Lord of the Far Island (4 page)

uch deceit,she cried, s intolerable. I am glad that Esmeralda did get lostven though it ruined my evening. At least we know what a wicked child we have under our roof.

She had given Nanny instructions that I was to stay in my room until I had learned the Quality of Mercy speech from The Merchant of Venice. Perhaps that would teach me to be grateful for those who hadnd let it be remembered that this could well be the last timehown mercy towards me. I should have nothing but bread and water until I had perfected the piece, and while I was in seclusion I might well reflect on the havoc I had wrought. hat the Carringtons thought of you, I can imagine. I shall not be surprised if you are not allowed to be with Philip again.

I was dismissed and learned my piece in a very short time. Later Cousin Agatha discovered that I loved poetry and it was no hardship to me to learn it; then I was given needlework to do, which was another matter. To read and reread beautiful arrangements of words delighted me; to cobble stitches was torture. But she had at that time to discover this.

Poor Esmeralda could not learn her piece half as quickly as I could and when she was obliged to say it before our governess I crept close to her and prompted her through it.

By Christmastime the affair of the market began to be forgotten. Philip appeared during school holidays and he was allowed to play with us in the Park. I told him about the market and how Esmeralda had got lost and in an excess of contempt he pushed her into the Serpentine. Esmeralda screamed and Philip stood on the bank laughing at her while I waded in and dragged her to the bank. Then Nanny Grange came along and we were all hustled back to the house to get our wet things off before we caught our deaths.

l be blamed for that,I told Philip.

erve you right,he cried. He didn care a bit if Esmeralda caught her death. He added to me: ou wouldn. Youe not so silly as she is.

When Esmeralda did catch a cold Nanny Grange reported the incident to some of the servants; I knew they were all of the opinion that I had pushed Esmeralda into the water.

Poor Esmeralda! I afraid we were very careless of her. It was not exactly that Philip and I banded together against her, but simply that she lacked our adventurous spirit and we were too young to respect the fact that she was different from ourselves. I remember how terrified she was of Dead Man Leap. The very name was enough to strike terror into the timid and it certainly did to Esmeralda. This particular spot was not far from Trentham Towers. There was a climb up to it and at the peak the drop was considerable; it really was dangerous, for the narrow path was right on the edge of the steep drop and during wet weather was treacherously slippery. All along the path through the woods there were warning notices such as t Own Riskand oad Unsafejust the sort of thing to spur on people like Philip and myself.

It was not only a dangerous spot, it was also uncanny, for it was said to be haunted because of the number of people who had committed suicide there. There was a saying in the neighborhood if anyone looked melancholy. hat the matter with you? Thinking of jumping off Dead Man Leap?

This was therefore a favorite spot of ours and we jeered at Esmeralda if she showed any reluctance in accompanying us. Philip liked to stand on the very edge of this precipice to show how intrepid he was, and of course I had to do the same.

Once we were seen there and when this was reported to the tutor who was coaching Philip at the time, we were forbidden to go; but this naturally only made the place more desirable, and it became a meeting place for us. ee you at Dead Man Leap,Philip would say casually, half hoping I would be afraid to go there by myself. I always went when thus challenged, although I was a little scared, for the place did have an eerie atmosphere, particularly when one was there alone.

Time started to pass very quickly, but there was one other incident in our childhood which brought me notoriety and I think I did give Cousin Agatha the justification to be rid of me. I was fourteent an age when I should have known better. Philip was fifteen and this happened in the country.

Philip wanted to have tea out of doors. We would make a fire and boil a kettle on it and live like Indians or Gypsiese wasn sure which it would behatever seemed best at the time. The great thing was to make a fire. We needed a kettle, which I had to bring.

here are lots in your kitchen,said Philip. here must be. Bring some tea and water in a bottle, and cakes. And wel make a fire.

I made Esmeralda get the cakes from the kitchen and I got the kettle. Philip was bringing paraffin, which he said was fine for making fires.

e better be Gypsies,he said. ee kidnapped Esmeralda. She has been spirited out of her house and wel tie her up and ask a ransom for her.

