Living Backwards (12 page)

“Okay,” he continued, leaning over me, “I’m going to apply the transfer.”

As he went to work, I found that I was afraid to look over at Luke. I didn’t want to see his look of disapproval and chicken out.

“Take a look,” he added once he was done. It was only about the size of a silver dollar. The cross had four equal sides, each pointing in a different direction. Just like a compass.

“Are you comfortable?” he asked as he applied some ointment to the area. I nodded, but wouldn’t have exactly described myself as comfortable.

I saw a flash of something out of the corner of my eye and craned my neck to see what it was. Luke had pulled up a stool and was positioned on the opposite side of me. His shirt was still off and there was a large white bandage on his upper arm. I could smell his Lukeness.

“Grab my hand,” he instructed firmly, extending his hand out to me. I looked back at Dice, and he already had the tattoo gun in his hand. I could feel my heart pounding in my ears as I squeezed his hand tightly.

“Okay, Jillian,” Dice began, “Take regular breaths. We don’t want anyone passing out.”

Luke leaned his head down close to mine. I took a deep breath, waiting for that minty smell to fill my nostrils.

“The first few minutes are the worst,” he explained, looking at me intensely. “Focus on me and it’ll pass quickly. Your body gets used to the feeling, and it’s not as bad.”

I heard the buzzing sound begin, and Dice leaned over my hips once again. When the needle hit my skin, I was jarred by the stinging sensation. I started to feel panicky and my face suddenly felt hot.

“You’re fine,” Luke said inches from my face, staring into my eyes again. “It’s a normal reaction. Breathe.”

I slowly nodded, staring back at him, using his face as a focal point. He began applying some pressure and rubbing small circles into the palm of my hand, mimicking the harsh spirals of the tattoo gun. I was beyond any words and beyond feeling ashamed. I knew that I just needed to focus on him to get through the discomfort of the needle on my skin. It was as if we were frozen together, unable to look away.

“How are you doing?” he finally asked, his voice sounding breathy.

“I think I’m okay,” I replied softly. “It hurts, but it’s bearable.”

“What am I gonna do with you?” he asked, smiling and shaking his head.

Anything you want.

Luke distracted me by talking about the other tattoo on his shoulder blade. I all but forgot what was going on when he pivoted in the stool to give me a view of his back. On his left shoulder, opposite the phoenix, were two Chinese symbols.

So very lickable
.

“They’re the symbols for strength,” he explained with a tight smile. They could have been the Chinese symbols for “bite here”. I didn’t care. I was imagining my hands running up and down his back, my nails scraping across his smooth skin. He’d taste salty.

“All right,” Dice began, standing up from his crouched position. “What do you think?”

I propped myself up on my elbows and looked down at my hipbone. My skin was red and swollen, but in the midst of the puffiness was a beautiful and elegant cross.

“Beautiful,” I replied, still stunned.

“Yeah,” I heard Luke agree softly beside me.

“I’m going to bandage it up now,” Dice explained. “You’ll need to put some ointment on it regularly. All the information you need is on this sheet,” he added, extending a paper to me. Luke grabbed it and began reading it over. I realized when I glanced his way that my hand was still wrapped around his. I didn’t want to be the first to pull away, but I also didn’t want to look like a fool if he was trying to figure out an escape route.

“Thank you,” I said in a low voice, glancing down at our hands. The fact that they were still clasped together seemed to finally register with him. He slowly removed his hand from mine, shoving it into his pocket and holding my aftercare instructions in the other.

“Let’s get you up,” Dice began, helping me into a sitting position. My hip was burning. I wished I had worn softer pants. Or none at all.

I watched as Luke walked back to Seth’s station and put his shirt back on. The muscles in his back stretched as he lifted the light cotton over his head. I didn’t even get to fully appreciate my proximity to his half-nakedness. My timing was impeccable.

He walked up to the front desk where Seth was sitting, fishing into his back pocket and extracting his wallet. Then it hit me. I had no idea how much my tattoo cost me, and I only had enough to cover the cost of the ID. I wasn’t used to thinking before I bought things. I used credit cards and spent more money than I made like the rest of the free world. But at seventeen, I didn’t have any plastic at all.

“Um, Luke,” I motioned over to him nervously. Noticing my worried expression, he walked quickly back to me.

“What’s wrong? Is it hurting?” he asked frowning, his brows creased.

