Love, Always (16 page)

With our lips connected and our tongues entangled, he thrusts inside of me and I gasp. It’s been so long since I’ve been with someone, but it’s not just someone that I wanted, but Adam that I needed. I move with him, matching his tempo and thrust with my own. He pulls his head back and watches me, his eyes never leaving mine. I feel exposed, vulnerable, and alive. The rest of the world melts away until all I can hear and see is Adam; my sweet, sturdy Adam.

With my fingers digging into his shoulders, I watch the sweat build on his forehead and can’t help the satisfaction I feel over it. I reach down, wanting to see his eyes change as I play with his balls with my fingers.

“Dee, baby,” he murmurs as we move our bodies faster.

I squeeze him gently and enjoy the soft moans in my mouth. Even though his desire is evident, he takes the time to give me long lingering kisses that I will taste for days.

Feeling the build up inside of him, I give his balls one last quick squeeze and then wrap my arms around his neck. We keep our eyes steady on each other and I climax. I stay with him and take Adam with me on a scream when he releases himself inside me. He shudders once and exhales my name before slowly dropping beside me. I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him closer to me, not ready for the warmth of his body to be pulled away.

“We have to go,” he tells me as I feel my eyes close, wanting to drift to sleep.

I watch him dress and lazily put my clothes back on. We should probably go back to the hotel room. I giggle, imagining someone walking in on us in Adam’s dressing room. They would have gotten quite the eyeful.

“I’ve never done that before,” I tell him and feel myself redden when he looks at me questioningly. “I mean, I’ve had sex before, obviously. I mean, I’ve never made love before,” I rush on, wishing I hadn’t said anything at all. “You made me feel special.”

“You are special, silly.” Adam kisses my forehead and pulls me closer to him. “You’re it for me.”

That night, Adam and I tangle our limbs together in our hotel room, braiding ourselves to one another as we sleep with our little girl sleeping soundlessly in the crib beside us. For the night, Amber is forgotten as I find peace cloaked in Adam’s arms.

Adam

Dee knows I love her now. There’s no going back from it. We both still have our inner demons to face, but if we do it together, maybe it won’t be so hard.

I kiss the side of her lips and she murmurs my name. Even in sleep she’s mine. I’ve never trusted anyone with my heart because she’s the only one to have ever held it captive. Now that it’s free, I’m hoping we won’t destroy each other.

I pull her closer to me so that our bodies are flush to one another and breathe her in. I doubt I’ll ever get my fill of her. Dee wakes up slowly, blinking up at me a few times before she smiles. My heart expands and I run my hand over her face before I lean in to kiss her lips. I feel her smile grow when our lips touch, so I sneak my tongue in, which she welcomes with a light moan.

Last night was incredible. There was no grappling, but soft words and caresses. I took my time discovering her body and pleasuring both of us as I lingered over her, savoring her. We found our rhythm as I learned her body, inch by lovely inch. She responded with slight tremors, a catch of her breath and throaty moans that would forever be etched in my heart.

In return she taught me what it truly meant to love her. I held the reigns and set the pace but she held my heart. I’d never given my heart to anyone else, but somewhere between our touches and whispers, I surrendered it to her.

Just thinking about last night, my length grows against her body, so she eases her hand into my underwear, touching me as I throb in her hand and deepen the kiss.

This is my girl. This is my life. Always.

“You had sex, big deal,” Hayley laughs my concerns away. “Men and women are known to do that every now and then. It’s not like you have a platinum vagina that needs a lock and chain.”

“I really hate being friends with you sometimes.”

“Okay, drama, I’ll give you some advice.”

I look up at her from my coffee cup, mentally preparing myself for her so-called advice.

“Put your phone to record next time,” she giggles as I try to swat her. “I mean, how big is he?” she asks, and I blush. “I knew it!” Hayley jumps up in a celebratory dance. “He’s good too, right? Like he has some crazy moves?”

“This conversation is over.”

“No, no, no! I’m sorry,” she laughs. “Don’t be a buzz kill.”

While Hayley hasn’t helped me at all with my current problem, she has eased my nerves so that it doesn’t seem like such a big problem. I had sex with a guy who has a girlfriend. And that girlfriend happens to be my daughter’s nanny.

I have to talk to Adam. I probably should have thought of that before I escaped early this morning to my own hotel room.

“I’m gonna go for a run,” I tell Hayley, who is packing her bags to go back to Miami.

“You should probably take an inhaler or an oxygen tank with you,” she suggests, and I roll my eyes at her. “Don’t die out there!” she shouts at me as I pull off the tags from my sports bra and yoga pants.

