Losing Control (4 page)

“There you are. I was getting
worried. I’m sorry if I woke you.”

His eyes rested on her tan legs,
stretched out across the daybed. She sat up, brushed her wild hair off of her
face.

“I was just napping. What did you
want?”

He stood silent for a moment; his
gaze kept caressing her legs. She felt goose-bumps creep up her arms and neck.
If she wasn’t such a repressed idiot she would have taken advantage of that
look in his eyes, but it honestly scared her to death.

“I just wondered if you knew anyone
who might recycle the cabinets I’m ripping out of my
kitchen?
”

“Oh, no!
I thought you were restoring the
beach house?”

“I am.” He sat down on the edge of
the porch, wiped a cascade of sweat from his golden brow. “But you
see,
my granddad went nuts in the late 70s, redid the whole
kitchen, using those white cabinets with wood beveling. Really ugly stuff; I
don’t understand how anybody ever thought those were attractive! Anyway, I’m
tearing them out, and replacing them with some 1930s cabinets I found at a
salvage yard. They didn’t want my cabinets, said there wasn’t any market for
them. So, I thought I’d see if you knew anyone who might take them. I hate to
throw things in the landfill if they can be used.”

Fawn stood up, glanced at the guest
cottage.

“Well, I was thinking of turning my
little guest house into a studio, for my jewelry crafting. I will need lots of
storage. I suppose I could take the cabinets. If I paint them they’ll look
okay.”

He jumped up beside her, causing her
heart to freeze.

“That’s great! I’ll haul them up here
in my truck this afternoon if that’s all right?”

“Sure. I’ll be here.”

“You know, this side yard would make
a perfect spot for sunbathing. Nobody could see you from the highway, or the
beach.”

Fawn felt her cheeks burn red. Did he
know she’d been sunbathing, in the nude, just the day before? Had he seen her?
It was the first time she had ever tried it in her whole life. But she wanted
to have an all-over tan for once, and tanning booths seemed a bit too public.
She had really enjoyed the experience, and was ripe to do it again; the warmth
of the gentle sun on her bare skin was intoxicating.

“Yeah, that’s an idea,” she said,
avoiding his stare.

He smiled at her. “Guess I’ll get
busy on the cabinets then.”

“Do you need any help?” she heard
herself ask.

“No, tearing them out is the easy
part. But we can put them up in your studio together, if you’re into that sort
of work. Some women aren’t.”

“I taught myself to do that sort of
work ages ago. My husband wasn’t very handy.”

“Your husband?”
He looked worried. “I didn’t know
you were married.”

“I’m not, now.”

He actually seemed to sigh in relief.
Fawn didn’t know what to make of him. Was he infatuated with some false image
he had of her? Why else would he be upset that she might be married? Or was she
reading him wrong? She had to admit to herself that she was horribly out of
practice. And Richard’s conniving had made her all the more confused. She
didn’t trust her own feelings.

“I’ll be back soon!” he shouted as he
suddenly bounded from the porch. “Maybe we can share dinner later on!”

“Oh, but I can’t!” she yelled after
him. Too late, though; he’d already disappeared round the house.

Taury brought up the cabinets and
Fawn helped him install them along the back wall of the guest house’s living
room. They were in good shape, and would make great storage for all her
trinkets and beads and tools.

He was dressed in his usual attire;
shirtless with faded jeans and worn athletic shoes. Fawn of course had on
cut-offs and a tank top, this time a blue one. She tried very hard to ignore
the closeness they were sharing, but with both of them half-naked, and sweaty,
it was impossible.

He held the upper cabinets while she
screwed them to the wall, over and over until all of them were done. Then it
was pretty easy to scoot the bottom units in and level them up. He even brought
a wood countertop to finish them off.

Once they were through, they stood
back and admired their handiwork.

“They don’t look that bad,” Fawn
decided. “If I paint them all a nice turquoise they’ll be cool.”

“Yeah, I can see that. Would you like
me to help you paint them?”

“Oh, I think I’ve wasted enough of
your time. I like painting in solitude; it kind of helps me get rid of my
stress.”

“I guess that’s one way to go about
it. I could think of something better.” She glanced at him; he grinned. “So,
it’s near dinner time. I could order in some pizza. There’s a great little
pizzeria in the mall across the highway.”

“I tried to tell you earlier; I have
a dinner date at the De Paolos’ house. They asked me days ago.”

“Oh, okay.”

“You could come along. I’m sure they
wouldn’t mind.”

“I’ve never met them. What are they
like?”

“Well, Frank is a set designer at
Universal. And Jimmy is a caterer. They’re good people; very friendly and
kind.”

“Maybe you better call them. I
wouldn’t want to barge in unannounced.”

“Sure, I understand.”

She called them, knew before she
asked that they would say yes.

“It’s all set.”

“Great! I’ll head on home, take a
shower. Meet you back up here in fifteen minutes? Or do you need longer to get
ready?”

“No, that’s plenty of time.”

He nodded, hopped into his huge
silver truck and eased it out of her driveway.

When they arrived at Frank and
Jimmy’s they seemed like a real couple out for a casual date. Fawn didn’t have
any dresses or slacks, had to make do with a ruffled red blouse and a pair of
black denim shorts, her feet clad in bejeweled flip flops that she had
embellished that evening while waiting for Taury.

“Come in, darling!” Tall, gray-headed
Frank De Paolo welcomed Fawn in a thick
Louisiana
drawl as he hugged her. “You look
lovely! And this must be Mr. Trahern! I’m glad to finally meet you.”

