Looking Back From L.A. (6 page)

My chest felt tight as the rest of that night flowed through my mind. Seeing the fear flash across her beautiful face when she realized that I’d overheard everything she and Terri had said to each other; I never thanked my sister for that night. I owed her big time as I doubted I would have given Charlotte the benefit of the doubt as much as I did if she hadn’t been there the way she was. I never admitted it to anyone, but the way Charlie thought of me during that time had hurt deeply, even though I understood
why
she did. She never did, and still didn't, see herself properly and it drove me insane. It still does.

"Hey, Gage. You okay?" Drew joined me at the window as I watched people on the street below us go about their lives.

"Yeah, just thinking." I smiled at him; as much as Matt was my best friend, it was Drew, who always seemed to know what to say to put me at ease, particularly when it came to Charlotte and my insecurities about her. It had taken me a while to get used to the fact that our relationship was no longer long distance and was more secure than ever, more so after Cass was born.

"Hey, don't stress about anything, she'll be there, and then you can both get on with things the way they're supposed to be." He slung an arm loosely across my shoulders. “Look, it’s been a rough ride getting here, but you
did
make it and that woman loves you, even if none of us can work out why.”

“Fuck you.” I shoved him with my shoulder, a wide smile on my face.

“I’m kidding. Look, this wedding is gonna happen and you and Charlie are gonna be happy.”

"Dude, I know." I sighed. “It’s just... so much to comprehend.”

"I know how you feel, believe me I do, but you need to remember that not only do you love each other, but your families loves the other too. That's the only blessing you'll ever need in life." He gave me a one armed hug to prevent burning himself on my cigarette.

"Thanks man, I guess we better hit the road." Glancing at my watch made me feel nauseous when I realised there was only an hour left until Charlotte was due to walk down the aisle of the small church. The six of us trailed out of the room and down to the lobby to get the car the short ride to the church my parents had found. I’d wanted to have the ceremony to happen at the church they’d married in, but it had been destroyed by a heavy storm before Charlie and the kids had moved over, so rather than settle for second best, we’d chosen a small church not far from our own house. Plus, L.A. was easier for everyone to fly into from all over the world.

"Remind me son why you or Charlotte didn't stay at the house." Mom piped up as she joined us in the lobby.

"Mom, could you imagine being there while the caterers
you
hired were running around doing things the way you
wouldn’t?
" I cocked an eyebrow and grinned at her, knowing she didn’t have a response.

"You have an answer for everything don't you boy?"

"And where do you think I go that from?" I kissed her cheek. "Anyway, it's a nice hotel." She swatted my arm as the car pulled away.

The journey took less than twenty minutes, which didn’t feel like enough time for me to prepare myself. As soon as I got out, I lit another cigarette, trying to mask the shaking in my hands. Mom took my empty hand between her own.

"Honey, I don't know why you are so nervous. That woman worships you. Whenever you start to panic, think of my grandbaby. She'll calm you down." Cassidy, my world.

The day Charlotte found out she was pregnant was well up near the top of the list as one of the best days in my entire life. Yeah, we'd not gone about things the way most of my family, and hers, would have preferred, but it summed up our whole relationship leading up to that point. Even then, she still had reservations about what was between us. I didn't know how much more I could tell her that I loved her. More than anything, I hoped she finally began to believe me, especially now.

Up until that moment, I’d been so worried about her. Wade had text me from the car telling me she’d been sick and slept the entire time. She gave off this air of being strong and together, but imagining her like that made my heart hurt. As soon as I could, I headed up to the hotel room. I looked in on her, fast asleep, looking so small in the huge bed. Lying next to her for a while, I could feel how sick she was, and began to panic. Thankfully, once she woke up and things fell into place, I could relax... Oh crap. I was going to be a father.

Knowing that some people wouldn’t be able to keep their mouths shut about the baby, we decided to tell our families. Well, I called my parents straight away my words jumping out of my mouth in a mixture of nerves and excitement. Mom started crying while my dad couldn’t get his words out straight. I’d given them their first grandchild, and they were both over the moon about it. Charlotte decided not to tell her parents over the phone, but we decided that Sam and Grace needed to know straight away.

Sitting Charlotte’s kids down made me feel even more nervous; looking at their confused faces dried my mouth out and made me stutter. Laughing at me, Charlotte took over and explained what was going on to them. Sam’s face went from expectant to excited in a matter of minutes as the realisation that he was going to be a big brother instead of ‘the baby’.

“Can it be a brother?” He asked, innocence personified.

“Buddy, I really don’t think we can make that promise.” There was no way in hell I was going to explain about babies right there and then, that was a job for his dad.

“Oh... I don’t think I want another sister. Can we send the baby back and get a puppy instead?”

