Looking Back From L.A. (5 page)

It had been so long since Dad and I had been down to the old pasture to shoot; over the years we’d taken a bunch of stuff over there to use as target practice, but this time we raided the trash and gathered up a load of old beer cans. It took me a while to get used to the recoil against my shoulder, but I was soon numb to it and hitting can after can.

“Thanks for this Dad; it was just what I needed.” I told him once we’d run out of ammo, and sat on the hood of the truck, a flask of strong coffee between us.

“It was written all over your face boy, you’re not yourself this year.” There was no way I was getting down from the trunk unless I told him what was going on, and the thought made me sigh. “Boy, I’m worried about you. You haven’t got one of your... ‘girls’ pregnant have you.”

Neither of my parents approved of how I lived my life when it came to sex, but never came out and said anything straight to me about it, the odd comment like this one were usually passed and ignored.

“No dad, I haven’t; I always make sure I’m protected. Remember that talk we had when I was in sixth grade?” Dad laughed at the memory, making me smile a little. “But, don’t worry. I’ve not even had sex in three weeks.” The fact he was surprised by statement was a little depressing.

“Oh, really.” I watched as he poured us another cup of coffee. “What caused the change of heart?”

“I met a girl.” It was the only way I could even begin to explain.

“That’s great son, your mom will be happy.” I could just imagine my dad stalking into the house and announcing to my mom that I’d met someone, and Mom digging out bridal magazines. I shuddered at the Hallmark movie playing out before me.

“Dad, slow down. It’s not that simple.”

"Hey, Gage. Get out here for a pre wedding toast man." I felt like Lightning McQueen being cockblocked by his best friend whenever the hot little Porsche was around. The sound of Callaghan's voice shouting out to me filtered through the closed bathroom door, and soon dampened my rising cock, which I guess I should be thankful for in some way.

Christ, now I was comparing my life to a Disney film; which in turn made me grin as I thought of the kids. I considered Charlotte's two as much my own as Cassidy was, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Dermot had been awesome in supporting us moving the kids to the States. He and Alice were here to celebrate with us, and they were getting married themselves in six months; we were all going out to Cape Town for the ceremony. Grace and Cass had been asked to be bridesmaids, which both girls were excited about. Sam was going to be Dermot’s best man, and he was nervous as hell. I had promised to help him with his speech once Charlie and I got back from our honeymoon— I couldn’t wait to see her reaction to the planned two week road trip around the UK that Sam and I have organized. She’d been in the US for almost three years now, and I knew she got homesick.

Whenever I considered my future, I never once imagined I would be part of such an extended family. While the guys in the band and their families had become like my own blood, that was different to how things had worked out between Charlotte and me; I wouldn’t change any of it for the world.

"Dude, hurry up," as much as I loved Callaghan like the brother I never had, I really wanted to punch him in the throat sometimes.

Emerging from the bathroom, I rejoined the guys and my dad. Drew passed me three fingers of whiskey and held his own glass in the air, Dad cleared his throat and began to speak, his eyes glistening.

"To my son; finally a grown up." I glared at him, a smirk playing at the corner of his mouth. "May he be happy for a long time to come." We knocked back our whiskey then my dad grabbed me in a tight bear hug. "I'm so proud of you boy. I don't think I've ever told you that, but I am."

Tears pricked at my eyes. My mom always told me she was proud of the career I had accomplished and the man that I had become, but Dad never had; until now. I’d always
known
but he’d never said the actual words, and finally hearing them spoken out loud and so publicly brought tears to my eyes.

"Thanks Dad." Was all I could muster through the emotion; I needed to talk to Charlotte, more than anything. I knew that hearing her voice would calm me so that we could get past this one day and continue with our lives together, but Karina had to put us both under radio silence. I thought back to the time Charlotte refused to speak to me, and how close it came to breaking me.

After that talk with Dad over Christmas, I’d gone quiet on the subject. He’d promised not to mention Charlotte to Mom until I was ready, or even knew what was happening. Naturally he’d been surprised, but as he’d said, “you can’t control who you fall in love with boy.”

I’d denied being in love, having only ‘known’ Charlie for a maximum of two days, followed by not speaking to her for three or so weeks, but Dad merely winked and packed up to head back to the house. He knew, even then.

After the first phone call to Charlotte, which had made me crazy nervous, she and I had established some semblance of a relationship. It had kind of snuck up on the both of us, but it felt good. Spending time with her in her own home, and after our first ever UK show was unreal, but things soon changed when we had to travel down to London and she couldn’t come with us. We spoke most evening just before I went on stage and after the show if it wasn’t too late.

