Losing Faith (Surfers Way) (24 page)

I run my fingers through his hair and rest my hand on the back of his neck. “Aren’t they even going to try? Can’t they see how amazing you are?”

“I won’t lie. It really fuckin’ hurts, Lace. Parents are supposed to support their kids, do anything to make them happy. I adore your parents for the way they support you. I think you could do just about anything and they’d be behind you. I’ve come to the realisation that mine just aren’t like that. I’m at that point in my life where I have to make my own happiness a priority.” He reaches out and takes my hands in his. “My happiness is in
my
hands, not my parents. I know my happiness is with you, Lace. I love you. If I have you, then I’ll have everything I need.”

---

When we get back to Quade’s place, clothes are torn off in a frenzy. Frantic for his touch, my nails dig into his flesh.
We need this
.

He carries me to the bed, his mouth glued to mine. Our kisses are full to the brim with emotion. I crawl farther up the bed as Quade opens the top drawer and pulls out a condom.

Quade lunges at me, gripping me tight. I hook my legs around his waist, crying out when he enters me. He grunts with each roll of his hips. Each thrust of him inside me draws me closer to the edge.

I’m afraid to fall.

Quade’s movements gather pace. I know he’s close. My breath catches. My throat constricts.

I could have lost him.

He comes, jerking inside me. With my legs linked around his hips and arms wrapped around his back I hold onto him tight even though I’m weak and shaking. I throw my head back and gasp for air.

“You okay?” he mumbles as he pants loudly through his nose. He moves beside me and removes the condom.

No. I’m a mess.

I try to draw air in deep but I can’t take as much as I need. That’s when the fear consumes me. Tears trail down my cheeks, spilling into my ear.

“Lace?”

“I just … God.” I choke on a sob and then gasp again for oxygen.

It’s too much. All of it, I don’t know how I can—

“Breathe, Lace. You’re scaring me.”

I drag in a stuttery breath.
In. Out. In. Out.
Quade props me upright with some cushions and smooths his hand over my upper back in slow circles.

“She’ll do anything … to keep us from being together.”
Breathe
. “The look of hate in her eyes … hate for me. It was frightening.”

“Lace, I told you—”

I look him in the face. “Can you live with the fact that I’m the wedge between you and them?”

His hands rush to either side of my face. In gentle strokes of his thumbs he swipes the wetness from the sides of my eyes. “I mean it, Lace. It’s you and me. That’s what matters, and I’ll move mountains for us. Every single day if I have to.”

“I’ll go get us some coffees, Dad,” I say, as I toss my folded apron on the counter. “You want anything, Lily?”

“I’d kill for an iced chocolate with extra sauce, extra cream,” she says, licking her lips.

“Why don’t you both go together? Get some fresh air,” Dad says and gives me a nod. His eyes carry a little too much compassion for my liking.
Mum must have told him about my meltdown. Shit
. Normally he doesn’t like being in here alone, but I’ll take his offer.

“’Kay, Dad. We won’t be long.”

I grab my satchel from out back and then Lily and I walk out onto the street towards the café.

“Your dad was telling me about the van this morning,” Lily says, a curious smile on her lips.

“The van?”

“You know, big dreams of having a gelato van.”

Oh, that van. The one rotting at home. “Yeah, well he’ll have some work getting the squatters out,” I say and chuckle.

“Squatters?”

“The thing is filled with spiders, like choc-a-block, arachnophobia-movie kind of squatters.”

“I don’t mind spiders. They’re kinda cool,” she says with a shrug.

She’s shitting me, right?
“Are you mad?”

“Nope.”

“I’ve never met anyone who actually likes spiders.”

“I had a pet tarantula once. He kind of ended up where he wasn’t supposed to, so my old foster mum made me sell him. Anyway, getting off topic here. I think the gelato van idea is the coolest thing ever.”

“Yeah, it is.”

A dark grey Ute drives past, drawing my eye. Is that Quade? The car takes the next turn, disappearing around the corner before I get a chance to check.
Sigh
. Whilst last night we got everything out in the open a little part of me still worries that trouble is on the horizon. Can we continue to live in our own little bubble? Can I pretend to not be affected by Quade’s family situation?

