Lost Energy (18 page)

When Cheveyo spoke, my insides
turned to liquid. "I've been expecting some company."

All right, you win. Where do you
want me to stand? Or would it be easier to kill me if I lay down.

Farren wasn't so eager to die. He
stormed off into the desert about fifty feet, his palms still over his ears and
pacing. And Winston? Guess only one of us had the ability to be cool in any
situation. I patted his cheek and noticed the earbuds firmly set in his ears.
Oh,
right!
Ah, so maybe not so cool after all, huh? Even Super Winston had his
kryptonite.

Nicolette sat on a boulder,
heaving. Her desire to stay by Avery obvious, but she'd be worthless if things
got sticky. Moans leaking through her tight lips said that loud and clear.

Avery didn't seem fazed all that
much, though she wobbled when stepping forward with her hand outstretched. "Cheveyo,
it is so nice to see you again."

He took her hand.
Hmm…a polite
murderer
. "I wish I could say the same, Guide."

"Please, give us a moment to
explain." She gestured toward me, and I waved. He didn't wave back. "We've
brought Lena with us."

He glanced my way with a slight
smile. "She is supposed to be carrying out punishment, not organizing a
rebellion." He turned back to Avery. "Is that not what you all are
doing?"

Exactly! Thank you. Wait, do I get
to keep Tarek?
No,
not thank you. I pushed Winston's hand off my arm and stumbled forward. "Hey,
fu–"

Before I told the guy exactly what
he could do, Winston locked me in a hold that would impress any cage fighter
and drug me to the side. Once he stopped, his hand clamped over my mouth and
his lips butted against my ear. "Shut. Up."

I struggled a little, but like with
Wilma, to show I didn't appreciate the censorship. His hand and hold didn't
budge.

"Exemplar has come to her, not
the other way around." Wow, Avery could talk fast when she wanted to. She
gave me a disappointed grimace before turning back to plead our case. "Teenesee
is under attack, Warden. And if Exemplar wins the battle…"

Cheveyo held up a hand. "Come."

This time when he spoke, my mind
and body bounced back from the brink of Stupidville. I shrugged from Winston's
loosened hold, my cheeks burning. Farren joined us, the bright red patches on
his cheeks matching the ones flaming hot on mine. As we all plodded into the
cave, Ginger bent close to my ear. "You almost told a Warden to fuck off."

Like I needed to be reminded? "Yeah,
well…well…you look like a clown."

He laughed. "Maybe, but I
still didn't almost tell a Warden to fuck off."

"
Almost
, Ginger.
Almost
is the key word here."

∞
∞ ∞

In the deep center of the cave,
enough room existed for at least twenty people to stand upright. A small fire
crackled in the middle, and when we sat, the comfort of soft leather hides and
cushioned blankets protected our butts from hard stone. Everything about the
Warden and his area screamed calm, even without the hypnotist act he used on us
outside. The smell of wet stone created an earthy invisible shell around us.
Water trickled from the rock ceiling in the far corner. No clue how there could
be so much water in the middle of a desert, but I'm sure it had a lot to do
with who lived here.

Cheveyo sat cross-legged on the
opposite side of the fire. His slight body didn't hide the sinewy muscles in
his arms and chest. His face…boy, his face…all young and dark with smooth skin,
full lips, and straight nose.
Damn.

No one said a word while Cheveyo
took his time to scan all our faces. His eyes stopped on Winston the longest,
that smile he wore deepening. "You surprise me the most, Protector. I
haven't heard from you since your arrival here. Why the change of heart?"

Winston pulled out his earbuds, the
music coming from them soft, like Mozart or something. "Sorry?"

I was the disrespectful one?

Cheveyo didn't seem pissed and
repeated what he'd asked.

"I returned a favor that ended
up turning into a lot of favors." Winston shot Avery, who had the decency
to blush, an irritated smirk.

Cheveyo nodded. "Yes, that
seems to be the norm when dealing with Exemplians."

He grew quiet again, watching us.
Silence didn't bother me, though. The place was too damn cozy to feel
self-conscious. After a few minutes, Cheveyo reached into a pouch to his right
and pulled out a small pipe. He took a hit and offered it to me. I shook my
head, never a fan of the habit, the smell familiar. The trailer parked reeked
of weed more nights than not. He shrugged and offered to Winston, who had no
trouble lighting the pipe and sucking deep. Farren and Nicolette took it after
Winston. Avery declined.

