Lost To Me (4 page)

He grabbed two bottles of water out of the fridge and handed one to me. I followed him out the sliding glass door to the back deck. “I think maybe you should’ve asked her before bringing me over.”

“I thought I’d get this part over with.” He unscrewed the top off of his water bottle. “If you want to see me again after meeting them,” he gestured toward the house with the spatula, “then I know you must like me at least a little bit.” He laughed, but he hadn’t been joking.

“They seem fine to me.” I was sure his mom wasn’t always like that. “You kind of sprung me on them.”

“Yeah, I guess I did.”

“What about your dad?” I asked. “Will I meet him, too?” He turned toward the grill, a deep line formed between his furrowed eyebrows. “Sorry. I shouldn’t ask such personal questions.”

His eyebrows shot back up as he turned toward me. “No. You can ask me whatever you want. Even if it’s a hard one.” A lopsided smile struggled across his lips, but the rush of flames catching propane was my only answer.

The glass door into the kitchen slid open and Kyle stuck his head out. “Hey, Kole, tell Mom I didn’t order that pay-per-view fight Saturday night. That was all you and Rob.”

Kolton didn’t answer right away. Concern…or maybe it was worry…crossed his face. “Ky, Rob and I talked to you guys about watching the fight, but you and Matt weren’t sure if you were hanging around or not. Rob and I ended up going to his house.”

Kyle banged his hand on the door frame. “You and Rob were in on it. We agreed we’d split it four ways.”

Kolton turned his head, glancing at me from the corner of his eye. “We can talk about this later. Okay?”

“There’s nothing to talk about. You guys are always pulling this shit on me. You talk about me like I can’t hear you. You tell me one thing, then screw me over.” Kyle jerked his arm. “Get off me, Mom! I’m trying to get your damn money for the cable bill.”

“Kyle, let’s talk inside.” Kolton closed the grill lid and turned to me. “I’ll be right back out,” he said.

I tried to smile, to make my wide eyes normal sized. “Sure!”

A minute later, Kyle was inside shouting, and it sounded like things were being thrown around the kitchen.

Unnerved, I wanted to run to the driveway and wait in the car. It was hard to believe Kolton lived in this house with a nervous wreck of a mom who fought with his brother over cable.

I heard Kolton shout, “Calm down! I’ll pay it!”

There was a lot more noise I couldn’t identify, and yelling I tried to block out not wanting to eavesdrop. But I heard his mom say, “You should’ve asked before bringing her for dinner, Kolton.”

Kolton’s voice was too low to hear his response.

After a couple more minutes, the episode was over, and Kolton came back outside. “Let’s go through the drive-thru for burgers.” He smiled like nothing had happened, like nothing had led to his revelation of fast food burgers.

We sat in Kolton’s car in the pier parking lot listening to Otis Redding. The burgers were long gone, and so were the awkward and embarrassing feelings from what happened at his house. I didn’t ask about it, and he didn’t bring it up. It wasn’t the right time for a deep, revealing talk about his crazy family.

Flashing, multi-colored lights filled the dark car from the amusement rides across the street.

As he sang with the radio, he pulled me toward him, and lifted me onto his lap. I leaned my head against his window and laughed at his creaking voice as he belted out a high note.

Faint, dark stubble was beginning to show on his chin, and his hair hung in wispy layers without the gel he’d had in it the night before. His face was so animated, so happy. I reached across to my seat and picked up my camera. “Don’t move.”

He made a funny face.

“Seriously.” I put the camera down and kissed him, tugging on his bottom lip as I pulled away. Then I snapped a picture of him.

He took my camera and set it back on my seat, then wrapped his arms around me and pulled me even closer. I kissed him again and he tickled my sides.

I squirmed and tickled him back. Laughing, he tucked his face into my neck. The vibration of his voice and his breath sent chills down my spine, and I arched into him. He tightened his hold and ran his lips over my neck. More chills. Many more chills.

“Don’t make me take you home,” he said, and moved his kisses to my ear. “It feels so good to be with you.”

Overwhelmed and dizzy with bliss, I couldn’t form a response. Instead, I took his face in my hands and kissed him with everything I had inside me, no holding back. The rush of blood pounding through my head was overlaid with the sound of us breathing faster and faster.

I broke free, gasping as his lips moved down my neck, onto my collarbone. His hands pressed and squeezed, finding their way to my breasts.

“Kolton,” I whispered.

“Sorry.” His hands moved back around my waist, and he kissed my lips once more before resting his head against mine.

We sat, breathing in unison, recovering from our near drowning in each other, something he wasn’t trained to save us from. I knew in that instant that I wouldn’t want to be saved from it.

