Lost Paradise (12 page)

As I dressed, I kept wondering what last
night would mean for me. If Dev and Danial had their way, our
threesome would happen again. I’d enjoyed it, no question. But
instead of excitement, the prospect of a repeat sometime soon left
me feeling uneasy and worried.
What was wrong with me? What had
changed? What we’d done had been my fantasy, hadn’t it?

After showering quickly, I dressed, then saw
to my wet hair, conditioning it and coiling it up out of the way.
When I reentered the bedroom, both Devlin and Danial were reading
some old books of poetry. To my surprise, it was Danial who held a
copy of Dante’s Inferno, and Devlin that was perusing Paradise
Lost. “A little light reading this morning?” I quipped. “What
happened to love and passion?”

Devlin lowered his book, giving me a smoky
gaze. “Our state cannot be severed. We are one, Sweet Sar.”

I smiled. “Not at all the sentiment I
expected from those pages, Dev.”

Danial took the book from Devlin, then
flipped a few pages. “Here is one of the more quoted verses, Love.”
He cleared his throat. “A mind not to be changed by place or time.
The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell,
or a hell of heaven.”

A dark thought, and one that mirrored my
own disquiet this morning. Did Danial suspect my omission of last
night?
I kept the smile on my face with effort. “More what I
was expecting.”

Devlin shot Danial an annoyed look, then took
the book back, flipping pages. “All is not lost,” he intoned
grandly. “The unconquerable will and study of revenge, immortal
hate, and the courage never to submit or yield.” He turned his eyes
to me, his forceful tone changing to sensuous. “What is dark within
me, thou illuminates. Grace is in all your steps, Heaven in your
eyes, in every gesture dignity and love.”

Danial rolled his eyes. “He who overcomes by
force overcomes but half his foe, Dev.”

It was going to be a poetry quoting war
shortly in here.
I headed for the door. “Remember, stay here.
I’ll be back shortly.”

“Give me a kiss, before you go!” Devlin said,
tossing aside the book and reaching for me.

Danial pushed him back down roughly. “Shut up
and give your libido a rest, for once.”

I laughed at the dark look Dev shot Danial as
I closed the door after me. Turning, I jumped, startled to see Lash
lying on the couch under several blankets, his clothes in a pile on
the floor near his whip, knife, and boots.

He was devoted to Dev, no question. I
ventured closer, knowing he had to be awake after Elle’s tirade
earlier. Since I was making breakfast. I might as well see if he
wanted any.

I went over and crouched next to him, but
didn’t touch him. “Lash,” I said softly.

He opened his eyes. “You woke me,” he hissed,
stretching under the blankets, and yawning just a little. “Not very
nice.”

“You’re full of it, Liar,” I said, giving him
a half smile. “Do you want any breakfast?”

“Only if you have blood,” he said, reflecting
a half smile back at me.

I should have seen that coming. “I’ll check
and see. We should have raw chicken, or beef?” I offered.

“The latter will do,” he said. “Especially if
you put a little in the blender for me, liquidate it, then heat it
up a little.”

Was he serious? Yuck
. I looked at him,
and decided he was serious. “I’ll see what I can do,” I said
cautiously.

Lash saw my hesitation. “I can do it,” he
said, and began to get up.

He had to be naked. What if it a flash of
skin brought The Lust again?
“Stay here, please!” I said
emphatically, gesturing for him to sit.

He sank back down on the couch, amused.

“I need to talk to my daughter. Please just
stay here and keep everyone away. If you see Theo come up, tell him
to wait, too.”

Lash nodded once. “Sure. But aren’t you going
to ask Theo about breakfast?” he hissed, his smile baring one fang.
“We wouldn’t want him to feel left out.”

I laughed, trying to ease my sudden tension.
“I already know he wants some, and what he wants.” Quickly I turned
away from him, and went into the kitchen.

Elle was there at the counter, dressed and
looking stonily at nothing. Theoron was in his pajamas, trying to
get the bacon out of the package, but it was frozen into a hard
block and wouldn’t come out.

“Theo, go get dressed,” I said. “We have
guests for breakfast, and it’s not polite.”

“It’s just Uncle Dev and Lash,” Theo said
softly, still prying at the bacon.

