Logan: New Crusaders MC (23 page)

“Good luck, buddy,” Bells said.  “Tell that sweet girl I say hi.  And Logan?”

“Yeah?”

He was already halfway down the alley, on his way back to his car.  The way she said his name made him turn around.

“Take it slow when you see her again, yeah?”

“What?”

Bells shrugged.  “Just some friendly advice.  Go get your girl.”

Logan had no idea what she was talking about, but he didn’t want to wait around to ask for more clarification.  She had to get back to work, and he had to get to his girl.  The address was out of town, but not too far away.  He could get there before dark if he hurried.

With renewed hope, Logan pulled back onto the street and headed for the highway.  Bells’ cryptic message was hanging around in the back of his mind, but he didn’t linger on it.  All he wanted to do was see Nicole again.

The drive took a little over an hour.  He had to stop at a gas station to ask directions, but he eventually found a nice little apartment complex.  Heart racing, Logan parked the car and found the right door.  It was on the first floor, at the end of the building that was furthest from the street.  With a deep breath, Logan rapped on the door.  He barely dared to breathe as he waited.  Movements could be heard inside.  Then the door swung open.

The woman who answered the door was not Nicole.

She was Nicole’s age, but she was thin and blonde.  Her blue eyes went wide when she saw him. 

“I’m looking for Nicole,” he said.  “Have you… have you seen her?”

The girl became suspicious, her eyes narrowing.  “Why are you asking?  Who are you?”

Logan liked that she was protective.  He felt relieved to know Nicole had been in good hands with this girl.

“My name is Logan Kirkwood,” he told her.  “I need to find Nicole.  Please.”

“Logan?  Aren’t you supposed to be dead?”

Logan didn’t know how to respond to that.  She saw the shock in his expression and nodded.

“Nicole talks about you a lot.  She said her guy was a big biker with a beard.  Why do you want to see her?”

Logan went with the truth, knowing that it was the only way to get the information he needed from Nicole’s friend.

“Because I love her.”

Nicole’s roommate leaned against the doorframe, still sizing him up.

“What happened to the beard?” she asked.

“Had to shave it so people back in my hometown wouldn’t recognize me.”

She took that in stride, considering him with her clear blue eyes.  Logan licked his lips.

“Are you Hailey?  Hailey, uh… Walker?  The one whose name was on the letter Nicole sent to Bells?”

Hailey nodded.  “Yeah, that’s me.  Nicole wouldn’t go into detail, but she told me she was in some kind of trouble.  Needed to lay low.  So I let her use my name.”

“I’m glad she had you,” Logan said.  “I wish I could have been there for her.”

“Why weren’t you?”

“It’s… complicated.”

“Well, uncomplicate it for me.  Nicole’s clearly scared of some people from her past, so I’m not giving out her location until I’m sure you’re not gonna hurt her.”

Logan smiled a little.  “How much time you got?”

“All night,” Hailey said, stepping aside so he could get into the apartment.

Logan went inside and sat on the couch when she gestured that he should do so.  She curled up in an old armchair and looked at him expectantly.

After taking a moment to collect his thoughts, Logan dove into the story.  It was clear that Hailey had gotten some of the details from Nicole already, but she never once interrupted.  She was a good listener, and she didn’t seem fazed at all when Logan went into the gorier details.  Finally he made it back to the present, from being imprisoned, to healing, to finding Nicole.

Hailey didn’t say anything right away.  She looked a little sad, but Logan wasn’t sure why.  His heart was pounding in his chest.  Was she still going to refuse to tell him where Nicole was?  He’d camp out in front of the apartment all night if he had to.

“Logan, I believe you love Nicole,” Hailey said.  “I’m going to tell you where she is, but… she’s in a good place right now.  It’s possible that she’s not in the right condition to get dragged back into that kind of life, you know?”

“Yeah…” Logan said slowly. 

This was the second cryptic message he’d received about Nicole.  What the hell was going on?

“Nicole’s at the library, studying for midterms.  I’ll write down directions for you.  It’s not far.”