Taury held out his
hand,
shook Frank’s. “I’m happy to meet you. Fawn told me you’re a set designer.
Maybe you can give me some ideas on renovating my house.”

“I’d love to, boy, I’d love to! Been
dying to see into that old house since we moved here! Jimmy, where are you? Our
guests are waiting!”

Jimmy De Paolo came running from the
back of the tiny frame cottage. He was a lot younger than Frank, probably
thirty or so, kind of short with a dark buzz cut and big, inquisitive blue
eyes.

“Hello, Fawn! And
Taury,
is it? Welcome! I’ve got the deck all fancied up so we can eat outside and
watch the sunset. The chicken is at the perfect temperature but if you’d like a
cocktail first I can store it in the warming drawer.”

“Of course they want a cocktail,
Jimmy!” Frank walked over to an old bookcase that had been refitted as a bar.
“What’ll you have?”

“Oh, maybe a bit of wine, Frank …
nothing serious for me.”

“Okay, darling.
Mr. Trahern?”

“Well, first, I wish you’d call me Taury.”

“Will do!
What’s your poison, son?”

“I’m not much of a drinker. Wine,
too, for me, I guess.”

“Coming up!”

Frank handed Fawn her drink then gave
one to Taury. She took a moment to examine him while he wasn’t looking. He was
fresh and clean, dressed in a neat pair of dark blue pants and a crisp light
blue shirt. And he smelled like heaven; some kind of subtle musky scent that
wasn’t overpowering like most guys wore.

When he had rung her front doorbell
he’d made her feel like a teen on her very first date. The anticipation of
seeing his face again, even though he’d only been gone less than half an hour,
was painful. She cursed herself for feeling so wrapped up in him; telling her
starved self esteem that it was only some kind of pity that kept him attentive.

Dinner brought the kind of
stimulating conversation and atmosphere she always expected from Frank and
Jimmy. But underneath it all that urgent, undeniable need lingered, winding
itself into a minor frenzy with Taury’s every glance. Fawn tried to ignore it,
but he was watching her eat, and sip her wine; even seemed to be staring at her
chest as it rose and fell, her heart quaking inside it.

She couldn’t handle it. All she
wanted once her divorce had become final was to settle into Connie’s house and
finally start being herself. A free spirit, accountable to no one; her days and
nights would be her own for the first time in her life. She would not let this
boy change that, especially since she was certain that if he did want her, it
was by some cruel quirk of nature. Nothing good could come from it. He’d use
her, and move on, and she’d be left to pick up the pieces, again.

It was hard enough trying to get past
losing Richard, and she didn’t love him, not really, not in the way a man
should make you love him. He was her guardian, her overseer, her warden. But
her heart was convinced that if Taury got hold of it, there was no letting go.
She’d be trapped by loving him, and she couldn’t face that.

A strange, unsettling quiver spread
over her from head to toe. Her heart began to boom in her ears. She knew what
was happening – a panic attack. She’d had them before, but this one was
earth-shaking. She had to get out of there, fast!

Fawn stood; the three men looked at
her, puzzling.

“What’s wrong, angel?” Frank questioned
as he gazed at her pallid face.

“I’m feeling a bit ill. I think I
should go.”

“Well, certainly. Do I need to call a
doctor?”

“No, no, Frank. I’ll be fine, as soon
as I get home.”

“I’ll take you,” Taury said, coming
round the table towards her.

“Oh, please, don’t let me spoil your
dinner! I’d rather go by myself. Sit down, Taury. Honestly, I don’t need any
help.”

“But I want to help you. And I
brought you here. It’s only right I should see you home.”

“No, please! Jimmy, Frank,
convince
him to stay!”

She grabbed her purse and ran for the
door, leaving the three men standing there, confused.

Once she reached the front door to
the bungalow, she flung herself through the hall and bedroom then hid in the
bath, crying, and hoping that Taury hadn’t followed her. Then, realizing that
he hadn’t; she cried harder.

FIVE

After a miserable, soul-searching
night Fawn dragged her sleepless body into the kitchen where she nibbled on a
piece of buttered wheat toast and contemplated what to do next. Taury had
called around
ten P.M.
and she assured him she was okay.
She didn’t think he accepted her lame excuses but he abided by them. Then she
had to answer to Frank, who was sometimes like a kind but meddling aunt, and
Jimmy, who was like the brother she’d always wanted. It was nice to have people
worrying over her, but a bit of an annoyance as well. She thought she’d have so
much time to herself there. It wasn’t turning out that way at all.

Once she got her eyes open and her
limbs moving, she managed to have a productive morning, painting the studio
cabinets and setting up a vintage desk by the beachside windows. She hadn’t
consciously put it where she had a good view of Taury’s house – or had she? But
there was the beach house, framed like an art piece right before her. He was
nowhere to be seen, though his truck was parked in front of the open garage.
Inside it were rows of what seemed to be antique motorcycles. He had mentioned
to Jimmy that he was restoring some Indian cycles as a hobby.

Fawn wished she had listened more to
their conversation. Taury had told Frank and Jimmy more about himself in an
hour than she’d learned during their whole afternoon together. But it was
mostly talk about his hobbies: renovating houses, and restoring vintage bikes.
He was very quiet about his past, then, and during their time installing the
cabinets. He’d only been interested in discovering her thoughts on movies and
music and renovating. He hadn’t given her time to ask questions. But now,
probably, he wouldn’t care to answer anything she asked. She had a feeling the
whole debacle was over. It saddened her but she was still sure dating him would
only lead to pain – and she was so tired of hurting.