Locked Together (In Chains) (20 page)

I can see some buildings, so I must be getting near the town, hopefully there’s a park I can sleep in. I dunno what I’m gonna do if I don’t find her before winter gets here. I reach the edge of the town, and stop. I recognise this. I start walking faster and then I see it. The cafe. It’s the cafe that Jenny owns. I’m grinning so much my cheeks are hurting. I’ve found her. I’ve found my baby. I run but I keep tripping because my sneakers are falling to bits. To hell with this. I kick them off and leave them on the ground, I can run faster barefoot. My heart is pounding. I can’t believe I finally found her. Please let her be okay, please. I run faster.

I got one more field to go through and then I’ll be at Clay’s farm. I can hold Savannah. There’s a fence around the edge of the field and I jump over it. I stop to get my breath and think for a minute. Do I want Savannah to see me looking like this, with long hair and a beard? I could go to my van and clean up first but I don’t want to, I don’t want to. I sigh and hang my head. If I want Savannah to be proud of me, to be someone worth having, I need to clean up before I see her. I walk slowly through the rest of the field, no need to rush anymore.

The lights are on in the house when I get to her brother’s farm. I head towards my van, sticking to the dark shadows so her brother can’t see me. My van is pretty much like I left it. I find my matches and light a candle, so I can see better. I grab the bucket, take it to the pump and fill it with water. I’ve got a little bit of soap, it’ll have to do. I look at myself in my mirror, I look like crap, this beard has got to go. I work some of the soap into a lather and spread it over my face, then I scrape at the hair with my razor. I’m glad my razor’s sharp because there’s a lot of hair. When I’m finished I rinse my face and rub my hands across my skin. It feels smooth and I look more like me but my skin feels sore.

I strip off my shirt and use the rest of the soap to wash my body and hair. I tear another strip of cloth off my pants leg and use it to tie my hair back. I’m not sure I like it, but it looks better than it did. I’m out of soap but the water in the bucket might have enough soap left in it to clean my clothes. I dunk them into the cold water, and scrub. I laugh, I feel like I’m back at the Pound, in the laundry. I haven’t got anywhere to hang my clothes and I don’t wanna risk hanging them outside in case someone sees, so I lay them on the floor to dry and lie down on my back on the bed.

I put my hands behind my head, and smile as Savannah’s beautiful face comes into my mind. I can’t wait to look into her eyes before I kiss her and to hold her body against mine and never let her go again. I tap my fingers against my stomach and think about what I’m gonna say to her. She might be mad at me for leaving her, but I know she loves me, so she’ll forgive me. I’d forgive her if she hurt me, I’d forgive her anything. I turn on to my left side and pick at the chipped paint on the van wall. I know Clay will have taken care of Savannah but she would’ve had to stay out of sight in the van most of the time, she’ll have got bored. Maybe we can sneak out, she told me she likes the beach, I’ll even let her splash me. I get up to check if my clothes are dry yet, but they’re still wet. I throw myself back down on the bed and stare at the ceiling, wiggling my toes. Maybe Savannah is lying in bed, thinking about me right now, I smile. I turn on to my right side and gaze out of the little window. It’s dark; I wonder what time it is. I think back to yesterday, the slaves on the farm I worked at had a radio and they played a song that I wanna sing to Savannah, it was even called ‘Her Song’, like it was sung just for her, how cool is that? The singer was a guy called Josh; I can’t remember his other name. I can remember all the words; they’re burned into my head. I sing it quietly as I picture myself on my knees in front of her, gazing up at her. It’s my way of saying I’m sorry and thanking her for loving me.

I turn onto my back and close my eyes. An owl is hooting outside. Savannah is so close, I wonder if she can hear the same owl. I sigh and turn on to my left side, I can’t get comfortable. I get up to see if my clothes are dry, they’re still wet. Oh to hell with it, I can’t wait any longer. I pull on my wet pants, Clay will have a fire going, they’ll dry. I leave my shirt on the floor and run over to the farm.

I can see three shadows sitting around the fire, I get closer and see it’s Kaci, Clay and Trent. Savannah must be in their van. Kaci jumps up when she sees me. “Kade,” she shouts. She runs towards me and throws her arms around my neck. I pick her up and spin her around like I always do. She shouted loud, Savannah must have heard, but she hasn’t come out. I lower Kaci to the floor. I can see Clay’s about to speak but I cut him off.

