Lost Highways (A Valentine Novel) (18 page)

“A few,” Charlene said in a knowing manner. “And look at all those people on the soap operas. If a person has half a brain she can sure learn from a soap—those people are hardly ever happy, and what they do most is jump from one affair to the next.

“Oh, my gosh, someone is pullin’ up…it’s Mary Lynn’s car…and she’s brought Jojo home…I wonder what’s happened, Jojo was goin’ to spend the night with Sarah over at their house. Mary Lynn looks serious…and she’s carryin’ somethin’. I’ve got to hang up now.”

Charlene’s voice had been steadily rising until it vibrated with high agitation. Rainey said, “Goodbye,” quickly in order to give her sister freedom, but as she went to hang up, she heard Charlene yell.

“Rainey, wait! Thanks for calling me, honey. And you are
not like Lila Hicks and never will be. Trust yourself. Don’t be afraid of your feelings. Don’t be afraid of
yourself
.”

She rather startled Rainey with her hurried stream of words, and it was several seconds before she got out, “Thanks, Charlene.” She didn’t know, though, if her sister heard, because quite quickly there came the hard click of the phone being hung up.

As she replaced the receiver, she wondered about Jojo. Her niece was the sweetest little girl, but she could do unpredictable things. One time she had taken twenty dollars from the jar in the kitchen, money Charlene was saving for Joey’s birthday party, and bought ice cream for all the neighborhood kids, and another time she had hidden a little neighbor boy under her bed for an entire night.

Rainey supposed it was this little quirky bent of Jojo’s that made her one of Rainey’s favorite people.

Slipping down in the bed, she rolled over and closed her eyes, feeling relaxation wash over her. She mused that the talking hadn’t settled anything, but at least it had gotten her jumbled emotions out. As she fell asleep, she thought of how she could be unpredictable, too, like Jojo. But she was all she had. And she was tired of being afraid of herself.

A knock sounded on the door while she was using the curling iron on her hair. Her heartbeat did a little jump. She whipped open the door, and there was Harry, as she had known he would be. But she was surprised to see him holding a small arrangement of flowers toward her.

When she just stood there staring, he pushed them closer, saying, “These are for you.”

“Oh.” She took the vase of flowers. “Thank you.”

She realized she needed to step backward to let him in.

“Where did you get these?” she thought to ask. The flowers were in fall colors, mums, little lilies, carnations, all her favorites.

“Florists deliver. So does the pizza parlor, and I hope you like yours with mushrooms. It should be arriving any minute. I thought we could have pizza in and avoid rushing and the crowd, and after the rodeo, we could go over to this restaurant the clerk told me about and get dinner. I didn’t think you’d be able to go much longer than four hours without food.”

He went over and sat himself down in the blue upholstered chair. Sat all the way back in it.

Rainey set the vase on the table and thanked him again.

He said, “I wanted to show you I appreciate what you’ve done for me.”

“I haven’t done anything special. I’ve appreciated your company.” Then she turned quickly, saying, “I just have to finish with my hair.” She was going to pull it back in a ponytail at her neck, but the ends needed to be controlled.

Looking into the mirror, she heard him click on the television, and then her gaze drifted to see his reflection in the glass. He had the remote in his hand as he watched CNN.

She kept glancing at him in the mirror, quick little glances that she didn’t think he could see, and she saw him glance at her, but they each went on pretending as if neither felt the pull between them. It was a magnetic pull, one that suddenly was so strong that she imagined if someone tried to walk between them, they would get bounced right off the magnetic waves.

She would glance at him and then at the vase of flowers. She told herself that the magnetic pull was probably her imagination, but then she saw him repeatedly looking at the floor in her direction, and she realized he was looking at her feet, which were bare.

This caused her to became inordinately aware of her bare
feet. She felt naked. The pull continued between them, so strong that she could not meet his gaze for fear that a blaze might occur in midair.

She began to think that maybe she should bring it out in the open, say something like, “Listen, we have got to get this settled. Are we going to make love?”

Or maybe she would simply turn around and go to him and kiss him.

But of course she couldn’t do that. There wasn’t time, for one thing. She had to get herself together and get over to race Lulu around barrels.

She was all wrapped up in these thoughts while Harry watched television and looked at her feet, and then she dropped her earring as she pulled it from her jewelry pouch.

It was her habit to wear the silver disks with Indian designs when she rode; she felt they were her lucky earrings, even though she didn’t really believe in luck but in God. Maybe she believed mostly in her mother, because it had been Mama who had given her these earrings.