Esmeralda wailed: an I be a Gypsy?

o, you can,said Philip tersely. Poor Esmeralda! She was always cast for the victim.

The outcome of that adventure was that we had reckoned without the paraffin. Philip had collected some bracken and poured the oil liberally over it. The blaze first delighted us and then alarmed us. We couldn get near it, and Esmeralda, both her ankles tied together, a gag over her mouth, very uncomfortable and longing to be allowed to play another part, was very near to it.

We tried to beat out the flames but they spread. I had the foresight to untie Esmeralda and by that time it seemed as though the whole field was ablaze.

There was nothing to be done but call for help. All the servants were busy trying to beat it out and to prevent its spreading to the cornfields.

There was great trouble about that.

nd on the Carringtonsland,said Cousin Agatha, as though we had desecrated some sacred temple. It was fortunate that one of the Carringtons had been involved but Cousin Agatha laid most of the blame on me.

I heard her say to Cousin William: t is quite clear that Ellen is unmanageable. Into what disaster she will lead Esmeralda next I tremble to think.

I was given another lecture.

ou are now fourteen years of age. An age when many girls without means have been earning a living for some years. We do not forget that there is a family connection and for that reason we have tried to be good to you. But the time is coming very near, Ellen, when you will have to think of your future. Neither Mr. Loring nor I would wish to turn you adrift, and we shall do all we can to help you in spite of the manner in which you have so often repaid us. Yet this last disastrous escapade makes me feel again that our efforts have been wasted. You show a deplorable lack of discipline. You must be punished. The rod would be desirable. I have told Mr. Loring that it is his duty to administer it and he will be coming to your room to perform this painful duty. In addition you will begin a new sampler, which I myself shall inspect every week. The verse you learn will be low, blow, thou winter wind! Thou art not so unkind As man ingratitude.

What she went on to say was even more depressing.

have been discussing your future with Mr. Loring and we agree that you must now be prepared to earn your own living. After all, you cannot expect to live on our bounty forever. You have been allowed to be a companion for Esmeraldaot a very good influence alas and one which I have so often thought she would have been better withoutut in a few years a husband will be found for her and she will have no further need of your companionship. Mr. Loring and I do not forget that you belong to the family and therefore we should not throw you out into the world indiscriminately. We shall find the right post for you at the right time, for it is inconceivable that any member of our family should take a menial position. Governess or companion is all we would consider. Our circle of acquaintances is large and we hope in due course to find the right post for you. It is not as simple as you might think, for we would not wish you to be in a household which we might visit. That could be most embarrassing. So you see we shall have to choose the place with the utmost care. Meanwhile, you should prepare yourself. Study hard. Work harder especially with your needlework. Il speak to the governess about that. Then when Esmeralda comes out and marries we shall hope to have the post ready for you. Now I trust you are in a contrite mood. Take your punishment, for you richly deserve it, and go to your room. Mr. Loring will come to you there.

Poor Cousin William! I was sorry for him. He came gingerly holding a cane with which he was to chastise me. He hated the task. I had to lie face down on my bed while he lightly tapped the cane about my thighs, which made me want to laugh.

He was red in the face and uncomfortable. Then he said suddenly: here, I trust that has taught you a lesson.

It was comforting to be able to laugh at Cousin William, for I was feeling very uneasy about the future.

That night was one of the occasions when I dreamed again about the room with the red carpet, from which I awoke with the feeling of doom.

The years sped away. My eighteenth birthday came and went. The time when I must go into the world and earn my own living was coming nearer and nearer. Esmeralda used to comfort me. She would say: hen I married, Ellen, you shall always have a home with me.

I didn envy Esmeralda. It would have been impossible to do that. She was so mild; it was true she had grown a little pretty, but I couldn help noticing that when we were out together it was at me that people glanced. My black hair and dark blue eyes were striking and my nquiringnose, as Philip called it, made it seem as though I was asking a question. But at least her future was secure. We saw it happening all around us: Girls coming out into society, marriages arranged for them, becoming matrons with young children. It was all most carefully planned.