“Do what I said,” I repeated harshly. Theoron
gave me wide eyes, and went.

I closed the kitchen door.
Time for the
Big Talk.
“Elle, I think we need to talk—”

“They’ll still hear all of this, your four
lovers!” Elle shouted, her face was filled with tears. “Don’t
bother closing the door!”

I grabbed her hand. She tore it free of mine,
but not before I had teleported her to Terian’s lab. “Why bring me
here!” she yelled at me. “Are you going to tell me he was your
lover, too?”

“No,” I said quietly. “But you are right that
we need privacy, and we weren’t going to get any in the kitchen. I
have some things to say to you—”

“What, to tell me something I don’t know? Why
don’t you tell me you’re not a slut—!”

I grabbed hold of her and then shook her a
few times, as hard as I could, screaming “Shut up!” She looked at
me in shock, and shut her mouth. I took a deep breath, trying to
calm myself. “Elle, I am your mother, and you don’t have to love
me—”

“You aren’t my mother, not really,” she said
nastily, her eyes yellow.

That hurt. A lot.
“I’m the only mother
you’re ever going to know,” I retorted angrily. “Now sit your ass
down and shut your mouth for a moment.”

Elle sat down, tears leaking from her
eyes.

I sat across from her, and took one of her
hands. “I’m sorry I yelled at you. But your brother is going to
come back soon, and we have to be there when he does. I—”

“How can you let him touch you?” Elle wailed,
crying hard. “I smelled you on him! He’s not even handsome, and
Theo and he don’t like each other at all, they were trading insults
all night—”

Great.
“Lash and Theo have some kind
of feud—”

“—
and you told me you didn’t trust
Devlin! Theo said you had to have the baby for him, that you didn’t
have a choice, but you clearly wanted to be with him
yesterday—”

“Elle, please!” I said raggedly.

“—
and I found out that Devlin’s had
other women besides you! I smelled one on him last night! You’re
pregnant with his child! He doesn’t love you, Mom! He doesn’t even
respect you! How can you love him, let him treat you like that?”
She was crying hard.

I hugged her to me, blinking back tears in my
eyes. Everything she’d said was true, but that didn’t change
anything for me.

“Elle, I kept most of the hard facts from
you,” I said finally. “I thought you were too young to know.”

“Know what?” she said, sniffling.

“When I’m pregnant with a vampire’s child, I
channel some of the lust that they feel when they take blood. But
because I’m not a vampire, my lust is for sex, not blood.”

“That’s why were you with Lash?” she asked,
making a grimace.

Okay, try not to sound defensive
. “The
Lust likes him for some reason. But I don’t want you to let this
get to you. It’s a normal part of having a dhamphir. When I was
pregnant with your brother this happened until the pregnancy
reached four months. I’m almost four months now, so this won’t last
much longer.”

“So you don’t love him?”

“No, I don’t,” I replied. “When The Lust is
done, I won’t be with Lash anymore. He knows this, Elle. He’s only
doing this because Devlin asked him to, as a favor.”

“But you love Devlin,” she said coldly.
“You’re Oathed to him.”

“Elle, I made a deal with him, one I
explained to you already, But you’re right, I do love him, and I
did make him a promise.” I swallowed hard. “I know about the other
women, and gave him permission for it. I know it’s odd, with what I
always told you about how you should always walk if a man
cheats—”

“He saved you so you owe him sex?” she
interjected angrily. “You owe him a baby for your life?”

How had she learned so much so fast?
Listening to the weres? Overhearing Danial?
“I don’t owe him
anything,” I replied. “But I need him and he wants me. It might not
be that way forever—”

“Why couldn’t you just be with Dad?” she
said, pulling back from me, a hard look in her eyes. “You love him
more than Devlin, I know it.”

“Because Devlin didn’t give me that choice!”
I shouted. “The other Rulers were going to kill your fathers, both
of them! You would never have seen me again. I made the only choice
I could, Elle. Stop berating me for it!”

“Can’t you get out of your Oath?” Elle began,
her eyes filling again with tears.

“No! Elle, if I told Devlin that I refused to
be with him anymore, he would not just say that was okay! I know
that from firsthand experience, because I refused him once before!”
I let all my memories of Devlin’s threats flood into my eyes. “Do
you understand what I’m saying, or do you need me to spell it out
for you?”

