Love Comes Silently(Senses 1) (12 page)

In Ken’s bedroom, Pat rick got Ken under the covers before climbing in bed himself. Ken curled right next to him, his skin cold and his feet—God, Patrick shivered when Ken’s feet found his. Patrick pulled Ken tighter, letting their heat mingle as he slowly warmed them both. “Thanks for taking care of me,” Ken mumbled, and Patrick figured he was already half asleep. Patrick closed his eyes as well and soon drifted off with Ken’s now warm back pressed to his chest. Patrick had few illusions that this would last in the morning.
T
HEnext time Patrick woke, it was to Ken stirring in bed. He opened his eyes, peered over at the clock, and realized that only a few hours had passed. “Would you take me back to the hospital?” Ken asked, and Patrick got out of bed, knowing that what he’d feared last night had come to pass. Patrick dressed as he looked around for a way to communicate. He found a piece of paper on the nightstand, and Ken handed him a pencil.

“
I’m going home to change clothes. I’ll meet you at my car in ten minutes
,” Patrick wrote before handing Ken the paper and then hurrying out of the room and down the stairs. He found his coat in the living room, shrugged it on, and then hurried outside and down the street. Inside his house, Patrick hurried to his room and tugged off his clothes, grabbing the closest things at hand. In his bathroom, he shaved in a hurry and cleaned up as best he could before pulling on his clothes, stepping into a pair of shoes, and then grabbing his coat as he hurried back out the door.

Ken stood by his car , waiting for him. Patrick unlocked the doors, and they got inside. He started the engine and took off toward the highway, fastening his seat belt before he reached the stop sign at the end of the street.

“Thank you for last night,” Ken said when they reached the highway, and Patrick glanced over at him briefly. “I really appreciated you being there.” Ken shifted in his seat. “Without you I wouldn’t have slept at all, I know that. You were a good friend.”

There it was again— he was a friend. Patrick needed to get that through his head and stop all his wishing and dreaming. Ken wasn’t going to see him as anything more than that, no matter how much he might wish for it. Patrick continued driving, trying not to let what he was feeling show on his face. Instead, he concentrated on how good and right it had felt to hold Ken in his arms. He’d told himself last night that he might only get the one chance to do that, and it looked like he was probably right.

Patrick pushed all those thoughts aside as he continued driving. There were more important people to worry about, like Hanna. His hurt feelings didn’t really matter in the long run, anyway.

By the time they arrived at the hospital, Patrick had his feelings under control. He strode behind Ken as they negotiated the hospital corridors toward Hanna’s room. As they approached her door, the nurse was just leaving. “How is she?”

Ken nodded an d went inside while Patrick stood outside, giving him a few minutes alone with his daughter. When he entered, Hanna appeared to be awake, her eyes fluttering. Ken held Hanna’s hand, and Patrick slowly moved into the room, locking his gaze on hers. At least they’d removed the oxygen mask and just had the tube running to Hanna’s nose so Patrick could see her slight smile. Then she rolled her head to look at her dad.

Ken shrugged slightly. “I don’t know what kind of treatment will be needed. But if you are, we’ll get as many pretty hats as we can find.”

The nurse they’d seen earlier came in to take some more blood. Hanna didn’t flinch when she stuck in the needle. “You’re such a good little girl,” the nurse said to Hanna, smiling as she finished up what she needed to do. “The doctor will be in soon, and I’ll get these down to the lab.” The nurse left after stroking Hanna’s cheek lightly. “Rest if you can, sweetheart,” she added before leaving the room.

Ken sighed, and Pat rick looked around before pulling a chair up to the bed. He wondered if he was interfering and should go home, but Hanna reached for him, taking his hand in hers. “It’s okay, Mr. Patrick, I’m a big girl.”

“I know you are. But even big girls shouldn’t have to be in the hospital,” Ken said, and Patrick nodded.
No girls should have to be in the hospital, big or not,
he wanted to tell her, but he just held her hand instead. Sometimes being mute really sucked. And this was definitely one of those times. All he could do was hold Hanna’s hand and smile when she looked at him. But from the way she held onto him in return, maybe that was enough. They sat quietly while Hanna dozed.