The library.  Studying.  Nicole was going to college, just like Chuck had wanted for her.  Logan was beginning to understand what Hailey had meant about Nicole not being able to go back to her old life.  He knew it would probably be better if he left right then and there, but he was too selfish to do that.  He wanted to see her.

Hailey handed him a slip of paper with directions and wished him luck.

He left the apartment and drove down to the public library.

Pulse roaring in his ears, Logan stepped through the doors and looked around.  The library was pretty busy this evening, but nobody paid him much attention when he walked in.  It was amazing how differently people looked at him when he wasn’t wearing his kutte.  He began walking around, looking for that one familiar face.  At first he didn’t see her, but as he got to the back of the library, he found a small table that was occupied by a young woman.  Her auburn hair was pulled back, and she was bent over a textbook, reading intently.  Even from behind, he knew it was her.  His Nicole.  She was too focused to notice him, so he took his time approaching her, drinking in her appearance.

She was safe.  Enrolled in school and making a life for herself.

Again, Logan felt that pang of uncertainty inside his mind.  She was making a new life, alright.  There was a good chance he wouldn’t fit into it.  He didn’t know what he would do if she rejected him now.  Was it even worth getting her attention?  He stepped closer, until he could see her from the side, and his breath caught in his throat.  Suddenly he understood what Bells and Hailey had been hinting at, and he felt stupid for not picking up on it sooner.  He stood frozen in place, staring at Nicole’s belly, which was slightly rounded.

She was carrying his child.

The first month had been the hardest.  Nicole hadn’t even been able to confirm the pregnancy until she was settled in her new apartment with Hailey.  She’d been living in a motel, going to classes, throwing up every morning.  Meeting Hailey had been the one silver lining in her otherwise shitty life.  Leaving her father behind, crying herself to sleep at night over Logan’s fate.  It made concentrating on lectures pretty hard.

Hailey had been like a balm.  She’d befriended Nicole almost immediately.  When she’d found out Nicole was new in town, she gave her the tour, took her out to dinner.  It was just lucky for both of them that Hailey had been looking for a roommate at the time.  Nicole had moved in immediately.

Her first night in the new apartment, Nicole found herself alone in her bed, her mind on her father and Logan.  She wondered how Chuck was getting along.  Her mind conjured images of unique tortures that he might be suffering through at Clay’s hands.  Tortures that were probably tame compared to what the Kings must have done to Logan.  Her imagination made everything worse.

She hadn’t realized she’d been crying until Hailey quietly let herself into the room, sat at the edge of the bed, and began stroking Nicole’s hair.  The whole story came pouring out of her, like some kind of floodgate had broken.  Hailey listened quietly the whole time, rubbing Nicole’s back.  For the first time in a long time, Nicole realized how much she’d missed having a family.  A mother.

The next morning, as Nicole bent over the toilet, Hailey handed her a small box.  Nicole wiped her mouth and looked at the label.

A pregnancy test.

“Pee on that for me, hon,” Hailey said.  “We’re gonna see if you’re man left you something to remember him by.”

Hailey had waited with her.  The test said it would take three minutes, but the plus sign appeared in under two.  Once again, Nicole found herself curled up and crying, with Hailey murmuring soothing things to her.

“I miss him so much, Hailey,” Nicole had sobbed.  “Why can’t I stop hurting?  Why is this happening?”

“I don’t have answers for you,” Hailey told her.  “We can’t answer the why’s.  There are too many.  You just gotta do your man a favor and live.  You want his baby, don’t you?”

Nicole answered without hesitation.  Yes, she wanted this baby.  She wanted it more than she could say.

“What do I do if it has Logan’s eyes?” she asked, sniffling.

“You look into those eyes, and you remember that you were loved.  And you do your best to pass on that love to your child.”

“Jesus,” Nicole said.  “When did you get so wise?”

“School of hard knocks,” Hailey replied.  “Same reason I’m studying family law.”