When she dropped the earring, it bounced in a most peculiar way, and she didn’t see it anywhere. The carpet was a gunmetal color, and her earring was antiqued silver. She went down on her hands and knees, and then Harry came over to help her look. He got down, too.

“I don’t see how I could lose it in this little space.”

“Maybe it bounced into the bathroom…I don’t see it.”

“Well, it couldn’t have disappeared.”

“Here it is.” He had moved the trash can and found it lying next to the baseboard.

“Well, that is strange…bet I couldn’t do that again.”

Then he was looking at her ear and saying he would put it in for her. She stood stock-still with anticipation. His hands
were gentle, and he knotted his brows in concentration. She tingled from her ear down her neck at his touch. Then the magnetic force took hold of both of them and brought their eyes together. There really was no need for words, because they were both asking the same question.

Rainey looked at his lips, and the memory of when he had kissed her flashed across her mind. The next instant, she said, “Thank you,” and turned away and began throwing all her cosmetics and brushes back into their case, clinging to ignoring him for all she was worth.

Then the young man arrived with the pizza. Rainey hurried to get into her purse for money, but it turned out that Harry had cash. He said he’d found an ATM at the convenience store half a mile down the road. Apparently he had been getting around while she’d been sleeping.

Rodeo Gals

R
ainey almost missed the grand entry.

It took more time than she had imagined to stop and get a collar and leash for the puppy, and she felt that had to be done, since he was going to be left tied to the trailer while they attended the rodeo. They selected the collar and leash quickly enough, but then had to stand in a long checkout line, made longer because the cash register decided to get confused. Pretty soon three people had to work it over. Rainey might have just left the collar and leash, but she worried that because of her procrastination in getting a proper leash and collar, and then her impatience, the puppy might get hurt.

Then she discovered Lulu had thrown a shoe. She found it in her stall. The mare had probably kicked the stall wall, in the way she had of doing when she got annoyed at being confined. The only farrier was backed up with serious difficulties with two roping horses, and slowed by a handy bottle of Jim Beam, too. If Lulu had thrown the shoe right before the race, Rainey would
have raced with it like that, but since it had happened early enough to get corrected, she felt it her duty to do so, even if it meant she could possibly miss the grand entry.

As she awaited her turn, not wanting to miss her place in line, feeling disappointed because she wanted to ride out in front of Harry, who had gone off to get them box seats and would be looking for her, might even worry about what had happened to her, Leanne came by, saw her predicament and said she would ask Clay to fix it.

“Clay’s daddy was a farrier, and he’s shod horses since he was a boy. He does all my horseshoeing. I won’t let anyone else touch them.”

Rainey appreciated Leanne’s generosity. Her cousin obviously was confident that there was no way Rainey was going to come close to being competition for her.

Leanne went off and came back with Clay, who was terribly handsome and likely looked great bare-chested on a calendar. Her next impression, however, was of a surly individual.

“Come on over to the trailer,” he said in a gruff voice, directly after Leanne had made the introductions.

Pivoting, he started away in long rapid strides. He might not have been overly tall, but he had long legs. Leanne, tugging along her horse, ran to catch up to him, and Rainey tugged Lulu and broke into a jog to follow, going out into the twilight, leaving the riders gathering for the entry and the music pouring out of the arena. They had to pass right by her own rig, and the puppy wagged and barked, and she felt mean not stopping, but she hurried on, having the sense that if she so much as slowed down, Clay was going to whirl on her and yell, “Come on.”

Clay reset Lulu’s shoe in the manner of a man who could do it in his sleep. While Rainey could not fault his ability, she did not approve of his impatient manner toward Lulu.
Rainey stood there paying attention in a way that let him
know
she was paying attention, ready to jump in if he got too rough with her horse. Leanne ducked into the trailer and came back out and stood nearby, and she and Rainey chatted, the sort of talk you have when you really aren’t paying attention.

“Lulu is pretty as ever,” Leanne said.

“She’s reached her prime.”

“I have a gelding you might be interested in, if you want to keep racing and get somewhere with it.”

“I don’t know. I’m goin’ home on Sunday.” It occurred to her that going home had nothing to do with it, but it seemed to.

Leanne said, “Oh, well, maybe when I get back there I’ll give you a call.”

Then they both fell silent. Leanne seemed to fade inside herself. Although she didn’t say anything to Clay, it was like she was listening to him. She stood watching him with her arms sort of wrapped around herself. There was something about the two of them that made Rainey nervous. Of course, Leanne usually made her a little nervous.

