Lost Angel (The List #1) (20 page)

F-fuck me, how can I be this turned on over his
words? I’m breathless. This feels so much better than I ever dreamed it could over
goddam text. The knowledge that he is somewhere imagining all this and typing
these messages to me, it’s beyond arousing. I wish my vibrator was waterproof…
Pfft, there’s no time for that so my… well
his
… hands will have to suffice.
And that they do. I feel my breasts, rub and pinch my nipples in turn, whilst
stroking myself deep inside over and over, finding my magical spot that gets me
there without fail.

… I can feel that ur lips r as fuckable
as the ones on ur face. U squeeze tightly around my cock & I hold u in
position for a minute. Ur mouth’s on my body wherever it can reach. Then you clamp
down on my mouth. U tighten ur grip around my waist & I feel the bullets on
ur badass boots dig into my skin, which reminds me how fucking perfect u look
right now.

Sexting with Jax is simply breath-taking… I’m
aching, desperately waiting—wanting to feel him inside me. What I’d give to
taste his skin right now. When I nipped his ear and bit his lip after that
dance it was like the tip of the iceberg for me. My mouth was begging for carte
blanche and it still is.

I love that he called my boots ‘badass’ and
he’s calling me ‘fucking sexy’. How can this man make me feel sexier than I’ve
ever felt? Even on my wedding night when I revealed my ivory corset, stockings
and garter ensemble to Mike and gauged his reaction… Even that doesn’t compare
to how I feel about myself, about Jax, in this moment. My stomach flips and
flutters when I visualise him filling me, stretching me, I’m almost motionless
whilst my fingers pull and stroke and rub and press...

I pull back & slam deep & hard
& u beg me for more through clenched teeth. I oblige & fuck u the way I’ve
wanted 2 fuck u since the 1
^st
time I saw u Beth.

Oh my f-fuck.

I rest my head back on the ledge, absorbing the
tender pulses of that ride. I feel my inner muscles contracting around my
fingers, throbbing against my palm.

That was without doubt the most powerful self-made
orgasm ever. I have
never
made myself come like that. Well I suppose I
can’t take all the credit! Sexting like that is like somebody writing their own
little erotica novel about you, for your greedy eyes only.

I think he thinks I’m more experienced and
confident than I actually am. That must’ve been his final instalment, which is
good because I can’t take any more.

In stark contrast, Miss Sensible is standing
with her hands on her hips, shaking her head, tutting.
What a prude!
Whereas Miss Alter Ego is sprawled across the bonnet of a top of the range
sports car with flushed cheeks, lighting up a spliff, wearing nothing but an “Always
On Fleek” tight white vest! She doesn’t miss a trick.

Jax is way more capable than I ever dreamt
possible. Here’s me, totally intimidated by his magnificent appearance; little
did I know that anything he’s delivered to me out of his beautiful mouth was
conceived by his even more intimidating mind and imagination. Hidden behind the
profanities, I detect an intellectual special soul. Something tells me that tonight
I’ve been privy to a part of him that he doesn’t share often. I’ve seen him
with colleagues and customers at the gym and I’ve seen him around his friends.
He is definitely different around me. Not just the rawness of tonight’s texts
but the special way he looks at me. His mannerisms and expressions speak a thousand
words. Words that I’m eager to translate.

I’m frozen for a minute longer then jump out
the bath and pat myself dry. I down the rest of my wine without thinking. Dashing
to the bedroom I slip my nightshirt on and sit cross legged on the bed. Heart racing,
I try to compose myself. How am I supposed to text back to that? Is he
expecting a reply? We barely flipping know each other so how did that just
happen? He said he’d wanted to fuck me since the first time he’d seen me. Does
he mean at the gym when I had the same thoughts of him? What’s his agenda? Has
he done this to show me what I’m missing or because he’s a much more
experienced player in this friends-that flirt game, which incidentally,
I
started? I think it’s the latter and kick myself for it.
Dammit!

What just happened is categorically
not
flirting
. Is there a label for friends that play between flirting and ‘benefits’,
because that’s what that was? I jump when a message beeps, disturbing my
autopilot crazy over analysis session.

I hope ur imagination is as good as
mine.

Oh it is, trust me, it’s possibly better.
Although my jumbled up brain still can’t fathom a suitable reply, not after
I’ve just screwed my own head with a million unanswerable questions. I don’t
know what to say, so choose to say nothing for fear of sounding like an idiot. He
literally just fucked me with his words and it’s something I need to take some
time to get my head around.

Jax has just taken my sexting virginity and it
was incredible. I’m in the same confusing predicament as I was a few hours ago,
bar an orgasm. Maybe if we find the right middle ground this thing between us
could work out after all.

I refill my glass and for the next half an hour
I treat myself to re-reading his messages over and over until they’re almost
committed to memory. I’ve created our own little sex tape, although I don’t
think it counts as such for my list but it does mean that I can replay it and
relive it whenever I want.

All that sexting has sexed me out so I scrap my
earlier idea of watching one of my new DVDs. I tidy the bathroom and don the comfort
blanket that is my trusty fluffy robe. I decide to go and see if Wills is okay
after her strange phone call.

As I walk down the stairs, my phone beeps. It’s
Jax, a whole hour after ‘it’ happened. He stops me in my tracks mid-step,
feeling a little apprehensive to read it.

I hope that I haven’t crossed the line
B. I do respect what uv asked of me; not 2 touch u. As u can c, it’s causing me
some issues but I thought this was an ideal middle ground.

