smelled soapy to me. Though I kept hearing Matthews voice in my head. I struggled to open my eyes and look at him, fearing it was another trick, but Jamie looked down at me, eyes wide with concern. I threw my arms around his neck and wept, shaking so hard I felt dizzy.
“Shush. Its okay.” He carried me out of the room, and I couldnt think of anything I wanted more at that moment than the safety of his arms. I felt like a little kid. Battered, abused, and so lost.
I didnt remember getting home. Just Jamies warmth while he had held me the whole time. He must not have driven us. Maybe a cab? I rolled over in Gabes bed and stared at the ceiling. The sound of voices came faintly from the other room.
“Its only getting worse,” Jamie said. “You didnt see him in the office. Hell, I hope to never see him that way again. He was terrified.”
“The doctor said it would get worse before it got better. Theyve all said that,” Gabe replied. “Maybe these are just demons he had to face.” He paused then said, “Dont look at me like that. I dont want him to suffer any more than you do.”
“Maybe if he didnt feel he had to push himself hed be okay.”
“I dont know what youre implying.”
“I should take him to my place for a while.”
“Right,” Gabe retorted. “Cause the last time he was there he nearly broke out in hives.”
“Ive gotten better at cleaning. I even have professionals come in twice a week.”
“Wouldnt matter. You saw what he did to his hands. The kitchen wasnt even dirty.”
“I cleaned the blood off the counters. I know what he did.”
“Then why the sudden change of heart? Do you want me to institutionalize him again?” Gabe demanded.
“Hes angry with himself for not being able to have sex with you. Thats why hes pushing himself so hard. Have you read any of those articles Ive bookmarked for you? It can take him years to recover. Are you willing to wait years?” Jamie sounded far away.
I got up from the bed and snuck to the door. Gabe sat on the chaise looking beautiful, as always, and Jamie paced the living room like a tiger in a cage.
“Ive already waited years. Time means little to me.” Gabe sorted through the mail, tossing much of it into a trashcan placed near his feet.
“And what about me?”
“What about you? How many years ago did you approach me asking for a job so you could get close to him without alarming him? I let you do it because youre his family. What you do with that bond is your choice. But you know I will stand between the two of you if I need to.”
“I just want him to be happy, safe, loved. Is that too much to ask?” Jamie flopped down onto the couch, anger seeming to deflate his energy. “These sessions are making it worse. Cant you see that?”
Gabe sighed. “Ill call Tanaka. See if we can ease back on the requirements. If I explain, maybe she can convince the Dominion it is best that we take care of Seiran in a different way.”
Jamie laughed angrily. “Like she convinced them not to kill our dad? He died begging me to take care of Seiran.”
“Is that how you see him? An obligation? A replacement for your dad? Maybe you need to spend some time examining your feelings.”
“Having been dead a few millennia will sort that out for me, right? Whats your goal? To make him your focus? Make sure hes good and messed up so that when you do, you have full control of him?”
“Get out, Browan.”
They both moved. Jamie toward the door, anger in every step, and Gabe toward the bedroom. The elevator dinged open and shut. I jumped back into bed, hands already shaking, despite the bandages. Gabe opened the door and stripped out of everything but his boxers and socks. He crawled in beside me, feeling almost as warm as I remembered Jamie had been.
“Will you make love to me?” I asked him quietly.
He twirled my long hair between his fingers and kissed me, his expression neutral again. “Not tonight. Youve had a rough day.”
“Dont you want me anymore?”
Gabes fingers tickled my scalp before he gave me another kiss. “Silly question.”
I sighed and curled into his embrace. “We can do it if you want,” I told him.
“What?”
“Make me your focus. Ill say the words and everything. Im okay, really.”
He shook his head and wrapped an arm around me. “Remember our first date?”
“Mhmm.”
“How did you get my phone number anyway?”
“Randy.”
His lips turned up at the corners in a small smile, letting the neutral mask slip away. “Oh.”
“Did you do him?” I had really become the jealous type lately.
“No. His pack and I had crossed paths before. I try to remember the little ones, enemies or not.”
“Do you think Ill ever get better?” I searched his face for answers, hoping to find some secret key there.
“Yes. And Im willing to wait as long as you need.” The happiness in his eyes gave me more hope than anything Id experienced in months.
“Youre too perfect,” I grumbled, wishing I knew how to reciprocate his feelings.
“Except that you hate the smell of my shampoo and the fact that I wear socks all the time,” he pointed out.
“I dont hate your shampoo, its just strong.” The lightpink button-up hanging in the closet and the wing-tipped loafers? Those I hated. The sock thing I just didnt understand. “What do you not like about me?”
He appeared thoughtful, then crunched up his nose in a way I knew hed be teasing me. “Hmm. Do I have to make a list?”
I smacked his hip.
He chuckled. “You snore.”
“What?”
“Not terribly, just loud breathing, like. Its especially bad after the new moon.”
“You dont like when I snore?”
“And when you use my brush,” he said seriously, glancing toward the dresser where Id left his brush earlier this evening.
“I could be smelly and dirty, and mean, but all that bugs you is my snoring and brush usage?”
“You take care of your own bills, clean up after yourself, arent mean, smelly, or dirty. There really isnt much else to worry me.”
“Lines of men.”
“Waiting?”
“Whove already climbed aboard.” That hurt to say. A lump formed in my throat when I realized Id just reminded him of my sordid past.
Gabes hand eased down to run circles around my lower back. “Did they mean anything to you?”
Matthew had, for a while at least. “Only one.” And he still haunted me.
Gabe sighed and shook his head. “The past only hurts if you let it. Sleep, please. I know you havent been.”
But my mind still raced. “If you were going to make me your focus, what would we have to do?”
“Youd take my blood and say, from you to me until the sun forever breaks.”
“Forever breaks like death, right? Kind of lamely poetic.”
“I think its more about the feeling than the actual words,” he said.
Most things in life were. “Whats it like? Being a focus.”
“Youd become more like me.”
“Like Id have to drink blood? Gross.”
He laughed lightly. “No. Youd share my strength and my long life. My thoughts and dreams. Its a connection.”
“In the movies, theyre slaves.”
“The movies get a lot of things wrong. I can compel you to do things now because Ive had your blood. That would make you a slave. If I give you mine in return it gives you power over me. A balance, per se.”
“Doesnt sound so bad.” I traced the muscles of his upper arm, liking the way my touch brought goose flesh to his skin. His cock felt hard and ready against my hip, but neither one of us moved to make this time more intimate than it already was.
He frowned and looked into the distance for a few seconds. “Vampires are most often killed by their focus. The ones we keep the closest are the ones most dangerous to us. I dont ever want you to hate me that much.”
I snuggled against his chest and closed my eyes. “I never could.”