Finally, when everyone was good and
high, I pulled the papers from my pack. "Ah, sir, um, we did come for a
reason." I handed him the list. "We need help finding these people."

He read the names, smoking his
bowl, before giving his attention to Avery and ignoring my request. "Your
people are setting up nests here, clusters around my world." It wasn't a
question.

Avery fidgeted with her robe's sleeves.
"Y-yes. I believe Earth is an imminent target. After Empyrean."

Cheveyo didn't show any anger or
fear, though he took a few more hits off his bowl before tucking it back in his
pouch. A little weed must do the temper wonders.

"I expected as much, though I
did not realize your people were declaring an all-out war."

"I-I have been accused of
treason, Warden. Those people are no longer mine."

He nodded, interest lighting his
deep-set eyes. "Indeed?"

Her gaze landed on her busy hands. "They
found out I have been hiding rogues here." A sob escaped her throat, and
Nicolette pulled her close. "They are annihilating Empyrean as we speak. I'm…this…it
all falls directly on my shoulders."

The anguish in her voice made my
heart ache. "No, this isn't your fault. Cassondra is to blame. Her revenge
started this."

She bowed her head, tears falling
on her lap. "That is where you are wrong, old friend. I–"

Nicolette shushed her, squeezing
Avery's thigh

Weird.
But I'd ignore it for now. "Look
at me, Avery."

Her shoulders shook, but she held a
fist to her mouth, took in a few deep breaths, and faced me.

"She's not gonna win." I
meant it, every word.

I nodded to Nicolette, who smiled
over her Guide's head, and turned to Cheveyo. "You trusted me before,
believed in the chance to right what Exemplar ruined. I'm telling you, if you
help us find these people–our army–we can end this. All of this. For good. No
more visits from other dimensions, all energy staying exactly where it's
supposed to, we can make it happen."

I drilled Cheveyo with what I hoped
passed for confidence. We
could
do this. A little help would be nice,
but without it, my group wouldn't stop until Exemplar did.

Farren brushed my shoulder and
whispered in my ear. "You got this, kid."

I kept my attention on the man with
the answers.

Cheveyo smiled, tilting his head. "Now,
there is the Lena I remember. I believe you, and I will give you the locations
of many, though I cannot force them to help."

"That will be enough. We'll
handle the rest."

He held up the list, pointing at
the first three names. "Let's start with them."

EYES
WIDE OPEN

"I
don't get why I can't come with
you." I stomped my feet and rubbed my arms to fight against the chill, the
desert night not anywhere near as hot as the desert day.

We all huddled outside the cave,
ready to find the twenty or so people Cheveyo gave us locations for. He said
some had no desire to be found, and he'd respect those wishes. Others had died,
a few suicides…a few more overdoses. He recycled their energy as quickly as it
came to him before Guides could get to it. They deserved some peace, he said. A
chance to love life instead of regretting it.

It'd take a while to find those
twenty, though, seeing as they were scattered around the world. Winston refused
to let me come, opting to take only Avery and Nicolette. Farren didn't seem to
mind, one arm already in the air and the other snaking around my waist.

I pushed him away. "Easy,
Ginger." I went to plead with Winston again. "Come on, let me come. I
can help."

Winston shook his head and launched
me back into Farren's hold. "Imma let you in on something, Tainted, and
you ain't gonna like it."

"What? What could you possibly
say that would–?"

"These people probably hate
you."

Yup, that got my attention. "Why
the hell would they hate me? They don't even know me."

He shrugged. "For starters, I
hate you. The you before, ah, you, anyway. And if you come, those people are
going to see a familiar face they've spent years wanting to forget. They might
try to kill you before we can get a word out."

The tears came so fast, I had
trouble holding them back. I couldn't hide the shaky voice, unfortunately. "Why
do you hate me?"

"I don't hate
you
. I
hated who you were. And I'd bet everything I had these people aren't your
biggest fans, either."

See! I knew it. Past me was an
asshole.

When he didn't volunteer any more
information and began to follow our earlier path back to town, I went after
him. "Hey! You can't say something that shitty and not explain."