“Things cool with you and Mr Fun?” Lily asks.

I swing my head towards her and fake a smile. “What makes you think anything is wrong?”

“Your dad keeps looking at you with these giant puppy-dog eyes, and you don’t seem yourself. Just wanna make sure things are cool.”

I force out a loud breath through my lips. “We hit a bump in the road, Lil. We’ll be okay though.”

“What kind of bump?”

“Oh, say one the size of his mother.”

“Eek,” she whispers.

“Yeah, eek alright.”

We join the queue. After a few minutes, I place our order at the counter. Lily and I move to the dark timber stools to the side. I pull my phone from my bag and notice a missed a call from Quade earlier. Once we have our order, I’ll call him back. I put the device away and flip through a magazine about organic gardening while Lily plays Candy Crush on her phone.

“Nari’s going to be staying with him,” a familiar bitchy voice whines.
Dear God
.

Using the magazine as a makeshift shield, I slowly turn my head, confirming that Mrs Kelly is here with a blonde woman who’s wearing far too much makeup and probably spent a thousand dollars on the pretentious white jacket-and-skirt set her bony arse has squeezed into.

Will I ever be able to escape the claws of Mrs Kelly? Sometimes living in a small town really sucks.

“Really?” the blonde chirps.

“She’s come back to town to see him, and all things going well my son will come to his senses and take her back. He’s a first-class idiot if he doesn’t.”

“Wait a minute, isn’t he dating the Marone girl?” the blonde probes.

Lily slams her phone on the counter and looks at me with wild eyes. She leans in close. “What did that bitch just say?” she whispers. “Is she talking about you?”

I shake my head as a warning, gritting my teeth. I’m doing my best to stop myself from going over there and giving her a piece of my mind. If I let Lily loose, she’s likely to start bashing heads together. I roll the magazine into a tube, squeezing it into a tighter roll to somehow channel my anger.

“Please,” Mrs Kelly huffs. “He’s sowing his oats and she’s just using him, as the little troublemaker does. I had an interesting conversation with Peter Fairfield the other day. It seems our family isn’t the only one Lacey’s had a hand in tearing apart. My son will come to his senses because Nari has more to offer him than the plain girl in the pizza shop who sluts around.”

That’s it!
I will not hear another nasty word from her mouth.

I kick out the stool from underneath me. The wooden legs skitter across the floor and then it crashes on its side.

I march over to her table and slam down the magazine between the empty coffee cups and plates with half-eaten macaroons on them. Both women cry out and glare at me.

“I’ve heard enough,” I say, my voice icy but firm. “I don’t know what I ever did to deserve being spoken about like this. Once upon a time I looked up to you like I do my own mother. You treated me like a daughter when Faith was alive. Surely you can’t believe such lies about me?”

Mrs Kelly’s mouth drops. She opens and closes it as if she’s struggling for breath like a fish out of water.

She presses her flattened palm to her chest. Her pristine red painted nails toy with her gold chain as her face hardens with a scowl.

“Well Faith isn’t around anymore, is she? And you know why I can’t forget that? Because
you
,” she says with an accusing finger pointed at my chest, “constantly stick your nose in where it doesn’t belong.”

That’s what she thinks I’m doing? Meddling in her family affairs? “I know you’ve lost your daughter. I can’t imagine how that must’ve been for you, but you’ve lost your way, Mrs Kelly, and lashing out and trying to destroy the kind of happiness that Quade’s trying to find is only going to leave you lonelier than you’ve ever been.”

“You and my son will never work,” she spits.

“Because of the vile person you make me out to be? It breaks my heart that that’s how you see me. I’m more than the pizza girl, Mrs Kelly,” I say in a quiet voice. “And I’m far from being a slut. Who I am is the girl that’s in love with your son. He sees me for what I am, and that’s someone who loves him, and he loves me. That’s all that matters to me.” I say that, but deep down a part of me really wants her to open up, to know the truth and accept me.

“You’re delusional, child.”

I’m
the one here that’s delusional? Wow. She has no idea. “Can’t you see that you’re hurting him? He just wants to be a part of his family again. You may have lost a daughter, but he lost his whole family.”