Hailey never went much into her past, and Nicole never pushed for answers.  She of all people knew the importance of keeping secrets.

The next couple months had become easier.  Nicole didn’t cry herself to sleep as often, though Hailey learned to have extra tissues and chocolate ready on days when Nicole had to go to the doctor.  The first ultrasound was the hardest.  Every time Nicole got a real reminder of the life that had been stolen from Logan, she dissolved into a mess of tears and regret.

But, for the most part, she survived.  She went to classes, studied hard.  She found work at a local family-owned restaurant, since she knew the money her father had saved for her would only go so far.  Nearly two months into her college education, she was getting decent grades, and had decided she wanted to be a social worker.

Her hand went to her belly as she flipped to the next page of her textbook.  It hadn’t felt real at first, even with the positive pregnancy test and the ultrasounds.  But when she started to show, it hit her that she had a life growing within her.  She often found herself rubbing her belly, eagerly awaiting the time when she could feel her baby kick and move.

She’d been studying for hours, and she was starting to get tired.  Maybe she’d pick up Hailey and take her out to dinner.  They were supposed to celebrate once midterms were over, but it couldn’t hurt to do a little post-studying celebration, too. 

She turned to reach into her purse for her phone, and as she did so, she saw something out of the corner of her eye.  Her hand stilled, her heart skipping a beat.  She didn’t want to turn to look.  As soon as she did, she’d see that it was just a passing stranger, browsing the stacks.  Her mind had played tricks on her before.  There were times when she’d thought she’d heard Logan’s voice, or saw him standing in a crowd.

Taking a deep breath, Nicole turned to look at whatever or whoever had caught her eye.

No…

It wasn’t possible.

He was a ghost.

He looked at her with those dark eyes and stepped toward her, and the world stopped spinning.  Nicole felt numb.

“It’s not possible,” she whispered as he finally came to a stop in front of her.

His eyes never left hers as he dropped to his knees and took her hands into his.  While she watched, he leaned forward and pressed his lips against her belly.

“Is it mine?” he asked, still resting against her.

That’s when she broke.  Tears burst forth as she sobbed and threw herself at him.

“Oh, God.  Is it really you?”

“It’s me, baby,” he whispered.  “I’m so, so sorry.”

“My dad said you were dead.  Did he… oh God he lied to me!”

“No,” Logan said, pulling back a little so he could look her in the eye.  “He genuinely thought I was dead, Nicole.  He had good reason to think so.  The Kings had me.  If it hadn’t been for Danny, I would have died.”

“Danny?”

“He saved me from them.  Nursed me back to health so I could come find you.”

Nicole didn’t care that she was making a scene.  She buried her head in his chest and cried, soaking his shirt with tears.

“It’s really you,” she gasped between sobs.

“I missed you so much, baby,” he murmured.  “I thought about you every day.  It’s the only thing that kept me going.  But… I had no idea about…”

His fingers brushed the side of her belly.

“I didn’t find out until I got here,” she told him.

“And… it
is
mine?  I couldn’t possibly blame you if you found someone else.”

“No, there was no one else,” she said.  “It’s your baby, Logan.”

There was nothing else to say.  He wordlessly gathered her things, her purse and her book bag.  She took them from him when he handed them to her, and then gasped in surprise as he knelt down and scooped her into his arms.  She buried her face in his shoulder as he walked her out of the library and brought her to a gray sedan.  Her truck was still in the parking lot, but she didn’t care.  Logan settled her carefully into the passenger seat of the car, and then he walked around to the driver’s side.

Without a word, he drove her home.

When they got to her apartment, there was a note on the door addressed to Nicole.  She read it and smiled.

“Hailey thought we might need the place to ourselves, so she went out for a couple hours,” she told Logan.

“I’m liking Hailey more and more,” he said, pulling her inside and shutting the door.

His lips fell on hers with urgency, and she cried more as she kissed him back.  This was surreal.  She felt like an idiot for believing her father without question.  He had sounded so certain.  But if she’d known Logan was alive… if she’d known it was a possibility…