I take the elevator down to the ground floor and ignore the vending machine begging me to eat my worries away. But I’m trying to have a healthier frame of mind, so I figure exercising until I am too exhausted to think has to be better than binge eating. Right?

Wrong. And Hayley was right. I should have brought an oxygen tank. I bend over with my head between my legs and try to remember how to fill my lungs with air. Oh man, this sucks. Next time, I’ll just sit in front of the vending machine and eat twinkies. Gah, all I did was run for twelve minutes and I feel like death warmed over.

I shuffle my way back to my room, upset that a treadmill defeated me. I stay in the shower longer than necessary, hoping to permanently erase every desire to ever exercise again. Maybe I’m more of a yoga and meditating type of person? I hear my bathroom door open and shut and wait for Hayley to start some random conversation while she pees into the toilet. For some reason that’s where she gets her best ideas.

“Any suggestions for my current problem?” I ask when she remains quiet.

“What problem?” Adam asks. Surprised, I move the curtain to find him naked and ready to join me in the shower.

I hide behind the curtain with only my head sticking out and I try not to openly gape at this gorgeous man.

“Wh-what are you doing here?”

“I thought I’d take a shower with my girl.”

“I’m not your girl, Adam,” I tell him without making eye contact. I hate how uncomfortable I feel around him.

“Don’t start, Dee.” He rolls his eyes at me and comes into my shower as if what I say is of little importance to him.

“I’m serious, Adam. We’re not together.”

“Fine. Hand me the soap.”

Hand him the…? I’d rather shove it up his ass.

“I need to finish first.” I turn away from him and purposely take my time under the spray.

I can feel his eyes on me, so I stretch my back out slowly as I rub the soap on my chest and moan softly. I lean over to wash my legs and can feel his body inches away from my ass. I ache for him and hate him for dating Amber. But just because we can’t be together doesn’t mean I can’t torment him, so I stay under the spray until it starts to cool. “Done,” I sing and turn around to hand him his soap.

“Not quite,” he growls in my ear. “You missed a spot.”

I want to move. I beg my legs to carry me out of the shower, but I am transfixed by Adam’s eyes. He already cheated on Amber once with me. I can’t let it happen again. He rubs the soap between his hands and then massages them onto my shoulders. I feel my lips separate, and I want to protest, but a small involuntary whimper escapes instead.

“You’re mine, Dee.”

I shake my head at him. “I’m nobody’s.” I feel my resolve coming through and force myself to do what is right. “Amber,” I tell him, “is yours. Not me.”

I look back at him, wanting him to deny it, but he stares back at me with his eyes wide in shock. He runs his fingers through his hair, an obvious sign of his discomfort, and I know. So I step out of the shower and leave Adam.

“Shit,” I hear him whisper. Needed a reminder there, buddy? “Dee, fuck me—”

“We already did that,” I interrupt him smugly. I feel anything but smug though.

“We did not fuck,” he says slowly as if I were an idiot. He shuts off the water so I hurry up and get dressed so I don’t have to face him any longer.

“We were a mistake.” I shrug as if my world wasn’t being torn apart. Again.

Adam grabs my shoulders and turns me around so that I’m facing him. I try to ignore the pain in his eyes but can’t force myself to look away. I press the palm of my hand to his face and he leans into me and sighs slowly.

“We weren’t a mistake,” he tells me, and I want to believe him. He pulls me to him and wraps his arms around me. “I’ll explain, just don’t leave me. Promise me you won’t leave me.”

I shake my head no at him and leave him standing there naked and disappointed, not because I don’t trust him, but because I don’t trust love.

I’m going back home. I’m pretty sure Adam won’t even notice at this point, because we’ve barely spoken since I walked away from him six days ago. But he’ll notice Josie’s absence. I’ve already packed our bags and am just waiting for Adam to come by to tell me he’s leaving for rehearsals. Nerves have overtaken my stomach, and no amount of water has been able to refresh my dry mouth.

He’s gonna hate me.

I swallow hard when my door opens. I close the book I was reading to Josie and put her in her stroller. I have to protect myself; my heart can’t handle another blow.

Adam sees my luggage before I have time to speak and gestures towards them. I cross my arms and take in a deep breath. “We’re going back home.”

“We?” he questions me with his eyebrows raised.

“Me and Josie.” I swallow hard again and ready myself for the upcoming argument.

“You’re going home,” he corrects me. “Josie is staying with me.”

“Adam—”

“You wanna leave, go!” he shouts, and I involuntarily flinch. “I can’t win with you. No matter what I do. So leave, Dee. Leave me the fuck alone already. But Josie belongs with me.”

“Josie is mine!” I yell at him, hating myself for the truth in his words. “She’s all I have.”