“I can’t see how he can be a part of this family if he’s with you. He might as well pack up and leave.”

Tears stream down my face. I can’t hold them back anymore. Why is she making this so hard? Being so goddamn mean? Doesn’t she care for her only remaining child? “I’m trying to find out the truth. You know that. I just wish you’d let me talk to you. I just want to help. That’s all I’ve ever wanted to do.”

A small hand curls over my shoulder, and the scent of cherry and coffee tickles at my nose.

“Let’s go,” Lily says in a soft voice. I turn around and lock on Lily’s pleading eyes.

I turn back to look at Mrs Kelly. Her eyes widen when they rest on the girl beside me.

She’s right; we should go.
Be the better people and walk away
.

A large shadow blocks the doorway. The sun behind it makes it difficult to make out the face, but I don’t need to see it to know who it is. I’m memorised that body for many years.

Oh, God. How much did he hear?

“Let’s get back to work,” Lily says. “Your dad is probably, whoa.” She takes a step back when her eyes connect with the man blocking the entrance.

I march towards him. “Quade, I—”

“I’ll come see you later, Lace,” he says, his jaw tight. His steely gaze doesn’t move from
her
.

“How much did you hear?” I whisper.

“Enough.”

I step out onto the footpath, and turn and watch on as Quade takes long strides towards her table.

“Quade, darling,” his mother says in a high-pitched voice. By her tone, I’m guessing she has no idea what’s about to go down.

He plants his feet to the floor in front of her and crosses his arms under his chest. “We can either do this here,” he says, waving an arm around the café, “or in private. Decide quickly.”

A hand grips my elbow and tugs me backwards. “Let’s get out of here,” Lily says, and hands me my coffee.

With a heavy feeling in my heart I walk back up The Strip, sipping at my drink as we go. Nari is back in town. What on earth for? Did Mrs Kelly set this up as a way to push me out of Quade’s life? At least Quade didn’t look impressed with her.

It looks like I’m not done fighting yet.

“Can you believe that biatch?” Lily scolds, and takes a long suck on her straw. “There’s defs something not right inside that head of hers.”

I stop in my tracks and turn to my friend, who might as well be Faith incarnate. “You got that right.” I bump my fist against her shoulder and give her a smile that I hope tells her how much she has come to mean to me in such a short time. She winks. “Thanks for having my back, Lil.”

“Anytime.”

“No, I’m serious. It could have got real messy in there if you hadn’t been with me.”

“You totally could have nailed her, by the way. I would’ve paid money to see you scratch up that bitch’s face.”

“Yeah, well if I keep running into her like this, you’d better keep your wallet close,” I say jokingly, but in reality there’s more truth to my words than I care to admit.

Lily laughs and swings her free hand over my shoulder. “For you, I’d wear one of those ridiculous money belts that tourists wear.”

“Then you truly are a real friend.”

A few hours later I say goodbye to Lil and Dad. When I walk out front Quade is waiting for me, leaning against the front of his truck, feet crossed at his ankles. He’s wearing black Oakley sunnies, which mirror my hot cheeks and hair which wasn’t nearly as neat as it had been when I started my shift.

I lift his glasses to rest on top of his head and am met with a pair of red-rimmed eyes.

“Are you okay?” I ask, linking my hands around his neck.

Strong arms wrap around my waist, pulling me against his firm chest as it dramatically rises and falls with each deep breath. “Yeah,” he whispers, his lips pressed to my temple. “Let’s go down to the beach for a bit. I’ll drive.”

I kiss him softly on the lips and then unhook myself from his warm hold and get into the car.

Quade stares intently on the road, as we make our way down The Strip. I swear I can feel the tension radiating from his shoulders as he grips the wheel. It looks as if he has a lot on his mind.
That makes two of us
.

We pull into the gravel car park near the beach. Stepping out onto the sand, Quade reaches for my hand. His sad eyes wrinkle at the corners as he gives me a tight smile. I try to grin back, but fail. I can’t bite my tongue any longer. I need to know if what Mrs Kelly said was true.

