Live and Learn (19 page)

B
rrrnnnggg
.

“Shit,” I swore.
All My Children
was just getting good. I put Erica Kane and her madness on mute as I picked up my cordless phone. “Hey.”

“You awake?”

“Well, good afternoon to you too, Cristal,” I said dryly.

“Girl, hush. We’re on our way over there.”

“Who—” I started, but Cristal had already disconnected the line. Maybe she had Sahad with her.

Okay, maybe not.

Sahad was busier than a horny fag trying to open a jar of dicks. My friend put on the facade, but I knew the real deal. Cristal was a wine-and-dine chick. Sitting around waiting on Sahad—even while she spent his money—had to be working her nerve.

Brrrnnnggg.

“Damn, just when I was ’bout to get back into my soaps,” I said to myself.

I checked out the caller ID before answering. “Hey.”

“How’s my girl?”

“Your friend is doing good, Cameron. How’s Wall Street doing without me?” I settled back against my covers, wishing like hell I had something to get under my cast to handle an itch.

“Wall Street’s doing great
with me
. Don’t worry. I know we’re just friends, Miss Alizé.”

“I know that,” I said, even though I wasn’t sure. A day had yet to pass that he didn’t call or come by to see me. “Are you coming to see me today?”

“Actually, no, I can’t. I have a date tonight.”

I frowned.
A date? A date with who?

“I’m taking Serena—”

I arched an eyebrow that was ten hairs away from needing a serious waxing. “Is that the broad I saw you with at Neicy’s that night?”

“Yes.”

“Well, whoop-de-do.”

“Something wrong?” he asked.

Yes, something’s wrong. It burns my ass to think of you on a date
. Humph. He got over my ass quick as hell, didn’t he?

“Look, I gotta go. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Moni—”

I gave him the click-a-lator, hanging the phone up right in his face, hating how pissed I felt. Pissed and hurt. I thought of Cameron sexing his wannabe supermodel, and I felt like throwing something.

“How’s my Ladybug?”

I looked up and saw my father strolling into my bedroom. I smiled, but not even the familiar scent of cigars and Old Spice eased my ruffled feathers.

He kissed the top of my head and handed me the order of crab sticks and lo mein I asked him to bring. “I know you ready to get out that bed.”

I set the bag of food on my nightstand. “The doctor said the cast might come off next week, and then he wants me to start aquatherapy. Thank God, because classes start the first week of September, and I refuse to let anything—or anyone—stop me.”

“I wish I could get my hands around Rah’s neck and his nuts. I’d snatch both in opposite directions.”

I smiled, fully believing my daddy would and could handle that punk. “You on lunch?” I asked, purposefully changing the subject before his blood pressure rose.

“Yeah, I gotta get back to work.”

My mother strolled into my bedroom in an outfit that was different from the one she’d been strolling around in all morning. And if I wasn’t crazy, she had on makeup. I sniffed the air. And perfume.

“Sure your woman didn’t warn you to stay from around me, Charles?” she asked, pretending to straighten my covers.

I watched my daddy give my mama a long, leisurely look.

“You know me long enough to know don’t no woman tell me where to go or what to do, Elaine.” He took his hands from the pockets of his jeans and moved past my mother to the door. “I’ll probably swing back through to see you on my way home, Ladybug.”

I didn’t miss the way my mother winced at the word home. His home wasn’t hers anymore.

“See y’all later,” he said, walking out the door.

“Charles,” my mother called out.

But my daddy was gone.

My heart broke as I watched her move to my bedroom window. I knew she was watching him leave. I was more than just her daughter. I was a woman, too, and I saw the yearning and longing for him on her face.

“Hey, Ma, a
Blackula
marathon will be on TVOne tonight. Wanna watch?”

She turned from the window. “That sounds like fun, Monica,” she said, lightly patting my good leg as she walked out of the room.

Seconds later the doorbell echoed through the house.

I was surprised as hell when Cristal and Kimani eventually walked through my bedroom door together. “Hey, Kimani. Don’t you look pretty.”

“Thank you, Auntie Ze.”

She grabbed my remote and started flipping channels like she bought the TV, but I didn’t mind. I was glad to see her. I hated her mother, not her. I had nothing but love for Kimani.

“Good to hear that you and Mo came to your senses,” I told Cristal as she took the seat next to my bed.

“Yeah, me, too.”

“Where’s she?”

“Sleeping. She did not want to leave the apartment. I am worried about her.”

