Lost Paradise (15 page)

The armor was stacked along the wall, names
of the owners above it. Each guard of Danial’s had a set, with two
sets each for Danial and Theo. “Terian is the only one without
armor?”

“He said he didn’t need any,” Theo muttered.
“I’m trying to get him to reconsider. Magical armor isn’t 100%
reliable.” He offered me Janice’s vest-like tunic. “Put this
on.”

We both suited up. The armor was lightweight,
made to move in, yet it was hot from all the insulating Kevlar and
other round stopping materials.
Good thing it isn’t
August.

Theo handed me a gun with explosive bullets.
“Strap this on.” He grabbed a handful of extra clips then that were
pre-loaded, then took my hand. “Go.”

We appeared at the clearing’s edge, near the
truck. There was a man lying underneath with his feet sticking out,
hooking something up to the bottom of it. Theo shot him at once,
then shoved me behind a pine tree. The man slumped to the ground as
bullets fired, spraying everywhere. I crouched behind the spruce,
breathing hard, and trying to tell where our attackers were. A few
bullets hit near me on either side of the tree, making craters in
the earth.

I let out an “Eek!” sound and stayed down.
More bullets mowed down small trees, and made huge holes in others,
including mine. Finally I began crawling away on my belly, worried
that the repeated blasts to the trunk would knock the tree over on
me. I made it to another tree just as one of their guys hit the
park sign, blowing a ragged hole, the metal curling back with a
shriek.

Trying to be brave, I whispered a prayer for
good aim and fired, managing to wing one man before he ducked
behind a tree. I kept firing with growing embarrassment, missing my
target routinely.

Theo, of course, had been practicing right
along. He hit everyone he aimed at with deadly accuracy. Within
moments, it was over, silence descending as the smoke cleared.

I stayed where I was for another ten minutes,
waiting for a signal. “I don’t hear anyone else,” Theo called
finally. “We’re clear.” He appeared from behind a tree, holstered
his gun, and then walked toward his truck, gesturing for me to keep
back.

I sat down and waited for him by my tree,
resting against it.

“It’s a bomb,” he called. “I want you to stay
back there, while I disarm it.”

“I didn’t know you could do that,” I said
admiringly.

“I can build them, too,” he replied smoothly.
“And set snares, and pick locks—”

“Show me that last one,” I asked hopefully “I
won’t have to worry the next time I’m at Danial’s and don't have my
keys.”

Theo’s smiled faded. “I’ll teach you.” Then
he moved back beneath the truck and began working.

I wasn’t sure how many minutes it took, but
it wasn’t long. Theo emerged from under the truck, a bundle in his
hands. “All set, Sar.”

I came toward him, watching him stow it
behind his seat. “Are you saving it for later?”

“Yes,” he said, like it was completely
normal. “I don't dare leave it here, and it’s possible I can reuse
some of it.”

“You never told me you blew things up,” I
teased.

“I usually don’t,” he replied. “But it’s good
to have the technology, in case you need to.”

I nodded. “Can you teach me that, too?”

“Let’s work on the locks first,” Theo said
drolly, gesturing to the side door. “We’ll work up to bombs when
you’ve got those mastered. Let’s go home.”

* * * *

After a shower and some chicken soup, we
began playing with the front lock, Theo giving me pointers. Within
an hour, he had me working on the lock like a pro.

“It can’t always be this easy,” I said
worriedly. “I always felt so safe locking my door. I never knew it
was so easy to bypass.”

“Most thieves aren’t after old DVDs and
firewood,” Theo laughed. “We’ve safe enough, Sar. But always lock
the deadbolt. That a thief can’t pick, ever.”

The phone rang.

Theo’s smile faded. “You’d better get
that.”

It was Danial. “Are you coming into work
tomorrow?”

“You know that isn’t why you’re calling,” I
replied. “You’re calling to make sure I’m okay, because you heard
about the scene earlier today from Devlin.”

Danial paused, then said. “I heard about it,
yes. I had hoped Theo wouldn’t find out what we had done.”

“Why not?” I said curiously. “You had to know
he would.”

“I didn’t want him to know,” Danial
reiterated.

“Why?” I said pointedly.

Danial just sighed.

“You’re embarrassed?” I asked, slightly
shocked. “Why, Danial? Because you enjoyed what you did to me?”