It was different for those who had to fend for themselves, as I should have to.

There had been one or two minor incidents when I had aroused the indignation of Cousin Agatha, but nothing so startling as the visit to the market or setting fire to Carrington land. When we were in the country we had to do more social work. We visited the poor and took them what Cousin Agatha called elicaciesusually something which she would not consider worthy of her own table; we decorated the church for harvest festival just before we left for London; we went to the gymkhana and church bazaars, where we had our own stalls. We played the parts of helpers of Lady Bountiful and in town we rode in the Row and at Cousin Agatha At Homes we helped pass round the refreshments; we sewed for the poor; we worked for the Tories; we walked sedately in the Park and lived the lives of genteel young ladies. But then there was a subtle change. It was nearing the time when Esmeralda should come out and we were beginning to be segregated. Esmeralda was taken to the theater with her parents, and I did not accompany them. Often she went visiting with her mother now and I was left behind. The dressmaker who over the years had taken up residence in the house for several weeks at a time when there were functions ahead now settled in for a spell and worked on lovely new clothes for Esmeralda. There was nothing extra for menly one spring, summer, autumn and winter dressne new one per year.

I could feel that vague doom coming nearer. It was as in the dream.

Esmeralda was a little bewildered; she disliked going anywhere without me, but I was rarely with her now except for those walks in the Park and the charity visits.

The Carringtons loomed large in our lives. They were Cousin Agatha closest friends. Lady Emily name was mentioned twenty times a day.

Philip was often a member of a family party and he, with Esmeralda, visited the theater with Cousin Agatha and Cousin William. The play was Lady Windermere Fan, which had been produced for the first time in February at the St. James Theatre. I had heard that although it was a light comedy it sparkled with wit and amusing epigrams. I guessed that Esmeralda would not see the point of it.

I watched them leave in the carriage and I saw them come back. When Esmeralda came up I waylaid her and made her tell me about the play. She gave me a brief outline of the plot and she said that Philip had laughed the whole way through. They had had supper afterwards and it had been very jolly. She looked quite pretty in a powder-blue gown and her blue velvet cloak. I longed for such a cloak, but most of all to go to the theater and laugh with Philip.

The next day we walked in the Park with Nanny Grange, who was still with us. She would probably go with Esmeralda when she married to look after her children, for Cousin Agatha felt it was good to keep nannies in the family. One could then rely on their loyalty. Besides, all the best people did it.

Now that we were older Nanny Grange always walked a few sedate paces behind us like a watchdog and if any young men came near us she would quicken her pace and be there abreast of us. It always amused me.

That day we met Philip in the Park. He fell into stride beside us. This was quite legitimate and did not need Nanny attention. He was after all a Carrington.

Philip said accusingly to me: hy didn you come to the play last night?

obody asked me,I replied.

ou mean to say He stopped and looked at me. o,he cried. t can be.

ut it is. Didn you know I was the Poor Relation?

h, stop it, Ellen,wailed Esmeralda. can bear you to talk like that.

hether you can bear it or not, my dear,I said, t true.

hen my parents return the visit to the theater I shall insist that you are included,Philip assured me.

hat nice of you, Philip,I said, ut I wouldn come where I wasn wanted.

ss!he said, and gave me a push just as he had when we were children.

I felt very pleased because at least Philip didn see me as the Poor Relation.

There was going to be a grand dance. The folding doors of three rooms on the first floor were to be thrown open to make a fairly sizable ballroom which would be decorated with plants. It was in fact Esmeralda coming-out ball. She was to have a very special gown in blue silk and lace. Tilly Parsons, the seamstress, thought it would take a week to make it. ll those tucks and frills, my word,she muttered.

I was to be allowed to go to the ball and for this I, too, was to have a new ball dress. I dreamed of deep blue chiffon which would heighten the color of my eyes; I saw myself floating round the ballroom and everyone calling me the belle of the ball. Esmeralda wouldn mind that, being Esmeralda. She was very good-natured really and she had no desire for the role. She hated calling attention to herself.