Long Ride (Riding with Honor) (11 page)

“I’d like that
,” she said softly.

After a few minutes of awkward silence she said
, “I think I’m going to turn in a little early.  I have a lot of things to finish up tomorrow.”

He nodded at her as he
walked into the kitchen to find something to eat before turning in himself.  After eating, showering and going through the mail he headed back to the bedroom and knocked gently before opening the door. 

She lay on her side facing the wall and he couldn’t tell if she was sleeping or not so he quietly got in beside her and curved his body around her smaller, warmer one.  He would miss this part the most…
holding her and knowing she was here with him and safe. 

Her witty replies to his teasing, the comfortable silences they shared, her intelligent eyes an
d beautiful face were wonderful.  Holding her near enough to feel and smell her were what took away the loneliness in his soul though.

He slid his arm around her waist and pulled her to him, much like the first night on the couch.  Her hand rubbed along his
skin and suddenly she turned in his arms and kissed him. 

The explosion that always occurred when they touched or kissed was once again more than he could handle
.  Soon the heated kisses became almost brutal in their intensity. 

He had hoped that sometime before she left they would be able to control the fire a little better and enjoy each other at a slower pace but he was as desperate for her most times as she was him. 

They clung to each other like a lifeline and feeling her biting his shoulder and whimpering for him to love her nearly brought him to the edge.  No sooner had he got the condom on, than she grasped him in her hand and guided him to where she needed him most. 

One gentle motion and they were joined
.  Leaning down close to her he could feel tears on her cheeks.  Pausing, he looked at her and said, “Are you ok?  Should I stop?”

“No…
please… it’s just that I miss you already,” she whispered, digging her tiny fingers into his back pulling him to her.

“I’ll miss you after I drop you at the airport tomorrow but right now I
’m here and I want you here too,” he said, adjusting her legs around his waist and then smoothing back her hair from her face. “I meant what I said… I love you and if you ever need anything… you know where I am.”

Then he was moving in that way of his that
soothed the ache in her body and soul until she was crying out in physical pleasure and emotional pain.  He soon followed and she wanted to just hold him to her.  She did need something…
him
.  If only it were that easy.

Sometime later
, as he lay awake listening to the rhythm of her breathing and holding her this one last night in his arms, he realized for the first time in his life he could not control the emotions… the feelings she brought out in him. 

His mind would not settle
while his heart physically hurt and kept trying to convince him that it was not time… not safe to let go of her just yet. 

He remembered being hurt when he had seen Amber in the arms of another man, but that was angry hurt over being slighted or not enough man for
his woman.  This was something different, like he would be tearing out a piece of his soul and sending it to New York with Becca.

When the sun
eventually broke the horizon he finally gave up getting any sleep and tried to slip out of the bed without waking her.

As he pulled his jeans on she said
, “You up for a walk this morning?”

A half an hour later they were walking hand in hand down the block.  This wasn’t their normal brisk pace meant to build strength and endurance, but more of a leisure stroll meant to enjoy each other’s company…
to say goodbye. 

The only problem was the silence seemed to drown out the sound of all the things that needed to be said, but weren’t.
  After returning he showered and left out for the shop. 

Once
she showered she went through his small house making sure she had packed up everything.  When a FedEx package arrived from the art gallery containing pictures, a DVD, a handwritten note, and a check made out to Chuck from the art gallery for his counter offer, she smiled.  She called and asked if it would be ok to stop by the shop and talk to him.

An hour later she pulled into the shop parking lot
.  As she parked she noticed the garage bay was open and all of the guys were working on something different.  They all stopped when she approached. 

Chuck smiled
, set what looked like the fender of a motorcycle that only had a base coat of paint on it aside and walked toward her.  She could feel Dickie’s eyes on her, specifically on her legs, from where he was crouched down next to a motorcycle.

“Why don’t we head into the office to talk?” Chuck said
, stopping directly in front of her blocking her view of Dickie.

“Ok…
sure,” she said and followed him through the office door. 

“Lilly went to the post office to pick up some mail
, so we have a few minutes,” he said in answer to her unspoken question.

Handing him the package she’d received from FedEx a short time earlier
, she watched him look first at the pictures and then the handwritten note. 

Then he smiled at her and said
, “I take it they accepted my offer?”

She smiled back and
then pulled the check out of her purse and handed it to him.  “That should buy Meredith a pretty nice house,” she said.