He stopped without turning to face
me. No problem. I circled to his front. When he still didn't offer up an explanation,
I pushed him.

"You better watch yourself,
Tainted."

I pushed him again. "No, screw
that. Talk. Now."

"Or what?"

"Or…or I swear I'll…" I pushed
him a third time.

He caught my wrists, his cool never
leaving. "You really want to know?"

I had a hard time seeing his face,
tears now flowing without restraint.
No
would've been the best answer to
his question
.
"Yes."

He stuffed his hands in his back
pockets as his eyes hardened and his mouth thinned.

"Tell me already. I'm a big
girl."
Let's disregard the tears and my snot-swiping hand…

"Kendal was an amazing woman.
Kind, gentle, still able to love, even though she lived in that hell for so
long."

Oh, shit.

Once the first sentence spilled
out, he wouldn't stop talking. "And Mateusz? Good guy, your man's best
friend, actually. That is, until your threats against his woman made him fucking
crazy." He pulled a hand from his pocket and pointed at me. "You, on
the other hand, were a heartless bitch. We were all the enemies. Every last
Exemplian was guilty of ruining the universe's natural flow. Didn't matter to
you most were in the dark when it came to the truth, or those who weren't
wanted to leave the place as bad as you with people they loved."

"I… Avery said I fought for…"
What the hell did I fight for?

"You fought against everyone
who didn't see as black and white as you." His cool disappeared, replaced
by anger that rolled off him in waves. "That list? Those people? You dug,
blackmailed those you thought might ruin you and Avery's grand scheme. Save the
True Wardens, take away Exemplian power. Right the fucking universe!" He moved
closer until our noses almost touched. "Even if that meant destroying
every single person who desired freedom as much as you."

I stood my ground, but realized why
everyone was so leery of Winston. His anger radiated like an atom bomb. "
I
didn't do it, Winston." I wanted to show courage, but my voice came out
airy, betraying me.

His eyes closed and his hands shook
as he put them on my shoulders. "Kendal was my friend. What you did to her
killed her on the inside. Those people on that list, they left after your
execution to try to start new lives, afraid another vigilante would pick up
your cause. Avery felt guilty enough to help hide them, show they were recycled
in their files or rogues who were unfindable. Like she did for me. My name
might not be on that list, but I was on your radar."

Oh, my God. I'm a monster…

His fingers dug a little too hard
into my upper arms before letting go. "Finally, I had what I wanted. And
now, under different circumstances, you're again threatening everything. These
people will feel the same."

The tears came harder. Remorse,
guilt, hatred toward myself, all of it brought me to my knees. "I didn't
know."

Winston knelt beside me. "Now
you do."

I looked past him into the black
desert, wishing it'd swallow me whole. "I'm doing it again, aren't I?
Putting people's lives at risk? For the same thing."

He cupped my cheek. "It's
different now. You aren't the cause for all the fear this time; you're the
solution to end it. This life–
your
life–is different.
You're
different,
and I'm with you."

"But what if that's not
enough?"

His cool dug its way back to the
surface. "Didn't you hear me, Tainted? I'm with you, and every pissed off
rogue we find will know it."

Okay, okay, I'd admit it. I liked
the guy. I mean, really, really liked the guy. "You're pretty full of
yourself." I hiccupped a couple times, the spasms from my crying jag not
ready to cut my pride a break yet.

"Nah, I'm a facts guy, and
them's the facts." Winston stood, helping me up. "Go on now. Get
yourself back to your dude before he gets antsy. Tell him to expect these
people floating through his lines in a day or so."

My heart split and tore. Tarek. His
love for the past, the stories he told about this courageous, perfect woman I
could never live up to, all of it was a lie, a lie that burdened me with the
consequences.

A lie he'd have to explain.

Later.

"Winston? This plan you have,
wanna share a little?"

I didn't expect him to tell me
anything, and so when he moved to sit on a boulder and motioned for me to
follow, I hesitated. He sighed. "You want to know or not? I suppose I
should spill it, seeing as how you gotta leave Arcus sooner than the rest of
us."

"No, yeah, it's…"

He nodded at all our spectators
still waiting by the cave entrance and held up a hand. "One minute,
people." Grinning, he patted the spot next to him. "Sit. I'm about to
give you a glimpse of genius."

