Living With the Dead: The Bitter Seasons (17 page)

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10:45 AM
 

Posted by Josh Guess

I have been trying to keep as regular as possible on here lately, but with winter comes illness. I don't usually get sick very often but this year seems to be a bad one for me. I'm not on death's door or anything but I do feel pretty weak and out of it right now. So if I get all wonky and make no sense before the end of this post, forgive me. I'm still trying to shake it off.
Courtney has managed to maintain civil contact with the group in Carterville. They are still asking for privacy at present, so I won't go into detail. I will say that things are going well on that front. We even got an apology from them for shooting at me and Steve, not that we could blame them. Oh, and Courtney also managed to find out some info on the crazy bastard that commented on the blog after our trip to Carterville.
You might not remember, but when we got close to there we encountered a wall made of all kinds of things. My brother Dave blew a giant hole in it so we could get where we needed to go. On the way back from that particular trip someone posted a comment on that blog entry, basically threatening all of us here at the compound for damaging their work and endangering their families.
It wasn't the Carterville folks that sent this. Remember, they didn't have access to the internet at all until a short while ago.
No, it was someone from another group of survivors in Marion, which is my hometown. That group is smaller and frankly scary from what I have been told. They didn't build the wall (it seems likely that the marauders that still control much of Carbondale, where we rescued Tree and his people from, are responsible there) but they did enjoy the protection it gave from zombies coming in from the north.
The people in Marion are crazy. They aren't like some survivors, like us and the Carterville group, who are merely cautious to a fault and fast on the trigger. Nor are they like marauders, who kidnap and murder in order to steal supplies and weapons as well as for fun. No, those people are actually nuts, it seems.
They are rational enough to want to live, and seem to be willing to do just about anything to achieve that goal. Marion is now a deathtrap from one end to the other, dotted with pits, rope snares, explosives...literally tons of deadliness wherever you go. The Carterville group lost a patrol finding that out.
Marion is basically off limits to anyone and everyone. They kill any human who isn't a part of their group on sight. I don't know what they have gone through to make them so afraid of everyone, but there it is. No one goes in and lives. There is no chance for useful communication.
The whole thing begs the question: when and if society stabilizes and we can finally destroy or at least manage the swarms of zombies across the earth, what do we do with people like this? Do we leave them be and only worry about them when they get low on food or medicine and come out, desperate and willing to kill on a whim? Do we take drastic measures to ensure that a group of murderers never has the chance to come after us? It's a bit much for me this morning.
It's looking likely that Courtney and Steve will be heading out before long. I hope that the positive trend with the Carterville compound grows on, but I will worry about them regardless. There is so much death and destruction in southern Illinois, and we know that large groups are still active as marauders, maybe more so since our trip there. Our tenuous friendship with Carterville has made us aware that somehow they have kept themselves safe from outside forces, but I still worry.
Maybe because of our recent group obsession around here with overwhelming forces...
Ok, that's it for me. I need to get some work done today and writing for a long time is only sapping what little concentration I've got. More tomorrow.

at 
8:20 AM
 

Posted by Josh Guess

In a world where the dead walk and feast upon the living, every small victory is important. 

Large victories are almost unheard of. 

This morning I woke to a flood of emails from people all across the country. Dozens of communities out there, banded together as we have. Between them they number several thousand people, every one working as we have worked to create sustainable living spaces for meeting the needs of long-term survival. 

More than forty communities have had a representative contact us since last night. I am frankly pretty blown away by this, and we have the good people at Google to thank for it. Once again, the engineers and programmers there have managed the impossible and gotten communications running across big swathes of the nation. Though, there is one very interesting point here that has huge implications. 

While there are emails in my inbox from many places across the USA, one state in particular is dense with small groups of survivors--Louisiana. About half of all the contacts I had this morning were from there. The reason for this is simple--that was the place with the highest number of self-sufficient cell towers, and where the engineers were able to restore the broadest amount of function to the network. That means that once Google managed to get control of that part of the cell network, they were able to alert anyone with a compatible phone or other wireless device. Not that many had them, of course, but most communities have managed to cobble together a means to power small devices, enough to charge them should someone attempt communication. 