Charlotte busted out laughing, bringing a smile to my face. I watched as she sat down next to her son and explained the basics about why we couldn’t give the baby back and how much, regardless of gender, it would love its big brother. That seemed to please him and he bounced out of the room to play in the other room. Grace, however, didn’t look so enamoured with the whole thing.

“What’s up sweetie?” I asked, sitting next to her as Charlotte moved across the room to sit with Sam. It was obvious she was taking a step back to allow me the opportunity to engage with Grace in a way I hadn’t before.

“The baby won’t have the same dad as me and Sam will it?” Her voice was quiet as she spoke, almost as if she didn’t want Charlotte to hear her.

“No honey. I’ll be the baby’s daddy. Is that a problem?” More than anything, I wanted to run outside and light a cigarette, but I couldn’t do that. Grace’s gorgeous little face was turned away from me, like she was hiding.

“I don’t know. Me and Sam are the same, apart from him being a boy, but the baby will be different... what if Mummy likes it more than us because she loves you more than Daddy?”

Her words put a lump in my throat that took me a while to shift. When I managed to find my voice again, I took her hands into my own and began to speak softly.

“Honey, your mom could never love anything more than she loves you and Sam. You’re both her entire world right now, and just ‘cause she and your dad aren’t in love with each other anymore, they still care about each other, and more than anything, they both love you and Sam.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Charlotte leaning against the door frame, watching us.

“Just because your Mom’s having another baby, with me as its daddy, doesn’t mean for one second that she’ll stop loving you.” Making a show of dipping my head, and dropping my voice to a whisper. “Wanna know a secret about Moms?”

“Yeah.” Grace whispered and moved closer to hear my words.

“Moms are superheroes.” I withheld my laughter at her big, blue eyes widening at my words. “I’m serious. Wanna know what their super powers are?”

“Yeah...”

“No matter how many kids they have or how big their family gets, they love everyone the same. Mom’s hearts grow with each person that joins their family, and they don’t burst.”

“Wow. I didn’t know that.”

“No, they keep it a secret, but it was okay I told you ‘cause no one wants you to worry. You’ve already been a great big sister to Sam, now you can be an amazing big sister to the baby.”

“I’m glad Mummy met you Gage.”

“I’m kinda glad she met me too sweetheart. You all okay now?” I pressed a kiss to her forehead after she nodded. Charlotte joined me as Grace skipped off to play with her brother and I let out a huge sigh of relief.

The fans at the Vegas show got a double whammy of shock and gossip that night. Not only did Matt get very publicly engaged, I announced I was going to become a daddy. While I had the nod from Charlotte, but I hadn't wanted to tell my friends that way, especially not in front of a club full of fans. No doubt, people were posting about it online as soon as it was out of my mouth. Later that night after I’d had a couple of drinks, I blamed Callaghan and his big mouth for making me blurt it out in front of so many fans with camera phones. He never had been able to keep his mouth shut; he had an ingrained and innate talent to weasel information out of people, without even trying.

Once the wedding of the year was out of the way— the very next day, Charlotte and I went back to her place in the UK while Matt and Karina went on their honeymoon. We had no shows for a couple of weeks, and there were things we needed to talk about, even more so now that she was carrying my baby. I couldn’t stop worrying about her, despite the fact she’d done the pregnancy thing twice before; the distance between us killed me at the best of times, but it was going to be worse.

When we began discussing the options, I was expecting a bit of a fight about her considering moving to the States, but she surprised me buy readily agreeing with moving across the pond. I knew it wasn’t an easy choice for her to make— leaving family and friends, as well as uprooting the kids, but my girl was all for it since Dermot had moved to South Africa and wouldn’t be involved on a personal level with the day to day upbringing of the kids.

As much as L.A. had never appealed to her, she understood that it was, for now at least, somewhere I needed to be career wise. The knowledge that she'd be able to find work easily enough was a big relief; after all, what town didn't need teachers? Naturally, she had her own conditions. She didn't want to live in L.A., but outside the city itself, in the ‘burbs. That was fine by me, there was nowhere I couldn't drive or fly to for work. She also wanted a house rather than an apartment, and she insisted on contributing to everything, monetary-wise. This was something I couldn't understand; I was now earning more money than I was able to spend, so I could make sure all of us were well provided for, but Charlotte argued that she didn't want to feel like a 'kept woman'; and was stubborn as hell about it.

Eventually, we came to the arrangement that I would buy us a house but she would deal with the majority of the bills as she and the kids would be there more than I would. I still wanted to ensure my family was secure so, after a conversation with Charlie and Dermot, I set up college trust funds for their two kids, and planned to set one up for our baby as soon as he or she made their appearance. What was the point of me having money if I couldn't use it for our future? We’d both agreed that the kids wouldn’t be spoiled, and would understand the value of a dollar, but we also didn’t want everything to be a struggle for them.