“After all the shit you told me about Mo last night, I’m worried about her, too. Can you believe she was sleeping with her preacher? And then lied about the rape?”

Cristal shook her head and frowned. “I’m hoping Sahad can help make sure the police don’t press charges on her for lying.”

Hell, we all have done dumb shit. She was my friend, and I was not leaving her side, especially with her being pregnant and all.

I reached for my new copy of
The Source
magazine, flipping through the pages. I looked up from the Baby Phat ad I was checking out. I cut a sly look at Cristal. “Think the Rev’s dick was heaven or hell?”

She shook her head, closed her eyes, and waved her hand like she was testifying in church. “Help her, Lord. That was Alizé by the way and not Cristal.”

I laughed a little, even though shit really wasn’t funny.

“Once you and Dom work it all out, we can get back to the way we used to be. One for all and all for one. We need each other.” Cristal crossed her legs and leaned back in the chair like she’d just stated a sure thing.

I decided to straight ignore her ass; my mind was made up when it came to Dom.

“What’s the latest on the wedding?” I asked, wanting a diversion from thoughts about Cameron’s date. “I love our bridesmaid’s gown. I just hope I can make it down the aisle and not look like I’m cripwalking.”

Cristal laughed a little. “Sahad wants me to move in with him before the wedding.”

“Goodbye, Livingston. Hello, Park Avenue.”

She smiled, but I didn’t miss how it didn’t quite reach her eyes.

“W
hat’s on your mind today, Keesha?”

I looked at Doc, absently scratchin’ the back of my hand as thoughts and memories came up. My talks with Doc was slowly openin’ up a door to some shit I didn’t wanna deal with.

Tears welled up in my eyes.

“Yes. Good. Talk yourself through it. Don’t fight it. What are you feeling?”

I closed my eyes. “I feel…I feel like I don’t deserve to live. Like I ain’t good enough. Like I ain’t shit. Like I ain’t nothin’. Nothin’ but trouble,” I whispered as my lips trembled.

The tears fell, and my shoulders shook as emotions I couldn’t name nearly strangled me.

“Those aren’t your words, are they, Keesha?” he asked, his eyes on me.

Images of me just three and four years old huddled in a corner as Diane yelled down at me played in my head like a damn movie.

“You ain’t nothin’ but trouble.”

“I wished I never had your ass.”

“Get the fuck out my face before I slap the shit out of you.”

“You just like your no-good black-ass daddy.”

“Are they?” he asked again.

I covered my face with my hands. “Why?” I asked barely above a whisper.

“Why what, Keesha?”

“Why she treat me like that? Why she have me if she didn’t fuckin’ want me?”

He handed me tissues.

What’s really fucked up is that I said some of that shit to my own daughter.

As soon as I wiped away tears, more filled my eyes and raced down my cheeks.

I did not need to read anymore. Sahad had already told me about the charges being dropped last night. Plus, it was my third time reading the front page article of the
New York Times
. And the hundredth time I said, “Thank you, Lord,” for sparing my friend from criminal charges and public humiliation for her lies.

“Mornin’, baby.”

I smiled at Sahad as he walked into the brightly lit breakfast room, looking so good in a tailored pinstripe suit that I knew was Todd Smith. “Good morning.”

He stood behind me, his warm hand slipping inside my robe to tease and twist my nipple. I let my head fall back against his body. “Uhm, that feels good. Maybe we should go back to bed or give the staff the day off and lounge around naked all day.”

He bent to kiss me, but the good feelings were over before they even began as he gave my plump breast one last squeeze and moved to take his seat. “I wish. I have meetings with the producers for this new reality show they want me to do and the photo shoot for the new ad campaigns for Platinum Cologne. You understand, right, baby?”

Disappointment was my newest friend. “Actually, Sahad, baby, I need to—”

“Yeah?” He sat down at the table and looked at me as the butler, Jamison, poured him a cup of his favorite Jamaican coffee.

It was a damn shame that having his undivided attention threw me off. I took a deep breath. “We need to spend more time together. We live together, and I still hardly see you enough.”

He stared at me with those liquid eyes I used to dream of. “I know I’ve been real busy, and you’re right, I need to make time for you, for us, and for me—”

His precious Blackberry sounded off, and in the blink of an eye he was back in business mode as he answered the phone. “Sahad Linx.”

“Sahad,” I tried to interrupt.

“The car should be here any minute, and then I’m coming straight to your office.”