Think about this. Louisiana has at least twenty groups of people who have survived. How many more must be out there in large areas where there is no communication at all? God, everyone here is so excited at the possibilities. There could be dozens of groups in Kentucky, right?

Google basically flooded the networks with calls and texts, trying to alert everyone that had the means to get them that others are out here. Once that basic line of communication was established, it was a short step to mentioning the groups that have already taken steps to bring in others, like us. Hence, the giant grin across my face all morning. 

It's amazing. We're dealing with a lot of stress and worry here lately, and this news was just what we needed to boost our spirits. I have a lot to do, especially with so much new data to coordinate. So much potential!

This is HUGE. 

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7:54 AM

Posted by Josh Guess

Unless you are either versed in Japanese culture or practice one of their martial arts, there is a good chance you don't know what the title of this blog means. I only half-remembered it myself when I thought of it, and had to look it up to make sure I had it right.
Misogi is an old and traditional practice in Japan. Many people used different versions of it for ritual purification, and the founder of Aikido, Morihei Ueshiba, used it as part of his training. Ueshiba found that water misogi, specifically standing under a cold waterfall, helped him to find his center and cleanse his mind so that he could move further toward understanding of himself and the world around him.
It's the waterfall that always interested me. Not as a spiritual cleansing, but as a physical and mental test of yourself. To me the idea of subjecting your body to long periods of extreme wet and cold and trying to toughen yourself to endure more every time you try it seems very primal. The mental control it takes to force yourself to remain still when so many outside stimuli are screaming at you to move, to end the discomfort, to be somewhere warm and dry and peaceful.
Fascinating. To me, anyway.
I have always wanted to try it. Not too many waterfalls around here, though, and for one reason or another I never got around to it.
Yesterday, I did. Sort of. It started raining early in the morning, and it was cold. Cold enough that there was zero chance of any zombies coming for us. Cold enough to require a winter coat. Not quite frigid to the point of turning the rain to snow, though, and that's what got me thinking.
I sat in my back yard on a small patch of grass wearing only a pair of shorts. The rain waxed and waned in the thirty or so minutes I was out there, ending with fat drops much like bullets, each one a painful sting on my skin. I shivered and burned to move away from the cold. I tried to think of anything else but where I was and the numbness in my limbs.
Thoughts crossed my mind that seemed so simple to me at the time, yet now that I have to write them down feel complicated and clunky.
The Fall happened. Society smashed apart when it struck the hard earth, and we are still dodging the pieces. Part of why the compound and so many other groups out there have survived is because we haven't cut ourselves trying to snatch the remnants of the old civilization from the flying debris around us. Most survivors instead remember what was, and move forward in a way that makes good and practical sense.
This has helped us bind our groups together in a way that has helped prepare us for today. For a time when we would have to deal with large groups of living people from other places.
The Fall of society made many of us more open to other people, more willing to accept them. Because circumstances demanded it. The constant zombie threat toughened us for the battles we have faced and will surely face again. We have survived and flourished because we 
embraced 
the struggle, accepted the pain and discomfort assailing our minds and bodies. We recognize the futility of wishing for things to be the way they were, or at least different than they are. The struggle to change and improve our lives has been accepted as an indelible aspect of those lives, and so we are able to work toward those goals.
At the end of my experience in the rain yesterday, I no longer wished to be somewhere else. I stopped thinking about being warm and comfortable and accepted that I would not be until I made the conscious to change my circumstances. It's a weird sort of loop, I know, but it makes a lot of sense to me.
The rain of undead upon us along with the effort required to simply survive has done something to us very similar to this ancient practice. We have been toughened physically by the constant fighting. Our minds have new clarity of purpose and focus. Our intent has been purified.
I don't know if I will ever know real enlightenment. I know that my desire to understand myself and the world around me is partially to blame for my inability to reach the totality of that understanding. But yesterday something in me changed. My perspective grew.
I am the same man I was a day ago. My circumstances haven't changed. My goals are the same as ever.
But my understanding of them has bloomed, and I am content.