The doctor stepped into the room, motioning for Ken to follow her. Ken stood up, and Patrick watched him, silently asking if Ken wanted him to stay here or go with him. “Please keep her company,” Ken told him, and Patrick nodded and settled back in the chair. Hanna opened her eyes when Ken had left, looking for him for a second before settling her gaze on Patrick. He rubbed her hand lightly to soothe her and watched the door for Ken’s return.

Hanna had drifted back to sleep by the time Ken stepped back into the room, looking a bit shellshocked. Patrick gently settled Hanna’s hand on the blanket, her eyes remaining closed, and he got up, following Ken back out into the hall. “The doctor said the cancer has returned. They’re going to try a different treatment, but they have to get her stronger before they can start it.” Ken swallowed hard, andPatrick had a million questions, but he had to wait for Ken to continue. Patrick’s hands clenched into fists as frustration welled inside him at his enforced silence. “She’s going to be here for a while… and there’s no guarantee.”

Patrick nodded before hur rying to the nurse’s station and motioning for a pad and paper. A confused nurse looked at him like he was crazy.

“He isn’t able to speak, and he’s asking for a pen and paper,” Ken explained from behind him with a glare at the nurse, who instantly looked contrite as she rummaged around on the desk before handing him a note pad and pen.

“She isn’t a candidate,” Ken answered. “The doctor gave a reason, but it was difficult to understand. She’s hopeful that this treatment will work, but it’s going to be harder on her than the last one.” Ken bit his lip as he looked back at Hanna’s room. He looked about ready to break down, and Patrick tugged him into his arms, holding Ken tight. It was the only comfort he could offer. “I don’t know what I’ll do if I lose her,” Ken whispered into Patrick’s ear, and Patrick could hear the tears threatening in Ken’s voice. Patrick felt his own tears start to fill his eyes, but he had to push them back. Ken tightened his grip for a few seconds before stepping back, wiping his eyes as he took a deep breath. “Thank you for everything.”

Patrick nodded, and Ken turned and walked back into Hanna’s room. Patrick followed. Hanna was awake, and Patrick took her hand, stroking her skin lightly before leaning over the bed to kiss her on the forehead. Then he walked around the bed to where Ken sat, touching his hand lightly to say good-bye before picking up his coat and walking to the door.

“Bye, Mr. Patrick,” Hanna said softly, and he lif ted his hand. “Will you come back soon?” Her voice sounded so rough and weak that Patrick felt the tears threaten to well again. Nodding, he waved slightly before leaving the room and walking down the hallway. Patrick followed the signs to the lobby and then left the hospital, heading toward his car.

T
HEdrive back toward Pleasanton gave Patrick a chance to think, and as he approached town, he drove to Julianne’s instead of going home. He hoped like hell she wasn’t at work, and breathed a sigh of relief when he pulled up in front of her house. The front door opened as he was coming up the walk, and Patrick’s cousin, Todd, rushed down the walk, his little legs flying. Patrick hurried to meet him and scooped the little scamp into his arms. “Unca Patwick,” he said, giggling, as Patrick was hugged to within an inch of his life. He carried Todd up the walk and into the house, closing the door behind them. Julianne met them in the hallway looking all stern.

“You’ll catch cold if you run outside without a coat,” she scolded Todd, who looked contrite for a few seconds before hugging Patrick once again. “Would you like something to eat?” Julianne asked as Patrick carried Todd down the hallway. Todd squirmed to get down, and as soon as Patrick set him on his feet, he raced into the kitchen, then returned with one of his trucks that he had to show his uncle.

“Mommy got dis for me,” he pronounced proudly before running the car on the floor, making vroom-vroom and brakescreech sounds. Patrick settled on the floor as well, sailing cars across the floor with him. Julianne worked at the counter, preparing lunch.