“I need to go see Savannah; I’ll talk to you guys soon.”

I’m running towards the van when I hear Clay shout. “Kade, she’s not here. She’s at her brothers.”

I stop, turn around and run back over to him. “Is that safe? How long has she been there?”

“Most of the time you’ve been gone. She only stayed with us a few days,” he says. My shoulders slump, now I’ll have to wait till morning to see her. I’m feeling tired all of a sudden. I sink to the ground by the fire and pick at the frayed material on the leg of my pants.

Kaci sits down beside me. “Where were you?” she asks. I sigh and shrug my shoulders; I really don’t wanna talk about how badly I fucked up everything.

Clay hands me a hooch, it’s been a long time since I’ve had a drink and I really need one now. If I get drunk I’ll be able to sleep. “How is Savannah? Have you seen her? Is she okay?” I ask Clay.

“Yeah, she’s doing okay,” he says.

“No thanks to you,” Trent says.

I jump to my feet, spilling hooch over my arm. “What the fuck is your problem?”

Trent leaps to his feet. “You’re my problem.” He takes a few steps towards me. “You dump Savannah, tell her you never loved her and leave her all alone,” his face twists up, “and then you think you can come back and pick up where you left off.”

“I was trying to protect her. You know how much I love her; you must know I didn’t mean it.”

Clay steps between us. “Cut it out.” He puts his hand on my arm and his other hand on Trent’s. “Fighting ain’t gonna solve anything.”

“There’s nothing to solve,” I say as I glare at Trent. “I’m gonna explain it to her, we love each other, she’ll understand and it’ll be okay.” My palms are sweaty and my heart is thumping. I just wanna sleep so I don’t have to count the hours till I can see my baby.

“You can’t just come back into her life,” Trent shouts.

“I love her,” I tell him. I glare at the back of his head as he heads off towards the van. He shouts out goodnight to Clay and Kaci, but he ignores me. I slump back down to the ground and Clay hands me another hooch. I down it in three mouthfuls, Clay hands me the bottle.

“Me and Kaci are heading off to bed,” he says. “There’s plenty more hooch if you need it.” He points to some large plastic containers near the van. “Help yourself.”

I pick up two of the containers and head back to my own van. I crawl into bed, open one of the containers and hold it to my lips.

Ouch. I’m lying on something hard and uncomfortable. I rub my eyes; sunlight is coming through my window. It’s morning, I’ll be able to see Savannah. I reach behind me and pull the empty hooch container out from under me and leap out of bed. I almost trip over the other empty container on the floor. I should brush my teeth, I don’t want Savannah getting drunk on my breath, I laugh to myself. I hum ‘Her Song’ as I try to make my breath smell nice.

My shirt is finally dry. As I’m pulling it over my head, I hear voices outside. I crouch down by the window and then I see her, my baby, and she looks so beautiful. She’s wearing a dress, it’s pretty and her hair is shiny and long, I’m sure it’s gotten longer. I’ve got a stupid big grin on my face. I take a step towards the door, but stop when I hear a man’s voice. I crouch back down by the window and peek out. She’s with a human guy, I’ve never seen him before, is he a friend of her brother? I can’t hear what they’re saying. My breath catches in my throat as the guy slips his arms around her waist, she tips her face up and he lowers his. She’s gonna kiss him. No. No. My fingers grip the window sill. I don’t wanna watch but I can’t look away, I feel cold and shivery. She kisses him. My forehead smacks against the wall, I close my eyes, I’ve left it too late, too late.

CHAPTER TWENTY SIX

Savannah

Nathan picks up my big teddy bear. He smirks. “What is it with girls and bears?”

“He’s special; I’ve had him since I was born.”

He puts my big bear down and holds up Kayden’s little panda. My heart clenches. “And what’s the story with this one?” he asks.

I force my mouth to form words. “I’m looking after him for someone.”

Nathan raises his eyebrow. “You running a teddy sitting service?” He laughs as he puts the panda down.