“Devlin told him it was my fantasy as well as
yours, he said,” Danial said reluctantly. “Did he really say
that?”

“Yes.”

Danial didn’t reply.

“Why did you call, if you aren’t going to
talk at all,” I said, slightly irritated at his sudden guilt.

“Devlin wants me to ask you something,
Sarelle.”

The use of my full name was never a good
sign. “I’m not doing it, whatever he wants,” I said firmly. “I need
a break, Danial.”

“I’m glad,” he said, relieved. “I did not
want to ask it of you.”

I didn’t want to know anything more, not
after hearing his relief. “Then let’s go over the weekend. I’ll see
you on Saturday. I’ll be with Devlin on Friday, all Friday. But
I’ll come into work Wednesday, to make up for it. Does that work
for you?”

“That’s fine. I’ll be out of town anyway
until Friday night. We’ll spend Saturday night together. Chuck said
he’s bringing Poe and Annabelle Lee to my house about seven, so be
here by then.”

“Sounds good. I’m not going to be able to
ride much longer.”

“We’ll only be walking the horses. If you
weren’t so experienced, and familiar with your mount, I wouldn’t
let you ride at all. But I know you enjoy it, and the danger is
small.”

I did enjoy his gentlemanly protectiveness.
“You’re sweet, Danial. But I need to go. I’ll see you
tomorrow.”

“Good night, Sar. I love you.”

“I love you, too,” I said, and hung up.

I went into my bedroom to find Theo reading
in bed, nude. He never read much, save gun magazines and that NRA
magazine I’d gotten him for Christmas,
America’s First
Freedom
.

Tonight it was a bullet catalog. “Looking
into some new kind of ammo?”

“Just reordering.”

“Ready for bed?” I said, letting my gaze
linger on him.

“No,” he said, putting down the magazine.
“I’m worried about you.”

“Why?” I said, coming over to sit by him and
laying my hand on his arm.

“I’m worried about you staying here with me,”
Theo said, his blue eyes concerned. “I’m a target, and I don't want
to risk you or the children.”

“You just told me the locks we have are
fine.”

“For repelling small time burglars, sure,” he
replied worriedly. “But Robert could get through them as fast as I
did tonight. Much as I don’t want you to, maybe you should stay
with Devlin—”

“No way,” I shouted. “I’m not staying with
him!”

Theo turned to me and grabbed my shoulders.
“What is it with you?” he said, his eyes hard. “You tell me you
love him and you’re having his baby. You just had exotic sex with
him and his brother at the same time. Yet you don’t want to live
with him, even if it’s just for a little while? You could’ve been
killed today!”

I flushed deep red. “Don’t you want me with
you?” I asked meekly.

Theo’s face softened. “Of course I do. But
maybe that isn’t the safest place for you—”

“There’s danger no matter where I am—”

“Don’t argue with me. I’m your husband—”

Suddenly enraged at his presumptuous,
patronizing tone, I got up, and left the room.

“Sar!” he called after me.

I didn’t answer him. I needed some space from
all the men in my life, beginning right now. Grabbing my jacket and
my keys, I headed out to the truck.

“Sar!” Theo shouted. “Come back!”

He’d be out here in a few seconds, once he
pulled on some clothes.
If I wanted to get away, I had better
move fast.
I got in the truck, raised the garage door, and
started the engine. Backing out quickly, I drove off, keeping my
lights off until I reached the road.

I drove aimlessly for a while, wishing
futilely that I had a girlfriend to talk to who would understand.
Kat was out: she only had one man to make happy, so she couldn’t
understand my troubles, plus she’d be appalled. Serena might
understand, but she was probably working, as it was night. Suri
might have understood, she’d loved two men at once. But she was
dead; she had died in my arms last summer.

Screw it, I would go talk to Suri. At least
she was sure not to be appalled, dead as she was. I drove to the
Chinese restaurant, parked, and then walked to the Eckerd’s nearby
and bought some flowers. They were green carnations for St.
Patrick’s Day. Suri would think they were comical, if she was
looking down from Heaven. Walking back outside, I strode over
behind the dumpster, and teleported to Danial’s land. Soon, I was
standing beneath the branches of the great oak tree in his
cemetery.