‘Middle ground’, he’s thinking like me. If Jax
respects that I’ve asked us to be friends only, it means that he’s not trying
to tempt me into something more. So he
is
just letting off steam in my
direction. I still don’t reply. Instead I vow to sleep on it, go to see him tomorrow
and use the time to help me decide if I’m even capable of having this crazy kind
of friendship we’re somehow evolving. If I do, I need to find a way to secure
the boundaries that
I
instigated. Plus, hopefully he is as good with his
hands as he implies and he can actually help fix these pains in my shoulders
and back.

Yes, that’s what I’m looking forward to most;
being pain free. My excitement about the appointment has absolutely nothing to
do with the fact that I’m going to have his masculine hands all over my bare
back. That’s bare back, not bareback. Although after his messages I don’t think
my filthy imagination will be getting confused when I’m drifting off to sleep
later…

I think that when I cross everything off my Fuck
It list, I will surely be more sexually confident, explored, passionate and ready
to take on the man that I’ve lusted after since the second I laid my lost eyes
on him. Then I will be ready to truly let myself go and satisfy him, the way I
know
he would satisfy me. God I don’t want to keep this paused for too long but the
words ‘sexual’ and ‘suicide’ spring to mind to remind me exactly why I made the
decision in the first place. This heart isn’t ready to be trampled on again
just yet. I can’t take that risk.

Okay, so my plan is to complete the list first.
Now if that isn’t incentive enough, I don’t know what is! I’ll get to unclick
this self-imposed pause button and have some incredible no-holds-barred sex
with my gladiator. What a trophy that’s going to be. That’s if he’ll have me
then.

After striking off number 12 – Sexting, there’s
twenty-five items left to complete.

Fuck It List

1. Blowjob

2. Handjob

3. Cunnilingus

4. Sex in a workplace

5. Sex in a car

6. Sex in the shower

7. Multiple orgasm

8. Get a tattoo

9. Get a piercing

10. Sex on the beach

11. Phone sex

12. Cybersex / Sexting

13. Tantric sex

14. Get stoned

15. Use food / ice
sexually

16. 69

17. Kiss a girl

18. Tie somebody up

19. Be tied up

20. Watch a porno alone

21. Watch a porno with
a partner

22. Do a lap dance

23. Do a strip tease

24. Sexual role-play

25. Make a sex tape

26. Sex outdoors

27. Go to strip show /
live sex show

28. Be spanked

29. Hit somebody

30. Kinky sex

I’m eager to keep exploring this next chapter
of my life. Where will this journey lead me next?

Not so long ago my internal compass had broken.
By then I’d already long since lost track of where I was, of who I was. Now,
although I haven’t a clue where my life is heading, I’ve ditched the compass
and torn up the map. I’m no longer attempting to orchestrate my life in fine
detail as a way to protect myself. This time I am letting my feet feel the way.
I’m entrusting fate on this exciting path that’s already been filled with new
experiences at every turn.

If this list lives up to its potential, I’m in
for a world of sexual milestones, much needed orgasms and a whole lot of fun and
discovery along the way.

I have faith in this journey, in myself but
most of all, I have faith in my future. I will no longer chase after happiness,
I’ll trust that if it’s meant to be, happiness will find me.

T
hank you so much for reading Lost Angel, book
one of The List Series.

Now you’ve had chance to get to know the
characters, it’s time to turn the book temperature up from warm to red hot as
you follow Beth’s journey into Dirty Angel, book two of The List Series. Let
the list fulfil its promises to us and deliver page after page of face fanning
fun.

Fallen Angel (#3) and Always Angel (#4), will
soon be ready and waiting patiently to satisfy you once you’ve had your fill of
Beth and Jax over in Dirty Angel.

Please take a moment to leave a review (
UK
)(
US
). After all, that’s
how a lot of readers make their decisions as to which book to invest in next.
Many thanks for giving your precious time to reading what I’ve loved writing.
That concept still blows my mind.

Dirty Angel, book two of The List Series;

Beth’s finding her feet in the world of being single with the
help of Willow, her best friend. After a rocky start, the sun’s shining on her
journey and about to crank up the heat from warm to red hot.

A disastrous night out
leaves Beth furious with her ex-husband as he deals a deceitful blow. Without
her best friend around an unlikely hero comes to her rescue.

He’s handsome, successful,
a beast with a gladiatorial presence and absolute sex on legs. Surprisingly,
his dark and mysterious side doesn’t deter Beth from deeply connecting with the
man behind the façade.

Is he exactly what Beth’s
journey needs? The kind of guy who’ll hold the door open for her, follow her
through it, then slam her up against it and show her what it feels like to
truly lose herself.

Beth dives into her ‘F**k
It’ list with both feet. She’s learning how exhilarating it feels to let go, to
take chances and embrace her inner goddesses. Beth experiences sexual pleasure
beyond measure during this rollercoaster ride. But in her pledge for a ‘no
strings’ relationship, can she keep her heart away from the bedroom…or the car…or
the woods oh and maybe the gym…?

Continue Beth’s journey as
she climbs out of her comfort-zone to find a world of pleasure she’d only ever
imagined existed before.

This road of discovery and exploration
will take Beth through the entire series as she tackles her filthy ‘F**k It
List’.

The List Series; Lost Angel (#1), Dirty
Angel (#2), Fallen Angel (#3) and Always Angel (#4). All books are intended to
be read in sequence. These are not stand alone.