He stared at the check for a long time before finally looking at her again and smiling back
. “I already have a house in mind and I want you to handle the whole buying it part… you can do that, right?”

“Yes, I can probably handle the buying part, but you would still probably want to get a realtor involved to show you the property first
,” she explained.

“Well see that’s the thing… I already know what it looks like and I don’t really want to ow
n it… I just want to pay it off,” he said.

“What do you mean
, Chuck?  I’m afraid I’m confused…” she replied.

“Carla’s house… I want to pay it off for her so she and the boys will always have a home.  Meredith and I want to get married as soon as possible but we worry about Carla and the boys.  If I can pay off her house then she would just have to pay the utilities and not have to worry about that big mortgage payment and they could stay in the house where their father’s memory lives
,” he explained.

She could not keep the tears behind her eyelids and a couple slid down and traced a path
along her cheeks.  The only resemblance in looks he had to Dickie were his eyes and his kind heart.  Much like Dickie, the young man before her was able to touch a place in her heart that she hadn’t known existed and leave her an unprofessional mess.

“Did I say something wrong?”
he asked with a frown.

Forcing the mushy state of her heart aside she said
, “No, Chuck, but as your attorney I have to counsel you against doing something like that.  Should something happen between you and Meredith, you might very well be out the house and the money you spend paying off Carla’s mortgage.”

“I talked it over with Meredith and we’ve decided that’s what we want to do.  We are hoping that Carla will let us get married in the backyard and then let us live there for a while.  We can help her with the boys and keeping up the house for a few years.  We figure by the time we’re ready to start a family of our own the boys will be older and can stay by themselves
,” he said.

“That is an awful lot of money Chuck
.  Are you positive you want to do that?  Are you sure this is what Meredith wants?” she asked.

“Yea, it’s the only home I’ve ever really had and I don’t want to lose it.  If I ever have kids, I want them to be able to go there… to know what it f
eels like to belong to a family,” he said.

“I know you said the information was confidential but I had to tell Meredith, we don’t keep any secrets…we like share our feelings and shit… and she says it’s my mo
ney.  She loves the idea though,” he finished.

“I will contact the bank
to get a payoff amount and find out if there are any fees associated with it then let you know,” she said, wiping the last of the tears away.

“Just one more thing…
we don’t want Carla to know about it, at least not until it’s done or she might not let us,” he said. 
It was incredible how easily Carla had gained this young man’s respect and devotion… like a mother almost.

“I think I can take care of that too
,” she said with a smile.

“Thanks
, Becca,” he said wrapping her in a big hug.  Then said, “I’m so glad you’re back down here taking care of us… we need you.”

After instructing Chuck to deposit the money in his account and wait for her to contact Carla’s bank
, he headed out of the office wearing a smile.  She remained behind in the office for several minutes trying to comprehend him and compose herself. 

What kind of person did something like that for someone else even when it cost them so much personally?  These four bikers were just the sort of people who did those kinds of things.

Bobby and Lilly were living in one of the roughest areas of town in a very small house with Edna.  They wanted to ensure the older woman could remain in the house she’d bought with her late husband.  They desperately needed a bigger place with the baby on the way but yet they stayed to make sure Edna was looked after and provided for. 

Tommy and Dana had jumped through hoops to ensure their two little girls were provided for and ‘well rounded’ and to hear them tell it… they were the lucky ones.  They had spent every spare minute of their time at the hospital nursing Melody so that they could then take on the financial and emotional responsibility of her.  This very afternoon she would be asking them to take responsibility for yet another child…
one that wasn’t even theirs.

Chuck’s selflessness was nothing short of beautiful, especially in light of everything he’d been through in his young life.  Dickie
, who had made it possible for Chuck’s inner light to shine by not turning him in when he could have, had taken bread from his own table to put on Chuck’s. 

Four men who upon first sight might make a person
a little leery were perhaps the closest thing to truly charitable… honorable humanity… she’d ever witnessed.

“You alright there
, good lookin’?” Tommy asked, sticking his head in the door of the office.

Scrubbing her melancholy thoughts away along with the last of her tears
, she smiled and said, “Oh I’m fine… sorry.”

“Are we
still on for this afternoon?” he asked hesitantly.

“Yes, I was just getting ready to head over there now
,” she said.