“Your mum said Nari was back in town and she’s staying with you,” I blurt out. It’s been the only thing on my mind since the incident with Biatch Face. I need to get it out in the open and if it’s true, find out why.

“She is,” he says with a nod. “Nari rang me first thing. I tried to call you at work this morning, but you didn’t answer.”

I let out a heavy sigh. “Yeah, sorry. It was pretty busy today. I only saw that you rang when I was up at Willow’s.”

Would I have been better prepared for the run in with Mrs Kelly if I had known Nari was here?
Absolutely.
It wasn’t just the news of Nari’s arrival coming from his mother’s mouth that hurt, though. It was being called a slut by a woman I used to look up to.

Quade’s warm grip tightens as we stroll closer to the water. “Nari is staying in my spare room tonight because I refused to let her pay for a hotel.”

Heat rushes to my face. There must be a reason for her visit. “Okay,” I say, as calm as I can.

“Nari is a friend, Lace. Nothing more.”

“I don’t wanna sound like the über-jealous girlfriend, but why is she here?”

“She won’t so much as admit it, but I’m pretty sure the reason is to check up on me.”

I hang my head and focus on the tip of my sneaker, toeing at the sand. “Yeah, well your mother has other ideas about her visit.”

Quade turns and places his hands on my shoulders. I glance up at the conflict swirling in his eyes. I hate seeing him like this. What words were said between him and Mrs Kelly?

“Don’t let anything my mother said get to you, Lace. She twists and distorts everything for her own agenda. An agenda I no longer want anything to do with.”

Wow. Looks like he’s finally cut ties with her. “I’m guessing your chat with her earlier didn’t go too well then. I’m sorry she’s making everything so tough for you,” I whisper. “It’s not fair … not right.”

“I sat down with both of them. Dad wasn’t as stubborn as usual. He seemed to take in some of the things I said, but Mum just won’t get it. I’ve decided to take a step back and focus on my life with the hope that one day things with my family will get better. Maybe one day I’ll be good enough for them.”

“Quade, you’re every bit of good enough. You’re more. So much more, and one day they’ll realise it. If they don’t, it’s their loss.”

Quade’s hands glide down my arms. He entwines his fingers together with mine. “Anyway, enough about them,” he says, with a soft smile. “Will you come and have dinner with Nari and I tonight? I want you to meet her, but more importantly I want Nari to meet you. Is that weird?”

He wants me to meet his ex?
Hell yes it’s weird.

“Yeah, kind of, but for you, I’ll do it.”

“I want her to meet the woman I’m crazy about. The woman I love. I just hope you love me back even though I’ve screwed up more times than I can count when it comes to us.”

“I love you, Quade Kelly. Tough luck trying to get rid of me.” As the salty breeze licks at my skin, I kiss him softly on the lips.

“Love you too,” he whispers against my mouth.

“Can I just ask one thing?”
I hope it’s not too much.

“Anything.”

“Before we go back to your place and see Nari, can you talk to me about her? I just wanna know what I’m walking into, you know? You’ve never talked about her before.”

Without another word from Quade, we settle on a dry patch of sand. I listen to the soothing sounds of the waves curling into shore, waiting for him to say something. He stares out to the ocean as if the water holds all the answers. I squeeze his hand in mine and offer him a soft smile. We need to talk about this stuff, but I don’t want to push.

“When I left here, I was in bad shape,” he finally says, and looks out to the water. “I’ve battled within myself since that night. In my heart I was with you, and then my baby sister was stripped away from us. Mum and Dad blamed me. I should’ve gone to the property earlier. I was supposed to look out for her. I hadn’t heard from any of you, and I was too busy with my mates. When I looked at the time … I should’ve been there earlier.”

I swallow down. The lump in my throat re-surfaces, larger this time. “Quade, it wasn’t your fault. You know that, right?”

“I know that now, but it took a very long time for me to realise. The first year or so was pretty dark. Every thought of Faith was suffocating. Every minute of that night would play over and over in my head. I’d torture myself to the point where I wouldn’t leave my room for days.”

I run my hand down his upper arm. “You should’ve called. I was struggling too.”

“I know. I should’ve done a lot of things, but my head was a mess. I wasn’t seeing logically, wasn’t functioning as a normal human being. Not until Nari came along.”