“Toddy, you need to wash up,” Julianne said, and Todd rushed out of the room toward the bathroom. Patrick followed him and helped Todd wash and dry his hands. Then he did the same before leaving the bathroom. Todd was already in his seat, legs swinging back and forth as he waited for Julianne to bring him his lunch. She fixed him a plate and set it down along with a sippy cup. Patrick took the chair next to Todd’s, and Julianne brought two plates to the table, then sat down on the opposite side of her son. “What brings you by?” Julianne asked. “As if I didn’t know.” She pushed a pad and pen over to Patrick.

“
Hanna went into the hospital yesterday
,” Patrick wrote. “
The cancer has come back and she is going to need more treatment
.” He passed Julianne the pad.

“Any news on her prognosis?” Julianne asked, and Patrick shrugged, shaking his head. He took a bite of chicken salad and helped Todd with his chicken nuggets, giving him a stern look when he began playing with his food. Julianne could scold him, but all it took was a look from Patrick and he instantly behaved. “Something else happened, didn’t it?” Julianne pressed, and Patrick nodded.

“
I brought Ken home from the hospital and he didn’t want to be alone, so I stayed with him last night
,” Patrick wrote, and then he stopped for a second before deciding to tell her what he could. “
He said I was a great friend
.” He underlined “friend” and then pushed it toward Julianne with a small huff.

“You stayed with him?” Julianne asked once she’d read the note. “In the same bed?” she stagewhispered, and Patrick nodded before taking back the pad.

“
I just held and comforted him
,” he wrote. “
Nothing more
,” he wrote defensively, if that was possible. “
His daughter is in the hospital. It wouldn’t have been right, even though I wanted to
.” Patrick passed the pad back to her. She read it and nodded.

“Is it the friend part that’s bothering you?” she asked, and Patrick nodded vehemently. “Please,” she said. “He’s probably all messed up and in a really weird place. I bet he has no idea what he’s feeling right now. You weren’t expecting a sudden declaration of love, were you?” she added, and Patrick shook his head. “Then don’t worry about it. You were a good friend and you care. He’ll come to see that if you let him.”

Patrick nodded slowly before returning to his lunch. They sat quietly, both of them eating and keeping an eye on Todd. Once they were done, Patrick helped her clear the dishes and then spent much of the afternoon playing with his cousin and wondering about Hanna and Ken.

S
PRING was definitely in full swing and summer just around the corner as Ken brought Hanna home for the first time in weeks. She’d had a number of treatments, but there wasn’t much more they could do until Hanna got stronger again, so he’d asked if he could bring her home. After pulling up in front of the house, Ken stopped the car and helped Hanna out. She stepped slowly up the walk, looking at everything around her. The trees had leafed out, and there were flowers blooming everywhere. Ken knew she wanted to look, and he closed his car door before taking her hand and leading Hanna through the yard. He hadn’t had time to tend to anything in the yard and yet every bed was neat and weed-free. Ken had noticed it before, and he strongly suspected that Patrick had been taking care of things for him, but he’d never seen him in the yard, and the one time he’d asked him, Patrick had simply shrugged.

“Can I pick some flowers?” Hanna asked, and Ken smiled and nodded, letting her do whatever she wanted. Regardless of what the doctors said, Ken felt his hope fading a little more each day. After each treatment, Hanna seemed to be getting weaker, and the recovery time longer and longer. So if she wanted to pick spring flowers, she could pick anything she wanted. Ken found himself thinking that this could be the last spring his precious daughter saw, and if it was, he intended to make it the best one possible for her. Thoughts like that had come to him a lot lately.

Ken sat on the garden bench near the house and watched as Hanna slowly moved through the yard, wearing her favorite pink hat. It didn’t matter to her if it was for winter or spring, and if she wanted to wear it, Ken wasn’t going to say no. “Patrick,” Hanna called, and she stopped working and carried her fistful of flowers over to where he stood on the sidewalk. He lifted her into his arms and held her like she was a precious object. Patrick walked with her to where Ken waited for them. Patrick had visited both of them many times in the hospital, and Hanna had always looked forward to each and every time he stuck his head in her room. So had Ken, for that matter.