“Ok, I need to finish up one last thing and then I’ll be on my way.  I’ll see you at the house
,” he said with a half grin and closed the door back shut.

The ride to Dana and Tommy’s house was mired in the thought that she would miss all of them… not just Dickie when she returned to New York. 

She pulled into the driveway and made her way up the walk in front of their house.  Soon enough Dana opened the door holding Melody in her arms.  The woman looked so peaceful and happy. 

“Tommy is finishing up something and then he’ll be along
,” she supplied at Dana’s puzzled look.

“Would you like something to drink?” Dana asked
, putting Melody in a baby swing and switching it on.

“No, I’m fine but thank you
,” she replied sitting down on the couch.

Dana came over and sat at the other end of the couch and after a moment of silence she looked over and said
, “Is everything ok?  I know that they caught the man who had been stalking you… so why the long face?”

“Yes, in fact I leave to head back to New York in a few hours rather than staying until the weekend
,” she replied, looking at her watch.

“So that’s the reason… what does
Dickie think about you leaving?” Dana asked quietly.

“Oh he… he seems fine with it.  I would guess he’ll be glad to get his life back to normal once I’m gone
,” she laughed half-heartedly.

“What about you?  Are you happy to be headed home?” Dana asked
.

God no!
  Facing more lonely days and even lonelier nights did not make her happy but there was nothing to be done for it.  Her practice was in New York while his life was here.  The most she could hope for was to possibly see him from time to time. 

Perhaps if it became necessary to go to court for his two neighbor girls or
while at her vacation home.  That would only last until such time as he found someone else.

“I
, uh… I,” she started and feeling the burn of tears she stopped.

Dana scooted closer to her and put
an arm around Becca’s shoulders and pulled her head down to her own shoulder.  Dana was the equivalent of a favorite stuffed animal or blanket and her kind nature had Becca’s heart breaking… letting the tears of the ache loose.

“Have you told him how you feel?” Dana asked after several minutes.

“It wouldn’t matter… feelings don’t change the reality of our lives and how different they are,” she sobbed.

“Love can be scary sometimes… but keeping all those feelings bottled up isn’t worth it.  Regardless of the outcome you have to let them out sometime.  I recognize a little of myself in you.  I was hurt badly in the past
also, and it took a lot for me to get over that pain so that I could let Tommy in,” Dana said.

“
It’s obvious that Dickie cares about you… and he would never purposefully hurt you.  What’s the worst that could happen if you told him how you feel?  Even if he didn’t care about you the same way or thought there was no future for you as a couple… wouldn’t it be better to know that for sure than to always wonder if there was?” Dana asked.

Dana handed her a tissue out of the box near the couch and she dried her eyes.  After she managed to collect herself she smiled and said
, “Thank you.”

Dana smiled a smile of resignation and then went and got them
each a glass of tea and as she came back into the living room, Tommy came through the front door.  Dana handed her a glass and the other one to Tommy.

After Dana
went back to the kitchen for another glass of tea for herself, she came back and sat next to Tommy.  Once they were all settled comfortably in the living room, Becca pulled out a printout from her briefcase and handed it to them.

She waited a few minutes, still pulling her emotions under control, for them to read the document and then said
, “That is why Casey never showed up to court for the final custody hearing for Melody.”

“So
according to this document, she’ll be in prison for a while then so she can’t petition the courts for visitation… right?” Tommy asked.

“
She could still petition for visitation but it’s doubtful it would happen since she didn’t meet the judge’s expectations.  There is a small issue regarding Casey that I was asked to talk to you both about though,” she replied. “She’s pregnant again.”

“That one is
not
mine!” Tommy said indignantly “I will never touch
that
again.”

“I know that
, Tommy.  She cannot very well care for a child while incarcerated so the child will go into the foster care system,” she replied.  Dana’s face lit with understanding but Tommy merely looked saddened. 

“That’s too bad… at least with her in jail she won’t be using so the baby shouldn’t have to go through what Melody did
,” Tommy said. “Still feel bad for it though.  Wish there was something we could do.”

“Actually that’s why I’m here
,” she said. “Dana is still a foster parent and if you were to become a licensed foster parent as well… Children Services would like to place the baby with your family.”

“Casey would never allow that… that bitch already thinks I took her
other babies away from her,” Tommy said. “Her losing custody of them was all my fault you know… it had
nothing
to do with the fact she can’t even take care of herself, let alone a child.”