I pushed away my bowl of fresh fruit. “Sahad,” I said, more sharply this time.

He looked over at me in surprise. “Hold on a sec? Yes, baby?”

I reached across the table and took his hand, squeezing it tightly. “Baby, we need to talk. I am scared you do not have our wedding penciled in.”

“Uhm, Roger, let me call you right back. Okay. Good.”

He rose and came to kneel beside my chair. “I wouldn’t miss our wedding for anything in this world. And I’m so busy now so that we can take our honeymoon to St. Tropez just the way you wanted.”

Was I being selfish?

“Listen, I can see you’re upset, so uhm, let’s go out to dinner tonight and we’ll talk. I promise.”

I smiled, even though my heart was breaking. He was everything I had wanted and plotted for, but my life with him was nothing like I
thought
I wanted.

Long after he was gone, I sat at the table surrounded by all the luxuries I ever yearned for, feeling alone and lonely. Just like before.

Hours later, I parked my new black-on-black Mercedes Benz CLK500—a gift from Sahad—in the underground parking garage of my old apartment building. I planned on keeping the apartment, although I had no plans to live in it. My life was set up on the Upper East Side of New York, but it was a sorry rat that had only one hole. Okay, all right?

Besides, Mo was living there, and I already planned to invite Dom to bring Kimani and move in. Trying to kick a drug habit while living in the PJs—with a mother like Diane—was just crazy.

I was swamped working with my event planner to finalize the details for the wedding, but I had my mind set on driving to Jersey to check on Moët.

“Ooh, Mohammed, you are
too
funny.”

I whirled around at the sound of the ultrafeminine voice to see Mr. Handyman himself lean over and kiss a pretty redbone woman in the front seat of his jalopy. The woman sat in it like it was a Hummer. She looked at Mohammed like he was
her
Sahad.

I turned and pretended to gather items from my backseat when Mohammed looked in my direction as he climbed from his vehicle. I was ashamed to be caught staring at them. Well, staring at him really.

He looked good. Really good.
Damn
good.

I missed him.

I missed our friendship and the things we used to do together. The time we used to spend together. Mohammed had been my distraction from the loneliness of loving Sahad.

A welcomed distraction.

I was closing my car door when my entire body tingled and the fine hairs on the back of my neck rose to attention in the most acute awareness.

“What’s the deal, Miss Danielle?”

I loved how his accent made the word deal sound like “deeel.” My entire body responded to the scent of cocoa butter as I forced a fake smile and turned to face him. “Hi, Mohammed. How are you doing?”

“Better now that I see your lovely smile, Miss Danielle.”

My smile became genuine as I looked into those smoky mocha eyes. “Must you always flirt?” I asked him, unable to keep the softness from my tone.

“I can’t seem to help myself around—”

“Mohammed, we’re in a rush, sweetie.” His date blew the horn briefly twice.

He looked over his shoulder and smiled. “Coming, Yvette.”

She blew him a kiss, and I fought the urge to vomit on my new Stuart Weitzman sandals.

“So, where are you two headed?” I asked, purposefully drawing his attention back to me as I fought the jealousy I felt at the way he looked at her.

Mohammed slid his strong hands into the pockets of his jeans as he tilted his head to look down at me. “There’s a free reggae concert in Weequahic Park.”

“That’s the one you mentioned taking me to.”

Mohammed shrugged. “Once you moved in with Mr. CEO, I knew it was time for me to move on, Miss Danielle.”

I was not crazy, and I knew his words were about more than a date for a concert. I dropped my gaze to keep him from seeing the tears fill my eyes. I would give my new collection of nearly two hundred pairs of shoes to spend the afternoon in the park with Mohammed.

He lifted his hand to lightly touch my cheek and lift my head. Our eyes met, and I shivered from his touch as I inhaled deeply of his scent. “I miss you, Danielle, but I want you to be happy. So I wish you nothing but the best.”

His head lowered toward mine, and my heart hammered in my chest as my eyes drifted closed.
Yes, kiss me.

Just before I got to taste those lips, little Miss Yvette laid on the horn like the devil himself was on her heels.

He pulled back and shook his head regretfully with a smile. “Goodbye, Danielle.”

I watched him walk away and climb into his SUV. Yvette immediately entwined her fingers in his locks before pulling him over for a deep kiss. I wondered just what those lips tasted like as they pulled away.

His goodbye sounded so final.

Damn.