The thought of leaving him sent a wave of sadness through me. I blinked double time to hold back tears, but one escaped and landed on Kolton’s arm.

“Lauren? What’s wrong? Did I upset you?” He cupped my face with his hands, his eyebrows knit with concern as his blue eyes probed mine for answers.

“I’ll have to leave in a few days,” I said, choking on the words, feeling foolish.

He lowered my head to his shoulder. “It’s okay. You don’t live far. I’ll come visit, and you’ll come here. You have a house here. I’m pretty sure you’ll be back.” He squeezed my shoulders. “We’ll make it work. I promise.”

I felt stupid for crying. “I bet you say that to all the girls when they go home from vacation.” I wiped my eyes and realized he was shaking his head.

“I’m not like that, Lauren.” He took my hand and kissed it. “I don’t want to lose you. I won’t lose you again.” His face was so sincere, like an innocent little boy, the boy he used to be. “Okay?”

I nodded and a few more tears slid down my face.

“Stop.” He wiped the tears with the tips of his fingers. “Your mom probably thinks I’ve abducted you.”

The clock read eleven twenty-seven P.M. I shot over to the passenger’s seat, yanked my cell phone out of my purse and saw I’d missed two calls and had two text messages from my mom. She was probably pissed. My hand shook as I dialed the number.

“Hey Mom,” I said when she answered. I angled my body away from Kolton, feeling a little bit like a child.

“Where are you? Get back right now. You’re in so much trouble. Do you know how worried I’ve been?”

“Mom, it’s not--”

“Get back here now!” She hung up.

I gritted my teeth and stuck my phone back in my purse.

“That didn’t go so well, huh?” Kolton started the car.

“Not exactly.”

“Are you going to be able to do something tomorrow? I have to work in the morning, but I thought maybe in the afternoon we could hang out.”

“I’ll call you. I have to see how much she hates me right now.”

He dropped me off with only a small kiss goodbye, afraid that my parents might be ready to storm out of the cottage. “Tell them I’m sorry I didn’t have you home sooner.”

“Okay. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

I stepped out of the car and looked back before shutting the door.

“Sweet dreams,” he said and waved.

I smiled, knowing what my dreams would be made of, and closed the door.

KOLTON

My cell phone rang as I drove away from Lauren’s house. Matt’s name lit up the screen.

“Hey,” I said. “What’s up?”

“Dude, Amber got four tickets to see The Switchbacks at the Amphitheater next Friday.” His voice strained with excitement.

Matt’s girlfriend, Amber, meant one thing to me—Tabby. Where one went, the other followed.

“That’s cool, man,” I said, playing it off.

“That’s cool? Hell yeah it’s cool! We’re going to party like rock stars that night.”

“Listen, I’m--”

“No. Don’t give me your shit about being done with Tab. We’re talking about The Switchbacks. I think that’s worth going out with her one more time. It’s not like she’s some ugly, fat chick.”

“I told you, I don’t want to be with her. I’m going to try to make it work with Lauren.”

“She fucking lives three hours away. Get over it. She’s gone by the end of this week. By next Friday, she’ll be a fuzzy memory, and you’ll be at The Switchbacks concert with a hot chick you know you can score with. It’s not rocket science.”

“It’s not that easy. I told Kyle he could ask her out.”

He laughed. “Just because you don’t want her back doesn’t mean she’s desperate.”

“Watch it.” I couldn’t control what they said about Kyle when I wasn’t around, but my friends wouldn’t get away with talking bad about him to me.

“Just think about it. Next Friday. Later.” Matt hung up.

I flipped my phone closed and tossed it on the passenger seat. The dashed, yellow centerline darted by, blinking a steady rhythm in my head. Allowing myself to contemplate going out with Tabby again made me nauseous. Too much had passed between us, too many break ups without reason to get back together. A concert wasn’t worth dealing with her games again.

But desperation…desperation went far with Tabby. Maybe not where Kyle was concerned, but I knew from past experience that if she didn’t give up on me soon, there would be dire attempts to get me back.

The last time we broke up, she got drunk at one of Rob’s parties, started crying and screaming at me making a big scene then climbed up on top of my car and refused to get down. I had to crawl up there and play WrestleMania with her to haul her ass off.

I’d always known there were girls like that—girls who went completely insane when guys broke up with them—I just never thought I’d end up with one.

She couldn’t trap me forever though. I knew that was what Rob, Matt and Amber expected—at least until graduation. They didn’t understand.
She loves you
, they kept telling me.
She loves you. It can’t be that hard to stay with her.
They didn’t care how I felt. They didn’t care that I didn’t love her. They just didn’t want me busting up the little group we’d had for the past couple years. How could we all hang out if Tabby hated my guts?