“No, no, um, how much does something like this usually cost?” I asked, pointing to the gauze on my hip. I felt my face grow red.

“Cash flow problems, Cross?”

“I wasn’t planning…If you could cover me, I’ll pay you back,” I stammered uncomfortably. He looked at me for a minute and then laughed to himself.

“I’m sure you will,” he replied as he turned to walk back to Seth’s desk. I was so focused on Luke that I didn’t hear Dice approach.

“I guess I
am
out of luck,” he began as he cleaned up his station. “But if this thing you’ve got going on with Chambers doesn’t work out, I’d like a shot,” he added with a wink.

“I told you…” I argued, but he quickly cut me off.

“I know what you told me, but I also know what I see.” Before I could protest any further, Luke was standing next to me, putting his coat back on.

“Ready?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I replied, hopping off the chair. I felt him place his hand on the small of my back as we walked out of the studio.

“Dice was getting pretty cozy in there with you,” he remarked as we walked to the car.

“I don’t think I need to worry too much about it since he seems to think that we’re a thing,” I added, motioning between the two of us.

“What did he say?” he asked, his brow creased again. I remembered Dice’s words and began to laugh.

“He wanted to know how a ‘moody bastard’ like you landed a wonderful, witty, intelligent, and kickass girl like me,” I teased.

“Oh, that’s what he said?”

“Well, I may be exaggerating a little. He at least got the moody bastard part right, though,” I replied. “I can’t say I’d disagree.”

I felt a rumble in my stomach and looked at my watch. I couldn’t believe how long we were in the studio. We’d missed lunch and it was almost time for dinner.

“Is the wonderful, witty and kickass girl late for a date?” he asked coolly.

“You forgot intelligent, and no, I don’t have a date, but I’m a little hungry.”

“So let me get this straight,” he began. “I drive you to Tacoma so we could get an ID. Then I pay for a tattoo on the hip you like to flash around. And now I have to feed you? Is that right?”

“Most guys would consider this a win, Luke,” I retorted. “You were half naked. I had my pants down, and you didn’t even need to buy me dinner first.”

“Pain in the ass,” he grumbled.

“Come on. I may not have enough for my little cross, but I can swing a couple burgers. I owe you that much,” I said, laughing. I wasn’t going to give him any time to protest. I was really hungry and licking Luke was probably a bad idea.

As we walked along the sidewalk heading towards The Greasy Spoon, we passed the multiplex, and I was reminded of Nate and Meg.

“Oh, I forgot to tell you,” I exclaimed, causing him to jump. He seemed to have been a million miles away. “Nate and Megan are having their first date tonight. I am the official doctor of love,” I bragged.

“Well, let’s hope your patients can keep it in their pants for a few days,” he added dryly. “Josh bet me that Barrett would nail your pal before prom, and I hate to lose.”

“Oh, damn,” I began without thinking. “You’re so gonna lose. She practically attacked him on their first date.”

My eyes grew wide when I realized what I had said.

“Wait. What? They already had sex?” he exclaimed. “I thought tonight was their first date. Goddamn it,” he fumed.

“No, wait,” I stammered. “I meant she already had sex with him on their first date…in her dream last week.” Luke arched his brow and looked at me suspiciously. I began to panic. “I just misspoke,” I added. “I’m just saying that…I don’t know…Megan’s easy?”

As soon as the words left my mouth, Luke doubled over laughing. I, however, was horrified. She would murder me if she ever knew what I said. It was true, though. Not that she was easy—that she had sex with Nate on their first date. I found Nate wearing Megan’s robe in our kitchen the next morning, which strangely was the start of a tradition for us. Nate and I were early risers, so we’d watch trashy tabloid shows on the DVR and make fun of people from
Jersey Shore
while we waited for everyone to wake up.

“So, they haven’t?” Luke asked.

“No, but you’re probably going to lose,” I added. “Megan and Nate are…explosive. I just know.”

“Because you’re the love doctor,” he added facetiously.

“Precisely.”

It was unseasonably dry, so when we got to the diner, I suggested that we grab the food and bring it to the picnic tables in the park. It also kept things undate-like and casual. I ordered two hamburger plates at the take-out window and attempted to pay for them before Luke hip-checked me out of the way. He paid for both meals and carried them to the park across the street while I grumbled behind him.

I climbed onto one of the picnic tables, sitting cross-legged, and wasted no time biting right into the juicy burger. Luke stood there for a moment, his styrofoam container in hand, watching me.