“Casey wouldn’t really have a say.  It w
ould be at the discretion of DCF,” Becca replied.

“What would happen when she gets out of prison?” Dana asked
.

“Well
, if she doesn’t give up parental rights while incarcerated she would then have an opportunity to show that she can handle taking care of the child,” she replied.

“So they would take the child away from us and give it back to her?” Dana asked
.

“Yes, unfortunately
, unless she gives up her parental rights… she would be granted an opportunity to show she is fit to care for the child,” she replied.

Dana and Tommy shared a look between themselves that she couldn’t read.  It was a lot to ask anyone
, especially for that long of a time.  It was plenty enough time that the child would grow to know Dana and Tommy as parents, just as they would grow to feel the child was theirs. 

Then if by some small chance Casey turned her life around enough to be granted custody
, the child would be pulled out of their home and given back.  It was obvious Dana understood the concept and as hard as it was for her to accept… it appeared to be even more so for Tommy.  His face looked as though he had just been fed a big plate of injustice.

“Why don’t you think about it for a while and let me know if you’re interested.  In the meantime there is an orientation on Friday for
prospective new foster parents,” she said.

“
Dickie will be going since he is looking to take on his two little neighbor girls who are in a similar situation as Casey’s baby will be in.  You could maybe go with him, and see what it will entail to become a licensed foster parent and perhaps it will help you decide,” she said to Tommy.

“You have to understand that it’s not that I don’t want to help the baby, but after that long of a time it would feel like the baby
was
mine only to then have it taken away,” Tommy said, shaking his head.

“I completely understand that.  My only question is now that you know about the baby will you be able to let it go into the foster care system and ne
ver know what happened to it?” she asked him. “Will you be okay with Gretchen and Melody only getting to see their sibling during visitations which unfortunately will be few and far between?”

Tommy ran
a hand through his hair that already looked windblown then he stood up and walked over to the front window.  “Damn her…” he said quietly.

“I am going to go so you two can talk this over
between yourselves.  Just let me know if you have any questions or if there is anything you need from me,” she said, standing up to leave. “Once you’ve decided just let me know and I will let Carmen James know your answer.”

As she left Tommy and Dana’s house she wondered about Dana’s advice.  Should she tell Dickie that in the course of a few months of his constant banter and a little more than a week of living with him,
he had won over her heart? 

Her heart told her to confess all to him and open up herself to the beauty of his soul.  Her mind told her that a confession would merely make leaving that much harder for them both and would still have the same end result.

She had accepted having to live out the remainder of her life alone a long time ago.  Dickie had been put in her path and left her doubting the direction of her decisions. 

After telling
the police that her wound was the result of a clumsy mishap, which they hadn’t believed, and then threatening to tell them the truth if Brian ever came near her again, she had broken her own heart by leaving her marriage.  She had taken only her personal belongings when she moved out and used the failed relationship and poor excuse of a husband like a shield. 

That cloak had served her well for more than a decade, allowing her to harden her heart and put up a barricade capable of holding back a hurricane.  The wall around her heart had seemed impenetrable until Dickie.  He had seen past her polished image and professional demeanor and seen the woman behind the wall.  She couldn’t remember ever feeling about Brian or
anyone
the way she felt with Dickie. 

“I’ve never enjoyed being out of control so much in my life as I do right now.”

She had never enjoyed being so out of control either.  Greg hadn’t known the half of how dangerous Dickie was.  Dickie had disarmed her and busted through her barriers as though they were nothing.  His sexy smile and fiery touch had then moved in to finish off her heart.

She turned the car
toward Edna Jackson’s house to have her look over the will that she’d drafted and have her sign it so that she could file it with the local hospital.  Knocking on the door she waited patiently for the older woman to answer.  Opening the door, Edna took one look at Becca and held out her arms.  Stepping inside she allowed the older woman to wrap her in a hug.

“You two better figure this thing out between you before I lock you both in a room and wait for nature to take its course
,” Edna said, closing the door and guiding her over to the couch. “Love isn’t really as complicated as you two make it.  Hopefully, it doesn’t take too long for you both to figure that out.  I’d like to see all of you happily settled before I die.”

“Oh don’t say that
, Edna… you’ve got plenty of time to see him settled along with the others.  I just don’t expect it will be with me,” she said.