I banged my head back against the head rest. Shit, maybe they’re right. Tabby knew all about Kyle. She’d been there for me the whole fucked up time. But Lauren…I was pulling her into it without any warning.

I was an idiot. I couldn’t believe I’d taken Lauren to my house for the first time, and Kyle flipped out. She’d never want to come back over again. Hell, I didn’t want to be there, I couldn’t really expect her to.

Four and a half more months, and I’d be out of there.

No looking back.

The thought ricocheted off the walls inside my head and died.  Untying the restraints of home was an impossible task. If I ever got out, I couldn’t go far, and I’d always be looking behind me.

LAUREN

Grounded to the cottage the day after Kolton brought me home late, I slept in and lounged in bed reading after I woke. A breeze filled with salt and sand blew into my room through the balcony doors. The sheer curtain flipped and flapped, sending long shadows across the floor and my bed.

“Lauren?” Mom called from behind my door.

“Yeah?”

She opened the door and stuck her head in. “Dad and I are going out. We’ll be back by dinner. You’ll be here when we get home, right?”

Obviously. I was grounded. “Where else would I be?” I sighed and jabbed my pillow. “I’ll be here.”

“You better be. And don’t spend all day in bed. Get up, get dressed. Amy, Dave and the baby are getting in this evening.”

“Fine. Bye, Mom.” I rolled over.

I didn’t hear her leave my room, but the echo from the front door closing filled the house. I got up and crossed the room. The curtains twisted around my legs as I stepped out onto the balcony. Seagulls swooped down, expecting me to toss them stale bread or pretzels. “Nothing today guys.”

Far out over the ocean, a dark haze of rain fell. A black curtain in the sky. The storm would be on top of the cottage in another hour or so. The wind blew chills across my arms and legs. I went back in, pulled on a sweatshirt, and flipped on the T.V. Talk shows, game shows, and religious broadcasts were my only choices. I knew I should be worried about taking a photo to enter in a young photographers contest – the deadline was approaching fast. Instead, I pulled my blanket back over me, and zoned out watching a talk show host interview a soap star.

A crack of thunder made me jump out of bed. I’d fallen asleep, and the T.V. was off. I pulled the chain on my bedside lamp and realized the power was out. Lightning flashed through the storm-darkened room. I checked my phone and was amazed that I’d slept until three in the afternoon.

I scrambled through the house, thankful for the little bit of light coming through the windows. I knew my dad had a flashlight down under the house in the utility room, but there was no way I was going down there to dig around in the dark with the spiders.

The fireplace lighter sat on the mantle in its designated spot. I grabbed it and four of my mom’s scented jar candles and headed back upstairs to my room. Just as the last candle flickered to life, my cell phone rang.

Kolton’s name flashed on the screen. My heart lurched, and my lips spread into a huge smile. “Hi,” I said, anxious to hear his voice.

“I was just thinking about you,” he said, his voice deep and rich, “because that’s all I do now. I was wondering if you were up for getting your butt kicked in Monopoly?”

“As long as I get to be the shoe.”

“The shoe? Yeah, you can be the shoe. I’m always the car. I’ll be right over. Your parents don’t want to kill me for bringing you home late, do they?”

“No. They’re not here anyway.” And if they found Kolton and me alone in the house, I would be grounded until college.

With a candle placed on the bathroom vanity, I stood in front of the mirror, trying to make myself presentable. Good thing it was dark and he wouldn’t be able to see me very well. I brushed my teeth, smeared a dot of makeup over my purplish birthmark, and tugged my hair through an elastic band.

The doorbell rang. It felt like Christmas morning when I was little, rushing down the stairs to get my presents. The door stuck a little when I yanked it open.

He’d propped the screen door open with his shoulder and held the deluxe edition of Monopoly and a bag of chips.

“Hey!” I said as he came in, and I shut the door behind him. “I’ll grab some soda.”

After grabbing a couple cans of Diet Coke off the bottom shelf of the fridge, I motioned for him to follow me upstairs. He looked a little hesitant at first, like he was afraid to come up to my room.

“Just come on,” I said. “I promise, I won’t molest you.”

“It’s not you I’m afraid of,” he said and laughed. “Your parents might not appreciate a guy being in your room.”

“Um, yeah. Can you do me a favor and park your car down the road?” I gave him a big, pleading smile. “Just in case. I can hide you, but probably not your car.”

He sighed. “Lauren, this isn’t a good idea. You’ll get in trouble.”

I put the soda on the counter, took the game and chips out of his hands and set them on the table. “It’s a good idea. Trust me.” Then I wrapped my arms around him and kissed him. I’d already realized just how much I loved being with him, but when his lips moved against mine, they woke a yearning inside me that I’d never felt before.