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7:51 AM

Posted by Josh Guess

I'm still jogging every morning. It hasn't done a lot for my physique yet, but then again I'm not really one to be slim. Before The Fall I clocked in between 230-240 pounds, and just at six feet tall. I had a belly but not some beer slab. Chalk that up to unusually dense muscles (thanks, dad!), broad shoulders and a thick chest. If I get down to my "ideal" weight, around 170, I look like a crackhead.
That was pretty random, but I think it kind of fits with my mood this morning.
I've gone on a bit lately about how the zombie plague has affected us and our perceptions. One of the things that really blows me away is how adaptive most of us are. When the other option is death, stale rice and overcooked forest creature makes for a fine set of staple foods. I've lost a lot of weight since the zombies came, simply from a lack of all the insanely unhealthy foods I used to eat. I'm at about 200 pounds right now, and while I will always retain the slight pudge that is my genetic heritage (thanks, Ireland) I am healthier than I have ever been and can run a country mile flat out if I need to.
It may not seem like much of a silver lining, but think about it. I can outrun the undead if I need to. That's something I could never do before. More than that, I feel great. I breathe easier, don't get tired after a good run, and could kick in a car door.
I wrote yesterday about accepting and embracing the way things are as a means to work toward making things better, and I feel like this is a pretty good example of that.
Proudly, I want to say that two other people have managed a similar feat. Not long ago, I told you about Jamie Packard sucker punching Dodger in a moment of anger. I worried about the punishment for Jamie, even though he was guilty by self-admission and acted in front of others. I know very well what it is to try and control rage, and I can understand him.
Jamie showed pretty remarkable self-awareness about the whole thing. He knew that he had broken the rules, and that being allowed to walk away unpunished would be terrible for morale. Not that he was all that fond of the idea of punishment, but he recognized that committing violence with no provocation was counter to the very idea of the compound.
So Rich, our magistrate and judge, gave Jamie a choice. He could either allow judgement to be passed on him and accept whatever came his way, or he could choose from a list of punishments. Understand, there wasn't any need for a trial as we used to think of them. Jamie's guilt was never in question. There were no mitigating circumstances, he admits that Dodger did nothing to deserve getting hit. I think Rich gave him the option because Jamie was so forthright in taking responsibility.
So Jamie took three lashes. It was a bit harsh, more than he had to take. But he told Dodger after that people who felt as he did had to understand that nothing could be gained from losing control, and everything would be risked.
I see the wisdom there. What if, while Dodger and Jamie were having their altercation, a swarm had come upon the group of scouts that were crowding around them and not paying any attention to the surrounding area? If they had been attacked because Jamie's attack had caused a distraction, I sincerely doubt Rich would have been so lenient. If someone had been killed? Probably exile or death.
He knew that. He hated the idea of holding himself up on that post and waiting for the whip to lace across his back, but he did it. Jamie showed an understanding of himself and our situation that frankly shocked me. It took my small revelation the other day to realize just how far so many people here have come.
In the end, Dodger and Jamie shook hands. Not tersely or with grudges, but as two men who recognized that a wrong had been committed, and punishment for it served.
What purpose would be served by either of them staying upset about it? Team cohesion would falter, efficiency and watchfulness would suffer. Bad feelings build on themselves, only leading to more and worse problems down the road.
Those guys accepted the reality of the situation and moved on, just as I was talking about yesterday. You have to wonder how many stories like that are around here, going on every day. It may not seem like a big deal to some of you out there, but for me it's like watching a dream I never expected to become reality suddenly smack me in the face and say hello. The biggest problem this world has ever had, at least in human society, is not a lack of communication. It's a lack of understanding.
People let too many unimportant things interfere with their better judgement. Racism was a great and extreme example of that--what could be more stupid than ignoring a potentially awesome friend of lover because of skin color?
Tensions between nations, personal relationships, or simply working at a job...these are all things that have suffered because people couldn't put overcome their pride or emotions and think rationally about what would be better for everyone. That's what really gets me here.
So many of us living in the compound have done it. Certain death is a great motivator and unifier. The really hard part is that far-distant and possibly fictional day when there is no immediate threat to bring us together. Working toward the good of all rather than from personal ambition or desire has to be a shared goal and ideal, or basically we're all fucked.
I've said before that the good of the tribe must be our primary concern. That has always been the position from which I have built most of my personal views and beliefs. My time out in the rain helped me to understand that to strive for the greater good, we have to overcome our internal struggles. Thinking about Jamie and Dodger, I can see that to some degree, we are managing that.
Now, if we can just keep it up for the rest of human history...