Lock and Load (3 page)

Tough shit.

She’d set out to show them and she had. And she wasn’t about to falter now.

Leaning back in her chair, she took a moment to rub her temples and take a deep breath, pulling her thoughts together. Today she’d get a killer interview after finagling for a week to set it up, wading through everyone’s politics. And tonight she’d treat herself to a visit to The Edge. For one or two blessed hours she’d be able to cede control over to someone else and not have to worry that she was diminishing her professional reputation by doing it. And still keep some part of herself locked deep inside.

She’d learned the hard way that trust was often an illusion, except at The Edge. There she could be Megan the submissive and not have to worry about what happened afterwards. She was a partner, not a conquest, within well-defined boundaries.

She smiled to herself as she wondered what these jocks around her would think if they knew she was a sexual submissive. She could just imagine the crude remarks, not to mention the obvious loss of respect. She doubted any one of them had even a clue what the D/s lifestyle was all about. She had never seen any of them at the club or heard mention of them in the D/s community. Not even at the munches, those social gatherings where people in the lifestyle could gather together in a relaxed environment to chat and maybe even meet new people. In a way she was really glad, because it meant she didn’t have to worry about running into them at The Edge or any of the other places she might frequent.

Well, tonight she’d be the one having a great time. She knew a lot of the Doms at the club. Could even pinpoint the one or two she hoped would be available. For a brief moment, an image of Beau flashed through her mind, the very alpha, very sexy Dom she’d spent a couple of hot nights with at The Edge. Too bad her blue-eyed soldier wasn’t going to be there. He would be no danger to her fragile hold on her dual nature. He’d be here, then gone, and she could live on the memories.

Beau. That was his name. Just Beau. No last name, because The Edge wasn’t about giving names unless you wanted to. Many of the players even used club names to conceal their daytime identities.

But in the intimacy of a private room, after a night of intense pain play, they’d exchanged first names rather than their dungeon names. A keepsake, if you will, of an incredible evening. She hardly ever did that, but this time something had compelled her to lift the veil that tiny little bit. They had met at the club twice more while he was in town. She knew his team leader had hooked up with someone he’d met a long time ago, and the others were busy finding their own subs. But for her and Beau, after that first night they’d never looked at any other partners.

She’d wanted to spend every night with him, but she was reluctant to tell him that, to give him that kind of power over her. In the bedroom or playroom, fine. But she was still determined to be her own person, to hang on to her hard-won confidence and independence. She could submit but not subjugate. Which was probably why there was so much unfinished between them.

Could he really be the one? Did his own chosen career path create the ideal situation for them?

She’d heard from Simon they’d been in town again, the four macho soldiers, and damn it! She’d been on the road with the basketball team. Their leader hadn’t come to The Edge. Gossip said he was busy with the woman he’d reconnected with, making her his sub for life. His wife. But others had been only too happy to tell her Beau had been there and who he’d spent time with. Jealousy still burned inside her.

Damn, those nights had made her want so much more with him. How many nights since then had she lain in her bed, tying one arm to her bedpost and using the other hand to pleasure herself. To pinch her nipples and clit, hard, the way Beau had.

She was certain he’d felt as linked as she did, yet she had sensed a shield between them. What was that all about? And was it just her or did he have similar reservations about connections?

She wondered if she’d ever see him again? If the gods delivered him to her, she’d get him out of the club and take him home with her.

Wait! Take him home?
She never took anyone home with her.

That was her territory. Her personal space. She’d never had the desire to blend the two sides of her personality like that. She couldn’t see giving anyone that level of trust outside the dungeon. Still, she had a feeling it might be different with blue-eyed Beau.

By now it was all over The Edge that Slade Donovan, the team leader, and his sub had set a date for their wedding. Surely all of them would be there for that, right? Would Beau try to find her? Search her out at The Edge? She just wasn’t willing to accept they’d never see each other again. Not with the heat that had erupted between them. Tonight maybe she’d pester the dungeon master and see if she could pry loose any information. If they were coming back, he’d know about it for sure.