I'd sent a bunch of texts and tried calling her, with no answer, but she was probably busy with the kids and I didn't want to pressure her, so I left it, until we arrived in London, planning to call her the first night. My sister Terri put a stop to that idea when she surprised me by meeting us at the hotel. Being able to spend time with my big sister was amazing; she tried to take my mind off not speaking to Charlotte, and most of the time it worked. Of course, I told her all about the woman who’d stolen my heart, hoping that I would get the chance to introduce the two of them before Terri had to head back home to the States.

Those first UK shows were amazing and the entire band was blown away by the reaction we’d received. After that first show, we had a couple days off in a row, which was rare, and we couldn’t wait to do some sightseeing around London and the surrounding counties.

Naturally, we all went out for food and more than a few drinks, but taking into consideration Terri's jetlag, I didn't stay out for too long. I wanted to speak to Charlotte, and Terri must have seen how much the absence of contact was getting to me, so she came to the room I was sharing with Callaghan so we could have a heart to heart. We sat up for a couple of hours, talking, which was great, and it took my mind off not having heard from Charlotte.

I could have killed my sister when she told me that she'd answered my phone after I passed out. She assumed the woman on the other end of the line was Charlotte, but was unsure as she’d hung up without leaving her name. I tried to call Charlotte back straight away, but my calls diverted to her voicemail. As a last resort, I tapped out a couple texts to Karina, asking her if she could speak to Charlotte for me, but still nothing. I was close to hiring a car and driving to see her, but Karina told me to give her space to digest everything that was happening between us and everything would sort itself out, eventually, whatever that meant.

It was obvious that Karina knew more about what Charlotte was thinking, but wasn't telling me— which I respected. It didn’t stop me from hounding her every day, but she still wouldn't tell me. More than anything I needed to speak to Charlotte and sort this shit out. Not one to be told what not to do, I even contacted Jenny through Wade, but she told me the same as Karina. There was something to her voice that made me realize that these girls were protecting their friend from me, but I had no idea why I was being perceived as a threat. I knew I was driving the other guys crazy, but I didn't care. It was killing me not knowing what the fuck was going on; I was going slowly insane, and had no way of controlling it. Having no idea why Charlotte wasn’t talking to me was becoming worse than the lack of contact, and not being given the opportunity to talk things through was turning me inside out.

On the day of the second London show, Terri decided we needed to go out shopping before heading over to the venue to get set up, to calm me down and to try and take my mind off everything that was going on. Little did she know was that the entire time we were out, I was assaulted by memories of shopping with Charlie before the Houston gig, but I kept it to myself. She'd always wanted to go to Portobello Road Market and it was the perfect opportunity, so I went along with her.

We walked at leisure among the stalls selling second hand clothes and other stuff that mostly looked like crap I’d find at a yard sale back home at more than half the price, although I discovered a sweet record store and managed to snag a good deal on a few vinyl I’d been after for a couple of years It was nice being able to walk around without being badgered for an autograph or pictures every few minutes. Terri was beside herself, and dragged me into an entire area that sold ‘vintage’ clothing— which was something she loved, and proceeded to look at every single stall. I played nice as I knew it would be a while before we would be able to spend time together again, just the two of us, even though I was bored as fuck. While she looked at the stalls, I watched the people around us for a while, making up stories about them in my head, something I hadn’t done since I was a kid.

Laden down with bags, we decided to head back to the hotel to meet the guys and Becky to get ready for the show. As we walked through the stalls towards the main road to hail a cab, I saw a hat stall that looked promising. Charlotte had returned my hat via Karina, which stung as I had left it at her place kinda on purpose; it gave me an excuse to go back to her place.

Thinking about her wearing it as she sat on the work surface of her kitchen, near enough naked, turned me on. Regardless of how pissed at her I was for not talking to me, my body couldn't help but betray me at the memory of being able to take our time to discover each other’s bodies— especially her pierced nipple...

It was so very different from that first time, in Texas. Pure need and passion, intensified by the public arena and the possibility of being caught. I shoved my hand in my pocket and readjusted my boner before reaching up to pick up a hat to try on.

Charlotte was there, right next to me... then, she was walking away. That made me angry and Terri had to hold me back as she shouted in my face. I only managed to stay calm and not scream back because of my sister. She would kick my ass if she saw me scream and holler at a woman, then tell my mom, who would do the exact same. I did call out to Charlotte, but she ignored me as she stalked away. Pissed, I stalked through the people around me, Terri hot on my heels, to grab a cab and head back to the hotel.

No matter what anyone did or said from then on would take my mind off Charlotte. Why the hell did she react like that? Why couldn't she just talk to me? Even when we were on stage, my heart wasn't completely in the show for the first time in a long time. That was until Charlotte called out an improv idea that almost choked me; what conclusions could she have jump- oh... Terri.