              A pang of jealousy hits me.
Why wasn’t it me?

“So she helped you turn things around?” I say with a shrug.

“She dragged me out of the dark, made me start living life again. I was doing okay in my studies, barely passing if I’m honest, but she made me see that I was, well, living. That I had an opportunity to do things, whereas Faith didn’t. That I had to push on … make something of myself. If not for me, for my sister.”

“Sounds like advice I could’ve used too. Were you and Nari serious?”
As serious as Mrs Kelly makes out?

“To a point. I don’t think either of us intended for it to be more than friendship, but we shared stuff. We became confidants to each other when we felt we had no one else. We were close.”
Another pang
. “But we weren’t in love, Lace.”

“Oh.”
Well that’s good to know.
I nod, subtly trying to coax him to continue.

“After we started seeing each other, I met Nari’s mum, who’s a psychologist. For about a year I saw her on a professional basis. When I felt like I’d put myself back together, I finally had the courage to try and patch things up with my parents.”

“Had they tried to contact you since you left?”

He scoffs and shakes his head. “Not even once, which made it pretty fucking hard to pick up the phone.”

Wow.

“I can’t even imagine. How were they when you got in touch?”

“Mum was sceptical at first, but when I started talking about Nari it was like something clicked inside her head. Her son was in a relationship with a med student, and the bragging commenced. For a time, I felt like I wasn’t her failed son anymore and that she might accept me again. I’d always fought for their acceptance, always playing second best to Faith. I never resented my sister for that—my parents, sure, but they never supported the fact that I wanted to be a school teacher. It wasn’t big enough of a dream. Not when your parents are high society and your sister was going to study law and make a real difference in the world. Primary school teachers don’t carry that same kind of status or an earning capacity to brag about.”

“Yeah, well whatever your parents think, what you do is awesome. You’re doing a really important job, Quade. You’re shaping young kids’ lives. Don’t discount that … even for the sake of your parents.”

He lends me a soft smile, but it doesn’t meet his eyes. “I won’t ever change that dream. It’d just be nice to get some kind of recognition, you know?”

“Yeah.” How lucky I am to have supportive parents. So lucky.

“So back to Nari. Mum and I started talking more regularly, but Nari seemed to be all she wanted to chat about. Although it hurt, I was grateful she was at least talking to me. Even though she still wasn’t open to talking about Faith, and I dared not bring her up, the lines of communication were open. My parents came down for a fundraiser one weekend and invited us both and paid for our tickets. It was clear then that Mum was head over heels for Nari. I love my mum, but she has issues. If Nari was a check-out chick or something, I guarantee she wouldn’t have latched onto her the way she did. As far as Mum was concerned, her future daughter-in-law was soon to graduate uni with honours in medicine. That’s when she started talking about plans for our future. Selfish of me as it was, I didn’t entirely shut her down.”

“So how come you and Nari broke up?”

“Whilst my mother would have happily organised a big wedding for us, Nari and I both knew the relationship had a time limit on it. She’s a city girl, starting a new job at a hospital in Perth, and I’m the small-town boy with dreams of teaching sport to young kids.”

I slip my hand into his. He releases a breath and entwines his fingers with mine.

“Even though Nari and I aren’t together anymore, I know that we’ll always be friends. I wouldn’t be where I am now, without her.”

“I’m so glad you had someone then.” I take his face in my hands, his stubble prickling against my palms. “I just hope you’ll let me be that someone now.”

“You’ve always been that someone, Lace. I’m just sorry I shut you out.”

“Don’t be sorry. Just know that I’m here … always.”

I press my lips to his, savouring the heat of his mouth and the rumble of appreciation that reverberates in the back of this throat.

“There’s just one thing, about tonight,” I say against his lips. “Something I’m not entirely happy about.”

“Tell me. I want you to feel comfortable.”

A huge grin spreads over my lips. By Quade’s frown, he clearly has no idea what I’m about to say.

“We’ll have to wait longer for round two of make-up sex.”

He pulls me into his arms and laughs in my ear. “Lace, if you keep the screaming down, I’m sure we can get away with it in the next room.”