I’ve been doing okay, most days I’m able to get by without thinking about Kayden. I’ve long given up hope of seeing him again and I’ve stopped torturing myself with reasons why he ended it, but I haven’t had the heart to hide away his panda. Nathan sits down next to me. “Are you okay? You’ve got quiet all of a sudden,” he says as he slips his arm around my shoulders and tugs me closer to him.

I rest my head on his shoulder. “The panda belongs to my ex. He disappeared. I don’t like to talk about him or think about him anymore.”

“I’m sure I can take your mind off him,” he grins at me and slides his hand beneath my dress, his fingertips brush my nipple. I grab his wrist. “I’m not in the mood right now, let’s go out for the day.”

He frowns at me; his hand is still touching my breast, then his grin returns. “I’d rather stay in.”

He dips his head and presses his lips against mine. I return his kiss and he rubs my nipple between his fingers. He uses his weight to push me back on the bed. I turn my head away from him. “Nathan, don’t.”

He stares at me for a moment and then he sits up. “What’s the problem? Are you worried your brother is going to hear?”

I get up off the bed and walk over to the window. My eyes catch movement outside, a dark haired guy wearing grey scrubs. Is that Kayden?

“Savvy, what’s wrong?”

My gaze flicks to Nathan, then back to the window. Whoever was there has now gone. I close my eyes, I’ve started to imagine things, I’m officially losing my mind. I glance back at Nathan. He’s a good looking guy, dirty blond tousled hair, tanned and tall. Why am I pining for a man who outright told me he didn’t love me, a man who hasn’t even bothered to contact me in over three months to let me know he’s alive and well. I smile at Nathan. “Sweetheart, I’m sorry, I’m feeling a little down. Can we go out somewhere? I need to get away from this place.”

Nathan slowly nods his head and mutters, “Sure.”

I sit down next to him and nudge him with my shoulder. “It’s nothing you’ve said or done.” I reach for his hand. “I’m just in a strange mood.”

He smiles. “Okay. There’s a market in the next town over, they usually sell some neat stuff. After that we can go to a movie and maybe a club later.” He grins and his blue eyes sparkle. I’ve never seen eyes quite like Nathan’s. His eyes are so bright; they would glow luminous if this room were dark.

Nathan is right; there are some lovely things for sale at this market, antique jewellery, handmade cards and lots of stalls selling second hand books. Nathan isn’t really into reading but he’s unbelievably patient, it’s been thirty minutes since I started looking through the books and he hasn’t complained once. He’s asked for some names of my favourite authors and he’s busy looking through the boxes to see if he can find any of their books for me. I look across at him and smile, he’s so sweet. I pull out an Enid Blyton book, ‘Tuppeny, Feefo and Jinks.’ I remember my dad telling me it was one of his favourite books as a child; I think I got my love of reading from my dad. I flick through the book, trying to hold back my tears as I remember my dad.

“I think that’s a kid’s book,” Nathan says, looking down at the book in my hand. I notice he’s holding a couple of books by Jodi Piccoult.

“Yes it’s a kid’s book; it’s one my dad loved when he was a child.”

He places the books he’s holding onto the grass and pulls me in for a hug. “Oh Savvy, I’m sorry.” He kisses the top of my head. “I know how much you miss your dad.”

“I’m okay, but I’m going to buy this book.”

He pulls back and smiles down at me. “Absolutely.” He takes the book from my hands. “I’m going to buy it for you, along with these,” he bends to pick up the books.

We find a quiet spot to sit and eat the hot dogs we’ve bought from a food stall. I’ve had a lovely day so far, this was just what I needed. Nathan uses his thumb to wipe ketchup from the corner of my mouth. “Messy pup,” he says as he smiles at me. I lick my lips to make sure they’re clean. “Oooh, stop, or I might not to be able to control myself,” he says, he has a wicked glint in his eye. I grin at him and then I run my tongue over my lips once more. “Okay Savvy, you asked for it.” He makes a grab for me, but I jump to my feet.

“You’ve got to catch me first,” I say as I run. I don’t get far when I feel an arm around my waist and I’m lifted kicking and screaming into the air. Somehow Nathan has managed to flip me around and lay me over his shoulder. He slaps me on my butt. “Don’t. Run away. Again.” I’m laughing so hard I can barely breathe. He plonks me back down on the grass. People are giving us strange looks. “They probably think I’m assaulting you,” he says.