Swallowing a sigh, she gathered her iPad and her handheld recorder, slid the strap of her purse over her shoulder and headed out on her assignment.

Chapter Two

It was Friday morning by the time they landed in San Antonio. Just like the other times when they arrived in the city closest to Slade’s ranch, Teo Rivera, son of Slade’s foreman, picked them up in the ranch’s shiny black helicopter. Only this time they landed at Fort Sam Houston, rather than the civilian airport. Slade had worked his magic to get permission for the helo to land there on an army facility, probably because of the success of their recent mission. The team piled into the bird with their duffels and Teo ferried them the short trip to the ranch.

Beau, a California guy all the way, hadn’t been too enamored of the Texas landscape when he’d seen it originally. Pastures stretched out beyond the ranch house, flat plateaus of different shades of green, dotted here and there by clumps of trees. At first glance it reminded him too much of what they’d left behind in Afghanistan. But before less than twenty-four hours had passed during that initial visit, he had discovered rolling hills beyond the first expanse of grazing land and a creek meandering through the property. White tail deer roamed at will amid a variety of wildlife and birds. He soon began to appreciate the beauty of the area, the vibrant people, the colorful environment.

It hadn’t taken long during that first visit for Slade to make them so comfortable that Beau now thought of the place as a second home. And wasn’t that a laugh and a half, since his first one wasn’t all that great any more. His parents were divorced and his sister was involved in the fast-moving life of her high-powered executive husband as well as her own career. The military had become Beau’s family, Delta Team Charlie his brothers. That was all he needed.

That and a sexy woman with streaky blonde hair who pushed all his buttons.

Last time they’d been in town he’d practically haunted The Edge, looking for her while trying to play it cool. Simon, the dungeon master, had chuckled at his agitation, especially when other subs wearing pink bracelets tried to entice him. Twice he’d given in, just because he’d been so fucking horny, but they weren’t Megan. The pleasure wasn’t the same. The blazing red on their flogged asses didn’t satisfy him as fully. Restraining them and punishing them didn’t lead to the kind of explosive sex he’d had with Megan.

Well, fuck all. If she wasn’t there this time, he’d have to get Simon to call her. He’d beg if he had to, but damn! He had to see her. Just how he was going to accomplish that, he wasn’t sure. He still couldn’t figure out why and how she had become so important to him after just the three sessions together. Longing for something of a permanent nature had taken him by surprise. It wasn’t something he’d ever wanted or thought about. Maybe because in his family emotions had been considered a weakness so he’d learned to keep his behind an invisible barricade. And none of the women he’d ever spent time with had come close to breaching that wall nor had he wanted them to.

But Megan was different. Maybe it was that stubborn streak of independence, an inner core of strength that he’d sensed beneath her submissive personality. For Beau, that was what he needed in a woman, one who could submit to him completely in the bedroom but be strong and confident on her own, enough to survive the separations when Team Charlie was deployed. Not to mention the incredible electricity that sizzled between them.

He wasn’t getting any younger and, like Slade, was starting to think about life beyond the military. Some days he thought he was ready to settle down, others he wasn’t too sure. He wanted what Slade had but taking that next step was a big thing to him. Megan was the first woman he’d ever met who made him think a long term relationship might even be possible. He wanted to connect with her again to see if he had imagined that or if it was real.

Impatience ate at him. He wondered if Slade was planning to wait until after the wedding before giving them the passes.

Asshole! Let the guy at least have his wedding before you take care of your cock.

Only it was more than just his unrepentant penis giving him fits. Megan had touched something deep inside him that he’d thought was long buried. Maybe dead. He wasn’t even sure it would be a good thing to find out if there was actually something there. But he had to know. He just couldn’t get the damn woman out of his mind.

Marc and Trey had to be eager to get to the club, too, right? They had managed to hook up with some really delectable subs on their previous visits. Beau didn’t know if any of those connections were more than a casual thing, but who knew? The Edge seemed to be as much about connecting people as about a safe place to play. Something in the air, he figured.