“I’ll go move my car,” he said. “Why can’t I say no to you? You always get me into trouble.” He winked, and his keys jangled as he pulled them out of his pocket on his way out the door. Two minutes later, he came back in.

I took his hand in mine and led him upstairs to my bedroom. He set the game on my bed, then pulled his phone out of his pocket. “Let me get a picture of you.” He held it at eye level, pointing the lens in my direction.

“I don’t think so.” I reached my hand out, but he laughed and held the phone over his head.

“Just one.”

“I hate pictures of me. I’m not photogenic.” I jumped, but couldn’t reach.

“One picture and I’ll leave you alone.”

I couldn’t say no to his grin and teasing eyes. “One.”

“Okay, pose for me.” He held the phone back at eye level.

“Pose?” I laughed. “How about I sit here and you take the picture?” I sat on the edge of my bed, and titled my head to the side.

He lowered his phone, his expression changing from excitement to empathy. “Don’t hide your face from me. I showed you my toes, right?”

I laughed and rolled my eyes, but straightened my head, hating that the picture would capture my ugly birthmark. “Just don’t show it to anybody, okay?”

“I’m showing you off to everybody I know. Here, let me in with you.” He scooted in beside me and put an arm around my shoulders. “Smile!” He tilted his head against mine and snapped the picture.

I jumped up, spun around, and grabbed the Monopoly game before he could sneak another photo.

I felt his closeness before his arms circled me from behind, and his kiss landed on the back of my neck under my ponytail. “I wish that didn’t bother you. I swear you’re gorgeous.” He turned me to face him. “It’s the truth.”

My face grew warm from embarrassment. “I’m just more comfortable on the other side of the camera.”

He leaned in for a soft kiss. “As long as you know how I feel, I understand.”

I’d always known how he felt. I reached up and traced his eyebrows with my finger. “Remember when that kid was staying in the cottage next door, and he made fun of me every day? You--”

“Hit him in the head,” he said. “With my truck. And I’ll do it again if I hear anyone say one word to you.” He laughed. “I’ll have to dig my truck out of the boxes of old toys in the basement, but I’ll do it.”

“Oh, I can just see you now. Tough guy.”

He grabbed me, fingers tickling, and pushed me back onto the bed. “I’ll show you tough.” He straddled me and tickled faster.

“Stop!” I shouted through my laughter. “I mean it!”

“Fine. I’ll stop tickling, but I’m not going easy on you in Monopoly.”

He took my hands and pulled me up. We set up the game and settled on my bed. The candles made it barely bright enough to read the names of the properties. Kolton tore open the bag of BBQ chips and popped a couple in his mouth. My stomach grumbled smelling them.

“I think you’re hungry–here.” He handed me the bag and opened his soda.

As we munched and rolled the dice, I managed to land on every hotel he had on the board. I could blame bad luck, but it was just as much the distraction of him lying on his side with his arms wrapped around my pillow. I knew I’d never get to sleep that night with my pillow smelling like him.

He rubbed my foot with his toes, back and forth, over and over. I didn’t think he was even aware he was doing it.

Thunder rumbled and shook the house. The rain picked up again, falling in sideways sheets that blew through the balcony doors. A few cool drops landed on my legs, sending shivers through me. Kolton got up and closed the doors.

With his face silhouetted in the candlelight’s flicker, he took my breath away. He grinned. “What?”

“Nothing.”

I picked up the dice and rolled as he lay back down on the bed. Under his t-shirt, the muscles in his chest and arms shifted, as he got comfortable with my pillow again. An overwhelming urge to run my hand over his chest made me shut my eyes for a second. My lips tingled with anticipation of feeling his again. I wanted to chuck the game onto the floor and grab him.

But, I didn’t.

I couldn’t.

When his eyes captured mine, I knew he would.

“You win,” he said, and shoved the game pieces off the board. He took my arm and led me over to him, rolling onto his back and scooting under me. “Lure me up here and make me play games with you.” He shook his head, smiling.

Underneath me, his body felt warm and solid. He traced my nose, lips and chin with his finger. Then, he slid my hair out of its elastic band and balled it in his hands, slowly pulling me into a kiss so deep; it made me grip the pillow under his head.

We lay together, kissing, while thunder rattled the roof. We got so lost in each other, our teeth collided, and we laughed for a second before being pummeled by need and longing again.

His phone vibrated in his pocket against my leg, and I jumped off of him, breathless.

He dug his phone out and answered it, sounding like he’d just run a mile down the beach.

“Okay, I’m coming,” he said, and hung up.

He looked at me with regret. “I have to go. My mom needs me.”

I nodded, running my fingers through the knots in my hair. “Okay.”

“I’ll call you,” he said and bent down for one last kiss before he left.