I walked to Suri’s grave, and sat beside her
headstone. “Hi, Suri,” I said, laying my hand on her headstone. It
was cold beneath my fingers. The wind whispered in the leafless
trees, making them sway.

“I’m so afraid. I don’t know what to do. Some
of my frustration is that there is nothing I can do. I spend most
of the time feeling panicked, trapped, and I don't know why. I
wanted Devlin. I wanted to be with him. I know I loved him, I felt
it! Now that I have him, I feel like I want nothing more than to go
back and erase everything he and I shared, and just be with Theo.
Then when I’m with Devlin, all I want is him. I feel crazy!”

I blotted my tears with a tissue, hoping I’d
hear some ghostly advice, or that an answer would come to me
suddenly. But there was nothing, only the wind through the branches
of the trees, a gentle sliding and rasping sound that was somehow
morose. An owl hooted once, twice, and then fell silent.

With the ghostly advice option gone, the only
thing left was introspection. I had come here to find answers. I’d
best start looking on my own, or I’d never get anywhere before
someone found me. By now Theo had called Danial and maybe Devlin,
too. Titus probably had a way to locate me. I’d better make use of
my time.

Trying to really meet the needs of three men
was too much. There was a one man-one woman statute for a reason,
and this was it. It was too hard to see someone once a week and
pack enough attention for a whole week into twenty-four hours.
Devlin wanted more, of course; hell, he wanted all of my love and
attention. Theo was content with what he had, but he wouldn’t
settle for less, no matter what he said. Danial wasn’t as demanding
as he had once been, but he, too, wouldn’t settle for less.
Truthfully, he wanted more from me, if he could have it. There was
only so much of me to give. My indiscretions with Lash had made the
situation worse in all three relationships.

This had to end. I couldn’t take it, not for
much longer. So someone had to go, or several someones.
But who?
And how?

For the first time, I sat there and seriously
thought about leaving. I could get in my truck, and just disappear.
The only thing that stopped me was that I knew that the three of
them would combine forces to find me, probably within hours. Devlin
would stop at nothing, until he had me back. Lash would be right
there, helping him. Then I would be under guard all the time,
perhaps even with a collar equipped with a tracking device, so
Devlin could be assured I wouldn’t escape him again.

That wasn’t a real option anyway. I had
responsibilities: my pets, my children, not to mention that I was
pregnant, oathed and married. I couldn’t just leave.

I was strong. I had to find a way to do this
until I had the babies, at least. Then…maybe then, if things were
still overwhelming, I’d take off. Maybe Theo was right, that Devlin
would tire of me. With him out of my life, there would be just
Danial and Theo, a much more manageable twosome.

Despair swept me at the thought of losing
Devlin, or never having him touch me again. “You are fucking
crazy,” I said loudly, furious with myself. “You don’t want to live
with him, but you don’t want to lose him. What exactly do you want
from Devlin, really?”

I didn’t want him to show up, and demand
anything of me, but I wanted his protection, and for him not to be
with anyone else.
What the hell did I want, for him to love me
from afar? To send me flowers as before, and pine for me, and send
me poetry, but not be with me?

My face suffused with shame, bitter tears
filling my eyes. That
was
what I wanted of him. I had liked
how Devlin had made me feel in the fall, when he had been in Rio,
and I just heard from him on the phone, and on e-mail. He’d made me
feel wanted, and I’d liked how that felt. I’d liked the illicit
romance, the affair we’d had. When we’d moved from storybook
romance into a real relationship, something had changed for me in
how I felt about him, even though he’d acted the same.

How was that fair to him? It wasn’t. Worse,
how could I honestly say I loved him if this is how I treated him?
I’d liked the bantering, the teasing, the games he and I played.
But I hadn’t wanted to move beyond the games, and we had, when I’d
Oathed to him.

I cried harder, ashamed. I’d known what he
was when I’d accepted him, and it was too late to back out now, no
matter if my feelings toward him had changed. I had a duty to him
to treat him well. He had saved me, and he loved me, no matter what
else he was.

Angrily, I wiped my face on my sleeves. Theo
was right. I had to stop thinking of what I wanted and do what was
best for my unborn children. That meant I had to go to Devlin until
Theo handled Robert and whomever had tried to blow us up this
afternoon.