“What? Do I have ketchup on me?” I asked, feeling self-conscious under his gaze. “Tell me.”

“No, but you sure look hungry,” he stated, looking at the burger I was mauling.

“I’m a man’s man, Luke,” I replied without any shame. “I don’t pull that girly shit. Are you gonna hop up here and eat, or what?”

He climbed up and sat down with his feet on the bench below. After unpacking his meal, he bit into the burger and groaned.
So not fair. I do not want to be jealous of a fast food meal.

We ate in silence for a few minutes before Luke began to speak.

“So, are we gonna talk about the elephant in the room?” he asked plainly.

Elephant? We had a whole damn herd.

“What do you mean?” I had no idea what he was talking about, but he had me feeling very anxious. Did I say that thing about being jealous of the burger out loud?

“Well, I brought you to Tacoma as part of a deal,” he began, a hint of a smile playing on his lips. “Do you remember our deal?”

I didn’t like this. I couldn’t read his expression.

“Of course,” I replied nervously. “I told you that you wouldn’t have to worry about Danielle setting you up for the prom.”

“And?” he asked, sounding cocky.

“And you haven’t had to ask anyone, right?” I suddenly wished I was back at the studio with a needle on my skin. It was more comfortable.

“Well, your friend Danielle told me a lot about this mystery girl and she seemed pretty convinced that we’d have a good time together,” he explained. “She has my interest piqued.”

Danielle had told me that she’d stop bothering me about the prom. Maybe she found someone else for Luke to ask. Maybe it was Val.

“Oh, so are you going to ask someone now?” I could actually feel the lump in my throat. He stared at me for a moment and laughed quietly.

“Why didn’t you just tell me?” he asked, looking at me curiously.

I felt sick.
He knew.

I had no idea what to say. We couldn’t go to the prom together. It was too risky, but there was no way I could sit around and let him go with Val either. This whole situation was more complicated than I could handle. My mind was racing, and I couldn’t seem to pull together a cohesive thought.

“Danielle is crazy. I didn’t want her…she can be persuasive and you might feel…God, this is awkward,” I stammered, burying my head in my hands.

“Well, you
do
owe me now since I’ve bankrolled your day of rebellion. I need Danielle off my back, and it’s not going to happen unless we go to this thing. So, what do you think?”

“About going to the prom?” I gasped. “With you?”

“Well, that’s what I figured,” he replied, trying not to laugh.

“Yeah. I mean, yes. That’d be cool.” I know I sounded breathless, but it was happening all so fast.

“But if we’re going to do this, we need to make sure that we give her the prom experience that she’s looking for,” he added with a glint in his eye.

“What do you have planned?” I asked suspiciously.

“You’ll see,” he replied, flashing me that smile I loved.

I knew the right thing to do was to tell him I was washing my hair that night or in my case, going to the dentist, but I just couldn’t. I wanted to go. I even wanted to wear a fancy dress and uncomfortable shoes. I wanted to dance to that awful Mariah Carey song. I wanted to dance with him.

“So, we’re going to the prom.” It sounded halfway between a question and a statement. It didn’t matter. It really wasn’t a question anymore.

“Looks that way,” he replied. I got the sense that he was as surprised as I was.

We walked back to the car, discussing how we thought Danielle would react to the news. We both agreed that spontaneous combustion was possible. I would have to make sure there wasn’t anything breakable around when I let her know.

A different type of tension settled upon us on the ride home. While we had joked and laughed about Danielle on the walk back to the car, it seemed that once we sat down next to each other, all joking seemed to have stopped. There were uncomfortable attempts at small talk. We discussed the finals that I had yet to study for, and how I really didn’t want to go to the bonfire, but Danielle was practically forcing me. I was almost expecting him to start talking about the weather. It was
that
lame. I hadn’t really helped the conversation along. When he spoke, I couldn’t bring myself to look at him. When I did, I’d focus on the spot on his jaw, right below his ear. I had added it to my list of Places on Luke I Wanted to Lick. Then, when he shifted gears, I focused on his hands and how good it felt when he touched me back at the studio. I imagined placing my hand on top of his, stroking the rough skin. Before long, I imagined sucking his fingers into my mouth and had to physically shake the thoughts out of my head. I probably looked like I had Tourette’s Syndrome. So instead of gawking at his lickable jaw and suckable fingers, I stared straight ahead just to be safe.