She hugged me hard enough to hurt me a
little, then began crying hard again. I comforted her, wiping away
some tears of my own in the process. “I’m sorry,” she said finally.
“I didn’t know. Dad never told me that.”

“Your dad didn’t want you to know. Neither
did I.”

Elle nodded. “I understand that,” she said.
“But I hate him,” she growled. “I don’t want him near me, Mom.”

I knew who she meant. “You don’t have to like
Dev. But you have to let him touch me, if he wants to. I can handle
him. And no more scenes like this morning,” I added gently. “Devlin
may spend the night again like he did last night.”

“Dad doesn’t like sharing you—”

“That depends on who is involved, Elle,” I
said meaningfully. “But that is his business and mine, not yours,
and we will handle it.”

Her face went white. “Dad is jealous—”

“No, he isn’t,” I lied, telling myself it was
partly true. “Danial is happy that I’m Oathed to both him and
Devlin, Elle. He’s happy I’m having Devlin’s child. You need to
know and accept that your father wanted Devlin here last night.
Devlin will probably come here again. All you need to do when he
does is be polite when you see him and excuse yourself. Now can you
handle that or not?”

Elle nodded slowly. “I guess so.”

I stood up. “We should go back. Your brother
has got to be in the kitchen by now. I don’t want him to turn on
the stove and burn himself. It will hurt, even if he heals.”

She blew her nose a final time. “I’m
ready.”

I teleported her into her room. She turned to
me in surprise.

“You look like you’ve been crying,” I said.
“Cool down your face some, and then come out.”

“Thanks,” she said softly, hugging me. “I’m
sorry…what I said. You are my mother. I wouldn’t want another, not
ever.”

I hugged her hard, knowing I was going to
have to get a cold cloth of my own for my face now, because my
cheeks were flushed, my salty hot tears running down them in a
river.

* * * *

When I teleported back to the kitchen a few
minutes late, Theoron was there working on the sausage. He had
gotten all the bacon defrosted somehow, and it waited in a moist
pile on a plate. The sausage was defrosted, too, at least most of
it. I watched him put one piece at a time in the microwave and hit
the button, and bit my lip, holding in my amusement and
affection.

“Good job,” I said lovingly, going to the
fridge and taking out a steak. Tossing it into the large blender, I
hit liquefy. Carefully, I poured some of the meat juice into a
large mug, and then put it in the microwave. Theoron watched me
hungrily.

“Watch that for me,” I said to him. “Taste it
when it comes out, and tell me if it’s hot enough.” He nodded
eagerly.

I got the meat and eggs cooking, then started
in on the waffles. When the microwave beeped, Theoron got out the
mug, and tasted the contents.

“Warm enough?” I asked.

“No,” Theoron said, making a face. “Though
it’s really good!”

“Nuke it again,” I said, and then added as an
afterthought, “and please put the rest in another mug as well, and
heat that up, too.”

Theoron hastened to comply. When the
microwave beeped again, the mug was steaming, the coppery tang of
blood scenting the air. I was relieved it didn’t smell good to me.
I worried sometimes that one day it was going to.

“Is it warm enough?”

Theoron tasted both mugs and nodded.

“Take the bigger one in to Lash then,” I
said. “The other one is for you.”

Taking them both carefully, Theoron walked
out of the kitchen. I heard him say, “From Mom,” to Lash, and then
Lash’s hiss of thanks.

When Theoron didn’t come back, I surmised he
was sitting with Lash, though I didn’t hear them talking.
Well,
that would make Danial pop a gasket...

The cellar door opened. I heard Theo greet
Theoron, though he said nothing to Lash. He came into the kitchen,
giving me a sunny smile.

“Good Morning,” I said.

Theo gave my cheek a kiss. “I knew I smelled
bacon,” he said, inhaling deeply.

“I made the whole package,” I said. “How many
eggs?”

“Five,” Theo said hungrily. “I ate too much
popcorn last night. I need to have a good breakfast.”

“I’m making waffles,” I said, even though it
was obvious. “Elle should be in shortly.”

“I tried talking to her last night,” Theo
murmured. “She got angry, and so did I. It didn’t end well. I said
some things I probably shouldn’t have. She went to bed angry.”