Clay finished and dropped Lulu’s foot, saying, “You’d better get her shod all around pretty quick. That’ll be thirty dollars.”

She was so surprised that at first she wondered if she’d heard him correctly.

“Oh, Clay, don’t be silly,” Leanne said in a surprised and annoyed tone. “This is my cousin…no, Rainey, do not worry about it.”

“I think all I have is a twenty,” Rainey said, digging into her pocket.

“I said don’t worry about it,” Leanne said, her voice sharp. “I’ll cover it.”

Clay hadn’t said anything. He was putting his tools away.
Leanne had her eyes glued on him, while giving Rainey a dismissing wave.

Rainey, uncertain, held out the twenty, and Clay took it with a nod, and then the three of them started back to the arena, Clay again walking quickly and Leanne double stepping to keep up with him. Rainey was just as happy to follow more slowly with Lulu, to put a distance between herself and them. She could hear Leanne’s angry whispers and Clay’s deeper ones. She was a little embarrassed to think she was the cause of them arguing.

Thirty bucks for ten minutes work, she thought. It was the expertise that cost, not the time, she supposed, mulling over the fact that back home she could have had Lulu completely shod all the way around for a top price of forty-five dollars. But she wasn’t back home, and this had been an emergency, so she supposed she should be grateful. A man was worthy of his hire. And he wasn’t a relative of hers. Thank heaven.

She had always loved rodeo grand entries. She liked the lively music that played and the way, at the small, hometown rodeos, that everyone rode around, from fat grandmothers to little bitty cowboys about falling off their mean old Shetland ponies.

This rodeo, being professional and a little higher on the scale, had only the professionals riding around. Men who worked for the rodeo company and a rodeo queen did a routine with the Texas flag, the rodeo company flag and the Stars and Stripes. The rest of them—Leanne and Rainey managing to make it in at the tail—just rode around them, a flamboyant rush of colors, pounding hooves and flowing tails.

Perhaps Lulu was not the fastest barrel racing horse, but it was Rainey’s belief that her mare was one of the prettiest out there, and Rainey had dressed carefully, keeping in mind as she always did to wear colors to match her saddle blanket and
Lulu, too. Charlene had been the one to teach her to do that; she called it having flow. Rainey knew she was a good sight, and she rode around with confidence.
Cocky
would be a good word. There on Lulu she knew she was okay and in control of herself.

She missed Harry the first time she went around, but she found him on the second. He sat right in front, almost in the middle of the arena. He had his hat on. She waved, and he waved back, with that grin of his.

The Amarillo rodeo arena was old and small and great for people in the box seats around the rail, who got a close-up view of the contestants trying their hearts out and breaking their necks.

“Oh…I can’t look!” she cried and covered her eyes with her hands.

She heard the buzzer, and Harry said, “He’s okay,” and patted her thigh.

“He is? Oh, good.”

She let out her breath. Harry was regarding her curiously.

“I get so excited, no matter how much I see all of this. And in these seats, we could end up watching someone get his neck broken right in front of our faces.”

Right then, as she spoke, a pickup man rode in front of her, and she could have reached out and plucked the Skoal from his back pocket, if his pants hadn’t been so tight.

She saw the bronc rider dusting himself off in the arena not fifteen feet from their seats. He raised a hand to the crowd, but he was limping. A boy, he appeared to Rainey, when he’d come bouncing past on a thick bucking horse, bouncing so hard that there was a foot of daylight between his bottom and the bronc saddle, until he slipped sideways and then clean off and was dragged along with his hand still wrapped in the rope. It was a
wonder his arm had not been ripped clean off before the pickup man managed to get alongside to rescue him.

“I’ll bet his mother is having a good cry somewhere,” she said, watching him until he went out of sight behind the chutes. The thought that she could have a son that age startled her.

“I’ve seen them as young as that mangled from car wrecks while they drag raced.”

Harry’s comment reminded her that he was a doctor, which she guessed she tended to think little about. He leaned forward, his gaze swinging back to the chutes, and she looked at his dark hair curled over his collar. Itched to put her hand there. That he was a doctor seemed strange to her in that moment, although she couldn’t say why. She had thought he was on the edge of his seat from interest, but now she wondered if maybe it was his habit to stay ready for any sort of contingency.