“Steaks on the grill at six,” Slade told them as they hauled their gear into the ranch house. “Kari’s coming out to have dinner with us so watch your mouths, okay?”

“Aw, Slade?” Trey grinned at him. “You mean we can’t tell her all those stories about other women?”

Slade’s smile disappeared. “Listen—”

But Beau cut him off, seeing his ride to paradise disappearing with Slade’s displeasure. They needed to show respect for their leader and his lady, not act like the selfish horny bastards they were.

“You can trust us, okay, Slade? Kari’s good people. By tomorrow night she’ll be your wife. She gets the full respect treatment.”

Slade ran his hands over his head. “I know. Shit, you’d think I was the nervous bride instead of her.” Then he laughed. “Okay. Same rooms as before. Hit the showers if you want.” He started to turn away, then snapped his fingers. “Oh, almost forgot. Since I’ll be tied up tonight after dinner, I already had Teo call The Edge for you and set it up with Simon. You’re on the guest list for the entire week.”

Should I call Simon? Ask him if he can get a message to her?

No. Too aggressive. He didn’t want to scare her away. He had sensed the last time that she was fighting some internal battle. He didn’t know what it was, but he sure didn’t want to be on the losing side. Anyway, it was Friday night. Chances were good that she’d come out to play on the weekend, right? He’d get through dinner, see who else wanted to head into town and borrow one of the ranch trucks like they’d done the last time.

And hope.

* * * *

Megan treated herself to a long soak when she got home. The interview had gone well, the photographer had shown up to get just the right pictures and tomorrow she’d write a killer story. But tonight she had other things on her mind.

All day a thread of expectation had been wriggling through her system, the kind of feeling you got when you were about to win the lottery or score a big assignment or—or something life changing. It was a little like being buzzed on champagne. She hoped it was a good sign. That tonight something important would happen.

Don’t get ahead of yourself.

She took a small glass of wine into the bathroom with her, sipping it slowly while she lounged in the tub. She usually didn’t drink before she went to the club, unless she had no plans to play. The Edge didn’t permit alcohol for people indulging in a scene. It dulled the senses and blunted rational thought. In D/s play it could be dangerous. She knew that.

But tonight she needed something just to soothe her nerves, to ease whatever it was buzzing through her system. Too much nervous energy could affect her decisions, too. She wanted to be calm, in case her wishes came true and Beau was there tonight, visiting Slade while the team had some down time. He’d told her what he could about being a member of Delta Team Charlie. He’d also made it plain that it was his life and he didn’t plan to change it for anyone.

Okay, she had hers, too. And as much as she loved submitting, she couldn’t completely hand over complete and total control or she’d lose what she saw as her core of strength. The thing that made her succeed in what was still a male-dominated profession. That was one of the main reasons she wasn’t looking for anything permanent. She hadn’t met a man she could believe in enough to give herself completely. Let down her guard.

But Beau had pushed buttons no one else had even come close to. Buttons that unlocked the closet where she kept her deepest feelings. She didn’t know if that was good or bad, only that it scared her that she could react like that to him. The last time she’d seen him, he’d mentioned he expected they’d be back in town next chance they had. Simon had let her know the man had come looking for her while she’d been out of town. There was gossip at the club about Kari and Slade’s upcoming wedding, so was it too illogical for her to hope that—

You’re a big girl. Maybe he’s moved on to someone else when you weren’t available. And maybe that was for the best. You’ll get over it.

Maybe one more night with him would cure whatever emotions he’d stirred up inside her and she could get past this.

Maybe not.

No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t get him out of her mind. Leaning back in the tub she closed her eyes and spread her legs. She imagined Beau’s big, muscular body behind her in the water, caging her, draping her legs over his so she was spread wide open for him. One of her hands slid down over her stomach to her waxed cunt lips, idly rubbing the bare flesh. Pretending they were Beau’s fingers instead of hers. Imagining him placing her hands on either side of the tub and ordering her to keep them there no matter what he did.