Too tired and drained to argue that
last point, I sat, propping my elbows on my knees. After he spoke for fifteen
minutes, using creative hand gestures to emphasize certain parts of the plan,
even quashing the initial fears Tarek had, the hope shined hot enough to
protect me from the desert chill. When he finished, I stared at him in complete
awe.

He raised a brow. "Well, what
do you think?"

I had to use all my willpower to
not get girlie and fling my arms around his neck. Farren's fangirl face found
its way onto mine. "You're brilliant."

He winked and hopped off the
boulder, holding his hand out to me. "Told you."

I'd forgive the arrogance because,
well, he
was
effing brilliant. "You think Wilma will go for it?"

He tapped his temple. "We've
been talking."

Couldn't help but feel a little
jealous. "Huh, that's nice, 'cause she hasn't bothered much with me the
past few days."

He laughed on his way back to the
group. "That's because you're not brilliant."

I snorted. "Whatever."

"And you're not to leave Arcus
until she gives you the okay and a location to open the portal."

I shrugged and jumped off the rock.
How long I stayed in Arcus depended on what Tarek had to tell me after I dumped
all this shit into his lap. I had to go to Empyrean before all my haters made
it to Arcus, and it was all my past self's fault. Wilma would understand if I
got there early. Hopefully.

Winston grabbed my elbow. "I
mean it. Be a good girl and do as you're told."

∞
∞ ∞

Farren opened the portal nowhere
near the castle so we could have a chance to talk alone. When I explained what
he and I would be doing in a little while, Farren didn't like it, but went
along. There was no denying how perfect Winston had everything mapped out. All
Farren would have to do was open a portal. I had the hard part. Confronting
Tarek, telling him I'd be leaving.

We walked in silence after hashing
out all the details. The squid didn't bother with us. Maybe they were used to
our presence, or maybe Belva let them know not to touch us. Whatever the
reason, I was grateful.

Before we reached the icy border
leading to the castle, I stopped Farren. Concern lighted his eyes, probably because
of the tears hovering in mine. He grabbed my shoulders, bending until we were
eye to eye. "What's wrong?"

I swallowed, trying to tamp down
the desire to sob. Stopped and started a sentence a few time times, too. How to
ask someone who felt more like a brother than a friend the tough questions? "Did
you hate me? Before?"

Coming right out and asking was one
way.

His eyes widened and his mouth
formed an O. He cleared his throat, took a breath to speak, and cleared his
throat again.

I had my answer.

"So, yes, then?"

He smiled, though his eyes grew
sad, and gave me a soft jab to the arm. "Come on, kid. Does it matter? I
love ya now."

Tears rolled. "Yes, it
matters! Of course! You've all done so much for me, and I don't deserve it. Any
of it. You've risked your life, Wilma and Tarek, too. For what? For a…a…bitch
who didn't give a shit about anyone?"

"No, we did it–we
do
it–for
you
."

I looked down at my hands, tears
now soaking them. Truth always hurt. "Not all of you."
Not Tarek…

Farren gathered me up in his big
arms and stroked my hair while I cried. Just sobbed. I sucked. Big time.

He bent to whisper in my ear. "I
couldn't hate you because I didn't know you, not really. You only ever let
Tarek and Wilma in."

She didn't even let them in, but I
said nothing.

"You were known to work hard,
for
the people. You were loved because of it."

The crying went into overdrive. "But
that's the problem, I didn't think about the people. At least, not Exemplians.
I lived a lie."

"What? That's not true. You
helped–"

"Winston told me. Everything.
The list? I used blackmail, Farren. I threatened those people. Bullied them, like
I did Kendal."

Farren still weaved fingers through
my hair, though now his hand shook a little. "Lena…"

"Was Kendal a terrible person?
Bent on some grand plan to destroy the world?"

"No." His voice was soft.

I left the safety of his arms. "Not
loving me so much now, are you?"

He gave a quiet smile. This time it
reached his eyes. "That, kid, will never change. Even if you decided to go
on a mass-murdering spree with pitchforks and a bible." He shrugged. "I'd
kick your ass, but I'd stick around to help clean up the mess."

Laughter bubbled from my throat,
spilling out. Through tears, I laughed. Laughed until my insides ached. He
joined me. We folded over holding our guts, making the squid fidget in the
trees.