After the grand entry, she had put Lulu in her stall and come to join Harry until it was time for the barrel racing. That was the definite advantage of not being a champion. Leanne wouldn’t leave her horse alone and was very careful in whose care she did leave him when she had to, because she was afraid someone might steal or drug him. She was right this minute riding her horse quietly around in the area behind the arena.

The announcer was giving the names of the bucking horses coming up and telling a little about each one, to take up time while the next entrant prepared to ride. When the announcer called the name Pete Lucas, Rainey recognized it as the one Leanne had mentioned in connection with Clay’s. He appeared to be having a bit of trouble getting settled on his bronc, because the bronc—called Texas Tornado—kept trying to climb over the rails of the chute. All the bucking horses were named—the bulls, too—and generally lived a well-fed and even pampered life when they were away from the arena. When they
proved to be good stock, they got to be well-known and thought of fondly in many cases.

All this Rainey explained to Harry as Pete Lucas tried to get himself atop the bronc. Then the chute opened and Texas Tornado jumped out, clearing the ground with all four feet, and she almost put her hands over her eyes, but she got so caught up that she didn’t. The bucking horse sunfished before taking off across the arena, with Pete Lucas bouncing right in the middle of his back and pumping his legs in rhythm with the horse, perfectly balanced, reclining so far he was about lying down. He made such a ride that it brought people to their feet and cheering.

Rainey and Harry clapped and cheered as hard as everyone else. He grinned at her, and she did the silliest thing. She leaned over and kissed him quickly.

Undoubtedly it was the lively look in his brown eyes, and she was certain that being only a few feet away from the possibility of witnessing death affected her, because she suddenly felt extremely alive.

Harry didn’t look surprised. Pleased, but not surprised. Probably he had often been near death and not a lot surprised him.

She was surprised at herself, though, and turned quickly away to watch the next rider.

It was as if she were seeing it all through new eyes, as she explained the rules and objectives to Harry. He really liked the steer roping, but the bulldogging appeared to be his very favorite. At first he got awfully upset about the way the steer was jerked around by the neck, by both the rope and the man’s hands, but when each time the animal got up and trotted away unhurt, he relaxed. Rainey decided not to tell him about the one time she had seen a steer that did not get up and trot away after
being roped. All sports have their fluke accidents. If people didn’t accept that, she supposed elementary school football would have been stopped a long time ago.

“I have to go get ready.”

She really hated to leave him. They were having such a good time, and the intermission clown act was wonderful, but she couldn’t sit still any longer. She had begun to worry about her performance in front of Harry, and to anticipate it, too.

“I’ll go with you,” he said, standing.

She looked at him. “You won’t be able to see the races much from the entry door, but you could run back up here, I guess…if you want to do that.”

He said he would, and suddenly she was very glad he was coming with her. She reached over and took his hand, leading him along.

The night had turned sharp, and they stopped for her jacket at the truck, and to pet the puppy.

The horse barn had people coming and going, but it was a different atmosphere, illuminated by light fixtures dropped from the ceiling. More intimate and expectant somehow. With Harry walking alongside, she led Lulu to the outside training pen. As she mounted to ride the mare in a few warm-up circles, Harry, no doubt recalling how his watching her disturbed her concentration, casually went to the truck, ostensibly to quiet the puppy from barking.

As she rode into the staging area, he walked along beside Lulu. The other barrel racers were waiting there, and one said that the clown act was about to wind up. The Dodge truck was ready to drive in and set up the barrels.

She glanced down to see Harry’s bright eyes upon her. He reached up and put a hand on her thigh, letting it rest there. She
was aware of his warm palm clear through the denim fabric of her jeans. Aware of his long legs as he stood casually, his wide, wiry shoulders under his denim jacket and his intent brown eyes shadowed by his hat.

Rather than a distraction, his presence was at that moment a comfort. The knowledge came full upon her how sweet it felt that he was there and sharing it all with her. Pulling for her. And then she was swept with sadness, thinking of her mother and that this was what her mother had wanted, each time she had asked one of them to come watch her. Mama had wanted to share her experiences, her trying, and just whatever happened with something that she loved to do.

Rainey felt great regret that she had let slip past so many of those times she could have enriched her mother’s life and had her own enriched, by sharing. She wondered if these regrets would ever quit washing over her.

Loud explosions came from the clown act in the arena—clown acts relied heavily on smoky explosions—and then out came the clowns and in went the Dodge truck with the barrels.

Harry gave her thigh a squeeze. “Good luck.” And then he left to go back to his seat. She watched him walk away, but it was as if a part of him remained, and she wasn’t alone.